Repudiation
by Mortissues
Summary: Love, lust and denial are a volatile mix.  The best of intentions can sometimes produce the most painful of results.  And what you try to suppress can sometimes explode in everyone's faces.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. Starting right here . . . . not even a pre-lemon . . . .**

**Prologue**

_Boston 1921_

I have to get out of here and I have to go home. This is wrong, it has all been wrong and I feel as if I am losing myself. Turning inside out. And inside is a new and alien landscape.

Tomorrow. Tomorrow I will go home and beg for forgiveness.

But first I have tonight.

My hips are driving me into her deep, cloying warmth so fast they are almost a blur even to me. She drives me wild with desire, the feel of her sheathed around my hard length, the exotic scent of her arousal in my nostrils, the tangy taste of her skin on my lips and tongue. I am mad for her. _Insane_.

"Oh my lover." She growls in her husky voice. "Don't stop, don't _ever_ stop."

"_Ungh_." I groan as I feel yet another climax building in her, tightening her around my thrusting manhood and sending tremors through her limbs. I know I will not last much longer. And desperate for my own release I remove my hand, which had roughly been pinching her breast, and slide it between us to rub the swollen wet flesh between her thighs.

"Oh yes!" She screams, arching her body up into me, allowing me to bury myself deeper inside her as she orgasms. "Oh yes, my _lover_."

My balls contract and I feel my own release rush up, filling her with my seed in agonising spurts, as I howl into the night.

Temporarily spent I collapse on top of her, kissing along her jawbone between harsh pants as she gently strokes my back with her small delicate hands, murmuring to me.

My brain orders me to tell her I am leaving in the morning. My body commands that I have her again.

I lift my head to kiss her softly but with a sharp intake of breath my mindless passion for her overtakes me and I plunge my tongue through her parted lips and lay claim to her mouth. She responds instantly, lifting her legs and wrapping her silken thighs around my waist.

But I want something different this time, I want to see her beautiful body above me as she rides me. Using my speed I flip us over and she throws her head back, laughing in delight as she grinds herself down on me.

She gyrates languidly above me, teasing a taut dusky nipple with one hand and reaching the other back to caress the sensitive spot behind my balls, I groan, shuddering all over with the pleasure.

She glides down my rigid length until I have filled her again completely, clenching and unclenching her walls around me before lifting herself almost all the way free. Then, maddeningly slowly lowers herself until she is impaled again. Over and over until I am almost unhinged with the need to ravage her.

"_Faster_." I rasp, reaching for the curve of her hips.

"Oh no _my_ lover, I am in charge now. Feel me make love to _you_."

In the morning. In the morning I will tell her I am leaving. Soon.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 1 Black Holes and Revelations**

**BPOV**

"Whatever you're planning, it's not going to work." I tell him, knowing how badly he wants to _amend_ the family's vote to change me.

"Shh. I'm thinking."

"Ugh." I groan, throwing myself back on the bed and pulling the quilt over my head.

Without sound, suddenly he is beside me on the bed, reaching up to brush my hair away from my cheek.

"Tell me something." He orders. "If you could have anything in the world, anything at all, what would it be?"

"You."

He shakes his head impatiently. "Something you don't already have."

"I would want . . . . Carlisle not to have to do it. I would want _you_ to change me."

"I'm not sure I can." He sighs.

I know his issues. He thinks he, what he is, is a monster. He thinks that turning me, making me like him, taking my soul is a selfish act of evil. And he is terrified of accidentally killing me.

And so despite my impatience and the furious ticking of my internal clock, the one that tells me I am already 'older' than him, I will wait and I will give him time. And if it runs out, Carlisle will do it. Fait accompli.

…..

Time.

It ticks by, marked in many ways.

School. Which returns to normal so quickly, Edward regaining his former place at my side, the one no one claimed in his absence, students strangely believing that California held no thrall for the 'perfect' Cullens.

Charlie. For whom 'Edward' has become a curse word. Visitation rights restricted. I can socialise with him and his family, I can see him at school. But Charlie's memory is vampire perfect and it will be a long time before he forgives Edward for his hand in creating Zombie Bella and alone time is both frowned upon and severely rationed.

Work. The earning of money for a future I am not now going to have. Yet I can't give it up.

Jacob. With whom I have attempted all the available means of human communication, short of driving to his house. And who has, up until now, failed to respond.

Despite the joy of having Edward back and knowing that he loves me the absence of my best friend tugs at my heart and my conscience. He did so much to stop me going crazy when Edward left, he was my anchor to reality, and now he won't even talk to me. It hurts.

And Edward's refusal to let me go down to La Push to see him makes me angry. I see his point of view, or rather I try to, werewolves are dangerous and he can't bear the thought of anything happening to me, but this is Jacob we're talking about, my best friend who deserves so much more from me than voicemail messages and pleading notes delivered by Charlie. He deserves a full explanation even if he doesn't want to hear it.

As for Edward, I surprised myself by having some generalised anger issues with him. I love him and I forgive him but at random moments I'm also incredibly mad at him. He takes it on the chin, saying it's my right under the circumstances but I hope it goes away soon, I don't want to be mad at him, I want to go back to being hopelessly and uncritically in love with him.

There are good things, other than the absence of the hole in my chest, the physical barriers he has always placed between us are crumbling. Only a little and very slowly but he is much more tactile with me now than he ever was before, his kisses less restrained, his touches more exploratory. It's both heaven and hell. To be closer to him, to have him kiss me with more passion, to have him touch more of my body, that's heaven. The let down and frustration when he inevitably withdraws is hell and I am becoming increasingly greedy. Thank god graduation is steaming towards us like a freight train, because other than being in love with a vampire I'm a normal teenager and I have all the normal urges of a teenager in love, I'm going to explode.

The other good thing is having his family back. Alice, my best friend. Emmett, my wanna be older brother. Motherly Esme and reassuring Carlisle. Extremely contrite Jasper. And disapproving Rosalie. I love them as much as I love Edward. Since I narrowly escaped a grounding from Charlie over the Italian Caper I've been spending a lot of time with them, although he has made me promise to see my non Cullen friends too.

I am happy, standing here in the grey drizzle while I fill my truck with gas. My mood soaring as I trundle along on the way to the Cullens. It's Saturday morning and the whole weekend stretches ahead of me. Alice, who has Charlie wound around her capable fingers, has invited me for a sleepover and all is right with the world. So much so that I even start humming as I turn down their driveway, practically singing by the time I pull up at the front door.

The house is deserted save for a boot faced Alice who is curled up on the couch dejectedly flipping through a fashion magazine.

"I'm going to hate this year's dress style." She sighs sadly as I flop down opposite her. "It's not good for the vertically challenged."

"What's the matter?" I ask. Alice is the vampire equivalent of a bouncy ball, full of passion for life, this flat little puddle is nothing like her.

"We're expecting a visitor." She sighs.

"A vampire?" I'm equal parts excited and afraid.

"Yes. And not a particularly nice one."

I shift uncomfortably.

"Sorry." She says noting my reaction. "She won't be any danger to you I promise, its Jasper she's going to hurt. As usual."

"Jasper?" I gasp.

"It's a long story and Edward won't want me to tell you." She sighs.

"Why not?" I'm going to be a vampire soon anyway, I might as well learn more about it, Carlisle keeps telling Edward that I should.

"He's only trying to protect you from some of the harsh realities." She explains.

Involuntarily I shudder. "I've met The Volturi, how much harsher can it get?"

"True." She observes, a calculating glint in her eye. "Get yourself a drink, there are sodas in the refrigerator, and I'll tell you a story about The Southern Vampire Wars."

"Where is everyone?" I ask belatedly as I get to my feet.

"The boys are hunting, Carlisle is at work and Esme and Rose have gone into Seattle, they'll all be back later."

"Okay."

With raging curiosity I settle myself into Esme's squashy couch.

"You know a little bit about all our history's right?"

I nod.

"So you know that Jasper is the eldest beside Carlisle?"

"Youngest Major in the Confederate Army."

"That he was." She giggles. "You should see him in the uniform. _Very_ sexy."

"Um." I can imagine it. But probably shouldn't.

"Sorry, I digress." She laughs, noting my embarrassment. "Anyway. When the civil was raging there was another war going on behind the scenes in the South. A battle for control of feeding grounds, fought by vampires. Covens were larger in those days, so much easier to stay hidden without modern media and CCTV and they fought viciously to protect or extended the quantity of humans available for them to live on. It escalated rapidly and got out of control, bitter rivalries were created and covens decimated. Then it occurred to some bright spark to create armies, armies of newborns. You know about newborns, Carlisle explained. Hard to control but stronger and faster than a mature vampire. If you can find a way to make them do your bidding you are almost unbeatable. Larger and larger armies were created, in fact, eventually it got so bad The Volturi stepped in to end it. The humans couldn't help but start to notice that something supernatural and deadly was going on."

My throat is dry and I take a sip of my drink. The idea of the human population being perceived as cattle or cannon fodder is appalling.

"Quite." She says dryly, again noting my reaction. "Maria was one of those coven leaders and it was she and her 'sisters' who changed Jasper, hoping for a strong leader to enable them to expand their army. And he did. He was a very good soldier, a master tactician, and a strong fighter. They won a lot of territory and the smaller covens were routed until only a few, with large effective armies remained. Jasper was known only as The Major, feared by vampires and humans alike. When she realised he was empathic he became even more useful to her. Opposing armies rendered almost useless by waves of paralysing fear, that's quite a weapon.

Newborns were considered as expendable as humans, if they showed any kind of talent they were kept like Jasper, if they didn't they were ruthlessly culled as soon as their strength waned."

She stops, eyeing me cautiously. "I don't know how much more to tell you. Some of the things Jasper did back then were, well they weren't nice and I don't want you to think any worse of him than you already do. But Bella, he isn't that man any more. I know he struggles sometimes and it's understandable considering his start in this life but he's good man Bella and he's worked so hard to overcome what he was. He still is."

I nod, taking another swig of my soda. She knows I don't blame Jasper for what happened on my birthday, I bled, he reacted. It was his nature and he wasn't the only one.

"Jasper was lucky. He escaped before that life destroyed him completely. I can't imagine what it must have been like to feel the emotions that environment created and I'm not as strong as him, I don't want to. Maria was a true monster, like a Bond villain, I really believe she thought she could rule the world with him on her side.

Thankfully Jasper had already left when The Volturi intervened. They were quite ruthless. Maria is one of the few coven leaders who survived but she was forbidden to ever turn another human. For any reason. With her 'sisters' gone, by her own hand I might add, they effectively doomed her to a life alone."

Alice sighs heavily. "And so she clings to the few connections she has. Jasper being one of them."

"Why does he?" I stop, it's a complicated question and I'm not sure how to form it.

"Why does he stay in contact with her?" Alice asks and I nod. "We tried not to. We really did, especially after we joined the Cullens, but she's quite persistent and quite capable of causing untold trouble in order to get her way. In the end it was just easier to let her visit and then see her on her way again. I suspect that Jasper would dearly like to kill her, his friend Peter certainly would, but he's conflicted. From a military viewpoint it's a practical and expedient way to solve the problem but for the man he and Carlisle want him to be it's just not an acceptable way of dealing with the problem."

"Is she the visitor we're expecting?"

Alice nods.

"I take it she isn't a vegetarian?" I ask.

"Oh no." Alice smiles grimly. "Far from it. But you needn't worry. Edward will keep you well away from her and the only thing she's afraid of after The Volturi is Jasper. You will be quite safe."

"I can see why you aren't happy about her visit." I whisper with feeling, its unbearable to imagine Edward in a situation like that.

"It's worse than that." Alice says sadly. "Jasper and Maria were lovers. For decades, far longer than he and I have been together."

Instinctively I hop across the gap between us and she curls her tiny body into my side.

"That sucks." I murmur, patting her shoulder ineffectually.

"I love him and I trust him." She almost sobs. "But I can't help but feel threatened by her. Amongst her many crimes she is an incredibly sexy woman, you couldn't blame any man for wanting her."

I hug her tightly but I can't help but doubt her words. The Cullens are gorgeous and I can't imagine anyone or anything threatening their, our, happiness.

Snuggled on the couch is how the hunters find us a little while later.

Automatically I fly into Edward's open arms. Jasper taking my place beside Alice.

"Alice, no." He growls.

"Edward she isn't a child and she really is a member of our family now." Alice responds. "She needs to know."

"She's okay Edward." Jasper asserts. "Whatever Alice has told her, she's okay with it."

"I am." I add. "You are all my family now. I want and need to understand what's going on."

In a blur Edward carries me up to his room, laying me down on a huge bed covered with a gold comforter. None of which was ever there before.

Expecting to have to further defend Alice I open my mouth, gasping in shock as Edward's tongue plunges inside it.

Now this is something I can work with.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 2 Gains and Losses**

**BPOV**

Of course I don't get to work with it for long but I'm _very_ happy as I flop back onto the bed gasping for breath.

With a chuckle Edward transfers his attention to my jawbone, kissing gently along it.

"I missed you." He murmurs.

"I missed you too but it was almost worth it for a kiss like that."

He chuckles again, still caressing my skin with his cool lips, working his way down my neck to my collar bones.

A little ball of nervous anticipation is forming in my stomach. We're lying on a bed, a big new bed, in his room and I'm staying the night. I have two reasons for not voicing the obvious question. My own virginal status and total lack of experience with these things and a very real fear that the presence of the bed might not mean what I want it to mean. Even thinking about it makes me blush and I'm grateful he can't read my mind.

But he can feel the additional heat in my skin and he looks up from his ministrations to smile at me.

"I've been thinking." He says, rubbing his nose lightly against mine and teasing my lips briefly.

Not always a good thing when he's been thinking without me but I can't focus on that while he continues to tease me.

"You want me to change you." He stops teasing and kisses me properly, with enough pressure to send my heart hammering. "You won't give me more time." Back to teasing, his tongue licking at my parted lips. "I accept that now." Another searing kiss that curls my toes and draws a moan from me. "But perhaps you will agree to another desire I have."

Right now I'll agree to anything as he pulls back to tease me again, his gold eyes smouldering, warmth building in the pit of my stomach. Could he mean? Am I ready . . . .

"Marry me."

"What?" This must be what a bucket of cold water feels like.

He looks down at my startled face with amusement.

"Marry me."

"I . . . ."

"You love me don't you?"

"Yes, you know I do."

"You want to spend forever with me?"

"_Yes._"

"Then why wouldn't we get married first?"

Like soldiers falling in in a parade ground my many, deeply held reasons for not liking the state of matrimony, marshal themselves to be put forth but before I can utter a word he kisses me again. And this is the least careful most passionate kiss we have ever shared, he doesn't even pull back when I forget myself and respond. My hands automatically tangling into his hair to hold him to me and my body arching up against the one he _was_ rigidly holding away from me.

I don't know how long the kiss lasted and I don't know how long I enjoyed the sensation of every inch of his perfect body pressed against mine. I lost myself completely in the ecstasy of it.

The limiting status of being alive is what finally breaks the moment and Edward tucks me into his side, my head resting on his shoulder and my hand trailing over his stone chest, as my breathing returns slowly to normal.

"Bella, I know all your reasons for despising marriage and I sympathise. But I have my own reasons for wanting it. First and foremost I want the whole world to know that I love you. But I also want to do this the right way, for you, for me, for your parents. Your mother in particular might not approve but it will give her closure, to know that you are moving on to a new phase in your life and that someone else has willingly taken on the responsibility of caring for you."

"You make me sound like a house plant." I huff, annoyed that he has a point I can't refute. Renee might be furious but she will recognise the gesture and it will mean something to her, Charlie too maybe, although Edward is far from his favourite person.

"It's important to me too." He murmurs, burying his face in my hair and letting his cool breath waft across my scalp. "I was born in a different time Bella. Marriage was an important rite of passage, a statement and it was something that my mother very much wanted for me."

"It's so pointless." I mumble into his shirt. "It doesn't prove anything to anybody and it doesn't magically mean everyone gets to live happily ever after."

"No it doesn't. But we will Bella. We will have our happy ever after." He promises fervently. "I will make sure we do."

"Edward, it's a really big step for me." I pause struggling for words. "I need some time to think about it."

"It's a big step for me too Bella, agreeing to take your soul."

I open my mouth to reignite the soul debate and close it again. My soul is not as important to me as Edward, rightly or wrongly, but he is entitled to feel the way he does. If he can find a way to do that for me, change me against his beliefs, then the least I can do is think about his offer. Shudder. Proposal.

The tension in my clenched jaw subsides and my stubborn streak gives me a look of surprise as it skulks off into the corner. I am not going to start an argument over this, I am going to think about it seriously. This is what relationships are about, getting everything out in the open so it can be discussed and a course of action agreed on as a couple. Precisely what I have been angry at Edward for not doing before.

"May I still have time to think about it?" I ask, the heat gone from voice.

"Of course." He answers with a happy sigh. "You gave me time to think through my issues."

"Thanks."

"You're welcome." He chuckles. "Aren't you going to ask me about the bed?"

"Um."

"Esme helped me get it. If you are going to be staying over we wanted you to have somewhere comfortable to sleep. Even I find my couch unsatisfactory after a couple of hours reading and I'm considerably less _soft_ than you are."

Despite my disappointment I can't say I'm surprised and I smile into his shoulder. Things are changing between us, but not that quickly. And I think I may just have had an idea.

…..

It takes a week for me to put my own proposal to him and as expected he doesn't take it very well. His big new bed is a place of restrained passion and mutually explored conflicts.

And now I am the one playing for time. Time to pluck up the courage to tell Charlie, to tell _Renee_, to tell everyone in my human world that I, Bella Swan, have agreed to marry my High School Sweetheart before we leave for college.

Just the thought of it makes my skin crawl and I have to keep focussing on what I will be getting in return. My dream for Edward to change me and for him to give me a _proper_ honeymoon.

So absorbed have I been in the delicate negotiations and evolution of my relationship with Edward that much of the events going on around me have passed me by. So it is with a sense of guilt that I am catching up on the things I've missed.

Not least of all because I had to lie to Edward to get down here to La Push to confront Jacob.

He won't look at me, staring stonily across at the tree line his face hard and he won't talk to me, which is no bad thing. I didn't come here to listen to his myriad reasons why I'm making the wrong choice or a vitriolic tirade of his closed minded opinions on all things vampire.

I came here to say goodbye to my best friend, the one I know with a heavy heart will not accept where my life is going.

The muscles in his jaw work furiously as I explain honestly and calmly almost exactly what decisions I have made and my reasons for making them, some things are private between Edward and I and will only hurt Jake more.

"He left you." He growls when the eventual silence has stretched out into minutes.

"To protect me."

"And now he's back. Not protecting you now is he?"

"We don't work apart Jacob. We belong together and the only way for that to be fair is for me to be like him."

He turns toward me finally, a single tear rolling down his cheek that matches my own.

"Do you know that the treaty forbids any one of them to bite a human?"

"No." I shake my head, not understanding.

"It means that when your bloodsucker bites you he'll be starting a war." He spits. "That makes you like Helen of Troy."

I shake my head again, this time in denial.

"Is he worth it Bells? Is he? All the people, and your precious vampires, who will die so you can be with him? A man who left you once already."

"Jacob no! It's my decision, my choice, no one else has to suffer for it. No one else has anything to do with it. We'll leave anyway, straight after the wedding." Tears are flowing freely down my cheeks now.

"And you think that makes a difference. They'll still have broken the treaty. And you'll still be dead. We'll have to kill you, we won't have any choice. And if you leave and we come after you, who is going to protect Charlie from your redheaded friend, or have you forgotten about her in your indecent haste to become immortal?"

"She hasn't been back for months." I whisper, stricken because he's right, I had forgotten all about her with the other things going on in my life.

"She's gone before and always come back but I suppose you don't care about that. You're leaving Charlie anyway, why should you care if Victoria gets him, if you're really lucky maybe she'll _change_ him for you. Then you really can have it all."

He surges to his feet, towering over me and instinctively I recoil.

"I'm not going to hurt you Bells." He snarls. "That's Edward's job."

I take a step back anyway and another. Rage is coming off him in waves, his nostrils distended, veins standing out on his massive arms. Yet he's not shaking like he's going to phase, it's a cold hard almost emotionless fury which is even more frightening because it's so unlike him. Jacob feels things deeply and never makes an effort to mask them, it's one of the things I love about him.

"Go on." He urges, tilting his head toward my truck. "Run back to his cold dead embrace. It's not safe for you here anymore."

With a sob I turn and flee to the safe familiarity of the truck, barking my shins as I scramble inside and slam the door behind me.

My trembling hands spill the keys onto the floor and I lean down scrabbling blindly to retrieve them. When I look up, keys in hand, Jacob is starting at me through the open window.

"Jake . . . ."

"When you come to your senses I'll be here waiting for you. He's dazzled you again and I care about you too much to stop fighting for you. Until your heart stops beating at least."

My mouth opens to restate my intentions but for once my brain forces it into silence. Sobbing hard now I start the engine and drive out onto the road.

I need Edward. I need him to tell me that everything will be okay. And I need him now.

For the first time I curse the slowness of my truck as I push it as hard as it will go towards the Cullen's house.

It's not until I pull up beside an unfamiliar sedan in the driveway that I remember that Maria is due any day and I'm supposed to be staying away from the house.

Too late now.

I hurl myself out of the truck and fly up the steps, flinging the door open on an unexpected scene.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. Vampires doing what vampires do.**

**Chpt 3**

_Boston, 1921_

I gaze at her from across the room with hooded eyes, to watch her hunt is mesmerising.

Men and women are putty in her hands enraptured by her attention, however fleeting, as she works through the room searching for just the right thing to tempt her palette.

Prohibition is a boon for us, driving gatherings of less than sentient people underground where they are easy for us to stalk, making it doubly likely that suspicious behaviour will go completely unremarked. We have to take care though, she does nothing by halves not even hunting, the beautiful woman who is the life and soul of every party she attends.

I sigh, reading the signs as she vacillates between two groups of revellers. With an arched eyebrow she looks across at me and I shake my head imperceptibly. One is more than enough, two because she can't make a choice, is far too risky.

Laughing she turns her back to me and dives back into the conversation and I tap my finger rhythmically against the bottle of rough beer I am nursing. I am jealous of the people here who are reaping the benefit of her flirting and I ache with the need to be alone with her but I am thirsty, it has been too long, I need to feed.

I sigh again. I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't be doing this. If they knew, who I am with, what I am doing. It does not bear thinking about. After everything they have done for me, to throw it back in their faces like this.

"Darling." She trills leading a slightly befuddled plump blonde over to me. "This is Ethel, isn't she wonderful? She doesn't believe you can lift a full beer keg over your head and dance a jig."

I nod at the poor girl, flashing a wide smile that has her simpering in response.

"We have to show her." Laughing happily she steers Ethel toward the back door and I grab my beer and follow.

"Come, she smells divine, enjoy her with me." My lover coos in a voice too low for the girl to hear as we emerge into the back alley.

In the depths of the shadows at the end of the alley she turns the girl and plants a full kiss on her plump lips, letting her small hands wander over her voluptuous curves. The rustle of their clothes, the soft wet sound of their passionate kiss and the smell of my lover's arousal wash over me in powerful waves, drawing a response from my own body.

With a groan I step forward, pressing my body against Ethel's from behind.

"Feel her breasts." My lover moans between kisses. "Feel how soft and plump they are, feel the peaks become hard between your fingers just as mine do for you."

Unable to resist, as if she's commanded me, I reach around cupping them and rolling the nipples between my long fingers. With a moan of her own Ethel leans back, rubbing herself against my straining erection.

I lean down capturing my lover's lips in a ferocious kiss as we move against the girl sandwiched between us.

Suddenly my lover pulls out of the kiss, sinking her teeth into Ethel's neck. Her blood does smell sweet, delicious in fact. With a moan of need I sink my own teeth into her, drinking her down in long, deep pulls.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 4 Wants and Needs**

**BPOV**

The ground floor is deserted, but not silent, the sound of electricity arcing from the severed cables dangling like spaghetti from the walls is eerie. Furniture has been crushed, walls destroyed and even Edward's piano abused to the point of failure.

Fear grips me. Where is everyone? What happened? Has anyone been hurt? Please god let this not have anything to do with the pack. Finally, as I stand there surveying the wreckage, fear for my own safety bubbles to the surface, chilling me from head to foot.

I step backwards carefully until I'm out on the porch and then I turn sprinting for the truck, a thousand questions and terrors shrieking for attention in my mind.

Before I've taken half a dozen strides two cold arms trap me and I scream at the top of my lungs.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Edward growls as he spins me to face him. "Are you _insane_?"

"I'm sorry." I stammer as relief rushes through me, cancelling out any intention I might have had to censor my words. "I went to La Push to see Jacob, he was, he was _horrible_ and I really needed to see you."

"I thought you were going shopping with Angela?" He asks, eyeing me sternly.

"Yeah. Well. Um. I knew you wouldn't let me go to La Push so I, um . . . ."

"You lied to me?"

"I had to Edward. Jake is my best friend. I couldn't just leave things the way they were. As you can see I'm perfectly safe."

"Alice." He growls again. "Obviously too distracted by her great rival to keep a proper eye on you."

"I'm not a toddler Edward." I bridle instinctively. "I resent the implication that I need to be kept an eye on."

"Danger magnet." He grumbles darkly, looking around. "With no sense of self-preservation, you've seen the living room and I told you it was too dangerous for you to come here."

"I'm sorry." I repeat, making an allowance for how much he worries.

"I'm taking you home." He growls, carrying me out to the truck and depositing me in the passenger seat.

"What happened?" I ask as we rumble down the drive, Edward's eyes darting everywhere.

"There was a disagreement."

Well duh.

"And?"

"Maria brought a _friend_ with her."

I wait quietly and after a moment he sighs, relaxing slightly.

"She wanted to make Jasper jealous."

"Was he?" I squeak, immediately worried about Alice.

"Not from what I could tell." Edward drawls, shrugging his shoulders and running his hand through his hair. "It was Emmett that caused most of the damage."

"Edward, this is like getting blood from a stone. What_ happened_?"

"It turns out Maria's _friend_ isn't ready to be out in polite society, he took a bit of a shine to Rosalie. Emmett has a strict look but don't touch approach to other men admiring his wife. Maria's friend, _Michael_ who quite possibly doesn't have a brain cell in his undead head, failed to read the warning signs."

"So where is everybody?"

He sighs again, taking my hand in his as we trundle along.

"Carlisle, Emmett and Esme have taken Michael out into the woods to talk some sense into him, Maria is not good company for a young vampire, even if she didn't turn him. Rosalie and Alice have gone to get the supplies we'll need to make repairs. I was on my way to wait at your house when I crossed your scent and so I followed you back here."

"What about Maria and Jasper?"

"I don't know." He admits. "She thrives on drama and the whole thing was manna to her, while we were pulling Emmett off Michael she slipped out. Jasper and I tried following but we lost her. I see no reason for her to come anywhere near you but I wasn't going to risk it so I came back, you are far too important to me, Jasper is still looking for her."

I lean against his hard shoulder with a sigh of my own. Despite his reservations about changing me even he must be able to see how much simpler life will be when I am less breakable. As if reading my thoughts he wraps his arm around me, pulling me close and dropping a kiss into my hair.

"Charlie will be home soon." He murmurs. "You'd better tell me what happened this afternoon while you were playing _truant_."

My mood has been on a rollercoaster today and abruptly it plummets to the ground. It sounds even worse as I recount what happened in a small tired voice, it feels like a century ago.

"Oh Bella." Edward breathes as we roll to a stop outside my house. "I'm so sorry."

Too strung out to cry I snuggle closer to him. "I don't want anyone to die." I whisper. "Not for me. And I can't believe he could be so cold."

"Jacob is very young." Edward says carefully. "Your decision to save me, to change for me, it was probably very hard for him to take. He cares about you. He may have said the things he did as a way to strike out at you, make you hurt the way he's hurting."

"So it isn't true." I ask hopefully.

"Yes and no." He says, crushing my hope and lifting my head to plant a soft kiss on my lips. "Technically if, when, I bite you I will be breaking the treaty and they would be well within their rights to go war over it."

I gasp and he kisses me gently again.

"However, we will leave before that happens and I think it is extremely unlikely that the pack will follow us, especially as they now know that this is your choice. What you _want_. They might not understand it but I doubt they will want to fight over it. Either way Carlisle was planning on speaking to them about it, just as soon as you are ready to tell Charlie that we are engaged. I am sure he will be able to negotiate a peaceful settlement then."

"No pressure, huh?" I sigh, feeling a huge weight on my shoulders.

"None at all my love." He chuckles, moving in for a breath stealing, heart hammering, toe curling kiss.

Light headed I wend my into the house just as Charlie's cruiser turns in.

Time to make dinner.

Having Edward back has completely eradicated my pain but I guess I'm still suffering from separation anxiety or whatever it's called, time crawls by when I am away from him and my heart feels heavy. It's worse tonight, I need him so much, but Charlie is glued to the sports channels and showing no sign of going to bed.

I take a long hot bath to use up the time but it doesn't help, it just leaves me alone with my worrisome thoughts. Edward didn't even say anything about Victoria and I'm afraid that Jake's right, once we leave she'll come back for Charlie. What if the pack are so mad at me they won't protect him? What if Edward's wrong and they will fight? What if my overriding desire to be with Edward brings destruction down on everybody's head? I couldn't live with that, I'm not worth it, therefore what _I_ want can't be worth it. But what else can I do? I can't live without him, that's clear now after recent events and I can't bear the thought of him refusing to exist without me. What choice do I have? And what sort of person does that make me?

Try as I might I can't think of any way to make things right on my own and so I cling to Edward's confidence that a peaceful resolution can be found. Dry and resplendent in my best bed attire I open my bedroom window slightly in case I fall asleep, which doesn't seem very likely, and wrap myself up tightly in my blankets to wait.

...

I stand, my muscles rigid with tension, as she walks calmly up behind me.

"You chased after me, did you think I would leave without saying goodbye?" Her voice is teasing and light.

"Why do you keep coming back?" A familiar demand yet I'm no nearer a real answer, despite the years that pass.

"You know why _my_ lover."

"I am not your anything."

She laughs quietly, trailing a hand across my back and sending a frisson through my straining muscles.

"Did you change him?"

"I am many things lover but not stupid." I can hear the smile in her voice.

"Wouldn't it be stupid to be caught with him?"

"Meh. I am just looking after him for another _friend_. There is no danger unless you or your _family_ would like to turn me in?"

"Where is he?"

"Jealous, lover?"

I snort.

She steps closer, pressing her lips between my shoulder blades. Impossible but they feel hot on the skin beneath my shirt. When I don't react she comes closer still, her body against mine, arms around my waist, fingers caressing the muscles of my abdomen.

"Carlisle and Esme are watching him." She shrugs lightly. "I told them I needed some time to say goodbye, they will be so happy to see the back of me they didn't object."

One of her hands lowers, brushing lightly across the front of my trousers and I hiss, grabbing hold of it to stop her.

"Why do you deny yourself?" She sighs into my shirt, planting wet open mouths kisses across my back.

I shake my head, not trusting myself to speak and her other hand snakes lower, sliding inside my pants.

This time I make no attempt to stop her as she gently strokes my rapidly hardening length, curling her delicate hand around the shaft and moving it slowly up and down, thumb brushing across to collect the moisture at the tip.

"Why do you refuse to come back to me?" She asks quietly, seductively.

"There's nothing to come back to." I growl through clenched teeth.

"Oh my lover, so stubborn, we had the world at our feet. Why must you fight it?" Her hand continues to glide, smoothly, relentlessly, along my shaft. Bringing a groan to my lips and an ache of _need_ to my loins. I _want_ her.

I feel like I'm being cleaved in two, my attention stretched to breaking point between the desire to refute her claim and the excruciatingly pleasurable sensation of her lover's touch. This woman will be the death of me if I cannot find a way to break her spell. And not for the first time I desperately wish I could read her mind, understand what she _really_ wants.

I can't do this. I won't do this.

With a howl of multi-faceted pain I wrench myself away from her.

…..

I wake with a start, my body shuddering with cold.

Typical, I have kicked the blankets fully away from me and Fork's unique weather system is blowing a gale through my open window.

Still half asleep I stumble to my window, sliding it shut as gooseflesh erupts on my exposed skin.

Before I can turn away, cold arms snake around my waist and Edward buries his face in my neck.

"I was waiting for you to wake up." He murmurs, trailing his lips across the skin.

I relax back against him with a sigh, immediately better for his close proximity.

"_Bella_." He groans, nipping tantalisingly at my neck with lip covered teeth.

Still nibbling at me gently his hands move up, ghosting oh so lightly over my breasts. Heat explodes through me like napalm in my veins, I could be standing on the top of a frozen mountain now and I wouldn't feel the cold. Instinct wants me to turn and fling myself against him but experience keeps me rooted to the spot.

"_Bella._" He groans again, the pressure of his hands on me increasing, tempting my nipples out like thumbtacks. "So soft, so warm, so beautiful. I can't wait for you to be my wife."

"Ungh." Is all I can manage as one of his hands glides downwards, coming to rest on my exposed stomach, fingers stroking idly at the waistband of my shorts.

"I _want _you." And the timbre of his voice and the feel of his hands on me, finally touching me, has my knees trembling.

"Please Edward." I gasp. "I love you."

Abruptly his hands flash to my shoulders and he turns me to face him, holding me at arm's length, dark gold eyes boring into mine.

"You don't know what you're asking." He whispers, face twisted with something like pain.

"Yes I do." I answer with confidence, reaching up futilely to ease the creases in his perfect forehead. "I'm asking you to do something you want to do. We want to do."

"I don't know if I can." He moans, leaning down and resting his forehead on mine.

"I know you can try." I whisper. All the other things I want and need from him can wait, right now _this_ is everything to me.

Drawing back he searches my face for a long time before bringing his lips slowly but purposefully down to mine.


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 5 Highs and Lows**

**BPOV**

All of my worries and fears are gone from my consciousness, wiped out by Edward's kiss, Edward's touch.

Obsession.

I am in the grip of an all-consuming obsession. That's taking me and threatening to take everyone around me. How did it come to this?

I shouldn't be abandoning myself this way. I, we, should be focussing on how we can be together without cost to those around us.

His cool tongue is probing at my mouth, sliding inside to caress mine, sending my mind to another place. A place where legitimate concern for others is subsumed by only what I want and desire.

He pulls me tighter against him and I gasp at the sensation of his body, his desire, pressed against me.

Without breaking the kiss he wraps his arms around me and with no sensation of movement I find myself on the bed, acquiescing easily when he commands me hoarsely to 'keep very still'. Lying beside me his hands begin to once again wander over my body as we kiss, long fingers gliding over every bump and curve as if reading me like braille. Despite his warning he doesn't complain or pull away when my own hands come up to run over the solid muscles of his arm and side.

Maybe this is what it feels like to be high. The smell and taste of him invades my senses making my head spin and my body feels weightless, like I'm floating above my little bed. And the feel of him awakens a host of new feelings in me, ones only hinted at by my teenage libido and fervid imagination. It's amazing.

He tugs lightly at my top, as if asking permission and as I lift my upper body he removes it quickly, breaking the kiss to gaze down at my naked breasts.

"Beautiful." He breathes, bending to place open mouthed kisses on them as I moan with need.

When I feel like I can't take it any longer his cool tongue darts out, flicking briefly across one of my hard peaks.

"Edward." I whimper as he takes it carefully in his mouth, sucking on it gently and rolling the other lightly between his fingers. It feels so much better than I imagined, I can scarcely believe it's happening, nor ignore my fear that it will stop at any moment.

Having lavished each breast with the attention of his mouth he rolls on top of me kissing me again, deeply, as one hand continues to wander, caressing my side and lingering at my hip.

"_Please_." I beg, unable to contain the hope that is chasing the white hot desire through my veins.

"Bella." He groans. "I _want_, I _can't_ . . . ."

"_Please_." I implore him again.

With a soft grunt he slowly tears away my shorts, propping himself up on one elbow as his free hand gently strokes the skin of my thighs. I squirm under his touch, unconsciously rubbing them together. His stroking hand mesmerises me and I kiss him back with everything I have, silently urging him on.

And then, like a killjoy dragging the needle off the record at a party, abruptly he pulls back and everything changes.

"This is wrong." He growls, closing his eyes and resting his forehead against mine. "I can't come to you like this. Wrong, wrong, wrong!"

And then he's gone, leaving me flung across the bed with a chill on my skin that has nothing to do with my near nakedness or the open window.

Shocked I lie there, staring up at the patterns in the paint on my ceiling. Mountain goat, I always thought the one directly over my head looked like a mountain goat perched on a rocky crag. My thoughts dart around like a butterfly, resolutely refusing to alight on anything dangerous.

He's gone.

I don't know where and I don't know why.

I really am starting to get cold now but just as I decide to consider doing something about it Alice flits through the window bringing a squall of even colder air in with her.

"What are you doing here?" I squeak, covering myself rapidly and adjusting the volume of my voice, finally remembering Charlie in the room next to mine.

Laughing she hops in through the window and settles herself cross legged on the end of the bed.

"I honestly don't know." She giggles. "Edward called and said he had to leave and that under no circumstances was I to leave you alone until he comes back, in fact his concern was so great that Em's outside somewhere lurking in the trees. What _happened_?"

I indicate my hastily blanket clad state.

"Aha! I knew you'd get him there eventually, his puritanical streak and self-doubt are getting _so_ boring." Then her expression turns sympathetic. "So what happened, why the two vampire guard detail?"

I shrug, carefully, she's already seen more than she should.

"Oh well." She says with a knowing smile. "In that case you'll just have to tell me everything."

Impossibly the heat in my cheeks intensifies.

"We were, um, kissing and stuff."

"U-huh. Keep going."

"Could you at least stop smirking?" I huff.

She passes her hand over her face, wiping her smile away like a toddler.

"Humph. We weren't doing anything serious." At least not yet I add internally. "But we were, um, a little further along than we've been before."

"I'll say." She snickers, roving her eye over my blanket wrapped form.

"Alice, _please_, this is serious."

"I know. I'm sorry." Suddenly she is all sympathy again.

"I don't understand what happened." I continue. "He wasn't thirsty, he wasn't having any kind of problem, he hadn't hurt me at all. Quite the opposite in fact."

I glare at her and the new smirk dies on her lips.

"He was completely in control." I pause, looking at her imploringly. "And then suddenly he said it was wrong and literally disappeared."

"Wrong?"

I nod, misery starting to seep through my shock.

"Edward, Edward, Edward." She mutters, screwing her eyes shut for a moment. "What are you doing?"

When her eyes open again there is a look on her face I can't decipher and I don't like it. I don't like it at all. Not with the implications of what's just happened, Edward will hate himself even more than he does already and what happens to the two of us then? My stomach drops through the floor. How will this affect the gains the two of us have made since he came back?

Alice watches me silently as I fidget with the blanket and gradually pull myself together, delaying the inevitable, as a result of this debacle she is surely going to tell me something I don't want to hear.

Finally I can dodge it no longer, the air in the room is too charged now to ignore.

"What?" I ask with resignation in my voice.

"I want to tell you what I saw, because you're my sister and I love you." So, definitely not good then. "But on the other hand it isn't my place to interfere, personally I can't see a way in which you'd be better off not knowing, but I'm not sure I should be the one to tell you."

"In other words you don't know what to do?" Just when you get accustomed to your superhuman friends having the answer to everything that turns out not to be true either. I can't keep the resentment out of my voice.

"No. I don't. What I want to do might not be the right thing. I can't see where my decision will lead."

"What can you see?"

"Trouble."

"Great." I flop back down on the bed. "With the pack?"

"No." She sounds surprised. "I can't see round them very well but no, there are no black holes in what I can see."

"Please Alice, I fell in love with a vampire, got tracked by a vicious killer, bitten, abandoned by the people I loved." She winces but I plough on anyway. "Stalked by the tracker's deranged mate, nearly killed by vampire royalty, threatened by a wolf that used to be my best friend and didn't come as close to losing my virginity as I would have liked. I'm very, very, tired right now. Just spit it out."

"You need to ask Edward about Maria."

"What? I forgot, Alice is everything okay? Has she gone, are you and Jasper alright?"

"Jasper and I are fine." She says firmly, patting my arm. "You need to talk to Edward."

"Okay." I agree easily, under the circumstances only vaguely curious. "But it might not be that easy after what just happened. He's not going to do anything stupid is he?"

"Define stupid?" She sighs, curling up next to me on the bed.

"He's not going to run is he?" I ask, voicing my primary concern.

"No, he's beyond that now. He won't leave you." Her voice trails off for a moment. "I don't know what he's doing, I can't see properly . . . ."

Abruptly her face freezes and then suddenly she gasps, closing her eyes.

…..

The run is much shorter than I anticipated. They haven't gone very far and soon a smell I recognise invades my nose. Burning vampire. Michael to be precise.

I slow to a walk as I draw near until she comes into view, her voluptuous curves silhouetted against the flames.

"Won't your friend be upset?" I ask quietly.

"Hardly." She sighs. "His actual instructions about poor Michael were to sort him out or get rid of him. I really don't have the lifestyle or the patience to take care of newborns anymore and for all his, _assets_, he was a particularly stupid one."

"You're very cold." I observe, fighting back jealousy.

"You know that isn't true." She chides me.

And I sigh myself. I don't, not really. Just when I think I'm getting a handle on her she shows me another side and I'm back to square one again.

"Why did you even get involved with him?" I demand, jealousy and concern making my voice thick. "If you knew he was going to be too much trouble and put you in danger?"

"Would you have me be alone while you enjoy your family, your _wife_?" She asks after a long silence.

I have no answer to that.

"Why are you here?" She asks turning to face me finally. "You made your position _extremely_ clear earlier."

"I . . . ."

"My poor lover." She whispers, stepping closer. "Always struggling between what you want and what you think you should have."

"I . . . ."

Reaching up she smooths the creases out of my forehead with the pad of her finger, running it down my face and rubbing it against my lower lip.

Unthinkingly I capture it gently between my teeth, swirling my tongue around the tip.

What price my much practised self-control when she is around?

A smile lights up her face, making her more beautiful than ever.

God I miss her.

Releasing her finger I pull her into my arms, crushing her body against me and attacking her mouth roughly with my own.

For a moment she squirms slightly in my grip but then she relaxes, abandoning herself to me completely. Our hands tangle in each other's hair, tugging and grasping, pulling ourselves closer together. Her lithe supple body moulds to mine, a perfect fit, as she inhales sharply, accepting my thrusting tongue deep into her mouth. She moans wantonly as my knee forces her thighs apart and the intoxicating scent of her arousal permeates the air around us.

With a groan I push her down to the ground, shredding her clothes and mine, before spreading her legs roughly and shoving inside her. The simple relief of being there again renders me temporarily lucid, but before I can act on my doubts and fears she wraps her legs around my waist, arching her naked body up into mine.

And the moment is lost.


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 6 All Time Low**

**BPOV**

And once again with the disappearing.

At least Alice paused long enough to give me a peck on the cheek.

Mechanically I close my window, shut the drapes and lock my door and still feeling cold all over I struggle into some of my warmer but less attractive night attire.

Then I open the window again and whisper out into the night.

"Em?"

He pops up in front of me, making me jump and at the same time sigh with relief. Until then I hadn't realised how much I'd expected him to be gone too.

"Jeez Bells." He chuckles. "What's with all the mad dashes from your bedroom window?"

"I was going to ask you the same thing." I respond, stepping back to let him in.

"Nobody tells me anything." He laughs easily. "You know that. All I know is I'm to stay here until Edward or Alice come back and all other visitors are to be repelled with extreme prejudice."

Only Em could accept a situation like that so easily.

"So what do we do now?" I ask, wondering how I can keep myself from going crazy until someone tells me what the hell is going on. It probably helps that I don't actually know what I should be worried about. Danger? Abandonment? I'm not sure I could even say what would be worse right now. Dazed and confused, that's me. And tired.

Sensing weakness he produces a deck of cards from his back pocket.

"I can teach you to play poker?" He offers hopefully.

I plonk myself down on the bed with a resigned sigh. "Go ahead."

**EPOV**

I was born into an Edwardian society, with its rigid behaviour rules and unavoidable expectations, into a middleclass family who upheld those ideals with something bordering on zeal. For all my new family's gentle teasing we all know there are reasons why, as Emmett puts it, my ass is sometimes so tight I squeak going into a turn.

I was prepared for a life of genteel compliance, punctuated I hoped by acts of valour on the battlefield. What I got was influenza, unexpected immortality and the ability to read people's conscious thoughts.

My mother and father taught me better than to bemoan my lot but nothing they taught me prepared me for my place in forever. Not a complaint, just a harsh reality.

And I'm not a fool, I am well aware that my family believe that I use my background as an excuse for, again as Emmett puts it, checking out of life and harbouring unrealistic expectations. And so I do, to a degree. But there are other reasons for my rectitude.

Fear.

Not long after Carlisle changed me and then Esme I went through what I euphemistically call my rebellious period.

And during that period I discovered that I had the potential to spectacularly fail to fulfil my parent's expectations. Either set, mortal or immortal.

I have it in me to be bad. Very bad.

I despise myself for the things I did. For the sanitized version of the things I did which I admit freely to my family and Bella, and for the other things I did, which only Maria and I know.

Yes, I did feed from humans, the bad ones, the ones that 'deserved it'.

But I did so much more.

In Boston.

The only location I consistently veto when we vote on where to move to next.

Epic fail. Another Emmettism.

I don't know what the options are when you completely fail to live up to your expectations of yourself. Eventually I chose the only one that worked for me. I ran away, back to Carlisle.

And it resolved nothing.

I had never met a girl I found attractive while I was alive, much to my Mother's discomfort, seventeen was almost old enough to get married and settle down in her eyes. My Father was a little more pragmatic, losing your virginity with the less than pure was a perfectly acceptable activity for a middleclass 'man' in those days. He was still planning the occasion when the epidemic carried him off. I was neither relieved nor disappointed, losing him consumed all my thoughts. Then vampirism did the same.

Hence I was totally unprepared when I met Maria.

She seduced me easily. Should a man play hard to get? From my upbringing I would say yes, a gentleman would. I didn't. From the moment I met her a part of what I thought to be me was lost. Freely given. Expertly taken.

Edwardian to the core I fled the scene of my crime, flagellating myself.

Then I went straight back and did it again. And again. And again.

Maria is many things but dishonest is not one of them. She was candid about her life, her change and her subsequent activities. I was quite rightly appalled but yet somehow unable to walk away. Her hold over me was then and is now, absolute.

She insisted she had changed. And she had.

But.

She was still the antithesis of everything I had been brought up to admire. I wanted her more than I had ever wanted anything but ultimately I rejected her because she could never fulfil the ideals in my head.

And so I left. I rebuilt my moral defences and vowed never to allow the beast in me free again.

Natural justice however does not allow you to walk away from your issues.

When I returned from a hunting trip to find Alice and Jasper had joined our family it was a mixed blessing. I treasure my sister and I love her. Her husband however I cannot ever warm to.

There are obvious reasons. He was a savage who still struggles with his self-control, putting us in constant danger of exposure, and his moral compass does not and never will point in the 'Cullen' direction no matter how hard he tries.

I judge him harshly.

I saw my Maria in his memories. I saw her acts of cruelty, the ones she described but I refused to visualise. I saw her pain and suffering, which he didn't perceive or relieve. And I saw their passion. Decades of it all, over the decades of our lives together. He used to think about her often, another black mark in my book when he is married to my sister, but gradually less so over time. Now I only have to endure it when she is expected for a visit.

Why does she visit? The others believe it is to torture Jasper and to relieve her loneliness since The Volturi sanctioned her. I wish I knew the answer to that. I have never been able to read her mind, she thinks in a language so old and so obscure I have never been able to learn it. Not silent to me, just incomprehensible. All I know is that she does not torture Jasper anywhere near as much as she tortures me.

I wish I could say I resist her. But I don't. Ever. She _owns_ me in a way I don't understand and can't reason.

And it was never more of a problem than a well-kept secret, the dichotomy between who I want to be and might actually be, temporarily taunting me and then receding into the distance with Maria's brief incursions into my well-ordered existence.

Then I met Bella.

So innocent, pure, loving, _good_. Human.

I love her. I would die for her. I won't live without her. But I don't want to change her because I can't offer her all that I am. Her soul is just an excuse, one that's wearing thin.

But despite my love, here I am, trudging through the forest, naked and dirty.

Shamed.

I went to Bella consumed with lust that Maria incited. I rejected her, I _told_ her that I was getting married. I resisted her. And pleased with myself I escaped back to my Bella.

And then I expected my beautiful innocent love to provide me with the satisfaction I had declined.

Monster!

I fled, not knowing where to go, but my traitorous feet led me straight back to Maria. My lover.

I wanted to be sure there would be no reprisals against Bella, my moral justification, not that I know if Maria cares or not. And I wanted what I always want, _her_.

I got both.

Maria will not attack Bella, apparently has no jealousy over her. But she twisted me inside out and took me to a level of bliss I only find in her arms. All under the wafting purple clouds of Michael's demise.

Monster, monster, monster.

Goodbye was hard and final. At least to me.

The house is in sight now and I suspect from the timbre of thoughts inside that I can no longer hide my sins. Busted, another Emmettism.

True to my upbringing I mount the steps, covering my nakedness as best I can with my hands.

Silence. Judgemental silence. Their thoughts too painful to read, not that I always have a choice.

"I need a shower and some clothes." I mutter eventually.

"Indeed you do." Esme drawls. "Please don't let us stop you. We will still be here when you get back."

"I suppose I have some explaining to do."

"You got that fuckin' right." Jasper snarls.

"Jasper!" Esme snaps, levelling her stony gaze at him.

"Sorry ma'am." He mumbles. "Sorry Alice."

"Edward." Carlisle speaks into the ensuing silence. "Sort yourself out. We need to talk."

"Yes sir." Anxious to be away from their anger and disappointment I dash upstairs.

Physically clean I head back downstairs.

No one has moved.

"_Explain_." My father intones.

I edit, I don't think I have a choice, but even so their reactions are condemnation.

"Oh my god." Jasper murmurs as realisation dawns, disgust blooming in his mind. "Bella looks just like Maria."

I would like to snarl that it explains why my _brother _has had more than one sexual thought about Bella but I do not have the moral high ground at the moment and he is right. Part of my consuming desire for Bella stems from her resemblance to Maria, physically she is almost a doppelganger, with some of the benefits but none of the drawbacks of the original. Just her own unique flaw in being human.

My family's thoughts echo Jasper's.

Suddenly I am a monster to all of them, no matter how hard I have fought it, and I can't help but feel resentful at their judgements. Rosalie's vitriolic thoughts I could have anticipated but the depth of Alice's loathing shocks me to my core.

"You lied." Carlisle observes.

"By omission."

"Really?" His gold eyes bore into mine and the weight of his disappointment almost crushes me.

"I realise she isn't the sort of person you would approve of me being with."

"Do you?" My father asks, flicking his eyes to Jasper. "Because it appears you have had a relationship with her for a number of years despite your misconceptions of how we might feel about it. Honestly Edward I feel like a failure as a father that you should keep such a secret from me on such a flimsy pretext.

I appreciate, my son, that your desires and secrets are your own but what I cannot understand is how Bella, my soon to be daughter, factors into all this?"

"I love her." I answer simply.

"You've just been fucking unfaithful to her." Rosalie growls.

"Minus the cursing I concur with Rose." Carlisle observes. "Alice saw it mentally but I'm afraid Jasper saw it physically."

My eyes dart to Jasper's and he snarls.

"You followed me?"

"I followed _her_."

"Why?"

"Because unlike _you_ I wanted to be sure she left."

I start towards him, fingers curling, head full of images of them fucking.

"EDWARD!" Carlisle snaps. "Remember who you are."

"I doubt he fucking knows." Rosalie drawls, flitting to the door. "I'm going to see Em, the stupid human's probably in bits by now and he deserves a break."

Bella. I seduced her. I left her, again. I . . . . I'm a monster and unworthy of her love.

"Fucking right." Jasper growls, reading my emotions.

"You're just jealous!" I snap.

"Are you insane?" He gasps. "She's a monster!"

"You don't know her as well as you think you do!" I howl, indulging my memories of the better sides of my lover.

"You sick fuck Edward." He breathes in wonder. "You won't be with her because you think she's evil and her background puts her beneath you, and so you picked someone as close to her as you could get without the flaws. Do you even love Bella?"

"Leave Bella out of it!"

"Fine." He growls and even I can see the threat in his posture. Dangerous. "But you need to get a fucking grip. I was with her for _years_ and I know what she's like, I know what she _needs_ and you aren't it."

"You _are_ jealous?" Alice queries in a forlorn voice.

"No!" He snaps back. "I just know Maria and what he's screwing with. He ain't equipped to deal with it. And he's certainly got no business dragging someone like Bella into it."

"So it's alright for you to drag Alice into it?" I shout, filter between brain and mouth absent without leave. "I saw your memories of fucking Maria in Emmett's jeep!"


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 7 All Roads**

**BPOV**

Really with the supernatural involvement you would have thought the end would have been spectacular, but no, it was quite prosaic, infidelity.

How very human.

Of course it could never be that simple.

He was completely honest, until I was almost screaming at him to stop, there were things I really didn't want to know and now can never erase from my mind.

I really didn't need to hear that I look like her or that he came to me that night that was almost the happiest of my life with a bulge in his pants that had nothing to do with me. No one needs to know that, that's just adding insult to injury.

And what choice did I have?

Devastate my parents? Hurt my friends? Make enemies of the wolves? Condemn friends and family to fight and possibly die?

For a vampire who wouldn't change me because of another woman? Because he feared being able to commit to me forever? Because he didn't love me quite enough? Who only told me the truth when he had no choice?

No. I couldn't do that.

Bearing in mind how much I loved him and how meaningless my life was without him. Still I couldn't do that.

I don't know how.

There was no hole in my chest, my heart was rubble and rubble fills hole, like rock beats scissors. I was, am, beyond the hole in my chest. It is but a memory of an acute pain, surpassed by another.

I was destroyed yet somehow fully functioning. Zombie Bella did not make a reappearance. Something new but possibly worse did, Bella but not as we know it. All the expected human behaviours, but none of the feelings. I did everything that could be expected of me, with animation and faux enthusiasm, but none of it has ever really registered. I was dead. Edward Cullen killed me, albeit in a way he never envisioned.

I didn't have nightmares, I didn't dream very much at all, I went to bed and I went to sleep with a blank screen, just like my laptop. I did cry. A lot. So much in fact that Alice took to wearing disposable clothes from Wal-Mart, what we eventually were able to laughingly call her Wal-Mart Period. I may not have actually become stone, although Carlisle offered, but I might as well have been for all the changing I did.

I was forced to face the selfish person I had become, the pain I was willing to cause others for Edward and I rebelled. I went 'human' and I went to college.

Looking back now I wish I could say I became a better person, found my inner strength and moved on but I didn't.

Edward was tattooed on my heart. Indelible. Irremovable. Irreplaceable.

In the end I suppose I was always right, I was never good enough for him.

I am aware of how overly dramatic that all sounds but there really is no other way to describe it. Rightly or wrongly I was enveloped in an invisible cloak of misery that colored my life for several years.

Alice and I remained close but eventually we drifted away from each other as our lives took us in different directions, now we exchange emails of news every couple of months, certain topics ignored by mutual consent.

And now as I pack up the things that have prompted the memories I find myself conducting a personal audit.

Still in love with Edward? Regrettably yes.

Still wallowing in misery and regret? A qualified no. Only when I allow myself to, like now. For the most part I am happy. If I'm honest there's still rubble in my heart but I've organised it into neat piles and have been able to negotiate my way between them a time or two, nothing like what I felt for Edward but I _have_ cared for others.

And now my job is taking me to a new city for six months and yes, I think, I may actually be excited about it.

How I came to be a computer programmer I don't think I will ever be able to explain although I suspect that it attracted me because it was something that completely absorbed my attention while I was doing it and left me no room to think about anything painful.

Anyway I quite like it and I'm surprisingly good at it. Renee is bemused and Charlie is as impressed as all get out, I think my shiny new sports car was the clincher for him. I work as part of team creating video games and unsurprisingly my speciality is vampires and werewolves.

So, I have a good job, a cool car and I'm moving to a new city in time to celebrate my twenty fifth birthday.

Maybe it's time to pack the drama of the past into the box with the memorabilia and shove it in my new attic.

**?POV**

I am a loner through choice. There are others of my kind I deliberately avoid for very good reasons, alive and dead I've seen enough killing and senseless violence to last me a lifetime, I want no part of it any more but I am not antisocial, I quite like the company of others, just content with my own when nothing else is available. I have friends, good ones, scattered throughout the country and some surprising ones in others, but it very rarely occurs to me to seek them out. I'm just happy when our paths cross and not put out when they diverge again.

I am also a man, with all the normal male urges so I guess I should admit to seeking out female company far more often than any other kind. My Ma, god rest her soul, would have a hissy fit if she could see my somewhat impressive list of one night stands although I think I'd get a point back for never dining on one of my lovers, that would be rude. I always leave them alive, _very_ happy and _very_ satisfied. It's a matter of pride.

I _have_ tried coven life. I found it hard having to constantly consider the needs of others and so eventually I gave up and moved on. Like every story in a person's life there is more to it than that but its past history and no longer relevant, so much so that I no longer have to keep reminding myself of that fact. Which is a relief.

My life has settled into a comfortable routine and I divide it between my homes in some of America's least populated places and my wanderings through the densely packed human world. And although at my age I've accumulated enough wealth to live in comfort for eternity I still like to go out and get a job from time to time, good honest manual labour, farming, lumbering, I've even done a stint or two as a Park Ranger, now _that_, I love.

Apart from using my money to buy solitude for my homes I also use it to garner as many new experiences as possible. I love to fly and my corporations own many aircraft, scattered across the world. I also like boats and have lots of those and cars, fast cars, hell I even own a racing team and manage to masquerade as a driver from time to time. If I could work out a way not to reveal my true nature I'd be forking out for one of those Russian space flights too. Yep, I'm simple man, if it's got an engine or breasts it's got my undivided attention.

I only need to feed about once a month and like a lot of my kind I usually try to hunt the criminal classes. Making a meal of a drug dealer or a murderer is a satisfying experience, especially if an innocent life is saved in the process. Yep, I fancy myself to be a bit of an underpants over the trousers kind of vampire, my way of giving back to a society from which I usually only take. It's not a perfect science and I've made some mistakes, either by slipping up because I let myself get too thirsty or by acting as judge jury and executioner without access to all the facts, but I learnt to live with those limitations a long time ago. I'm a vampire and I have to feed to survive.

Tonight is just such a night and in no hurry I am prowling the roof tops and alleyways of downtown Pittsburgh.

I have already picked out one potential meal but I like to take my time and peruse the menu before I make a commitment and he didn't have a particularly appetising smell. Sadly the ones that 'deserve' it very rarely do, a kind of penance for my sins I suppose.

The criminal classes aren't very hard to find and it's a constant wonder to me that the police always seem to have so much trouble with it, even with their human limitations.

Unfortunately it isn't very long before I cross the scent of another vampire, one that I recognise and in no way tempts me to give up my solitude, quite the opposite in fact, besides she's hunting too and it does not pay to interrupt a vampire while they hunt. However I am curious as to why she would be here and so after a protracted argument with myself I change course and track her across the rooftops, if nothing else I will be happy to know she's fed and moved on.

Slowly but surely she leads me away from my usual hunting grounds and into a more upscale area of the city and it eventually dawns on me that she is not merely hunting for food, she is looking for something specific.

Now I do have a dilemma. I haven't lived as long as I have by getting involved in things that don't concern me but by the same token knowledge enables me to avoid trouble and so on balance, since she's in my city, I continue to follow her but with a lot more caution.

Eventually I get close enough to distinguish the scent she's following, its floral and absolutely mouth-watering, perhaps she is hunting after all and just has a very discerning palette. I have no real fear that she'll realise I'm here, my life has gifted me with many skills and covert surveillance is one of them.

Gradually her pace slows and the scent freshens, we must be getting nearer and I almost turn away again to leave her to it, but there's something the maniacal laughter that keeps bubbling out of her that has the hairs on the back of my neck standing to attention. She's always been a cruel and unpleasant individual, on the rare occasions I've come into contact with her, but with a streak of cunning that's kept her alive all these years. The lack of caution she's showing now and the frankly creepy giggling have set all my alarm bells ringing.

We're moving over the rooftops at a snail's pace when she suddenly drops out of my sight. Resisting the urge to chase after her I edge closer, I know exactly where she is and she won't get away from me unless I let her.

A piercing scream rips through the air, abruptly cut off, now I can hear a human struggling for breath and that fucking creepy childlike laughter.

A snap and a crunch. Another scream cut off.

"I can't believe it." She's crowing. "After all these years, running into you like this. Its wonderful, like all my birthday's rolled into one, I shan't even need to buy myself a Christmas gift this year."

A crack and the human, a female, is whimpering and pleading pitifully.

Another crack, followed by a soft squishy thud.

She isn't playing with her food in a way that I understand. This is torture and the anguished cries of the victim tear at my soul, reminding me of the suffering of another, so long ago.

We are all creatures of habit and perhaps it is because I could not help her that I will help this woman instead.

Or perhaps it is just that I despise bullies of any kind, organisational or personal.

This reasoning takes place in the back of my mind as my conscious thoughts direct me soundlessly toward my prey.

My eyes confirm what my nostrils detected and after an infinitesimal pause I drop down from the rooftop, cleanly removing her head as I land. Viciousness does not always go hand in hand with brains I find. I kick the head with its long flowing hair out of reach of the body and turn my attention to her victim.

The woman is dying, damaged beyond repair, there is no time to take her to a hospital. Such a waste, beneath the sweet smelling blood covering her face she is beautiful. I drop to my knees gathering her in my arms and murmuring meaningless sounds of comfort as I have done for strangers and friends so many times in the past, no one should die alone and afraid.

She opens her eyes, they are big and brown, expressive and framed by thick chestnut lashes. Instantly they widen in recognition and shock and then she sighs quietly, closing them and going limp in my arms.

I rock her gently, listening to her shallow breathing and guiltily enjoying her fresh floral scent as I say a quick prayer and prepare to do the right thing by her. I will end her suffering by snapping her neck and then ensure that her precious blood does not go to waste.


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. Lemon.**

**Chpt 8 Beauty**

Everything about her is beautiful.

Her scent, pervading my senses.

Her hair, trailing across my naked chest like silk as we move together.

Her eyes, mesmerising, staring down at my face intently.

Her full lips, slightly parted, showing her perfect white teeth and the tip of her tongue as it pokes between them.

Her breasts, swaying gently as she moves, perfect round globes with pert rosy nipples.

Her slender waist and the womanly curve of her hips. Perfection.

Her long toned legs, curled either side of me, trapping me between her supple thighs. Her fingers, digging lightly into my pecs and then releasing as she rolls her hips over me.

Her skin, so supple, so sublime as it slides against mine.

Her muscles, gripping and drawing me deeper inside her with each undulation.

"Ah." She sighs, letting her head fall back and exposing her graceful swan's neck. Her throat is one of my favourite things about her. And her voice, always soft and musical, is pure magic with its velvety sounds of pleasure when we're together like this.

My hands, previously fisted into the linen beneath me, fly up, ghosting over her breasts, fingers automatically rolling her hard peaks between them. My eyes rove over her body taking in every glorious aspect as it glistens in the flickering candlelight.

Erotic. Everything about her is so intensely erotic.

With another sigh she leans further back, resting her hands on my thighs as she undulates lazily over me.

My hands slide slowly down her body, fingers pressing into her skin as they find her hips, thumbs massaging her hipbones.

I could do this forever, lie here as she makes love to me. Forever.

There is no rush, no urgency, just two lovers. Together and lost in each other.

"Ah." This is more of a groan as she begins rising and falling over me, her head snapping back up so she can gaze into my eyes. She loves to watch my reactions and I never hide them from her.

My own eyes close. I can't help it. The pleasure is almost unbearable and my body arches up into hers, pushing me deeper inside her as she lowers herself.

"Oh yes." She moans and I'm almost undone. The desire to flip us over and drive into her flooding through me.

She places her hands over mine our fingers entwining, giving me silent permission to set the pace.

For an age I continue to move her gently up and down on me, each time pressing a little deeper, a little harder, until she's almost whimpering with desire, her fingers clutching at mine with increasing force.

"_Please_." She begs finally.

"What do you want?" I growl, my voice harsh as I fight back my own desire.

"I want you, all of you." She whispers, leaning down and grazing her teeth across the skin on my shoulder, her hard nipples teasing my flesh.

Liar. Exquisite, beautiful, liar.

With a snarl I give in, flipping us over and settling between her luscious thighs, my tip poised just inside her entrance.

Torture. And not just for me.

"_Please_." She begs again her eyes boring into mine as I hover over her. "I want to feel you cum inside me."

My cock throbs in response to her words but still I don't move. Neither one of us gives in easily.

"Fuck me." She commands, jerking her hips so that I slide a little further inside her.

"Make me."

Her legs snap up immediately, wrapping around my waist effortlessly and I slip a little further inside her, gliding easily into the moist warmth.

"Make . . . . me." I grind out using all my self-control.

Her hands, which were resting lightly on my shoulders, grip me tightly and jerk me down until our bodies are pressed fully against each other. Her skin rubs against my own aching nipples and I groan as she reaches up, flicking her tongue across my lips. They pop open automatically and her tongue plunges inside my mouth, challenging my own.

With a sharp intake of breath I take over the kiss, plunging myself fully inside her with one hard, fast thrust.

The sound of her pleasure mixes with my own as I drive into her over and over, our bodies slapping together rhythmically, the bed banging into the wall as I fuck her with everything that I have.

I know her body so well I can smell and feel as she approaches her climax, her muscles pulling tight around me, arms, legs, depths.

"_Garrett_." She moans, head thrashing from side to side as I shove my hand between our thrusting bodies to stroke her clit.

"Cum for me." I order, balls tightening, hovering on the edge. "And I'll . . . . cum . . . . for you."

"Oh god, yes!" She screams, clamping down around my twitching cock with muscles suddenly made of steel, limbs abruptly flung wide.

"_Bella_."

Oh god how I love you.

My orgasm rushes through me, my dead seed shooting deep inside her body in agonising spurts as I lunge erratically into her. The usual hardness of my muscles dissolves into mush and I collapse on top of her, completely spent, hips continuing to roll into her gently, on autopilot.

Eventually, regretfully, I unplug myself and roll over, pulling her with me and tucking her into my side.

With her leg thrown over me and her head resting on my shoulder I bury my nose in her hair and silently wish for sleep. To wake up like this would be a gift from god.

I don't know why I bit her instead of draining her.

It didn't make any sense at all and I have never before been even remotely tempted.

But bite her I did, carrying her off and hiding her at Settler's Cabin before returning to finish off Victoria. I am not normally a murderer but somehow it felt right to dispose of the vicious bitch once and for all.

Bella's change was long and painful, her injuries severe. Despite never having done it myself I've seen a few changes but this was horrific and my heart bled for this beautiful then stranger.

I took her, thrashing and screaming in my arms, to one of my hideaways and watched helplessly as she suffered through her turning, calling out for people I didn't know to comfort her. What surprised me was that she seemed to be aware of exactly what was happening to her. I like to believe that helped but I think I'm just kidding myself.

After five days of burning she woke. Huge red eyes regarding the world from a new and startling perspective. Pre-existing beauty enhanced to the point she was almost painful to look at.

She was magnificent and scary. Full of savage grace and power.

A handful in every respect.

I taught her to hunt and then held her as she sobbed, she was hell bent on being a vegetarian and eventually I found out why. Now, all these years later, my eyes are gold too. Not that we haven't had our slip ups. Bella agonised over every one, names and faces enshrined in her now perfect memory.

Of course we fucked. She had all the usual urges and so help me she was so gorgeous there was no chance of me ever resisting.

Mentally she adjusted slowly to her new life. She had long since given up any notion of being a vampire, the condition inextricably linked in her mind to _him_, the idea of living forever without him strange and frightening.

Eventually she settled into my life style and it seems to suit her, she particularly likes playing pit lane bunny to my racing driver for some unfathomable reason and is even letting me teach her to fly. I'll be honest, I didn't believe her when she told me of her tragi-comic history with accidents and while a vampire can never be clumsy let's just say I strictly supervise any time she spends around my mechanical babies since she 'murdered' my classic Mustang. I thought she'd leave to find her own way once her newborn year was over and she'd come to terms with everything but she's been content to stay and despite her friendship with Alice Cullen she's always resolutely refused to get in contact with her, claiming that that part of her life is over.

I was astonished and somehow offended that someone so beautiful, with such an equally beautiful soul, could leave so little behind. She asked me to keep an eye on her parents but never to tell her anything unless she really needed to know and I've kept my promise. It annoys me constantly how little impact her abrupt disappearance has had on their lives. Of course I don't know what's going on in their hearts and heads but I would have expected more from them.

I don't know when it was, exactly, that I fell in love with her. After her newborn year when her personality began to reassert itself? The first time we made love rather than just fucked? In the Pittsburgh alley? When she first opened her eyes to her new life? The first time she told me about _him_ and I realised that her pain was my own?

I've no idea.

But I know that I've gone from loner to lonely by proxy.

She loves _him_. She's never made any secret of it. She cares for me. She desires me, still, even after her newborn urges waned. But there ain't no way she's ever gonna love me.

Two out of Three Ain't Bad. It was a crap record and now it's my crap reality.

One day that worthless fucker will re-enter our lives and I'll lose her.

Sword of Damocles thy name is Edward.

"Are you brooding again?" She asks, stretching herself and snuggling her body closer to mine.

"I thought we'd established that I'm the archetypal brooding vampire?"

"What are we going to do today Mr Broody?"

"I was planning on some serious sulking from now until around noon, then maybe some shopping, you've shredded all my underwear again."

"Why are you so obsessed with your underwear?" She giggles.

"My Ma would have a fit if she caught me going around without proper undergarments young lady and heaven knows what she'd make of your wanton disregard for them."

"Are you trying to say your mother wouldn't approve of me?" She asks archly lifting herself up to stare at me.

"Only if you were planning to flash her, otherwise how would she know?"

Laughing she flops back down.

"I'll only shred them too." She warns.

"Of course. Why else would I keep buying them?"

"You're a very bad man."

I roll on top of her, pressing my nose against hers.

"You know if you keep making comments like that you're going to seriously cut into my sulking time." I growl.

"What?" She gasps in mock surprise. "You'd actually make time in your busy schedule of self-contemplation for little old me?"

"I might, if you ask me nicely."

"Fat chance." She snorts, pecking me briefly on the lips and then trying to squirm out from under me.

"And where do you think you're going?" I enquire, pinning her easily to the bed.

"Bathroom?"

"Nuh-uh. I don't think so."

I scooch down, indulging my obsession for her throat with my lips, teeth and tongue, she tastes amazing.

With all the time in the world I make my way slowly down her body, lavishing every inch of it I can reach with the attention it so richly deserves.

Ah and here is another part I particularly like.

I part her thighs gently and breathe in the heady aroma of her arousal.

"Beautiful." I whisper unable to keep the awe from my voice.

She sighs, legs falling all the way open for me as I place a soft kiss on her glistening nub and hook my arms around her thighs, lifting her hips slightly.

"_Garrett._" She moans as my tongue darts out to taste her.

Oh the joys of being a vampire, all the time in the world and absolutely no need to breathe.


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 8 Father of the Sword**

**GPOV**

With a sigh I snap my cell shut, I like the ones that fold or slide open and closed, makes me feel like I'm in Star Trek. Beam me up, Scotty!

The cat is now among the proverbial pigeons.

Bella knows perfectly well that Carlisle is one of my oldest friends and yet in all the time we've been together we've not once discussed the obvious possibility that we would see him at some point.

Avoidance is a fault for both of us apparently.

But he's here and he wants to meet up.

I don't know how she's going to react but I have my own reasons for not liking the idea. I know him, it sounds like he truly cared for Bella and he doesn't abandon the people he cares about easily.

Another sigh.

Oh hell, dodging the issue isn't going to make it go away.

"Bella!"

"What?" Her voice floats inside from the garage and a cold tremor slides down my spine.

"What are you doing?"

"Fixing something." She replies, appearing in the doorway with grease smeared all over her face.

I groan, as much from lust as anything else, discretely adjusting my pants.

"What did you break?"

"Who says I broke anything?" She asks, batting her stupidly long eyelashes at me.

"We're living on the top of a mountain sweetheart, who else is going to have broken anything?"

"You break things. You broke the tub."

I quirk my eyebrow at her.

"Okay, _we_ broke the tub." She giggles. "What do you want anyway? I'm busy."

"You're a scary woman you know that don't you?"

"Pah! Nothing scares you except chores. Spit it out, things are at a delicate stage out here."

"Carlisle just called. He wants to come for a visit."

I wince as whatever she's deliberately holding out of my sight clangs to the ground and bounces across the garage floor. It had better not belong to one of my cars.

"Garrett, I . . . ." Her eyes are wide and pleading and in three long strides I cross the room and gather her into my arms, her own wrapping tightly around my waist.

"It's just a visit." I point out.

"I know." She whispers. "And I know you think I'm being silly. Edward hurt them as much as he hurt me but Carlisle loves him, he's his son."

"I've known him a long time. If you ask him not to tell anyone he's seen you he won't. It sounds like he cared for you a lot. Do you really want to punish him for Edward's mistakes?"

"No."

"I can go and meet him on my own. Not tell him about you. If that's what you want."

She pulls back, looking up at me.

"You hate to lie."

"More of a tactical omission in this case."

She stares at me in silence for a while.

"No." Her tone is firmer now. "I miss Carlisle and the others. I thought of them as my family too. I don't want anything to do with Edward but I need to grow a pair and stop hiding from them, that shit happened years ago. Carlisle's your friend and he's never been anything but kind to me."

"So he can visit?" I ask, failing to keep the surprise out of my voice.

"Did you really expect me to say no?"

I open my mouth.

"Don't answer that!" She rushes on. "It's just a visit. It's not like the whole family is coming. It'll be fine. Its ancient history. He won't tell. Probably nobody except me even cares anymore. Happens all the time . . . ."

I lean down and press my lips against her forehead and she sighs, relaxing against me.

"What did you break?" I murmur when she's completely calm.

"Camshaft."

"Which car?"

"The little red one."

_Jesus_. Enzo must be spinning in his grave.

"You know the parts for that car are expensive, right?"

"I'll work it off." She shrugs cheekily.

"Sweetheart, if I really made you work off all the damage you caused I'd never let you out of bed, you do realise that?"

She tilts her face up, standing on tiptoes so her lips meet mine.

"Oh don't be grumpy." She chuckles, teasing me with her mouth. "It's only a car."

"It's a Ferrari. That's got to be worth at least one good horizontal work out and a couple of blow jobs."

"You wish." She taunts, slithering out of my embrace and making a run for it.

I give her to the count of ten and then start after her. I've got to admire her spirit, she couldn't even outrun me when she was a newborn, she's got no chance now.

"Took you long enough." She giggles as I tackle her to the forest floor and rip away her ludicrously sexy blue overalls.

Some forms of avoidance are better than others we find.

…..

To say that we're both tense as we wait for Carlisle to arrive is an understatement.

I don't want her to be unhappy and she doesn't want her carefully buried pain uncovered.

And we're both afraid of her coming into contact with Edward again and strangely for probably the same reason.

Carlisle would be most amused if he knew his presence could provoke such a response in two normally sensible people.

Finally we hear a car snaking up the drive and with a reassuring smile I leave Bella on the couch to go outside and greet him.

"Garrett!" His rich deep voice and beaming smile are as powerful as ever.

We indulge ourselves in a brief man hug, with appropriate amounts of back slapping.

"I don't know what to comment on first." He purrs, glancing around. "The state of that poor Ferrari or the interesting new color of your eyes."

"There's one reason for both."

He raises an eyebrow.

"You'd better come inside and meet her." I mutter, gesturing for him to lead the way up the porch steps.

"Bella?" He stops dead in his tracks and I shimmy round him, going to stand behind her and rest my hand on her shoulder.

"Hi Carlisle. How are you?"

"Surprised."

She giggles, reaching up to pat my hand. "Not as surprised as I was."

"What happened?" He asks, eyes flicking between our faces as he lowers himself into one of the armchairs. "Alice lost contact with you, we were worried but she assured us it was best to leave you be."

"Victoria found me." My hand tightens on her shoulder and she twines her fingers with mine. "In Pittsburgh. Garrett saved me, turned me. Here I am."

"That's very succinct." He observes dryly.

"I don't know what else to say." She shrugs gracefully. "The rest is just details."

"How did she find you?"

"I think it was an accident." I answer, hopping over the back of the couch and settling down next to Bella with our hands entwined in my lap. "I ran across her scent while I was hunting. I met her a few times, many years ago, her and her mate James. I didn't trust her so I followed her. I caught her torturing Bella. I wasn't in time to stop her and there wasn't time to take her to a hospital."

Carlisle regards me thoughtfully for a moment before turning back to Bella. I know what he wants to ask, why did I change her not drain her.

"I'm so sorry. We should have been there for you, we should have protected you."

"I ran out on you guys this time, remember?"

"You had your reasons." He sighs sadly. "But I will always feel I let you go too easily."

"I don't think my staying was an option." She says quietly, head drooping.

Carlisle and I stare into each other's eyes, no words necessary.

_He might be your son but he's a fucking asshole._

_I know._

Slowly but surely Bella's head comes up, a wry smile tugging at her lips.

"This is awkward isn't it?" She asks.

Carlisle's laugh, which could melt glaciers, breaks some of the tension.

"So then, tell me, what have the two of you been up to for the last couple of years?" He asks, relaxing back into the chair.

I'll probably be 'sleeping' on the porch for the next two weeks for regaling Carlisle with the highlights of Bella's newborn year but at least I made her laugh. He takes it all in, eyes shining alternately with mirth and pride. I was right, he does see her as one of his own, a daughter and I doubt he'll find it easy to walk out of her life again.

"And do you have a gift?" He asks finally.

She looks at me questioningly. I've always told her to keep her gift a secret, there are those of our kind who covet these things and since she's met the worst ones it was never something she queried.

I nod.

"I'm a mental shield."

"Excellent. I always thought you would be, what with E-Ed-, um."

"Yeah, _um_." She sighs, sad again. "So how is everyone else?"

"Great." He beams, always happy to talk about his family. "We've just moved, Esme is working wonders on the new house. Rose has point blank refused to go back to school and is currently lounging around at home like a proper stroppy teenager.

Emmett, bless his formerly over active thyroid, can't bear to do nothing and he's got a job at the local sawmill. Productivity is up by twenty percent so I'm afraid he's going to have to retire from that line of work soon. He's also taken to wearing a lot of plaid again, which probably accounts for some of Rose's issues."

Beside me Bella giggles helplessly. From her stories of Emmett I can almost picture him bursting out of a heavy plaid shirt and some seriously uncool jeans while his beautiful patrician wife glares at him in horror.

"What about you?" She asks when she's got control of herself again.

"Teaching hospital." He sighs happily, leaning forward in his enthusiasm. And he's off. I don't always listen to everything my friend says, sometimes I just switch off and bask in the warmth of his presence. And my medical knowledge stopped at leeches. Bella on the other hand is fascinated.

"And Alice?" She asks when he's done, squeezing my hand until the bones creak.

"Alice is doing well." He answers carefully. "Jasper has rejoined us. They're working through their issues."

"Oh." She seems surprised and agitated by the news and sensing it Carlisle moves on to less contentious topic of the hunting around our current abode.

"So Garrett, I know you aren't so rude as not to offer a guest a meal." He chuckles gazing out of the huge picture window at the impressive landscape.

"Of course." I jump up, eager for some action.

"Bella, will you join us?" He asks.

"No thanks, I'm fine. I'm good for another couple of days. Besides you don't need me hanging around your whole visit."

I hesitate.

"Go, hunt." She flaps her hands at us.

"Come on Garrett." Carlisle chuckles. "I've learnt never to argue with the lady of the house."

After a long run and a good hunt we collapse onto some rocks above the treeline and stargaze, catching up with news of our mutual acquaintances.

"So." He says eventually. "You and Bella?"

Aw crap. Urge to spill rising.

"Hmm."

"Please don't tell me that you of all people are toying with the affections of someone I think of as my daughter." He drawls, lacing his hands behind his head.

I think you'll find it's the other way round.

"Why did you change her?"

"I don't know."

"Do you love her?"

"Yes."

"But?"

"She's still in love with your _eldest_ son."

"Oh." A long exhale. "I see."

"I wish I did. Any sensible woman would want to cremate him."

"I was briefly tempted myself." He admits quietly.

"What happened?"

"My son fell in love with a woman he felt was beneath him. Someone he couldn't forgive her past."

"Oh well, that's alright then."

"Garrett."

"Sorry. Protective instincts."

"Admirable as always.

I, we, never knew anything about it. He was ashamed of what he perceived as his weakness. He has such ridiculously high standards of himself.

We were overjoyed when he fell in love with Bella. Emse in particular was worried that I changed him too young, that he'd never find love.

We had no idea Bella was potentially a placebo for Maria."

"Does he know you and I know her?" I interrupt.

"None. She's never given me away."

"Does he love her?"

"Bella? Yes, undoubtedly. Her departure devastated him. He tried so hard to convince her to stay. But I think the danger and the drama finally got too much for her. As his father I was sad she decided to walk away. As _her_ father I was ecstatic.

Or as Emmett put it, I had the fence post so far up my ass I couldn't put my feet down on either side."

"I've gotta meet him some day."

"Bring a gum shield." He laughs.

"So?" I ask, getting serious again. "Why did she react so badly to Alice and Jasper being together again?"

"Because she knows Jasper would only come back if Edward was gone.

When it all came out Edward was hell bent on causing as much trouble as possible, like a child I think he thought we'd judge him less harshly if someone else was in trouble too. Even though Jasper's only indiscretion was decades old Edward wouldn't leave it alone. Alice and Jasper tried to patch things up but he kept sticking his oar in and making it go wrong again, he was massively jealous of Jasper's previous relationship with Maria.

Eventually Edward pushed Jasper too far. There was a fight, it didn't go very well for Edward."

"I can imagine." I chuckle. "I met Jasper once, before he joined you, if someone else hadn't distracted him I'd probably be deader than a Dodo."

"It's a lamentably small world sometimes isn't it?" He observes, falling quiet for a while. I know better than to disturb his train of thought.

"Jasper wanted Alice to leave with him, start over somewhere else but she wouldn't. She didn't quite trust him enough and she'd been through so much trying to help him adjust to a life away from the wars she was afraid to make another sacrifice. It nearly killed her, she really loved him.

He was devastated but he still left. He probably would have killed Edward otherwise. Edward was _pleased_.

I was fucking _relieved_."

"No man wants to lose his son."

"No, but it was still painful. Jasper is my son too."

Carlisle Cullen. Collector of waifs and strays.

"Just as you are."

"Thanks _Dad_."

"Must you always make me feel so old?"

"So _has_ Edward gone?"

"Yes."

"And Bella will think he's with Maria?"

"Yes. I would imagine so."

"My little brother's an asshole."


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 10 Picking at the Scab **

**BPOV**

While they're gone, unavoidably, my thoughts turn to Edward and the events of the past.

Unsurprisingly everything Edward related made its way over into my vampire brain with the change, no way would I be lucky enough to forget all that.

Metaphorically the whole lot has been packed away in a dusty box inside my vampire brain, if it doesn't come up in conversation then I have total success at not thinking about it. Of course a visit from Carlisle is bound to set it loose.

Curious I poke through the memories, do things feel any different from my lofty perspective as a grown up?

Yes. My selfish behaviour, which made me reconsider my choices before, now actually makes me cringe. I guess I understand it, I was a kid, I loved him. Unequivocally. I was blind to any faults he may have had, and he must have done because no one is perfect, so much so that I would struggle to name one now. Memory Edward is perfect. Except for the obvious, Maria and his infidelity of thought and action.

And that's where grown up Bella's understanding grinds to a halt.

Alice has taken Jasper back. And quite right too. She loves him and he loves her. Any other outcome would be ridiculous.

I never even tried that process with Edward. I claimed to love him so much I couldn't live without him, yet I did, I do. He loved me. I know he did. So why didn't we find a way to make it work? Was it really only because I wouldn't try, as he accused me? Maybe. But it wasn't as if that was the only issue in our relationship. Helen of Troy Jacob called me. The face that launched a thousand ships. Warships. Heavy shit for an eighteen year old misfit from Phoenix.

Still. I didn't exactly fight for the man I claimed to love.

With a sigh I wriggle further down the branch of my favourite tree, scratching an imaginary itch on my back against its bark. You never truly give up being human.

Alice and Jasper.

Considering everything that happened if Jasper is back then Edward is gone. Maybe not permanently. But for long enough. A little chuckle escapes me at the thought of what might happen when he comes back. I learnt a lot about quiet, reserved, Jasper during the course of he and Alice breaking up. Spent a lot of time having the conversations with him that, with hindsight, I should probably have had with Edward.

Thoughts, you digress.

Where has Edward gone?

Obviously he's gone to Maria. Or 'Catnip for Cullens' as Alice always used to call her.

I don't like it. I can't describe the feelings the knowledge has spawned in me. But I know I don't like the idea.

In the distance I can hear Garrett and Carlisle returning.

Guilt flashes through me. Carlisle asked how long Garrett and I had been together and I hesitated. It was the together word that threw me. We are, have been for several years, but suddenly it dawned on me that I don't actually know what that means. We've never discussed it, whatever _it_ is and I didn't know what to say.

Relieved that he's coming back I roll over and drape myself over the bough. Garrett's panther woman. For some reason he finds the sight of me lounging in my tree like a big cat incredibly sexy.

Still deep in conversation with Carlisle he throws me an appreciative smile.

Smirking I rest my chin on my hands.

"Bella." Carlisle chuckles as they wade through the long grass of our meadow. "You look very comfortable up there."

"I've regressed to a monkey since I became a vampire." I laugh, swinging down and straight into Garrett's arms.

"So I see. I'm afraid I'm out of time and I need to get back to the city but I would like to stay in touch?"

I'm silent for a moment, processing the implications, then I nod.

"I won't tell anyone else about you until you're ready."

"Um, okay."

He laughs.

"It will be our secret. I am glad to know that you are okay and if you ever need anything, now you know where to find me."

"Thank you." I murmur as he reaches out and caresses my cheek gently.

"Garrett." He says, transferring his warm gold eyes to a level just above my head. "Cut the damn grass out here."

"Yes sir." He laughs, chest rumbling against my ear.

Still entwined we follow him back to the drive and watch as he drives off into the breaking dawn.

"Come on." Garrett urges. "Let's get indoors, we need to talk."

My stomach drops down to my feet.

We need to talk. Four words that have preceded some of the worst developments in my life.

We need to talk, Phil and I are getting married. We need to talk, I'm leaving you. We need to talk, I just cheated on you. We need to talk, you're a facsimile of the woman I really want. We need to talk, my boss, the reason I was out on that fateful Pittsburgh night looking for a charger for my cell.

Nervous I perch on the bottom of the stairs as Garrett begins to pace. Not that it stops me admiring him.

He's tall and lean, with an athlete's body, well defined rather than heavily muscled. What my college roommate called the 'perfect triangle', wide shoulders tapering to slim hips. He's like a clothes horse, everything looks good on him, but he looks better naked. I could happily spend all day tracing the outlines of his muscles and watching them flutter under the pads of my fingers. And sometimes I do. But it's his face that captivates me. Handsome doesn't really do it justice, spectacular is probably a better description and it's just as well I never knew him as a human, the startling blue eyes he lays claim to would do for me completely. It took me a while to appreciate how immobile his face really is, the ready smile and twinkling eyes distract you from how little his expression actually reveals. Every infinitesimal change is like finding a bit of buried treasure and never more so than when we're making love. I'm a prospector, eagerly mining for some nugget of what's going on inside him and storing them away in a precious box.

"Are you paying attention?" He asks, jerking me back to reality.

"Am I drooling?"

"No."

"Then I'm paying attention." I respond grandly with a flick of my wrist. "Please continue."

He laughs briefly and then looks serious again.

Oh hell. Reality check.

"Remember when I told you about how I came to be a vampire?"

"Yes." I whisper with a shudder, accidentally changed on the battlefield amidst all the blood and slaughter.

"It wasn't entirely accidental."

"?"

"A vampire did attack us while we were carrying our wounded back to our comrades but that wasn't how I was changed. Well it was I suppose. She did graze me with her teeth, but with all the blood and gore she was easily distracted. There was so much for her to feed on.

With so little venom I would have likely died but there was another vampire following her. Carlisle."

"What?"

"Carlisle. He was following her. He realised I was dying and so he bit me. Properly."

"Properly as in he's your father properly?" I ask in a strangled voice.

"He's my sire."

"There's a difference?" I snarl, struggling to catch up with the implications.

"No. I suppose not. Technically."

"And it never occurred to you to mention this?"

"Yes, it did. But it wasn't easy." He flops down onto the couch, inspecting his hands. "Any time the Cullens got mentioned you had a shit fit. How the fuck was I supposed to tell you I was one?"

"Fuck." Is all I can manage as my mind freewheels. "Why?"

He regards me, in my confusion, then answers as best he can. "I don't think he was quite ready to be a Dad at that point. His compassion wouldn't allow him to just let me die. But he didn't know what to do with me. So he just did his best."

He chuckles at some inner memory.

"I'm afraid the whole feeding on animals thing didn't stick, it seems he'd perfected the training by Edward's time."

"Oh shit." I gasp as realisation dawns. "You're Edward's brother!"

"No." The vehemence in his voice takes me by surprise. "I am not. Carlisle and I have never been a family. He's my friend. A mentor in this second life. But he isn't my father."

Me thinks he doth protest too much.

"So what else haven't you told me?" I snap. "I suppose you were a member of the Khmer Rouge or something equally nasty?"

"Don't tar me with that brush." He snarls. "You know me. You know everything about who I am. I'm not Edward."

"Of course." I growl. "I'm just Bella Swan, vampires lying to me is perfectly normal, why would it possibly upset me."

His face twists in pain but I won't feel sorry for him. He fucking lied to me.

"I didn't lie . . . ."

"_Sorry_. Vampires making 'tactical omissions' is perfectly normal for me."

"Bella . . . ."

"Don't fucking Bella me!" I scream, surging to my feet.

"Please, let me . . . ."

"Let you _what_? I suppose you're going to tell me fucking Maria's you're auntie now! I don't want to fucking hear it! Whatever it is."

"Really?" He asks quietly. "You're mad at me because I didn't tell you Carlisle is my sire?"

"You bet I am!"

"But you're never angry at Edward for not telling you he was in love with another woman?"

"You leave Edward out of this!" I shriek, furious that he'd bring _his _deception into an issue between us.

"How can I?" He yells uncharacteristically. "He's always fucking in _this_!"

I open my mouth to retaliate but he storms past me, blasting out the door and banging it shut behind him.

What the fuck?

Asshole!

Furious I stomp upstairs for a shower successfully blocking it all out until I start lathering my hair.

Garrett is Carlisle's son. Shit.

Liar! Liar, liar, liar.

Right. I loathed, forbade, any mention of the Cullens. What was he supposed to say? 'Hey sweetheart, I know you hate to talk about them but I think you should know I am one'?

Or not, as the case may be.

Fuck. This is one of those times when I wish my human life had exposed me to a wider range of curse words or familial complications..

Oh my god. I'm shacked up with Edward's brother.

Agitated I make a dog's breakfast of washing my hair and adjourn to the bedroom.

Where the fuck is Garrett?

Rehearsing a tirade in my mind I dry myself, not easy with impervious stone skin, and get dressed. The floaty summer number in Garrett's favourite color is the quickest thing to hand. Brushing my hair is a technical impossibility, and besides its Garrett's job, so I settle for running my fingers through it.

Then I stomp downstairs.

I knew he wasn't back, but still . . . .

The book I start doesn't distract me and so eventually I retire to my tree, staring up at the emerging stars. Or down at the grass. Fidget, fidget, fidget.

I can't blame him for not telling me can I?

Then again, maybe that makes it worse, maybe it should have been one of the first things he told me. 'Sweetheart, I don't know who the fuck you are but you should know I'm a Cullen'.

I snort and flip over again.

Eight hours.

My mind wanders back to last night. What are we? And what does it mean that I've never even thought about it? That we've never discussed it?

I mean, I don't know what we are. What if he decides one day that we've run our course and he wants his own life back? Where does that leave me?

Short of breath apparently. I suck in a lungful of air. I can't imagine a life without him in it. I love our life together.

Twelve hours.

What if something's happened to him? Oh don't be ridiculous, he's a vampire.

A lying one, naturally.

Nevertheless my mind whizzes through the myriad ways he's taught me a vampire can come to grief. I just can't imagine him being stupid enough to fall prey to any of them.

Seventeen hours, thirty nine minutes and fifty three seconds. Fifty four, fifty five.

With another snort I drop down out of the tree. Not so comfortable after all.

Suddenly thirsty I head into the woods, I hate hunting alone.

I catch and drain a deer before flopping down onto a convenient rock.

It's not even a very comfortable rock but I can't summon up the enthusiasm to move. If I stay here, will moss grow on me? I'm nothing more than a rock myself now. I wonder if anyone's ever tried it? Maybe there's a vampire out there somewhere with people spreading picnic blankets on him because they think he's a rock.

I know him. He wouldn't lie to me deliberately or even to protect me. It isn't his style. So why didn't he tell me? Well fuck me, maybe I made it impossible for him to. Or maybe he just doesn't care enough.

Giant, epic, marble, sparkly, asshole.

Why can't I ever stay mad at men who fuck me over? Have I got doormat tattooed on my forehead or something?

Twenty one hours, six minutes and forty four seconds.

This is now officially the longest we have ever been apart.

What if he isn't coming back? And why is there never a paper bag around when you need to hyperventilate?

His scent reaches me on the breeze before the sound of his footfalls.

"I'm sorry." He says quietly and I'm off my rock and in his arms before he can say another word, peppering his hard chest with kisses, sobbing in relief.

"I thought you weren't . . . . coming back . . . . please don't leave me . . . . please. I couldn't b-bear it."

"Oh sweetheart." He sighs. "I'm so sorry. I didn't think . . . . I just needed . . . ."

"Please don't leave me."

"I'll never leave you."

"Make love to me?"

"Oh god Bella." He groans. "We need to talk."

"I know, I know. But I need to feel you, I need us to be together. _Please_."

With another groan he lowers his mouth to mine, claiming it with gentle force, tongue parting my lips easily and slipping inside to caress mine. His hands glide down my back, pulling me to him as I tangle mine in his dark blonde hair.

No one's kisses have ever affected me the way his do, they touch my soul.


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 11 Bad Penny **

**BPOV**

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you about Carlisle." He whispers into my hair as we snuggle together in the gently falling snow.

"I know I over reacted." I sigh. "But I always hated how the supernatural world felt it knew better than I did what I needed to know. And then of course there was the whole Edward thing. I know I didn't make it easy for you to tell me but rightly or wrongly I'm angry that you didn't. Will you tell me more about it?"

"Yes, I want to tell you the whole story. There's something else I didn't tell which you probably won't be happy about." I can hear the apology in his voice and my heart sinks again.

"I'll listen." I promise.

"That's all I'm asking." He drops a kiss on the top my head and falls silent for a moment, gathering his thoughts. Instinctively I clutch myself to him a little tighter.

"Like I told you originally, a vampire attacked us on the battlefield. I found out afterwards that it was Maria." He pauses and when I don't react continues. "Carlisle was following her. He'd just come over from Volterra and there were already concerns being expressed about newborn armies in the New World, he'd promised them he'd investigate and tell them anything he found.

Which is how he came to be following Maria and sisters.

The problem was, his little act of compassion with me meant he was no longer able to follow them, not with a newborn in tow. I was quite a handful and apparently the reason why he waited so long before trying it again. That and the fact that I had no desire to stay with him. Even then he had ideals about being able to live as a human, have a family, be happy. I love Carlisle but I'm not son material. I was a man when he changed me, with a man's desire to forge his own path. I do now and always have seen him as more of a friend.

Technically your Edward is my little brother I suppose but not in my heart, not where it matters."

"He's not my Edward." I whisper.

He's silent for a moment, pressing his lips into my hair and inhaling my scent.

"You still love him."

"I guess so, in a way. But that doesn't mean I don't . . . ."

"Don't what?" He asks gently when I can't continue.

"When you stormed out I was filled with righteous indignation. How dare you keep a secret like that from me and then have the nerve to be fucking angry with me for not liking it."

"I wasn't angry about that."

"I realise that now." God this is hard. "I stopped thinking about him a long time ago. I hadn't even realised until Carlisle came. But it made me think. I didn't fight for Edward, I didn't make any effort to work through things with him the way Alice and Jasper did. And I wondered, how different would my life have been if I'd done that? Would I be living the life I'd dreamed of at Edward's side?"

Against me Garrett goes completely still, even for a vampire. Braced for impact, a reaction I recognise but don't know for sure how to interpret. I'm probably not going about this in the best way but there's so much we managed to avoid really talking about and I have a very bad track record with this stuff.

"I didn't know." I continue. "Then I decided I didn't care. I _am_ happy. Here with you. And nothing else matters." I hold my breath, waiting. This would be the bit where he says. Ah, how sweet, enjoy it while it lasts.

"I've more to tell you about Maria." He says quietly, his hand resuming its gentle stroking of my back. "But there's something else I've never told you."

Now it's my turn to go completely still and I concentrate on the feel of his palm gliding smoothly over the skin of my back.

"I love you. Just you. Only ever you."

I gasp as he rolls me over, hovering above me, eyes staring intently into mine.

"Say something." He urges as I look at his handsome, familiar, face. Temporarily speechless.

God I'm an idiot.

"I love you too." I manage to choke out eventually.

A beatific smile breaks out on his face for a moment that almost makes me blink at the glare and then it's replaced by a slight frown.

"But you still love Edward." I'm not sure if that's a statement or a question.

"Well yes . . . ." His frown deepens. I really am crap at this. "But that's what I was trying to explain. I didn't fight for him. When you stormed off, after I'd calmed down, I realised that I would have done anything to find you, to make things right between us somehow, because I didn't want to be without you.

I used to think I felt that way about Edward, I went to Volterra for him, but in the end I walked away from him.

I couldn't even think about how I'd live without you. Couldn't conceive of a situation where I would ever walk away."

"But . . . ."

I reach up, pressing my index finger to his lips, he's the one that made the declaration but I realise it's my responsibility to do the reassuring.

"Edward was my first love." I explain. "I think he'll always have a place in my heart, whether he deserves it or not, he certainly made a big enough impression on it one way or another."

He growls softly against my finger.

"But I _love_ you. I'm here _now_. With _you_." I tap his lips with my finger for emphasis. "_This_ is where I want to be. _This_ is real."

He stops growling, his eyes blazing and my breath catches in my throat.

Easily he bats my finger away, gripping both my wrists, pinning them to the snow either side of my head.

"I love you." He says softly and my dead heart squeezes in my chest as his mouth brushes lightly across mine. His nose and mouth ghost across my face, along my jaw and down my throat, breath tickling me as he murmurs incomprehensibly into my skin.

His teeth scrape across my throat drawing an automatic response from my body and I arch up into him with a moan.

"Patience woman." He grumbles, licking up the side of my neck and sucking my ear lobe into his mouth. "I've waited a long time to show you how much I love you."

"Oh _Garrett_. I'm so sorry." He's always shown me, I've just never seen.

"Shush." He soothes, transferring his attention to the other side of my neck. "It always takes you a long time to process things. I have accepted this about you."

I open my mouth to defend myself but he covers it with his, tongue gliding inside to greet mine.

For a while there is only the sound of our groans and moans as we proceed to show exactly how much we love each other. Over and over again until I'm lying spent on the ground, muscles turned to jelly, snow drifts building up on my exposed flesh.

When his cell rings he lifts his head from my belly slightly and looks across at our pile of discarded clothes. Then with a groan he flops back down again. "You get it. You're closer."

"Nope. Mine's at the house. It's yours."

"It's probably only somebody trying to sell me whole life cover."

The ringing stops and we both sigh with contentment.

Then it starts again. Impossibly sounding more insistent.

Growling he heaves himself up over me to grab his jeans and retrieve his cell.

"Hey Carlisle, missing us already?"

I roll my eyes and occupy myself tracing the lines of Garrett's impressive musculature. I love them, him. I love him. Love, love, love. A stupid grin breaks out on my face. I love Garrett and he loves me. Happy, happy, happy. The future's bright. The future's Garrett. I supress a giggle. If I were in High School now I'd be doodling his name on my exercise books.

"Of course." Carlisle's rich voice floats out of the handset. "I hope I'm not interrupting anything?"

My tracing moves a little lower. The man's got muscles _everywhere_.

"Er . . . . um . . . . no." Garrett chokes out, giving me a dirty look.

"I am really sorry to have to do this." Carlisle continues. "But I need to ask for your help."

I stop my nefarious activities, ears tuning into the strain in his voice.

"Maria has just called me. There is a problem with Edward."

"What sort of problem?" Garrett asks, eyes locking on mine.

"He's got himself into trouble with some rather unsavoury vampires in New England. She's calling in the cavalry. You know I wouldn't normally ask, especially under the circumstances, but Jasper has outright refused."

"You want me to come with you and rescue him?" Garrett asks in a flat tone.

"Yes. Please. I'm sorry. And to you too Bella."

"You know normally I would just say yes?" Garrett growls.

"Yes. I know. I appreciate that this is a very delicate situation."

"We'll need to talk about it."

"Of course. And I will understand if you don't want to get involved. I'm so sorry to have to ask . . . ."

"He's your son Carlisle. Don't apologise for caring about him. I'll call you back."

He flips his cell closed and tosses it back onto our pile of discarded clothes.

"Well fuck." He intones, still holding my eyes.

Quite. The subject of Edward has clearly been a spectre hovering over us. One that would have dissolved into nothing over time now that we've finally managed to talk things through. Except we aren't going to get any time. Real Edward has thrust himself into our lives and any fears and doubts we have are obviously going to be coming with us as baggage on a rescue mission. Mindful of Garrett's accusation I realise that for the first time I _am_ actually angry with Edward. And resentful of his involvement in my life.

And how is Garrett going to feel when I vote yes to going to rescue him?

"Carlisle loves him." I hedge.

"And we love Carlisle." He responds.

"So we should probably help." I suggest.

"We? It will be dangerous."

"You taught me to fight. And very well I might add."

"Nomads with attitude problems are probably _not_ what we're going to find in New England." He drawls.

"You're not going without me."

"No."

He leans down, pressing his lips hard against mine and then reaches for his cell again, expertly tying his hair back into a ponytail with his leather thong.

I zone out of his subsequent conversation with Carlisle. Acutely aware that something important happening between us has just been interrupted.

"We'll need to leave in an hour." He informs me, dragging me back to reality.

Unthinking I reach up and tug the thong out of his hair. He's addicted to the damn thing and it makes him look like an aging hippy. Absorbed I shape his hair around his face while he waits patiently. Processing.

"Dangerous?" I ask when I'm done.

He nods.

"Would it make me a bad person if I asked you to call him back and tell him we've changed our minds?" I whisper.

"No. Actually I think it would make me very happy."

"I want to make you happy . . . ."


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 12 Soap Opera **

**BPOV**

Precisely, once a soldier always soldier, one hour later we are storming down the drive in Garrett's Maserati.

He takes my hand, entwining it with his and resting them on the center consul. We always drive like this but tonight it has new meaning for me and I sigh happily.

"Since you're in a good mood I suppose I'd better finish telling you about Maria." He chuckles.

"There's more?" I drawl. "Well color me happy."

He snorts but refuses to be deflected.

"Like I said. Carlisle couldn't very well follow her and take care of me so we headed west, into the wilds. Newborn armies forgotten. As soon as I was trustworthy enough to be left on my own we parted ways."

"Were you hunting animals then?" I interrupt.

"No. Carlisle tried but it just didn't work for me, not as a newborn. That's why I was so impressed at your willpower. I couldn't do what you did. Not even close. Carlisle's a compassionate but practical man. He taught me to hunt humans, badly as it turned out, but nevertheless he did it. He figured it was better that I learnt to do it in a controlled way rather than wholesale slaughter when I lost control of myself.

Eventually we split up. No cells in those days so we agreed to meet up again in twelve months. We did that once or twice until he turned up one day out of the blue, he'd been looking for me. The Volturi had made it to the New World and they wanted an update on his reconnaissance.

He explained that he'd been busy raising a newborn and they suggested, very nicely, that he get his finger out of his ass and go find the armies they kept hearing about. Gave him the name and contact details of someone they already had over here."

"Sounds like a spy novel."

"There are no new stories in the world, as the saying goes, only different characters.

Anyway. Carlisle's a healer not a fighter so he came looking for me. I was suffering from eternal boredom at the time, it gets you at about five years, at least it did in those days, you couldn't cement yourself to the couch and play video games till it passed.

And together we went looking for The Volturi spy. She wasn't hard to find. Low profile and Maria don't really go together."

"Maria?" My screech almost takes the roof off. "Does Edward know?"

"Carlisle and I are guessing _not_ at this point."

"Oh my god." I'm speechless, torn between feeling sorry for him and a certain cheap sense of satisfaction.

"I don't understand." I muse when I find my voice. "Jasper said she was Spanish, Mayan. How would she be a Volturi spy?"

"More like Minoan." Garrett chuckles. "She's reputed to be older than Aro and considerably nastier."

"I still don't understand. I mean. She was horrible. Evil. Vicious. A serial killer. And a serial, well . . . ." Words fail me.

"Not quite like a spy novel." He explains. "In reality the best spies are the ones who sympathise with their prey. Not the fictionalised idealists we all read about. She's everything Jasper described to you and quite a bit more to boot. And The Volturi, they're not exactly the good guys."

"Wow." I breathe.

He snorts again, rubbing my palm with his thumb.

"So, we found her. She wasn't exactly pleased to see us. The epitome of vampire niceness and his boy weren't entirely the cover she was going for. She and Carlisle absolutely hated each other on sight."

He pauses, laughing at some old memory.

"It was like watching two giant thunderheads coming together. The lightening would almost take your eye out."

"Oh no, _please _tell me he didn't?"

"Oh he did sweetheart. He held out like a trooper, but he did, in the end."

"Oh my god. They, we, thought she was coming to taunt Jasper. Then, well, we assumed it was Edward. But . . . ."

"I've no idea what's gone on since." He admits. "But she fell for Carlisle and she fell hard."

"Edward said that there were reasons she was like she was. That she'd had a hard life. That someone had broken her . . . ."

"I don't know sweetheart." He sighs. "I tried not to get involved, you know me, but from what you've told me he had the same problems with who she was that Edward did."

"Jesus." I gasp in wonder, it's like a fucking supernatural soap opera. One that Edward and I stumbled into the middle of.

"The end wasn't pretty, I know that." He shudders.

"Do I need to know?" I ask in a small voice. I'm done. I really am. I know how they all fit together, surely that's got to be enough?

"No, not really. I guess the last thing is that if nothing else she's a professional. If she's asked for help getting Edward out of some hole then she _needs_ it. What scares me is that there isn't much the devious bitch couldn't usually deal with on her own."

We lapse into silence as he steers the car north.

Several hours later we pull into a motel parking lot to find Carlisle waiting for us.

Garrett, for whom chivalry will never go out of fashion, whizzes around and opens my door. It used to be a competition for me to get out first, shades of Edward, but I've long since given up and left him to get on with it. In fact if he didn't open my car door I'd probably stay trapped inside forever wondering what the hell was going on.

"Bella, lovely to see you again so soon, I really am grateful that you agreed to come. I couldn't have expected it under the circumstances." Carlisle strides forward offering me his hand

I titter nervously and shake it _very_ briefly.

"Ah." He chuckles wryly. "I see Garrett has been free with the pertinent facts."

"Um."

"I have some explaining to do?"

"You could say that."

"Well then. " He draws back his arm, gesturing to one of the rooms. "Perhaps we should start by introducing you to Maria."

He walks away but I hesitate, clutching on to Garrett.

"Do I really look like her?"

"No."

"Edward and Jasper said I did."

"They're idiots." He chuckles, wrapping an arm around my shoulder. "Same height, same coloring. The resemblance ends there, unless you've any Bronze Age roots you've neglected to mention."

"K . . . ."

We've reached the door when he spins me around and lays one on me.

"Ah Garrett." A soft growly voice floats out. "Is it your turn with the Bella Doll?"

"Up yours." He growls, covering my laugher with a slightly less heated kiss and turning us toward the dark interior.

A warm chuckle, like water flowing over rocks, entices us in.

"You will have to excuse me for not getting up to greet you but unfortunately I am busy re-fusing certain parts."

Lying on one of the twin beds is a goddess. Even dirty and dishevelled, clothes torn and covered in dried blood, there is an almost ethereal glow that radiates from her. Carlisle is kneeling on the floor at her bedside like a worshipper, although on closer inspection he's actually holding her lower leg in place just below the knee and watching intently as it fuses.

I drag my eyes away from his bent golden head to focus on her, finding her watching me with amusement in her eyes as she clutches her arm in place.

"Not what you expected?" She drawls. "I _was_ a Goddess in a former life if that helps."

I gasp.

"And no I didn't read your mind. I am just used to it." Her voice sounds tired and weary and for a moment she closes her eyes. "Shut the door Garrett, we don't want the local peasantry gate crashing the party."

"Yes ma'am." He swings the door shut behind us, trapping us inside with the smell of old blood and venom.

"I am sorry Bella, I didn't mean to offend you, it's another talent I have."

Carlisle laughs but doesn't look up.

"I see you have had a hand in adding more golden eyed woolly minded vegetarians to our ranks." She drawls.

"Of course." He murmurs. "One vampire at a time, we're slowly taking over the world."

She shudders and rolls her eyes.

"Right." She releases her re-attached arm and flexes it carefully, hissing slightly with pain. Then she uses it to gently swat Carlisle's hands away from her leg. "Stop fussing Carlisle, you're like an old hen."

Laughing again he sits back on his haunches.

"Right." She repeats. "I came up here because I was worried about Edward. Carlisle told me he had left and I was concerned when he didn't come to find me as he usually would. I didn't find _him_ but I certainly found plenty of evidence of where he'd been. Carlisle, you might want to cover your ears for this bit.

It seems Edward has been indulging his true nature a little too freely for the liking of the local covens. There is no media coverage yet but the state police are all co-operating on a manhunt for a serial killer and I am afraid Edward is it.

This is what happens Carlisle, when you try to get vampires to deny their true nature."

Carlisle opens his mouth to argue but she glares at him.

"The locals are looking for him because they fear the intervention of The Volturi. I have negotiated that they will hand him over to me if they find him before I do. However, there is a complication. It seems there is a coven operating here with their own reasons for not wanting a visit from our Italian _Masters_. Somehow they have become aware of his mind reading ability and I don't think they are planning to pat him on the back and send him on his way when they find him.

Me they simply tried to kill. Edward, I believe, they would like to keep. Which is entirely unacceptable."

"How many?" Garrett interrupts.

"Eight. One, Daire, we already know."

"Shit." Carlisle and Garrett intone in unison.

"Quite." Maria growls, sitting up and swinging her legs over the side of the bed. "The ones who attacked me do not know who I am but Daire will recognise my scent. It is a good job Jasper refused to come, Daire would love him. Do you have a gift Bella?"

"She does." Garrett answers, surprising me.

"Then keep it hidden. Can she fight?"

"Yes I can." I respond, bristling slightly. Garrett snickers and pulls me tighter into his side.

"Don't worry about Bella." He drawls. "She's harder than she looks."

"Good." Maria looks me up and down speculatively. "Anyone who stumbles into my life needs to be able to fight for theirs."

Then she laughs. "Just like old times Carlisle. Thrown together in a conflict. I feel a little nostalgic."

The silence is tense to say the least, which seems to amuse her even more.

"So what's the plan?" Garrett asks finally.

My conscious mind pays attention to the discussions that follow, even making a contribution or two, while the rest of it tries to puzzle together everything I've learnt over the last couple of days. But despite the mass of material to work with I can't reach any conclusions beyond that everything is seriously fucked up and I was spectacularly naïve not to have imagined that the seven immortals I met in Forks wouldn't have more to their history than matriculating a lot.

And a nearly all consuming fascination with Maria. Who the hell is this woman?

Done planning how to find Edward before Daire does we split up, Garrett and Carlisle to load Maria's jeep, she and I to check the latest news reports and hack into the police database.

We work in silence, both aware that the men are taking far longer than they should, me casting covert glances at her. She really is beautiful, and sexy, she exudes it from her pores like a pheromone. About the fiftieth time she looks up and catches me.

"You may ask one question." She laughs.

"Why?"

"A good one, nice and vague. Unfortunately it's only likely to get you a vague answer. However I feel a little sorry for you so I will tell you. Edward is Carlisle's son. And I would do anything for Carlisle."

"But, then, why Edward?"

"That's two questions."

"Please?" It's worth a try.

"I am well over three thousand years old and I was a Goddess not a nun. I have loved many men and some have even loved me. I didn't realise Edward was Carlisle's son when I first met him."

"But when you did, why didn't you leave him alone?"

"I hate to disappoint you Bella but surviving to a great age does not necessarily confer great wisdom. If I knew the answer to _that_ we probably wouldn't be here."


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 13 Fit Up**

**BPOV**

Despite her years of 'non-wisdom' Maria's computer hacking skills are exemplary and she guides us easily to one of the most recent 'crime scenes'.

Sneaking past the lone State Trooper on guard is child's play and we slip silently inside the dilapidated shack hidden in the woods by the highway.

All the scents are a few days old but still recognisable to us.

First and foremost is the blood. Not only can we smell it but we can see all the microscopic splatters the police clean-up crew have missed. Bloodbath would be a good description.

'You okay?' Garrett mouths.

I nod, covering my nose nevertheless.

Two humans died here. A man and a woman at a guess, the blood doesn't smell massively different but there are certain death smells which differ a little.

The scent of sex is also in the air.

But not as strong as the scent of three vampires.

I don't recognise any of them.

"Edward was here." Carlisle sighs, pinching his nose and shaking his head.

"Yes." Maria muses. "But the humans were alive then."

Garrett nods seriously.

"And the other two scents came later." Maria continues. "I can't tell if it was before or after the deaths."

"How can you tell all that?" I ask with genuine interest.

"Practise my dear." Maria intones, turning in a circle and sniffing the air like a bloodhound.

"So he didn't drain them?" Carlisle asks hopefully.

"Oh Carlisle." Maria drawls. "Man up. I've already found three drained corpses buried in the woods with Edward's scent on their clothes and his teeth marks in their flesh. He was never destined to be a vegetarian like you, he hasn't the appropriate degree of stubbornness."

Carlisle deflates before my eyes.

"But he didn't kill these humans." She concedes.

"Daire's men?" Garrett asks, also indulging in some intense sniffing.

Maria nods. "I recognise one of the scents, Cory I think his name is."

"What now?" Garrett asks.

"Next location." Maria decides after a pause. "My interest is piqued."

"Shouldn't we be looking for Edward?" Carlisle asks.

"We'll get to that." Maria soothes, taking his arm and guiding him outside.

In silence we slink past the oblivious Trooper and head back to the jeep, setting off with Carlisle driving and Maria checking her laptop.

"Who is Daire?" I ask Garrett as we jostle together on the seatbeltless back seat.

"He's a Celt or a Pict, if you prefer." Maria answers without looking up. "Not that the distinction matters. They were all short, stocky, hairy men with a predilection for painting themselves blue and waving swords at people."

"We ran into him during our time with Maria investigating newborn armies. He was a bit of a pioneer on that front . . . ." Garrett explains.

"Pah!" Maria snorts and Garrett rolls his eyes.

"In the course of 'investigating' Maria perfected the art." Garrett drawls, brows knitting together in a frown.

"Jasper." I breathe.

"The Major was the perfect weapon of war." She shrugs, still tapping away on her laptop. "Next left Carlisle. And a very capable _lover_, very . . . ."

"Do you mind?" Carlisle snaps.

"Not if you don't." She responds playfully.

Garrett rolls his eyes again and I fight back a chuckle. I shouldn't find this funny. Any of it. But if I don't laugh I'll probably start keening and tearing my hair out.

"Stop!" She commands suddenly.

The jeep screeches to a halt and she leaps out darting toward a distant human scent. Hikers disappear on the Appalachian Trail every year.

Oh.

Carlisle clears his throat unnecessarily.

"She needs to heal." He mutters.

"Of course." I murmur.

Garrett throws his head back and laughs.

"Shut up." Carlisle growls.

"Thanks for stopping." She smirks, hopping lightly back into the passenger seat and flipping open her laptop as if nothing had happened.

"Maria . . . ."

"Lecture the wife Carlisle. This boat sailed a long time ago." She sighs.

And another tense silence.

"Take the logging road coming up on the right." Maria instructs. "That should bring us around the back of the next location."

Silence envelops us again and Garrett drops me a wink.

Again we pull up and sneak in on foot, no one standing guard this time, the ubiquitous blue and white police tape long since blown away in the wind.

"The police report stated that three mutilated bodies were found here. One of them, a female, was 'brutally' raped." Maria explains as she leads the way inside, sounding for the entire world like she's describing a road kill she sullied her car tyres with. "From the description of the injuries it sounds like over enthusiastic vampire."

I shudder. Surely Edward wouldn't do something like that or was this the outcome he was always so afraid of? By the look on Carlisle's face he obviously thinking the same thing.

While he and I regard each other uncomfortably Garrett and Maria move around the dirty rooms sniffing the air and sifting through the detritus left behind by the last occupants and the boys in blue. Once again everything is covered in a human invisible miasma of blood and gore.

"There was another human here." Garrett decides eventually. "A female, before the murders."

"Agreed." Maria nods. "With Edward. He had sex with her, drained her and must have taken her body with him. Cory and the other one were here afterwards. They brought the three bloodbags here and killed them. As messily as possible."

"Edward's been careless by our standards but it seems like Daire's men are making a point of following him around and maxing out the crime scenes." Garrett continues.

"Why would they do that?" I ask.

"Leverage." Maria answers, smiling at me briefly. "Vampires aren't exactly easy to catch and keep against their will, at least not until you've starved most of the life out them. So you need leverage, a way to make them stay with you."

My mouth opens and closes but the unformed questions won't come out in words.

"Exactly." She grins. "I kept Jasper with me by becoming his lover. He might have been the canine cojones when it came to vampire wars but he was entirely innocent in matters of the heart. Others I kept through fear, a belief that I favoured them or, to be honest, any other form of coercion that worked."

"Even limb removal." Carlisle mutters with disapproval.

"I did say, any form of coercion that _worked_, Carlisle." She snaps. "My point is. One possible way of harnessing Edward's power for your own would be to make him believe that you've saved him from a fate worse than death."

"Servitude with, or execution by, The Volturi." Garrett explains when my mouth performs another open and close.

"To engineer a situation where the one you want serves you willingly out of a sense of gratitude." She expands.

"Was that a method you ever used?" I can't stop myself from asking.

"Oh yes." She laughs. "I used it quite effectively on Daire until the truth came out."

"I'm guessing he's not a fan of yours then?" My disobedient mouth asks.

"Nope." Her ruby red eyes are twinkling with amusement. "Although technically you can blame Carlisle for that, he's the one who let the cat out of the bag, so to speak."

"Daire believed Maria was protecting him from The Volturi also." Carlisle explains. "And I didn't tell him anything."

"Not exactly." Garrett whispers to me, a smirk appearing on his face.

Now Carlisle and Maria are facing each other, seemingly oblivious to our presence.

"What you did was wrong!" Carlisle howls.

"I had a _job _to do." She retorts, bristling with indignation. "Daire got the idea of newborn armies from somewhere and I needed to know _where_. Would you rather I _tortured_ him?"

"No! You could have just asked him."

"Brilliant, why didn't I think of that? What would have happened if he'd refused to tell me, or _worse_, told the person I was after what was going on?"

"He might have helped us if you'd just EXPLAINED! Why can't you ever just be honest?"

"I would have had to kill him if he wasn't on our side, why can't you ever think things through . . . ."

Garrett takes my elbow and steers me outside.

'Lovers spat.' He mouths, closing the door behind us softly.

With vampire hearing their disagreement doesn't exactly fade as we walk back to the jeep, it just becomes easier to ignore.

"Did he just call her the 'C' word?" I gasp.

"Oh this is nothing." He chuckles. "Maria had an effect on him whether he likes to admit or not."

"I think I need a lie down." I mumble. Too much soap opera. Way too much.

"Really?" He waggles his eyebrows at me. "I was just thinking the same thing."

"Can't you get your mind out of your pants?" I drawl, successfully distracted from the 'domestic' going on behind us, arms winding around his waist.

"No." He purrs, lips fastening on my neck. "Especially not if I'm operating under a time limit."

"Time limit?" I croak.

"Time." Nibble. "To end." Lick. "Of argument." Mutual groan. "Five minutes, thirty six seconds . . . ."

"A quickie?" I moan.

"I prefer." Blouse leaves shoulders, jeans descend to ankles. "To think of it." His own jeans follow suit. "As a thorough, _fuck,_ no panties. And professional." Searing kiss. "Servicing . . . ."

…..

When Carlisle and Maria join us, sour faced, we are sitting demurely in the back seat of the jeep.

"What now?" Garrett asks.

"We find Edward before Daire does." Maria answers, opening her laptop. "Otherwise we've no choice but to fight for him."

Instinctively my hand curls tighter around Garrett's.

"How the hell do we do that?" I ask.

"Guesswork." She mutters, concentrating. "It's been a week since his last meal. He's probably hunting. And the only place it's realistically safe for him to do that around here is Bangor. So we go there and we find him."

"What if he's hunting animals, wouldn't he still be around here somewhere?"

Under the circumstances Maria shoots Carlisle the look he probably deserves and with a sigh he turns the jeep south, to Bangor.

"How do we find him?" I ask when we arrive several hours later.

"Edward likes to hunt in bars." Maria chuckles. "Sleazy bars, with sleazy clientele. This is as _cheap_ as Bangor gets, so let's split up and start sniffing."

"Bella and I won't be splitting up." Garrett growls, clamping me to his side by way of demonstration.

"Of course not." She drawls, flicking Carlisle a look I can't decipher. "I'll go south. Daddy can go north, you guys cover the sides."

We've done three bars, for which sleazy is an aspiration, when the call comes in from Maria.

"Found his trail. It's fresh. No sign of Daire or his men."

She gives us her location and we hurry over there as fast we can without attracting attention.

"Where's Carlisle?" Garrett demands.

"On his way. Edward's in that motel over there."

"There are other vampires here." He growls.

"Daire's men I think. Five of them. Not him."

"Missed something?" He enquires with a raised eyebrow.

"No one is infallible." She huffs. "There are two on the roof . . . ."

I follow their tactical discussion in silence, ears straining to make sense of the sounds filtering out of the building. These days I'm no stranger to the sound of humans having sex, it carries, but the knowledge that Edward's in there somewhere makes the whole concept very uncomfortable.

Carlisle joins us, Maria updating him rapidly. He doesn't look much like a father and a doctor right now, he looks like Jasper when he's pissed, cold and hard. Dangerous. Idly I wonder how many personalities he's actually acquired in the centuries of his life.

Focus. Garrett's training is always about focus. I glance at him and he smiles reassuringly, as if he can read my thoughts.

The plan is simple. Garrett and I will take out the two on the roof. Maria will use the front door, Carlisle the back. Edward's room will be easy to find by his scent. The three vampires apparently inside will be dealt with as and when we encounter them, rash Garrett called it, _expedient_ was Maria's riposte.

"We will wait until you gain the roof." She instructs, shooing us away.

Chuckling Garrett takes my hand and together we flit down the alley behind us, scaling the adjacent building and setting our sights on the motel roof.

"Ready?" He whispers.

"Roof hopping one-oh-one." I answer, sizing the power of my leap easily.

"Go!"

Dropping my hand he launches himself across the gap and I follow him easily. But while **h**e lands directly on his surprised target I miss mine by just enough to set up a brief but violent struggle. With an unladylike grunt I eventually manage to tear his head from his shoulders. Conflicted is how he describes my fighting style, too soft to want to kill an opponent, too bloody minded to lose.

"_Finally!_"

I flip him the finger, taking his offered hand, knowing he'll talk me down from my issues later.

Silently we break into the stairwell and make our way down, meeting Carlisle and Maria in the third floor hallway.

Maria gestures at the door, three twelve, from which the sounds of pleasure are emanating, and with a satisfied smirk Garrett kicks it in.

**A/N Daire is pronounced 'DY-reh'.**


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 14 Rude Awakening**

**EPOV**

Absorbed I carefully peel the clothes from the girl's body. Sniffing, kissing and tasting unhurriedly all over her. She's sweetly fragranced, a cross between vanilla and caramel, with a slightly lemony tang to the taste of her skin.

Blocking out the moral implications of what I'm doing I've become quite adept at. Blocking out her thoughts is nigh on impossible. At the moment she's triumphant to have pulled the best looking guy in the bar and pleasantly bemused by my seducing skills. Despite her burgeoning drug habit this isn't normally something she'd do with a guy she's only just met. Not yet anyway. I can see she's come close a few times and that she views me as worth letting one of her final standards slip.

If only that were true.

Fallen, pushed, slid down the path of least resistance, strength to resist used up?

In the end is how you fell any kind of mitigating factor or do you get judged on the fact you did?

Carlisle the compassionate pragmatist would say yes. Edward the Edwardian stiff would say no, you know better, you do better. Funny how I've developed the ability to apply that judgement to my victims but not to myself. Amazing how I can tell myself that I'll get it together and return to the straight and narrow while its okay for this girl to become my next meal because I think she probably won't.

At the start of my rebellious period I picked those whose guilt I could read in their minds. Over my time with Maria I became less circumspect, my criteria more fluid. But still afterwards I was able to rationalise that I was selective, that I didn't kill the innocent and justifiably too, to a degree. But now?

Beneath me the girl, Shona, moans in pleasure as I rock gently into her. Her long chestnut hair flung out over the motel's stingy pillow.

I haven't lost my ability to reason, sadly. I am perfectly well aware that she could change the course of her life, go on to add to society, yet still I am going to fuck her and drain her. Because she looks like _them_ and because she was in the wrong place, at the wrong time, and hanging with the wrong crowd.

I am a monster. The worst kind. The kind who knows better. And can do better. But doesn't.

At human speed I turn us over so that she is riding me.

Bella's inability to deal with my past was a hammer blow. I loved, love, her with all my heart. Losing her was almost more than I could bear. Despite her rejection I resolved to carry on with my life, knowing she was alive and living out her human existence. I checked. And I convinced myself that if I could just live well enough, try hard enough, somehow everything would work out alright. I was fuzzy, if I am honest, on what _alright_ looked like. Sometimes it looked like Bella, sometimes like Maria, sometimes just an amalgamation of the parental ideals of me. Even with my considerable mental powers for a long time _alright_ was an ill-defined hope. But it kept me going on the straight and narrow.

"Suck me." I order hoarsely.

Willingly she obliges, lifting herself slowly off my throbbing erection and sliding down my body to take it in her hot, wet mouth. I grunt, the change in sensation pleases me. I blame Maria for the sometimes overwhelming urge to fuck my dinner. And myself of course.

I think I've always existed in a little bubble of denial. Until I met Maria it was opaque, impossible to see through, she rubbed a clear patch and I didn't like what I saw. If I'd had breath I'd have huffed on it repeatedly to fog it back up again like a bathroom mirror, but I couldn't, so I turned my back on it. Then I met Bella and the little window on reality was frosted over because she represented everything I needed, she fed my denial. If I could have kept her human I would have but in the end even I was forced to admit that my vision for myself would have to be adapted to reality, I or someone else, would have to turn her. That was a big step for me.

And then I lost her.

I'd like to have someone to blame. I'd like to blame Maria for refusing to stay out of my life. And a part of me does. She knew I could never be with her, no matter how much a large part of me wanted too, I just couldn't. Yet she wouldn't let me go. Why I don't know. Would I feel differently about her if I knew she cared for me, loved me? Could I forgive her her sins?

With a sigh I stop thinking for a moment to bask in the purely physical sensation of Shona's hot throat enveloping my cock.

But even that reminds me of Maria, no one has ever made me feel _physically_ the way she did. She owns my body if not my soul. Of course all my other lovers have been human and perhaps therein lies the difference. I am convinced vampire Bella would have been another matter, not that the Edwardian part of me who would have taken her for his mate would have dreamed of asking her to take me in her mouth. If I was lucky maybe one day she would have offered.

I stifle a bitter laugh. I really am fucked up. If she did she would surely have slipped down my moral ranking. A _lady_ from my time would never do such a thing.

And it was just such a line of thought that led me to eventually give up on trying to achieve my _alright_ outcome by clean living. I am never going to be happy because I'm incapable of it. I can't compromise, I can't walk the grey line between absolute right and wrong. All I can do is lurch painfully from one side to the other.

And so I finally reasoned that if I was going to be miserable I might as well be miserable on the wrong side of the line for a while. At least then there were some pleasures I could have to pierce the monotony. I could drink human blood, which is so much better than animal, and I could have sex.

Quite how I traded that into having sex and then killing my partner I am not yet ready to try and understand. I really don't think I want to know.

The building pleasure claims my attention and I lift her up easily, kissing her roughly with no concern for any venom she may ingest or wound I might inflict, turning us over again so that I can plunge into her as hard as I dare. Not that I'm bothered about killing her, I have every intention of doing so, I've just found with broader experience that the blood is more satisfying if it's still being pumped through their veins and there is nothing more frustrating than having your bed mate die before you orgasm.

I order my mind quiet, turning it over to my body and purely physical sensation. The only time I don't keenly feel my predicament.

In and out, slow and fast, teasing and driving her wild, desperately reaching for the blissful sensation when her tight hot flesh spasms around me as she cums. I _want _that feeling.

My finger is strafing her clit almost roughly as she starts to tense beneath me, my own balls tightening in response, currents of electricity shooting over my skin. Oh _yes_!

The door flying open and rebounding off the wall with a mighty crack sends me into a tailspin of physical sensation that doesn't stop me pinging off the bed and hurtling toward the window, my only means of escape.

An intent and unfriendly looking vampire is poised in the doorway, prepared to leap at me, his thoughts all about how he's going to prevent my departure.

He must be one of _them_, even if he is much better dressed, I've barely registered his gold eyes before I'm flexing my muscles to push backward through the glass leaving Shona to an entirely different fate. So little time has elapsed she's still hitching in the breath to scream.

"Edward stop!" A familiar voice commands.

"Carlisle!" I gasp in horror as he strides through the door, patting the blonde's shoulder as he passes.

My faculties are coming back on line. I can smell Maria and a vampire I don't know in the hallway.

Shona's emerging scream is cut short as Maria darts in and covers her mouth with her hand.

"Hello Edward." She purrs, winking at me.

Speechless I grab the comforter, wrapping it around my hips and rapidly fading erection.

The blonde stifles his laughter murmuring. "You can come in now sweetheart. Lover boy's decent."

Their thoughts are all crashing in on me, one big jumble of noise, which in this shocking scenario I'm unable to process. And then to complete the nightmare a vision strolls through the door closing it quietly behind her and looking everywhere but at me.

"Bella?"

"Edward." She mumbles, stopping beside the blonde and taking his hand.

"What?" Words fail me but that doesn't stop me trying to speak. "How?"

"Get dressed Edward." Carlisle hisses. "We don't have much time. You were being watched. We need to leave before they realise anyone is missing."

"What are you talking . . . ."

"Get dressed _little_ boy." The blonde growls. "We don't have time for explanations."

"What about the human . . . ." I ask as I struggle into my clothes.

"Maria, could we . . . ." Carlisle turns his attention to the bed and falls silent.

Maria is holding Shona's limp body in her arms, I didn't even hear the snap of her slender neck.

"Oops." She giggles. "They're so fragile aren't they. You can carry the body Edward."

Abruptly she drops the corpse on the bed.

"Use your gift lover." She orders. "There are others of our kind here looking for you."

For a moment the void of Bella's thoughts distracts me and then suddenly I can focus, pushing my questions, embarrassment and horror to the back of my mind.

"There are two approaching from across the street and two others coming in the back, one of each are to proceed up to the roof using the stairs at either end of the building." I pinch my nose unconsciously, sifting through the minds around us. "There are at least two more outside but I can't get a grip on their thoughts. I think I recognise one though a local coven leader, Daire."

"Shit!" Maria howls. "We have to get up onto the roof now, otherwise we'll have to fight our way out which will attract far too much attention."

Bella and her blonde companion immediately exit into the hall, his thoughts once again completely tactical.

Maria unceremoniously throws Shona's body at me and together with Carlisle we hustle out after them.

Carlisle's clear memories of Daire, a vampire I've only met once, are disturbing but now is not the time to voice my questions. I am easily picking up his concerns about Daire's intentions and it's more than enough to spur me on to mutely follow Carlisle and Maria's lead and resolve to obey their instructions.

In death Shona's blood no longer holds any attraction and I carry her weight negligently as we fly up the north stairwell.

The blonde, whose name I have plucked from Carlisle's thoughts is already jumping to another roof with Bella hot on his heels, the rest of us following without delay as we hear heavy footfalls coming up the stairs behind us.

After leaping from roof to roof for six blocks we pause, Carlisle, Garrett and Maria looking at me expectantly, Bella still avoiding my eye.

The news isn't good.

"They're coming." I explain. "More than I thought, about another four are shadowing us at ground level. They plan to capture as well as kill."

I regret having to speak such bleak words in Bella's presence and I can't bring myself to elaborate but the thoughts of Garrett and my father show no surprise. Clearly we are being hunted. Because of me and my actions. Natural justice again.

Garrett's thoughts are a blur as he sifts through the options, eyes trained on Maria.

"North is the quickest way out of town." Garrett offers. "Too obvious?"

"We're short on options." Maria sighs. "I don't know how far they are willing to go for Edward's gift but we can't risk the human populace becoming aware of anything. We'll go north."

To my surprise Carlisle and Garrett merely nod, accepting her leadership, and in an instant we're off and jumping again.

In no time at all we realise our mistake.

There are yet more vampires waiting for us at the edge of town, some of whose thoughts and scents I recognise from my time in New England. Most of them only aware that I am the one who has been on a killing spree in their territory and brought about the potential wrath of The Volturi.

As we descend from the rooftops and cross the train yard I realise, too late, that we've been herded into a silent and deserted fuel depot.

Trapped.


	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 15 Uncomfortably Numb**

**BPOV**

That night is seared into my memory forever and I relive it every day.

The shock and discomfort I felt at finding Edward in flagrante delicto with a human eternally banished by the horror of what happened afterwards.

Edward's warning of the trap was entirely too late. Entirely too late for all of us.

The worst? I don't think I can pick a worst. The worst thing is that none of the rest of us will ever truly know what it was all about, what Daire was trying to achieve. Like some random accident. There will never be an explanation.

The furious posse of vampires descended on us rapidly and it was Maria who fired her zippo, like a bullet, into the nearest tower of barrels, ordering us all to scatter and duck.

Garrett threw me to the ground and covered me with his body as the flame and hot gasses exploded over us and even though I knew that venom only ignites from an open wound I was still absolutely terrified, lying there with my eyes screwed tightly shut. The heat was enough to set the venom in my veins bubbling merrily and to burn away our clothes. As we waited for the fireball to retreat I could hear the screams of several vampires who didn't close their own eyes in time. And as viscerally horrific as that was it was nothing compared to . . . .

A grisly scene awaited my finally opened eyes. Vampires burning from the inside out, venom like cordite in their bodies, screams so terrible they vibrated in your body.

And others, unscathed like us, all semblance of civilisation stripped away by the coruscating flames.

When you're a newborn you run on almost animalistic instincts. It's the same when you think your undead life is in danger.

An odd little band of soap opera 'brothers' we leapt to our feet and prepared to fight for our lives.

Except we never got a chance to prepare, the survivors were on us instantly.

I acquitted myself well. Garrett was a good teacher. At least initially I did. But their numbers were overwhelming.

The feeling of being in battle. Just how he always described it. Mechanical. Calculating. Reactive. Terrifying. Instinctive. Despite my rather colorful past I can never remember being more alive or more afraid of death.

It wasn't long before I was injured, my howl of pain drawing Garrett away from his own battle, with a roar of frustration he did the only thing he could. Kicking me away from the main fracas and returning to his opponents.

I landed hard, pointless breath knocked from my body, the brief flight all I need to regain my strength. But it wasn't a time to marvel at a vampire's amazing powers of recovery.

On my feet again I returned to the fray, ripping an attacker from Garrett's back and sending him spinning into the conflagration where he locked in a death embrace with another Maria had flung over her head into the flames.

Gasoline is running everywhere as more and more barrels are ripped open by the fight and tossed haphazardly around the yard.

Most of our attackers lacked skill but the few that did more than made up for it. Slowly but surely we were being ground down. Several times I caught the looks of anguish in my companion's eyes. They flash up unexpectedly in my memory with no provocation, driving the breath from my body and leaving me doubled over in pain. Like now.

Gasping I force myself to lay flat, hands digging into the earth beneath me.

Carlisle was the first to die. Pushed into the roaring fire by a phalanx of attackers. His wounds just enough for the venom inside him to explode outwards, shredding him from within. He didn't even have time to scream, the destruction was so absolute.

The concussion knocked me flying about fifty feet.

But I still saw everything.

Edward's scream of pain. Drowned out by Maria's as she raced toward Carlisle's pyre.

Garrett threw me a look, checking I was okay, before streaking after her, past Edward's frozen form.

That's my clearest memory.

Edward's hunched back. Garrett's fluid run. Maria's leap toward the raging fire.

Outlined with a metaphorical black marker against the yellow, red, orange and purple flames.

The unexpected explosion of the underground fuel tanks rocked the world around us. Deafening to vampire hearing. Deadly to all trapped within it.

Maria and Garrett, caught within its fiery embrace. Edward was blasted over my head like a pellet from a BB gun.

That blast flashed over me, licking at my own wounds, heating my venom to an agonising reminder of the change.

And then the air was sucked back into the mushroom of fire with a mighty whoosh.

Silence.

Oh there was sound. I just couldn't hear it.

There were sights. I just couldn't process them.

It felt like forever but I doubt it was even seconds.

A burning lake of gasoline was advancing toward me, a very thin line of pissed off smouldering vampires following it.

I couldn't move. Couldn't find a reason to.

Abruptly two arms hooked under my armpits, pulling me backwards at speed while a familiar figure leapt over me, deep bass snarl almost drowning out the roar of the flames.

I didn't see most of what happened next. Merely heard the resounding crash of stone bodies coming together, the metallic screech of limbs being sundered, the immortal screams of the dying. The smell of burning vampire stung my nostrils. Cool hands gently stroked my face and a soothing voice spoke my name. It was nothing more than a slightly distracting backdrop to the nightmare around me. In me.

…..

We ran.

Alice, Jasper and I.

Heading south.

At some point he gave me his shirt. It came down to my knees.

At some point Edward caught us up.

At some point I gave up hoping that anyone else I cared about would.

…..

Eventually we stopped, Edward and Alice collapsing on each other as they mourned their father.

Jasper hovering uncertainly.

Me staring at the stars.

Then we ran on.

…..

After three days we reached the Cullen's new place.

Sobbing, Edward and Alice broke the news.

He, Alice, Esme and Rosalie huddled together in a tight ball. Emmett patting ineffectually at Rosalie's shoulder. Jasper and I, the outsiders, standing back and watching impassively.

Eventually I took myself upstairs for a shower.

…..

It's been three weeks now.

Three long, painful, weeks.

Esme, Rosalie, Edward and a large part of Alice are still blubbering wrecks.

Defeated and unable to offer solace Emmett has taken up tree felling and bear baiting to occupy his time.

Jasper and I have been looking after them all but it's a real strain for him, he feels their pain and it's giving him the vampire equivalent of a migraine. And a wickedly short fuse.

Hence my current position flung in the dirt somewhere north of the house.

I resolved very early on not to reveal what I knew. Carlisle and Maria are both dead. What would it achieve? I realise that's a bit rich for a girl who was always complaining that no one would ever tell her the truth but I am older and wiser now.

The final straw today was breaking up yet another fledgling fight between Edward and Jasper. Another fight about Maria. The desire to scream 'You can fucking stop arguing about who knew her better. Because it sure as hell wasn't either of you!' was almost overpowering.

I counted to ten. I counted to a hundred. Then I ran away.

I'm not sure what I am to them. They fight, I break it up. They need something, I get it. My business training with G-ga . . . . well anyway, it's paid off in spades, Carlisle's affairs are already sorted. They're hungry, then either Jasper or I will take them hunting. They want a hug, no fucking chance. They want to talk about what happened. Absolutely, _no_ fucking chance.

I sigh, ceasing my assault on the earth.

Esme is distraught. That I understand. Ditto Rosalie and Emmett.

I guess the pain isn't quite so bad for Alice, he wasn't her sire. She saw his death, persuaded Jasper to come with her to try to prevent it. And failed. That's still got to hurt.

Edward's guilt is consuming him. Like a flesh eating virus, from the inside out. Yet no one blames him, not completely anyway. He's barely spoken to me, our only conversations, about Cullen wants and needs.

Feeling overlooked much?

The truth is, everything in the world of Cullen has gone to shit, even Rosalie whom I always considered to be hard as nails, and the only thing holding it together at the moment is little old me.

Too much pressure for the misfit from Phoenix.

And besides. I have things I need to attend to. G-g . . . . He was a billionaire. Yet somehow everyone in his enormous business web was an individual, known and cared for, albeit anonymously. I owe it to him to keep that up and occasionally checking our email is just not cutting it. The compulsion to do it properly, the way he would, is overwhelming and if I could still sleep I know it would wake me up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night.

I don't belong here.

Just this morning, before Jasper and Edward kicked off, Rosalie made an offhand comment about how this was so much easier for me.

For a moment I considered ripping her head off. Then I thought better of it.

This isn't easy for me at all.

The pain would cripple me if I'd let it.

Either that or have me challenging Jasper to a duel to the death. An idea that hasn't occurred to Edward yet thank god.

I've discovered an additional use for the super multi-tasking vampire brain. Somehow I'm able to think around my anguish, tamp it down, monitor it for signs of explosion. Like Homer Simpson at his console in the nuclear plant.

Jasper has accused me of chronic avoidance but that's not true. I'm avoiding nothing.

When it gets out, and it does, it's like a million tiny needles piercing my skin at once. It takes every cell in my body to keep me still and hold it in. Cold, black, flames, roiling in the empty spaces inside me. Feeding on my regrets.

What good would I be to the others or myself if I let that out?

And strangely, I don't want to share it. My loss, my pain, it's none of the Cullen's business. I don't _want_ to share it with them, I hoard it selfishly. It's mine and mine alone. The only thing between us that is.

I've ruthlessly rebuffed all questions about Garrett, Jasper is the only one I have spoken to about him. He has my permission to tell them, if they ask, after I'm gone.

Gone. I need to be gone. I need to go home. Only then . . . .

Heavy boots approaching spare me the need to follow that thought through.

"Sorry." Jasper mutters, thudding to the ground cross legged beside me.

Absently I reach out to pat his jean clad knee.

"She's dead Jay. She's been dead to you a long time. Don't let Edward wind you up."

"I know." He sighs. "It's just that he's so fuckin' . . . . Ah, sorry."

The empathic stuff is actually quite useful. Don't want to talk about it? Message received loud and clear.

I pat his knee again, this time in gratitude.

After a while he stretches out next to me and we watch the dismal grey clouds scud across the sky.

"Where's Alice?" I ask when I've finally got my matriarchal head back in place.

"Online shopping. It's a good distraction." He laughs suddenly. "I hope you like purple."

"Humph. Edward?"

"Esme and Rose are councilin' him for his _issues_." He snorts.

"Ungh." Is all I can manage. I've become as accomplished at dodging Edward's issues as I have my own.

We fall into companionable silence for a while.

"Are you okay?" He asks eventually.

"Yes."

"Liar."

"What do you want me to say Jay?" I sigh. "The man I love is gone and nothing is going to bring him back. I have to deal with that for more than the metaphorical forever. The future's dark. The future's empty."


	17. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 16 Attempted Reckoning**

**BPOV**

A few days later I am lounging in the bough of a good tree reading one of Jasper's books when Edward appears below me.

With a sigh I close it and look down at his upturned face.

"Can we talk?" He asks.

Great. I huffed and puffed that he hadn't shown any interest in me and now he is I'd give anything to dodge this conversation.

His face is an appropriate mix of seriousness and pleading.

"Okay."

Immediately he zips up into the branches, perching opposite me like a constipated monkey.

"I'm sorry."

"What for, Edward?"

"My actions, they've hurt so many people. We've lost so much, your friend . . . ."

"It was our choice to come and help you Edward. We could have said no." Should have said no.

"You're a vampire." He responds, pursuing his own line of thought.

Well, duh.

"I mean, how?"

"I was attacked." Telling him about Victoria right now is probably not a good idea, he's already at sea on the good ship guilt. "Garrett saved me, turned me."

"Why didn't you . . . ."

I raise my eyebrow.

"Of course." He pinches the bridge of his nose, a gesture I recognise with a pang. "You're still mad at me."

Let him believe what he likes, I haven't the energy to explain.

"You must hate me."

Cocking my head I give that idea consideration. No. It's a shame, hating and blaming him would probably distract me, help me cope with everything. But it's not happening. Unfortunately I even feel a little sorry for him. I know things he doesn't. She didn't lie to him as such, more errors of omission. _His_ only real crime until that night he left me and went to her.

I'd love to pay him back by telling him the woman he ruined our happiness for was nothing like he imagined but I'm not sure I have the words to explain Maria as I briefly knew her. If he really loved her, knowing how much he and his father hurt her would probably finish him off.

Or finish me off if he were incapable of understanding. Oddly I feel a little protective of her memory. Undoubtedly she wasn't the nicest person in the world. But there was clearly much more to her than her most recent exploits. And three thousand years on her own, jesus, no wonder she was cranky. Will that be my fate now that Garrett is gone? Cynical, difficult, prone to vicious outbursts and with a total disregard for anyone else's feelings? I certainly feel a definite lean that way at the moment.

Oh, right.

Inward sigh.

"I don't hate you Edward."

"Really?" He asks dubiously.

"You're not exactly my favourite person, haven't been for a while, but hate is a strong emotion I don't think I can muster."

He's silent for a moment, I imagine processing both what I have and haven't said.

"Bella, we really need to talk about what . . . ."

"No!" Surprised at the vehemence of my reaction I throttle back the volume on my voice. "Edward, I don't want to talk about it."

"It isn't healthy to bottle things up inside . . . ."

"No shit." I drawl, tempted to point out what a hypocrite he is but once again managing to keep most of my reaction hidden.

Silence.

The poor monkey just got a bit more constipated.

"Bella, I wish . . . ."

If wishes were horses, beggars would ride. When you wish upon a star . . . . He who wishes to be rich in a day will be hanged in a year. Wishes don't wash dishes.

Oh, right.

"You're not listening to me are you?" He asks with an annoyingly sympathetic look on his face.

"No. Sorry."

He sighs heavily.

"Edward I'm really sorry but I'm not in a good place right now. You can talk to me about anything you like except your issues, my issues, what happened and the past."

"How can I apologise if I can't explain?" He objects quietly.

"Edward." I sigh, inadvertently pinching the bridge of my own nose, it really works by the way. "I hate to burst your little bubble but the world does not revolve around you and why you did what you did, or how sorry you are for it. It doesn't change anything and I'm just not interested."

Silence. I can almost see the cogs turning in his head.

Go away. I plead silently.

"I'll see you later." He sighs eventually.

I nod and watch him as he flips down from the tree and flits away into the woods.

Then I shake my head and return to my book, seriously considering going home. I can't deal with this, us, not after what happened. And for now I genuinely don't care about it either.

Still. He's gone and left me in peace.

The word procrastination pops briefly into my mind and then sidles out again as I tune into the civil war saga Jasper has lent me. The idealistic lead character reminds me of Garrett and inadvertently he becomes the character's face in my mind.

Crap. Here come the million tiny needles.

…..

Life moves on, slowly.

The Cullens have decided to move and I can understand why, fresh start, new memories that don't all have Carlisle's ghost hovering in the background. It must be terrible for Esme, his scent clings to everything in the house, despite the four marathon cleaning sessions we've undertaken. She won't let his clothes go though so no matter how hard we scrub his essence returns. And every few days one of us will find her curled up in the passenger seat of Carlisle's Mercedes, gently stroking the leather of his seat.

Other than moving no one seems to be making any decisions, we're all in a kind of shocked limbo. Alice says she isn't seeing much, snippets of the new house, everyone back at school, going through the motions.

The decision she's looking for is whether or not I'll stay with them, and although I'm dead set on leaving as soon as they've settled into their new place, she says it's still not clear. I can't be bothered to try and work out what that means and I'm desperately avoiding asking her any questions about it.

Esme has already asked me to stay. As have Alice and Emmett. And during an awkward conversation in which Rosalie thanked me for saving her brother for a second time she indicated that my continued presence would not be unwelcome. Which was nice.

Jasper thinks I should do whatever I want, pointing out quite reasonably that if I ever change my mind there will always be a place for me with the Cullens, and that I shouldn't feel pressured into making a decision now.

Edward, whose eyes are slowly turning gold again, carefully informed me that he would like me to stay but would understand if I didn't want to.

I smile and nod, murmuring the appropriate thanks at the end of every offer and then politely informing them that I have things of my own to attend to. Turning away quickly each time so I don't have to see the concern, hurt and lack of understanding in their eyes.

Every day my need to go home gets stronger, tugging at me like a lode stone.

I don't belong here. I belong with Garrett.

…..

Finally the last box is unpacked and folded away in the garage.

The desire to escape is now thrumming through me like electricity through a cable.

"For fuck's sake Bella, calm down." Jasper laughs as I practically hop from foot to foot. "You've lasted three months, another ten minutes till the girls get back from the store isn't goin' to kill you."

I roll my eyes and continue my agitated semi dance. I could be miles closer to home by now.

"Thank you." He says, suddenly serious.

I blink at him stupidly.

"For stayin', for helpin' me take care of the others. For preservin' my sanity. For not lettin' me kill Edward."

"It's nothing." I giggle as he sweeps me up into a big hug, swinging me around like the proverbial cat.

"Aha!" Alice shrieks appearing in the doorway. "I always knew you preferred blondes!"

Instead of putting me down Jasper beckons Alice over and envelops her in the hug too.

"That's true." I admit. "But I like one I can get my arms around, yours is too big."

"You can never have too much Whitlock." Jasper growls, fitting us easily into headlocks under his arms.

"I'm really going to miss you." Alice says sadly as we regard each other across the broad expanse of his chest.

"I won't be gone long." I murmur. "Esme's already told me you're coming for Christmas."

"Damn straight." She responds. "I've already picked out the color scheme for the decorations."

"Oh hell. Christmas already?" Jasper groans, dropping us both abruptly. "Alice, _baby_, it's only June."

Her tinkling laugh fills the garage as Jasper drops a goodbye kiss on the top of my head and saunters into the house.

"So you're really going?"

"I have to."

"I suppose I understand. I wish you wouldn't though, I hate to think of you . . . ."

The look on my face stops her and with a sigh she winds her tiny arms around me. For a brief moment I allow myself to relax and then I pull back as Edward appears.

"I love you." Alice growls softly. "You will always be my sister."

I nod, unable to speak and watch as she darts after her husband.

"So you're really going?" Edward asks when we're alone.

Another mute nod.

We stare at each other in silence. I'm not an idiot. I know there are things we still need to say to each other but not now. Now I just need to leave.

"Thank you." He says eventually, the words heavy with all the things I won't let him say.

I stare at him helplessly. Knowing I should say something but completely unable to.

Slowly he walks forward, wrapping his arms around me briefly and dropping a chaste kiss on the top of my head before stepping back to a respectable distance.

"I'm so sorry." He whispers.

I shake my head, choked with the sensation of tears that won't come.

"Edward!" Jasper hollers. "Need some help in here!"

My saviour, the empath. With a regretful smile Edward disappears into the house.

Hefting my rucksack I walk out into the overgrown driveway. Esme wanted a big project for obvious reasons.

Rosalie and Emmett are waiting.

"Thank you." She murmurs as she hugs me tight.

I nod as Emmett grabs me and buries his nose in my hair.

"Please don't go."

"I have to."

"You'll be there? When we come for Christmas?" He asks.

"I promise."

"Okay." Reluctantly he releases me and grips onto Rosalie instead.

With a rueful smile she leads him away.

In take a deep breath, turning as Esme comes up behind me.

"So you're really going?" She asks softly and I bite back an inappropriate laugh.

"I have things I need to do."

"Are you sure?" She asks sadly. "I can't believe there's nothing that can't wait, at least a little while."

"We had a life Esme." I almost growl. "Responsibilities."

"Yes, yes, of course. I'm not implying you didn't. But when your affairs are in order? Bella, I always thought of you as part of our family, I hate the idea of you being alone."

Alone. The word and the worry on her face pierce me through the heart. I am alone and alone because Garrett is gone. I can feel the cold black flames licking lustily at my insides, trying to turn them to genuine stone, harden me to immobility like I've looked into Medusa's face.

"I have to go Esme." My voice is almost pleading. I have to get away from here so I can grieve in private, I don't want an audience to my pain, can't bear the idea.

With a sad smile she steps forward and gives me a hug that makes my ribs groan.

"You will stay in touch?" She whispers into my hair.

"I will." My voice cracks a bit. "I promise."

With a last bone creaking squeeze she releases me and I sling my backpack over my shoulder and hurry for the trees before anything can happen to make me stay.


	18. Chapter 18

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 17 Pain**

**BPOV**

Home draws me and somehow I manage to only think about putting one foot in front of the other. The physical pain lessening with each mile. Something else, almost welcome, building instead.

As I approach our mountain my pace slows automatically. Senses picking out things a human would never be aware of.

Our scents are still strong, telling other vampires that this territory is taken. A sigh of relief escapes me. Garrett was always insistent that we mark our patch effectively and regularly.

Slowly I circle the area, brushing lightly up against trees and rocks, marking as much as possible before I make my way up to the house.

Paused on the edge of the yard I survey it critically. Everything is just as we left it but now burnished with spring turning to summer. It really is _beautiful_ and instinctively I smile as I climb the porch steps and let myself in.

The smile dies on my face.

I hadn't realised until I opened the door how much an infantile part of me expected Garrett to be here, wearing his 'where the hell have you been' concerned expression.

The lack of it blows me away and I sink to my knees, keening, in the entryway.

I knew this was coming. Welcomed it. But the force of the pain is more than I bargained for. It crushes me.

Without even the strength to stand, I crawl and drag myself through the house and up the wide stairs to our room.

Sobbing and heaving I bury my head in our bedclothes, inhaling the scent of him. Us.

"I'm sorry. So fucking sorry sweetheart. I wasted so much time. I love you . . . . Please, god, I hope you know that . . . . _Garrett_ . . . ."

The million tiny needles pierce my skin, letting the cold black flames out to claim me completely.

He's gone.

…..

Hell, this is like hell. I can't cry or drink myself to sleep. I can't sleep. At first all I can do is replay our life together looking for some sign, some small shred of hope, that he knew how much I loved him before I did. I can sure see how much he loved me.

The regrets are painful yet they pale into insignificance beside the fact that I've lost him. He's never coming home. He's never going to tease me again, hold me again, make love to me again or manfully reign in his ire when I accidentally damage one of his mechanical babies.

I'm never going to be able to show him how much I love him.

It hurts, it hurts so much.

There's no relief. No wonder vampires go mad when they lose someone they love. It's inescapable. No temporary shutdown. No fading of the perfect memories. No respite from the superhuman senses, even if I rid the house of everything and then burn it to the ground I'll still be able to smell him, his scent is on my skin, in my venom.

He's part of me, a building block of who I am. Trying to rip him out would bring all of me tumbling down.

…..

Guilt.

Guilt is what finally gets me off my miserable ass and doing the things that Garrett would have done.

He was never weak. He never gave up. No matter what life, or death, threw at him.

And I won't let him down now.

And so begins a new routine.

Just before dawn I patrol the mountain, making sure my scent stays fresh. This place is mine. And mine alone.

Then I hunt. Whether I want to or not.

Then I take a bath. Not in our room, never in our room. And not just because the tub is still broken.

Dressed for the day I conduct as much business as I can on the laptop. Sorting out our affairs. And then, because I have to, I leave to conduct the face to face stuff. One of the advantages to now being a billionaire is that everyone will come to me, I need only travel to the city, a round trip I can do easily in a day.

Then comes twilight. The end of the day. And the end of my ability to pretend that I am coping. As the light fades so does my resistance and I give in to my pain, often wallowing on our bed where his scent is gently fading from the fabric.

…..

Summer turns to fall.

Finding and retrieving his Maserati has become something of an obsession. We abandoned it in that shabby motel parking lot and the police impounded it when the registered owner turned out to be a completely bogus Mr Bill Compton. I hacked the database, once a geek always a geek, but it had disappeared. Jeez, people can be so dishonest. I've a private detective looking for it now.

I've spoken to the Cullens a few times, Esme specifically, Alice emails me all the time. I've come to rely on our mails, they connect me to a life outside my own in a way that my interaction with humans on business doesn't. I'm living the dreary but welcome diversion of a new school with them. Enjoying the vampire's eye view of the humans, Jasper's struggles not to drain them, Rosalie's distain, Em's joining the track team and even Edward's effect on the local girlies. Alice describes it all vividly. But I feel no desire to join them.

My place is here. I _belong_ here.

…..

The memories are the killers. They're always there but after a while you can sort of pack them away, ignore them, until some sight, sound or smell sets them off.

I have the TV on a lot. Not because I like it but because it fills some of the silence his absence has created.

Two things bring me up short. First, how much time has passed and second, Thanksgiving.

Every year we'd have a turkey, a ludicrously big one. Cook it lovingly. Marvel over the appalling smell. And then hoy it down the mountain before retiring to our room for our own Thanksgiving celebration.

Never again.

Never again will I feel his arms around me. His lips on my skin. His body joined with mine. He'll never fill me . . . .

Oh fuck. I'm fucked.

…..

His absence is everywhere. Almost like a physical presence if that makes sense.

He's haunting me and it's so like him it's almost funny. I can see the look of consternation on his face when I'm barging between his babies, arms laden, on my way to recycle something or carrying back firewood. His patient expression as I struggle for the umpteenth time to fill the generator with gas without taking an impromptu bath. His indulgent face, when I'm concentrating on one of my fads, currently needlepoint. At which I suck, for the record. And every time I strip to take a bath or a shower I look behind me, expecting to see his 'you're gonna get it now' face. But of course I never do. Never will again.

The agony of such realisations is excruciating.

How he must laugh when that pain overtakes and immobilises me. Frozen statue Bella. She strikes at any moment.

"Oh god Garrett. How the hell am I supposed to carry on?"

I loved our life together. But I never analysed it. We just were. And now I realise how right that was. I have never been more me than when we were together. Maybe that's something to do with him knowing me as a newborn? There's no veil when you're a blood thirsty monster. Belatedly I've realised that anyone who loves you then really loves you.

I enjoyed all the wild and wacky things he had us do. I was never scared, insecure or unsure with him. Life just happened and I always knew where I stood. Even if it took me a few years and a visit from Carlisle to admit to.

Everything is so much clearer with hindsight. He did so much for me. Gave up his freedom without complaint, well, not too many. Listened to my obsessive over analysing. Cleaned up my messes. He was always there, taking care of me, loving me, without asking for anything in return.

I was everything to Garrett. And I must have put him through hell.

How fucking awful is that? To finally understand how you've hurt someone who never did anything but love you?

And to not be able to properly apologise and explain.

Unexpectedly Edward's face flashes into my mind.

…..

Christmas is coming, the Goose is getting fat . . . .

Alice's decorations have arrived by courier. The six boxes are stacked in the garage next to Garrett's reproachful cars. Not trusting me she's also pre-ordered the tree.

Garrett and I were never big on visitors and so we only have a limited number of bedrooms. With a heavy heart I clean out our room for Alice and Jasper and prepare the guest suite for Rosalie and Emmett. The rest of us will have the trees if we want privacy and space.

The time of their arrival is drawing near. I don't know if I'm looking forward to it or dreading it. I've been on my own at the top of our mountain for months now without craving any company other than Garrett's. If he were alive the idea of a hoard of visitors disturbing our peace would make me distinctly crabby, but he isn't and so I don't know how to feel about it.

I've bought gifts for everyone, spent ages choosing them in fact, it was an excellent distraction.

The quite purr of a powerful and expensive engine alerts me to the arrival of my guests and darting out into the driveway I listen intently as Carlisle's Mercedes and another car make their way up our winding road.

Esme jumps straight from the car, before it even stops, leaping at me and enveloping me in a tight embrace.

"Happy holidays." She says, finally releasing me.

We share a long look of understanding. We're like mirror images. Well-fed but somehow paler than we should be with drawn faces.

With a sigh she turns as Rosalie and Em exit the now stopped car.

Rosalie nods at me with a tentative smile and Em darts forwards to spin me off my feet.

"You're here!" He laughs when he finally puts me down.

"I said I would be." I huff, smoothing down my dress.

"Yeah you did." He chuckles, pounding me on the back and nearly flattening me. "But we weren't convinced. The J Man and I were taking bets on the way up here that we'd find a note taped to the door saying you'd gone fishing or something."

Jeez, I must have been a real barrel of laughs . . . .

Alice and Jasper get out of the other car and she rushes forward awarding me another big hug.

"I hope you haven't been interfering with any of the stuff I sent ahead." She warns me as she steps back.

"No." I answer truthfully. "It's all in the garage with the tree."

"Excellent." She squeals grabbing Jasper, who ruffles my hair as they pass, dragging him off to investigate.

"Bella." Edward greets me quietly having parked Carlisle's car.

"Wow!" I blurt out. "You've copper eyes just like your hair."

He smiles ruefully. "It's a long story."

"Yes it is." Emse says with satisfaction. "And you can tell her later. I've been cooped up in the car for ages and I need some fresh air. Bella, will you show me the grounds?"

"Of course." I offer my arm and she takes it as we stroll off around the side of the house.

"It's truly beautiful here." She murmurs, taking in the view. "I can see why you were so keen to come home."

I nod.

"How have you been?" She asks, stopping suddenly and turning to face me.

"Awful." I sob, surprising myself. "Fucking awful."

"Oh darling." She whispers wrapping her arms around me. "I know. I know just how you feel."


	19. Chapter 19

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 18 Unravelling**

**BPOV**

We cling to each other for an age, the mountain wind whipping our hair and clothes into a frenzy.

"Ah, um." Em's voice is surprisingly soft. "I hate to interrupt you ladies but Alice says Rosalie's luggage is cramping her style in the matter of Holiday decorations and she wanted me to find somewhere to put it."

Smiling wanly we break apart and follow him back into the house.

"Sorry." I mumble. "I'm a lousy hostess. Your rooms are this way."

Upstairs I show Em, Jasper and luggage, to their rooms. I've already explained to Esme on the phone that accommodations Chez Mountain Eerie are in short supply and she assured me it didn't matter.

Downstairs again I sense Rosalie's growing impatience with Alice's decorating and with a flash of inspiration take her out into the garage to show her Garrett's cars.

"Wow." She breathes, running her hands over several highly polished hoods as she flits about. "He had some real beauties."

I wince at the word 'had' but still her words give me a sort of warm glow. He always assured me he knew his ass from his elbow when it came to cars but it largely went over my head.

"What happened to the Ferrari?" She asks in much the same tone of voice anyone else would use on hearing bad news about an old acquaintance.

"I did I'm afraid." I admit. "I've been working on it but I don't really have the skills."

"Would you like me to fix it up for you?"

"Would you?" I feel really bad about the poor little car. It was sat there minding its own business when I totalled it.

"Sure." She shrugs. "Cars are my thing. I don't see why it should be left to suffer."

I smile at her appreciatively as she inspects her nails.

"I wanted to say sorry and thank you to you." She says quietly, not looking me in the eye.

Oh hell, here we go.

"Sorry because I didn't realise how much Garrett meant to you, what you must have been going through, you looked after all of us and we never knew how much you must have been hurting." She takes a deep breath. "And thank you, again, for going to help Edward and C-Carlisle when no one else would."

"Thanks." I take a deep breath. "You know you can't stay mad at Jasper forever? He had his reasons, valid ones, for not wanting to risk his life to save Edward. He couldn't of known what would happen, even Alice didn't see that until it was too late."

She scowls at me for a moment and then snaps. "I know. One day . . . . "

And with Rosalie that's as conciliatory as things get.

"We're done, we're done, we're done!" Alice's yell cuts through the house. "Cover your eyes when you come in or you'll spoil the effect."

"Jesus." Rosalie snarls before smiling suddenly and covering her eyes.

Laughing I follow suit and we feel our way back into the main house.

…..

With no need to prepare a human style Holiday feast we pile our presents under Alice's ultra-stylish tree and then head out for a protracted hunt.

I wish I could claim credit for the vegetarian vampire's paradise to which I introduce them but I can't, I wanted to be a veggie and Garrett found the perfect place to make it so.

Inevitably I finally end up alone with Edward, perched on some rocks, listening to the others noisily chasing a herd of Elk down the mountain. There shouldn't be any where we are but Garrett 'borrowed' some from one of the National Parks he worked at in the Eighties and they seem to have settled in and multiplied rather well. A bit too well in fact, there's been some debate in the local paper about whether or not the guy who claims he's seen Elk in the surrounding forest is one enchilada short of a full serving.

Might as well take the bull by the horns.

"So, copper eyes?"

He turns toward me with a strange expression on his face. "Are you sure you want to hear about it?"

"We have to talk about it all sometime I guess."

The lack of enthusiasm in my voice makes him smile, lightening the sombre cast to his face for a moment.

"I suppose I should start by saying that I am no longer strictly a vegetarian." He pauses, waiting for me to comment, continuing when I don't. "Esme has helped me realise that not being able to exist solely on the blood of animals does not necessarily make me a bad person."

I nod. Well duh. Garrett wasn't a veggie until he made me but no one could accuse him of being a bad person, quite the opposite. Still, he didn't have sex with his dinner. Ew. Sensing my disgust he goes on to explain how that particular little foible came about in slightly more detail than I really need.

"That was, um, interesting reasoning on your part." Is the only comment I can manage. Logical I suppose, in a messed up kind of way.

"I wasn't quite in my right mind." He says quietly. "But that's no excuse. Doing the right thing didn't make me happy, I figured doing the wrong thing couldn't make it any worse."

"And?" I ask without thinking.

He doesn't answer, looking down instead and inspecting his hands.

"And?" I prompt again, strangely disinclined to let him get away with not answering.

"There wasn't as much difference as I would have wanted." He admits finally. "I am totally ashamed of myself for failing to live up to anybody's expectations, including my own. But at the same time I'm learning to accept that the reason I periodically go off the rails and dine on humans is because I want to."

"And the sex thing?" Jeez mouth, put a sock in it! _Please_ don't answer.

"My desire for human blood wasn't the only thing I supressed, apparently. I'm also learning to accept that I'm a man and a have a man's needs."

For some reason the dispassionate words and the embarrassment with which he makes that admission strike me as extremely funny and I laugh. A lot. I wish I'd been a fly on the wall when Esme brought that subject up.

"I'm s-sorry Edward." I gasp between gales of inappropriate laughter. "S-sorry, but . . . ."

"It isn't funny." He huffs miserably.

"No." Abruptly I sober. "Stalking women to shag them and then kill them isn't actually a laughing matter."

He winces. Perhaps that was too blunt but somewhere deep inside I'm still smarting from how different the real Edward is to the one teenage Bella fell in love with. And while teenage Bella was as naïve as all get out he must bear some share of the blame.

Unsurprisingly my observation kills the conversation stone dead and so we sit in awkward silence waiting for the others to return.

Footsteps and quiet laughter are drawing near when he finally speaks again.

"It wasn't something I made a habit of." He whispers. "I beat myself up for decades over the things I did while I was with Maria but with her gone from my life I managed to plumb new depths all on my own. I truly am a monster."

I'm saved from making a response when Em surges ahead of the others and thunders into the clearing hefting a gigantic Elk at Edward.

"Esme says you need another meal bro."

Edward catches it easily and with a last look at me retires into the trees to drain it.

…..

We sit around the tree exchanging gifts and after a while I actually realise that I'm having fun, it's nice to have people around, laughing and joking, even if it's only for a while.

But as the outsider without agenda I can see the tension simmering below the surface.

Esme is merely going through the motions, the others might not realise, but I can see it. Recognise it.

Despite the obvious truce Jasper and Edward are never going to be friends. Petty jealously over Maria and the knowledge that Jasper would have quite cheerfully left Edward to rot have permanently damaged their relationship. They barely acknowledge each other's existence, a fact that doesn't register with anyone else except maybe Alice, who has probably seen the potential outcomes already. Despite flitting around in her Santa role handing out the presents there's an alertness about her that suggests she sees all the undercurrents running through the room and is constantly re-calculating how to avoid trouble.

The situation is taking its toll on Em too. He's probably coping best with Carlisle's loss but despite his big doofus demeanour the strain of trying to raise Esme and Rosalie's spirits is wearing him down.

Rosalie might still be pissed at Jasper but she's been so busy grieving for Carlisle that she's not scratched the surface of the anger she's harbouring for Edward.

And therein lies the root of all the tension.

Edward.

He's apologised and he's doing everything he can to atone for his sins. But at the back of everyone's mind is that if he'd manned up to his issues years ago this would never have happened. Maybe he and I could have had a genuine, honest, relationship. Maybe Carlisle would still be here. Maybe I wouldn't have lost Garrett.

I close my eyes for a moment and when I open them again I find Edward watching me with a sorrowful expression on his face. I'm pretty sure he still can't read my mind but guilt and embarrassment flash through me anyway. Swiftly followed by an alien burst of reassurance.

Startled I smile at Jasper and he winks back. We discovered a while ago that I can block his gift now but unlike more mental things, Edward's mind reading for example, I have to make a conscious effort to do it.

I glance back at Edward who is now watching Jasper with a distinctly unfriendly look on his face. Whatever he's feeling must be pleasing to Jasper because he laughs in Edward's face and turns away to grab Alice's ass as she darts past with another gift to deliver.

"This is for you." She says heaving a brightly wrapped package onto Edward's lap.

He twists the ribbon away and the paper slides off allowing a pile of self-help books on addiction to slither in all directions.

I gasp, not sure whether to laugh or run for cover.

"Jasper." Edward growls.

"Oh look Ed." Em chuckles. "There's even one for sex addiction."

Edward spots it and snatches it up with a snarl.

"I suppose you think that's funny?" He yells at Jasper flinging the book into his face.

"If the cap fits . . . ." Jasper drawls, stretching his long legs out and tipping the offending item out of his lap and onto the floor.

"Jasper, Edward." Esme sighs. "_Please_ . . . ."

"I'm fucking trying!" Edward howls. "But he's deliberately winding me up . . . ."

"Language." Esme chides.

"Oh brilliant." Rosalie chirps up, climbing out of Em's lap to join the standoff. "You won't pull him up on his behaviour or that fact that he got Carlisle killed but you'll wake up and chastise him for his language."

"Rose . . . ." Esme's soft plea falls on deaf ears.

"No. You know what? Fuck it." Rosalie hitches in a deep breath and I brace myself for impact as she lasers her eyes on Edward. "You've always been too special for your own good. You nearly got us all killed over a human, sorry Bella, no offense, and then it turns out that it was just because she smelt nice and looked like the woman you lost your precious virginity to. Your superiority complex would have made Mother Theresa feel inadequate and we lived with that for fucking years. Only to find out just what a despicable hypocrite you really are. YOU killed my father, you're a fucking monster and I HATE YOU!"

"Hypocrite?" Edward screams. "You've got the nerve to call me a hypocrite? You spent decades resenting Carlisle for turning you, even though he gave you his love and Emmett, and you've got the brass neck to call him your father?"

"Um . . . ." My attempt to interject is drowned out by Rosalie's howl of rage.

She just about manages to get her well-manicured hands around his neck before Em rips her away. But not before Edward's right hook clocks her on the jaw.

"Edward!" Multiple screams fill the air as Em hurls Rosalie at me and launches himself at Edward.

My arms, initially wrapped around Rosalie in comfort, turn to restraints as she struggles violently to go to the aid of her mate, who is attempting to give the much quicker Edward the pasting of a lifetime.

Jasper, who should be breaking it up, is laughing his golden head off.

Visitors. Jesus.

…..

Out in the gathering darkness I flop down on a conveniently felled tree and drop my head into my hands as Alice creeps up behind me.

"You did that deliberately." I accuse her.

"I know." She sighs unhappily. "This family is falling apart Bella. The least depressing outcome I can see at the moment is if we actually manage to get all our issues out on the table. At least that way it looks like we can salvage something."

I lift my arm and she leaps over the trunk, snuggling against my side, watching the stars come out with me.

"I'm sorry about the damage to your house." She says after a while. "But if it's any consolation I foresee Em and Edward doing a very thorough job on the repairs."

"Humph."


	20. Chapter 20

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 19 Unwelcome Guests**

**BPOV**

After Jasper summoned Alice back for a family conference, which I declined to attend, I wandered the mountain for hours. Thinking about nothing in particular, just randomly recalling scenes from my memory.

As much as I've managed to keep myself out of it the fragile Cullen family unity is affecting me too. My own family wasn't exactly the closest in the world and consequently one of the things I idolised about Edward was his close knit, loving one. Watching that implode, even though I could plainly see it coming, is painful.

And I can understand why they would resent Edward, if I had it in me I would to. Well, I do, I suppose. But I can't hate him. Garrett and I made the choice to go and help Carlisle, for Carlisle, although despite his idiocy and recently developed unsavoury habits, I wouldn't have wanted Edward killed or trapped into slavery. I wouldn't wish that on anybody. But if I'd been given the choice, I'd have picked Garrett, every time.

There's good in Edward, I know there is, he just needs to come to terms with who and what he is. And despite her pain I think Esme is just the one to help him do it. But what if that's at the expense of the rest of her family as Alice fears?

God the trouble he's caused seems to be never ending.

If I could wave a magic wand to get rid of them I would. Pouf! No more other people's problems. I realise with a pang that in my case misery doesn't love company, it was actually doing quite well on its own. I was never particularly gregarious as a human but Garrett obviously rubbed off on me. Give me another couple of years and the mountain will be ringed with 'Keep Out' signs, bear traps and semi feral pussy cats.

Unconsciously my feet take me to one of _our _places, and suddenly weighed down with my antisocial misery, I sink down onto the damp grass and curl up into a little ball.

I really miss Carlisle. Somehow I know he would have been able to talk some sense into everybody, even me. He would have known how to get us all to understand Edward's fall from grace, how not to let it destroy the rest of what we have. How do you judge a person who's fallen from grace? Who gets to decide what grace is? Carlisle would have known, would have been able to make us understand. But would he have been right? After all he abandoned and hurt Maria because she didn't live up to his ideals. And I liked her. Does that make me a bad person?

Jesus. Being a grown up really sucks. I feel old. With the exception of Esme I _am_ the oldest here. God we're screwed if I'm the only hope there is to resolve all this.

Of course there is one thing I can think of to do. But I really don't want to have to resort to that. Really. Not.

"Oh Garrett, I could really do with a distraction right now."

An alien vampire scent wafts past my nostrils. Followed by another.

"Really? Not exactly 'Casper the Friendly Ghost' are you?" I huff, getting quietly to my feet and following my nose stealthily down the mountainside.

For a miserable loner Garrett had a wide circle of friends, some of whom sought us out from time to time, but I don't recognise either of these. To date my experiences, human or dead, with unknown vampires has been violent to say the least, hence my extreme caution as I approach. Garrett didn't teach me to fight to protect myself because we lacked anything better to do.

There. Shadowing each other, a few hundred yards apart in the trees, circling upwards. Both short, stocky and unnaturally intense. Not exactly the actions of friendly callers.

Shit. What do I do?

The breeze is blowing uphill so if I'm going to attack I need to take out the highest one first.

Shit. Garrett always orchestrated this stuff.

They could just be strangers passing through.

Yeah. Right. My scent is clearly marked all around here. If they wanted to say 'Hi' they wouldn't be creeping around in the dead of night like Ninjas.

I could make a run for it back to the house. Seven against two are distinctly better odds.

Yep. That's definitely the most sensible option.

Carefully I turn on my heel and step away.

Snapping a twig.

Crud.

Vampire number one is on me in a second. Calling out to his companion in a strange language.

Twisting I throw him over my head into the nearest tree. His howl of surprise is gratifying but his reactions are lightning fast and in a moment he's leaping for me again, still commentating in an unintelligible stream of words. As he looms over me I bend back, 'Matrix style' as Garrett taught me, and by a mere whisker he sails over me. Cursing. I assume. I whip upright just in time to rebuff vampire number two, who is fortunately much slower. As he rebounds into a nearby redwood vampire number one locks his arms around me from behind.

God his arms are like steel bands. I howl with the last of my breath as a returning number two punches me squarely in the midriff.

It hurts like hell, I can hear my stone bones crack, but the sudden loss of the air in my lungs makes me just thin enough to squirm out of number one's grasp.

Which is great. Because number two promptly kicks me in the head sending me spinning through the air and into the trunk of a distant oak. Rolling, with all the years of practice that only a klutz can achieve, I gain my feet in an instant and sprint upwards with all the strength in my legs.

"JASPER!" I hitch in a deep breath. "JASPER! A little help here!"

I can hear the body flying through the air as one of my pursuers reaches out and snags my ankle.

I hit the ground, exposed rock, with enough force to leave an imprint and expel all the air from my lungs again.

Vampire number one flips me over and grins down at me triumphantly, pinning me to the rock.

"Gavan. We have her. Come."

Vampire number two appears over his shoulder, looking equally pleased with himself.

How I wish I could do something to shake their smugness but no matter how I try I can't break vampire number one's grip and slowly adrenaline turns to fear.

"You are very feisty." Vampire number one observes. "But it is time to give in. Do not make us hurt you if it is not necessary."

Abruptly he jerks me to my feet, his grip like iron.

"I do not know who this Jasper is but I have no intention of finding out. Gavan, take her."

He spins me off into the arms of Gavan, who clamps one around my body in a vice like grip and the other over my mouth, and turns inhaling deeply and listening intently.

"We go." He orders after a moment.

And Gavan hustles me down the slope, leaving me no time to react or get me feet on the ground, with vampire number one shoving from behind. Off balance they propel me downhill at an alarming rate despite my active resistance.

Suddenly we're all falling forwards, tossed into the air like boulders in an earthquake.

Released I roll onto my back just in time to see Edward blur past giving vampire number one another earth trembling shove.

As he blurs past again vampire number one recovers enough to grab him and slam him into the ground, Gavan once again reaching for me.

But he's too late. Just as his fingertips brush my body Jasper arrives, tearing his head off without preamble and hurling it accurately at vampire number one's. Which shatters in a shower of glittery dust.

"Vampire's heads." He shrugs at my open mouthed surprise. "Hardest substance on the planet."

Gavan's body is still twirling around in little circles, hands flailing uselessly at his neck. Casually Jasper pokes his booted foot out and kicks him over.

"Are there more?" He asks Edward, who has already regained his feet.

"No. I can't hear any more thoughts."

"Did you pick up why they were here?" Jasper enquires.

"No." Edward shakes his head, offering his hand to me and pulling me to my feet. "They were thinking in a language I couldn't understand. Are you alright?"

Cautiously I nod. If I were human numerous bumps and bruises would be flowering right now but as a vampire I'm pretty much back to normal already.

"Here. Come and sit down."

He leads me over to a felled tree and I flop down on it gratefully as he kneels in front of me taking my hands.

"Breathe." He orders.

"I don't need to." I object.

"I know, but it helps, trust me."

Obediently I start taking long deep breaths. He's wrong of course, at least physically, but it does help to have something to focus on. My sanctuary has just been invaded and if the Cullens hadn't been here I'd be . . . . Well, I don't know what I'd be, but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have liked it.

"This one's still twitchin'." Jasper drawls.

"Should we question him?" Edward asks without taking his eyes off me.

"Probably. Bella, when you're ready we should drag him up to the house."

"Oh."

Reading my emotions Jasper laughs.

"And then the rest of you should go huntin' while my new little friend and I have a chat."

"Oh."

"Jasper." Edward warns him.

"Edward. Bella's a grown up. If she doesn't want me to find out why these two were up here she only has to say so."

After a moment's reflection I narrow my eyes at Gavan's head.

"Ask him. That is if you don't mind me wimping out."

"I don't mind at all darlin'." He chuckles. "We've all got our skills."

Edward shudders but declines to argue.

We're an odd little procession as we traipse back up to the house. Edward and Jasper lugging the body between them, me holding the head gingerly by the hair. Garrett and I have had to fight before but I must admit I've been a bit spoilt, he always took care of the grisly aftermath. He must be laughing his stupid underpants off right about now.

Em greets us on the porch, muscles swelling as Jasper and Edward quickly fill him in.

Waving off everyone's questions I dart up to my room to shower and change quickly. Returning I find everyone out in the yard watching Jasper build a fire.

"Can you manage on your own?" Em asks seriously.

"I can." Jasper answers quietly but firmly. "This is one for me Emmy Bear. You go with the others and keep an eye on them."

Em nods, retreating to take Rosalie in his arms.

"Jasper." Alice's voice is forlorn.

"I know baby." He sighs, giving her tight hug. "But this needs to be done an' I doubt he's goin' to co-operate of his own free will."

"I love you." She whispers into his chest.

"An' I love you."

I lift my arm, and as she did hours before, she darts into my side.

'Thank you' Jasper mouths and I nod as we all turn away.

Quickly we retreat into the darkness leaving Jasper to his night's work.

"Poor Jasper." Edward murmurs as we run.

I glance at him in surprise.

"He really wants to leave this stuff behind him." Edward explains. "But I admire the way he won't shirk it if it needs to be done, the way he's protecting the rest of us from it. I can't understand the attacker's mind. I've been trying. This is the only way to find out what we need to know."

I smile at him slightly in understanding. Just because we don't all march to the beat of the same drum doesn't necessarily make one person good and another one bad. And sometimes someone has to do the stuff the rest of us can't or won't.

Sobering stuff.

We hunt away the rest of the night and in the morning we set off back to the house.

Conflicted but curious.


	21. Chapter 21

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 20 Another Fine Mess**

**GPOV**

"Are you alright?" She whispers in the darkness.

Despite my weakness I manage a snort of derision. What a fucking stupid question. My right arm is somewhere twenty meters above me in the caves, my left leg about the same below. I'm lying in a pool of my own venom and I'm so thirsty I could drain a corpse.

"I'm fine, thanks for asking." She snarks.

Goddess my ass. She's a one woman disaster magnet.

"We have to get out of here." She whispers urgently.

No shit. You squirm, I'll crawl. We'll be out of here in no time.

"Are you sulking?"

"No." I rasp out of my damaged throat.

"Good." She huffs. "Because we can't afford for you to decide to behave like a typical man at this point."

For months they held us and tortured us separately before finally, and inexplicably, tossing us in together and seeming to forget about us.

Or maybe this is their idea of psychological torture, trapping me deep underground with the Goddess of Disaster and our infrequent random conversation.

Keeping me away from Bella.

I had assumed that she was dead. For forty eight hours. The worst forty eight hours of my life. The pain of my dismemberment almost going unnoticed. But when they came to question me it became apparent that they were trying to work out where she and Edward might be. The realisation that she'd escaped helped me endure the torture and resolve to give them no clues as to where she could have gone. Even if it killed me, which it nearly did, to the point that eventually my captors began discussing making a roman candle out of my apparently worthless ass. I still don't really know what changed their minds.

They were also very interested in the unknown 'golden' warrior who appeared suddenly in their midst and slaughtered their compatriots wholesale. I'm guessing that would be The Major. I debated whether or not to tell them what I know. They were clearly shit scared and totally in awe of him, a feeling I remember well, but would it benefit or endanger Bella if they knew he might be 'protecting' her? And god knows I hope he is. The alternative is my little brother. And I despise that idea for many reasons, but two in particular.

First. He's a useless dick. And second he used to be, still is maybe, the love of her life.

Jesus. My little brother.

Boy have I been in denial.

My father is dead.

His loss hurts as much as not being able to protect and comfort Bella. And I never told him. Yeah I made jokes about him being 'dad' but I always resisted treating or thinking of him as such. I had a father, a very good one. I was a man when Carlisle 'saved' me, what did I need a new father figure for? I rejected his desire to create a family in order to walk my own path. And I rejected the family he did forge by asking him not to reveal our connection when we could have easily made up another story about how he came to change me.

I'm a fucking idiot. He knew how much I respected and valued him. He knew I thought of him as my oldest and closest friend. But did he ever know that I loved him?

"Yes he did."

"Will you stop doing that? It freaks me out."

She laughs. Actually laughs. Laying there with all her limbs removed, Bella was right, she really isn't Daire's favourite person.

"Oh get a grip." She huffs. "You should be used to it by now. Working out people and their thoughts is a snap for someone of my age, it isn't my problem the more intellectually challenged jump to the conclusion I'm reading their minds."

There are so many things wrong with that statement I decide not to comment. It's true that she has an uncanny knack of working out what makes most people tick. And exploiting it, she's no saint. But I've never met anyone less able to apply that same skill to themselves or their own circumstances.

I know that she loved Carlisle, would have and did do anything she could for him. If I hadn't I would have had to be blind to miss the pain etched into her face when he died, the same pain which hovers over her now like a palpable black cloud. But I was there for all of their brief, intense, relationship _and_ the pyrotechnic breakup. As much as his rejection of her choices must have hurt her, she made it almost impossible for him to make allowances for them, it was like watching a train wreck in slow motion. He did love her, always, but he found a way to move on and love again, differently maybe, but still love.

That must have stung like a bitch because as far as I know she has never managed the same feat.

Other people's pain is great for taking your mind off your own. Avoidance thy name is Garrett.

Still.

One learns something new every day. I always laughed at the Bond movie villains, the way they always gave away their diabolical plots to the hero when they thought he was under their power. It's probably just because I was a professional soldier and I'm so old I've encountered just about everything, but this lot have no more sense. What their interrogation technique fails to give away their idle chatter makes up for in spades.

The Celtic Mafia. My name, not theirs.

Daire is indeed a Pict. And as such he's carries a chip the size of a redwood on his shoulder when it comes to Rome and subsequently The Volturi. He's not exactly dreaming of world domination, just an American continent devoid of what he sees as Roman influence. The vampire equivalent of a breakaway state. I've no love of being controlled by someone who doesn't have the right, I'm an American and democracy is my thing, but Daire's plans for creating and ruling his little empire don't sit well with me either.

And how easily I could have fallen in with those rebellious plans if his minions had any control over their mouths. Or if I wasn't aware of his designs for Bella, Edward and any other talented vampire he can lay his stubby little fingers on. Or if he hadn't left me to rot in a dank cave.

Not to mention that if I wasn't trapped down here, a vampiric blink away from annihilation, I would have been able to break his seemingly amateurish insurgence with only a small counterforce. Ironic really.

If I'm not daydreaming about making love to Bella, I'm a man and it takes up about ninety percent of my thoughts, I'm dreaming of ways to kill Daire.

Unfortunately those Daire dreams all involve me being well fed and in one piece, hence the dream part I suppose.

Well fed. What I wouldn't give for even a little sip of racoon right now. Yep, Bella and I experimented with everything since she had only a hazy recollection of what vampire vegetarianism actually involved. Racoon is particularly nasty, domestic cat surprisingly tasty. I'm also partial to lynx, bear and mountain lion, all the carnivores . . . .

"Garrett. You're talking to yourself again. Please try and hold it together. Humans are our food source, the fact that you're fantasizing about animals is frankly disturbing."

"Humph." I would deny that I talk to myself but Bella is always accusing me of it.

Talking to myself. Unnatural interest in cars. Profligate spending. An overdeveloped sense of right and wrong. Domestic chore dodging. Inability to multitask (unless it involves cars and spending money on them). Sex obsession. Crap taste in music. A proclivity for wearing my hair in a leather thong. Chronic reclusive tendencies.

All things Bella has, quite rightly, accused me of doing.

God how I miss her. There's a physical ache in my chest which has surmounted everything else that's been thrown at me in the last couple of months.

As much as I don't like the idea of her being alone the idea of Edward being with her really is torture. Because I loved her with all my heart and soul and she was _mine._ And because I know that I'm probably never getting out of here and that it's better for somebody, no matter how unworthy _I_ think they are, to be giving her the love and protection she deserves.

"Oh sweetheart, what I wouldn't give to hold you in my arms right now." I murmur without thinking.

"Thank you Garrett but I don't believe Bella would appreciate the gesture."

"Maria!"

"Sorry." She chuckles softly. "I know it's hard. But you have to believe we will get out of this and find her again."

"That's very, um . . . ."

"Soft and fluffy?" She asks sadly, suddenly no longer amused.

I don't know what to say. This is a woman who slits human's throats and bathes in their blood if it suits her in some way. Cheery exhortations to 'hang in there' like the proverbial kitten, are from her, like Hitler extolling the virtues of multi-cultural society.

Ah.

"Don't manipulate me." I growl. "I'm all in favour of us getting out of here alive. I don't need you messing with my head to motivate me."

"So cynical." She sighs still sounding sad. "And with good reason. Shall we put aside any agenda you think I might have and get the hell out of this shit hole?"

"I'm all ears. I assume you have a plan?"

"Of course. But you aren't going to like it."

Tell me something I don't know.


	22. Chapter 22

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 21 Something to Think About**

**BPOV**

It feels like I've been frozen forever but even so I start moving again long before anyone else does.

My poor heart sinking, metaphorically, into my boots.

What the . . . .

The house. Our house. Is gone. Well not gone exactly. It's a twisted pile of debris, broken glass, tortured wood and twisted metal. There's no fire. No smoke. Nothing. It's like a sculpture or a still life, one of those ludicrous ones that win prizes but baffles the rest of us.

I didn't hear anything, I didn't smell anything, feel anything. I turn to the others. Nope, I'm guessing they didn't either judging by the slack jaws reflected back at me.

The garage is no better. The gnarled wreckage of Garrett's cars poking through the devastation.

Carefully my brain parks all that information and focusses on the other obvious and potentially more serious puzzle.

There is no fire. There is no Gavan. And more importantly, there is no Jasper.

With a wail Alice starts forward, Esme and Rosalie grabbing her automatically, Em moving protectively in front of them.

"What the . . . ." I murmur as Edward comes to stand beside me.

"I have no idea." He says quietly. "I don't know about you but I can't smell anything and I certainly can't hear anyone's thoughts. It's like there has never been anyone or anything here."

With a deep breath and a glance back at Esme's sympathetic face I pack away the knowledge that all trace of Garrett on this earth may just have been eradicated. Edward's right. There are no scents here other than those being brought in by the wind. Nada. Even the grass in the yard has become odourless. Sanitized.

Cautiously we move forward into the suddenly oppressive silence, motioning for the others to stay put at the edge of the trees.

First we inspect the area where Jasper built his fire. The grass is definitely a bit singed but there's no ash, no fire residue, no fuel and no scent.

Shrugging Edward nods toward the house and reluctantly I follow him over.

It's all there. The bastardised remnants of my life. Some of it possibly even salvageable. But not the scent, not the lingering physical proof that Garrett and I lived here. It's like a solid hologram, I can see it and I can touch it but now I can feel nothing from it. It's lifeless.

A strangled sob escapes me and Edward reaches back to take my hand in a familiar and comfortable gesture.

"What happened here?" I whisper, conscious of the others waiting impatiently behind us.

"Some sort of gift I would imagine." He responds, turning to face me. "But I've no idea why or how. Or who."

"Is it anything to do with Bangor?"

"I don't know." He shrugs helplessly, the apology writ large on his face. "But I can't see what else it could be connected to. The language they thought in, I told Jasper while you were in the shower, I didn't understand it but I recognised it. I'd heard it from to time in New England. Around Daire and his cronies."

"Why didn't you tell me?" I hiss. I'm not sure I'd have left Jasper alone, no matter how unpleasant his intentions, if I'd known it had anything to do with _those_ vampires.

"I'm sorry." He squeezes my hand. "I thought there would be plenty of time."

I sigh and then rein in my ire. He didn't tell me but how fucking oblivious did I have to be not to join the dots on my own? Any of us. Garrett would have a fit if he knew we'd been wallowing in our own problems and not paying proper attention to what's going on around us.

Jeez. Unthinkingly I squeeze Edward's hand. Is this ever going to get any better?

He grips it back and then tugs me gently over to the Alice and the others.

Her eyes are like huge black saucers in her pale face.

"Is he . . . ."

"No." Edward answers quickly, dropping my hand and enveloping her in a hug. "There's no reason to believe that. We've no idea what happened here. But I really don't think we should hang about. We need to get somewhere safe and decide what to do next."

"We have to find Jasper." Alice sobs into his chest.

"I know Al. We will."

"Where should we go?" Em asks.

"Garrett and I have a safe house." I offer.

"Safe?" Edward queries over Alice's head.

I nod firmly. Oh yes. Very safe.

"Then let's go." He urges.

"Jasper?" Alice whimpers.

"If we cross his scent we'll follow it." He promises her.

"Shall we try and get our stuff?" Rosalie asks.

"I wouldn't." Em growls. "We've no idea what happened here. _Stuff_ we can replace, the rest of us, not so easy."

Rosalie nods sadly and winds herself around him as Esme and I stare at each other in silence. Hoping to God that no one else is going to endure what we are.

Edward releases Alice and Esme takes her.

"Which way?" He asks.

"South." I point and immediately we take off running.

Fleeing.

A habit that seems to have recently decided to follow me over from my human life.

I ran from a vampire who wanted to kill me. I ran from the horror of losing Garrett. And now I'm running from . . . . Well, I don't know. But I don't think I can take much more.

Edward said we should get somewhere safe and think and right now that's all I'm focussing on, since anything else is going to severely test my fragile hold on my sanity.

"If it was vampires why didn't whoever it was come after us?" Em asks after a while.

"Maybe they didn't want us." Edward offers.

"They seemed to want Bella." Em counters. "Why didn't they track us down? Why just leave with Jasper and the Monkey Man?"

"Perhaps they didn't know we were there?" Esme suggests.

"They would have smelt us." Rosalie points out. "Been able to track us."

"What if they were after Jasper all along?" Alice asks.

"Shit." Em growls. "We don't know shit."

We run on, wrapped up in our own little balls of silence and worry, reaching the densely packed trees at the foot of the mountain and slowing as we wind our way through the massive forest that carpets its feet.

…..

"Jasper!" Alice gasps, skidding to a halt and almost pulling an unsuspecting Esme's arm out of its socket.

The rest of us whirl back, craning our necks and sniffing the air like a family of meerkats.

There is a very faint eau de Jasper on the breeze that filters through the looming trees.

"It's fresh." Em observes.

"And coming from the east." Rosalie adds.

"Can you hear him?" Alice asks Edward, her face a mask of hope.

"No." He shakes his head. "I can't hear anyone but us."

"What do we do?" Esme asks, worry creasing her brow.

Alice looks at her like she's grown a second head, growling. "We go and find him."

The rest of them regard each other with uncertainty, which I can understand. The house has been effectively destroyed. The area wiped clean of all evidence, even for a vampire. Jasper and his questionee have vanished into thin air. Now all of a sudden we can scent him, miles and miles away from the scene of the crime, but yet Edward can't hear him.

After a moment's hesitation, fear, I nod. "Alice is right. We can't just leave him. We need to find him."

The others nod too.

"Let's just take it slowly shall we?" Edward suggests.

And in total agreement we form up behind him as he starts forward at a gentle jog.

…..

As the scent gets stronger we slow more and more, until finally we're moving at a pace a human would scorn.

The acrid stench of burning vampire is also now evident. Little wisps of purple smoke curling through the thinning trees. But there's nothing else. The whole area is reminiscent of the house. Wiped clean.

Edward reaches back offering me his hand again and I take it without thinking.

Jasper is now apparently so close that both Esme and Rosalie are restraining a struggling Alice who's every instinct is screaming at her to rush forward and find him.

"Stay here!" Edward hisses, turning back to them and Em steps back to help.

Edward raises his eyebrow questioningly at me and I nod.

Together we creep forward to the edge of the trees, the sudden availability of sunlight making us blink.

The sight before me does nothing to help me process what the hell is going on.

In the centre of a small clearing, with a rough dirt track leading off into the forest, is a gleaming truck. Fire engine red, if Garrett's educational attempts serve me correctly.

Immediately I drop Edward's hand.

Next to the truck is a small fire, almost dead, from which the purple smoke is curling lazily into the sky.

"Gavan?" I whisper to Edward, reaching for his hand again.

"Definitely."

And next to the fire, staring intently at the trees on the other side of the clearing with his back to us, is a pristine and immobile Jasper.

"Jasper?" I murmur, just loud enough for him to hear.

No reaction.

"Jasper?" A little louder.

Nothing.

"Can you hear him?" I whisper from the corner of my mouth.

"No. Nothing. Even the others are muted right now."

"Fuck!" Oh, right, Edward. "Sorry."

He squeezes my hand. "I think that about sums it up." He murmurs.

"Jasper?" I try again and when he doesn't respond Edward and I start creeping out into the clearing, eyes darting around like bouncy balls.

"Jasper!" Edward hisses as we approach. "Alice is having a fit, stop mucking around!"

Statue Jasper does not respond.

Right behind him now I reach out with my free hand and tug nervously at his shirt. "Jay, _please_."

Shit.

Edward drops my hand and reaches out to turn Jasper around by his shoulders.

Statue Jasper responds by tittering on his axis and then falling onto the grass with a thud.

Holy shit with knobs on.

"Is he dead?" I ask, forgetting to keep my voice down.

Before Edward can answer there are shrieks from the treeline and an escaped Alice throws herself between us and onto Jasper's inert body.

In shocked and pained silence we watch her protestations of love and futile attempts to get a response out of him.

"I don't know." Edward answers eventually, tugging me away a little. "He's . . . . _blank_."

Reluctantly I take a deep breath and winch up my mental shield.

"There. He's there."

Spent it clangs back down and my eyes roll back into my head as I collapse onto the grass.

When they open again I'm squished into the passenger seat of a moving truck, staring up at the ubiquitous grey roof lining.

"Are you alright?" Edward rasps, taking a hand off the steering wheel to pass it briefly across my cheek.

Nodding I hitch myself upright, glancing around to verify what I can smell and hear.

We're in the truck from the clearing. Alice and Esme huddled over a still Jasper, outside in the truck bed, Rosalie and Em silent sentinels in the back seat.

"Where are we?" I ask, voice sounding unnaturally thick. Stupid gift.

"Heading south and awaiting further instructions." He chuckles, sobering abruptly. "What was _that_?"

Ah.

"I, um . . . ."

"You're a mental shield, I can guess that much."

Which is what we told Carlisle. But we didn't tell him everything. Not that it makes any difference, my gift is extremely limited. So much so that Garrett and I agreed I'd never use it. And I haven't. Not that's it's ever occurred to me to. How much time could I have saved if I'd just taken another peek? If I'd only known. Oh Garrett, I'm so sorry.

Oh, right, Edward.

"Yes, but, um, there's a reason."

"I don't understand."

"It turns out my mental shield exists for a reason."

"I got that bit Bella." He says gently. "What reason? It's only in the last hour or so I've started to be able to sense Jasper, but you knew straight away."

"The shield is kind of protection."

"Yes." He urges, brushing the back of his hand lightly over my cheek again.

It's strangely comforting.

"Well. I can sort of read minds . . . ."

He gasps, almost steering us into a roadside ravine.

"Bella, I . . . ." His face twists in anguish.

"Not like you or Aro." I counter quickly. "It's not the surface stuff or seeing what you saw, it's more like absorbing a person's . . . . and I don't need physical contact."

"Then what?"

"I sort of get everything, and it wipes me out."

"What do you mean _everything_?"

"Let's just say I could now tell you how many times Jasper's scratched his butt during his life, who was around when he did it and how it made him feel each time, and leave it at that." I pause, closing my eyes. "But Edward, don't ever judge him again."


	23. Chapter 23

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 22 No Rest for the Wicked**

**BPOV**

Signalling the end of the conversation I turn slightly away from him, curling into my seat and resting my head against the window as I fight back the wave of Jasper that is threatening to drown me.

It's not easy. Which is one of the reasons we agreed I wouldn't do it. That and the fact that I keel over every time, for hours if it's a vampire, minutes if it's a human.

They're all part of me now. Locked up in little Perspex boxes by my shield, but there nevertheless.

And yet suddenly I regret bitterly not putting myself out to do it with Garrett again. Alice I will be able to tell every nuance of how much Jasper loved her. Garrett's love, which I don't doubt, I will never feel so strongly.

That sucks.

All I can get from Perspex Garrett, is his total confusion about saving my life, his lust for my newborn self and his complete honesty. Garrett was exactly what it said on his tin. I've brought that box out and absented myself in it several times since I lost him.

I sigh and hunker down tighter. Well not exactly honest, I never got anything about Carlisle and Maria. And I can't find anything now, no matter how much I search. His memories aren't blank, there's no apparent gap. The soap opera stars simply aren't there. He never met them.

Why? Unfortunately these kinds of things never normally go missing. Why the hell haven't I realised that before? Jeez, I'm useless. If I wasn't maybe I could have saved him . . . .

Of course looking into my little storage boxes comes with its own cost. Which is why I don't make a habit of it.

Slowly, like a clockwork toy, I find myself winding down again. Silent darkness tugging me into oblivion. If it wasn't so scary for a vampire to be unconscious I'd welcome it like sleep . . . .

"Bella, _Bella_."

Edward is shaking my shoulder, face creased with concern.

"I can't drive south forever, I need to know where we're going."

"Sorry." I snap upright in my seat, instantly alert.

"Were you doing it again?" He asks curiously.

"Not really." I shrug, brushing his question aside. "Where are we?"

"Flaming Gorge."

"Jeez, it sounds like a digestive complaint."

"Utah." He supplies with a decent attempt at a grin.

"Ah. Not far now." I rub my dry scratchy throat.

"Do you need to hunt?"

I nod. In the worst possible way.

"The others should be back soon, then we'll go."

"Okay."

"Wait, where's Jasper?"

"Right behind us." He says, mood dipping dramatically.

Releasing my seatbelt I hop out and flit to the tail bed.

Shit. No change. He's just lying there, staring up at the sky. Totally inert.

"Can you hear him?" I ask Edward as he comes to stand beside me.

"No. I can 'read' him if that's the right word. He's like static, not quite tuned in properly."

"Do you think it's permanent?" I ask quietly after I've scanned the surrounding area for Alice.

"I don't know." He sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I've never seen or heard of anything like this before. If only Carlisle were here . . . ."

With a sigh of my own I turn away from Jasper, leaning back against the truck with my arms wrapped around my chest.

What the hell is going on? Life used to be so simple.

Reluctantly I realise that I need to delve into Jasper's newly created box in my head, I need to try and find out what happened after we left he and Gavan at the house.

But first I need to hunt and get everyone to the safe house. Although safe bunker is a more accurate description, Garrett and I always used to refer to ourselves as Hobbits whenever we visited.

Jeez, _Garrett._ I hug myself harder. Does this ever get any better?

Edward's hand flutters around my shoulder briefly without alighting and then drops limply to his side.

"Are you okay?" I ask suddenly, seeking a distraction from my pain with somebody else's.

"I'm not sure I can define what alright is anymore." He says heavily, sinking down onto the grass.

After a moment's hesitation I join him, the two of us leaning back against the truck.

In silence he inspects his hands and I wait.

"I used to think everything would be alright if I could win you back."

I fidget uncomfortably. Not somewhere I want to go.

"I tried to be good." He chuckles quietly. "I suppose that didn't work out too well."

"But you've got your head screwed on straight now though, right?"

"Esme's helping me work through my issues, find a way to live that works for me but doesn't make me a monster." He lets out a big gusty sigh. "It's not easy though. Over a century of believing a certain set of values are the only values to live by. . . ."

His voice trails off and once again I find myself feeling a little sorry for him.

"You have to accept yourself for what you are." I murmur.

"A monster who stalks women for sex and then drains them." He observes dryly, lifting his eyes to meet mine.

Ah.

"Your mistakes don't have to define who you are."

"I can hardly call them mistakes when I knew perfectly well it was wrong."

He's got me there, I've no words of wisdom for that, I'm not Carlisle. Instead I opt to remain silent. Which makes him smile slightly.

"What about . . . ."

"Human blood?"

No, but I nod anyway.

"I don't think I need it very often. Esme suggests I plan my human hunts so that I can choose, wisely, I wish I could say justly, but I don't have that right."

"And . . . . "

"The sex thing?"

Again no, or rather hell no, I do not want to hear about that. Another, weak, nod. Apparently Edward's urges are less horrific than the real thing I want to know.

"I have to learn to control myself the way any other man does. Every experience teaches you something, even the bad ones. I know without a shadow of a doubt that sex is an empty and soulless activity unless it's with someone you love."

He sounds so much like old, sanctimonious, Edward that for a moment I'm tempted to laugh. Until I realise that I feel exactly the same way. My dating history is rather sparse, Edward, one boy in college and Garrett. My friends all thought I was very old fashioned but just because campus and work were awash with willing participants didn't mean I had to give them all a test drive, or even a tinker under the hood.

We lapse into silence.

Maria. We need to talk about Maria.

"What do you really want to know Bella?" He asks finally. How well he knows me, damn him.

"Maria." I answer, staring straight ahead.

"Ah. That's a very big subject."

I nod still concentrating on the rocks in front of me.

"I'm sorry, that I was never who you thought I was."

I maintain my composure, just. Lovely rocks, unusual striations, almost in the shape of a heavily bearded face. Santa Claus maybe.

It still hurts, I acknowledge, maybe just not as much.

"Her death . . . ."

I nod. Again. My communication skills are _awesome_.

"I'm not sure I can describe how I feel. She was part of who I am. I didn't mean her to be. Didn't want her to be. But she, well, I was a different man with her. Possibly more of the real me than I ever was with anyone else."

Ouch.

Edward carries on, oblivious.

"I feel like a part of me has died. And I'm not sure how to feel about it. Her absence leaves a hole in me. But somehow I feel like I can move on and lead a better life without her, she wasn't good for me."

Despite knowing that he's right, I think he was never equipped to deal with the contradictions that were Maria, I can't help but bristle at his words.

That's it?

She's dead. She died trying to save you from a fate worse than death. Alright, maybe that was more for Carlisle than for you, but still, you don't know that.

Before my mouth can broadcast my thoughts, my brain slaps a gag order on it.

He's being honest. And I haven't asked him specific questions. With enormous self-control I rein in my automatic defence of Maria. Remembering that between the two of us only I know why it's justified, how much his 'holier than thou' attitude must have hurt her.

Poor Maria. Alive in every sense of the word, I have to admit, for thousands of years. The last of which saw her rejected by Carlisle and his son. Jeez, and I feel inadequate. How must she have felt? Sure she was no angel but I'm guessing with her commitments any angelic qualities must have been beaten out of her centuries ago, in favour of survival. Why is it I can make allowances for that but apparently the Cullen men can't?

Of course in fairness to Edward, he never knew, still doesn't.

I wonder if this is how judges feel in court? Flummoxed.

Before our silence can descend into total awkwardness the others return.

Alice leaps straight into the back of the truck, pulling an unresponsive Jasper into her arms and Esme throws me a sympathetic look as she follows suit.

Rosalie and Em smile at us slightly and clamber into the back of the truck, hugging each other tightly.

"Hunt?" Edward asks, offering me his hand.

I take it and he pulls me to my feet, keeping hold of it as we dart into the trees.

With a pang I recall my human desire to watch him hunt. He's every bit as fast and majestic as I always assumed him to be.

Life never really turns out how you expect.

Sated we head back to the truck, me taking over the driving since I know where we're going.

No one's talking. Saving it for the safe house I guess. Or traumatised. Who can tell? I sure as hell can't. A part of me is digesting my conversation with Edward. The rest is almost exclusively occupied with trying to work out what the hell is happening to us and our quiet happy little lives.

After several hours I turn down the track to our small cave.

Hah.

That man never did anything small.

I pull up several hundred yards away, just as he taught me, and we pile out.

"Which way?" Rosalie asks, looking tired and drawn.

I gesture towards an imperceptible pathway through the undergrowth and turn to help Edward, Alice and Esme lift Jasper down from the truck as they trot off into the gathering darkness.

'Are you alright?' Esme mouths and I give her a tight smile in response, nodding towards Alice who is fussing over Jasper's prone form.

Esme shakes her head and I nod in understanding. Alice isn't dealing with this, whatever this is, very well. How could she? Vampires are stone anyway, what do you do with one who looks the same as usual but stops responding? Buggered if I know, as Garrett would say.

In silence we take a limb each and start after Rosalie and Em.

We haven't gone very far when the scents of unknown vampires drift across us.

"Shit." We exclaim as one, all but Alice releasing our hold on Jasper, who crashes unceremoniously to the ground.

Edward motions for silence and we strain to hear and smell everything we can.

A scream pierces the night and without thinking Esme, Edward and I take off toward the source. Not the best battle plan, but we're not soldiers, just family.

It's hard to make sense of the sounds and scents up ahead. It's a growling, screeching, rending cacophony.

But one thing I do recognise with dread. Roaring, crackling, fire.

Running flat out feels surreal, like wading through treacle in a nightmare.

And as we burst into the clearing in front of the cave entrance, Edward leading and Esme bringing up the rear, I suddenly wish I was.

Two vampires have hold of Em, leaning him into the leaping flames so that they lick across his flesh and dive into his wounds.

Another two are about to play rip the limbs of the Barbie Doll with a screaming Rosalie.

Roaring furiously Edward leaps toward the two holding Em, knocking them all backwards into the bushes while Esme and I rush the vampires torturing Rosalie, full of feminist indignation.

Even with vampire recall I don't think I could ever explain this fight. We are a whirling blur of inhuman creatures, fighting for our survival amongst the smoke and flames.

Somehow I find myself standing, with a fistful of someone's hair, watching in horror as fire burns through Em's rigid standing torso, until he crumples forward into the ground.

Instinctively I leap backward, joining Esme in wrestling a screaming and convulsing Rosalie to the ground before she can join him.

Shocked to the core I watch a vengeful Edward tear the last attacker limb from limb and feed him grimly into the fire after the others.

I don't even remember killing anyone, but I must have done because we are alone now.

"Rose, Rose." Esme soothes as her daughter claws her viciously across the face in her frantic attempts to get free.

"Alice." I rasp and immediately Edward darts back down the trail to check on his sister and Alice. Leaving Esme and I to struggle with Rosalie.

"No, no, no, no! Let me go! Let me go!"

"Rose, baby, you can't help him now. We have to get out of here. Please baby, we have to go." Esme coos.

Abruptly Rosalie ceases her attempts to get free, relaxing underneath us and sobbing uncontrollably.

Esme's pained eyes meet mine. Watching it happen to other people makes nothing better. Nothing. And empathy can be a wicked, painful thing.

Edward's footsteps are returning and I breathe a sigh of relief as he appears in the firelight.

"Alice and Jasper are okay. There's no one else around."

With troubled eyes he regards the smouldering pile of ash that bears the shape of Em. One of the nicest people I have ever met.

"He's gone." He pronounces solemnly.

"No!" Rosalie screams with a convulsive heave. "I won't let him. I hate this shitty life! There's no point to it without Em. EMMETT!"

Caught unprepared Esme and I are almost tossed aside as everything lapses into slow motion. Rosalie's a strong woman and even as Edward starts toward us from the other side of the clearing I know it's too late.

Finally breaking free, dodging Edward's desperate line backer's hit, she launches herself into the flames dancing lovingly across Em's body with a squeal of unholy joy.


	24. Chapter 24

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 23 Shock**

**BPOV**

Esme and I hurl ourselves after her with no thought for our own safety, catching hold of her ankles as Edward's wild charge carries him past us and into the bushes.

Her hair catches fire almost instantly and she howls like a banshee.

A sound I will never get out of my head.

But still she drags us forward, intent on self-immolation, doggedly submerging herself in the flames like a fairy tale maiden entering a bath.

It's horrific. The sight, the sound, the smell.

Both Esme and I are screaming now.

It's horrific.

It's Edward who calls a halt to our now futile attempt to save Rosalie by dragging Esme and I away before the flames can devour us too, dropping to the ground and pulling us tightly into his chest, where we rock to and fro, keening soundlessly in his embrace.

Listening to Rosalie's screams die, her struggles cease, until there is only the sound of the crackling flames and the cold wind whipping the leaves on the trees.

How I regret losing my humanity in this moment. My ability to just shut down while my brain deals with the trauma. God listen to me. I'm thinking about trauma when Rosalie and Emmett have just burnt alive.

Instinctively I curl tighter into Edward, mewling into his sweater like an injured kitten, desperate for any kind of comfort.

"We have to go." He whispers finally, his voice rendered toneless by shock. "It isn't safe to stay here."

I can't respond.

Safe is a feeling that's packed its bags and gone. Chased away by murderous demons and the deaths of people I cared about.

Numbly I allow him to draw me to my feet, Esme and I clasping hands across his stomach as he guides us, like zombies, back down the path to Alice and Jasper.

It seems like reality is flicking in and out but that's not true. I am aware of everything that is happening around me, I'm just taking a while to catch up, like a backup program on a computer system, ticking off the completion of a process and skipping over the ones the user has switched off.

Edward must have explained to Alice what's happened because she's sobbing uncontrollably.

Skip.

Now Esme and I are huddled with her over Jasper's prone form.

Skip.

We're in the truck discussing what to do next. It's not exactly a fact based undertaking. More like the instinctive reactions of the suddenly hunted. The frightened group of movie teenagers, being picked off one by one in the dark, by the terrifying and unexpected.

Skip.

South. Gas stops. Phone calls. Scenery flashing by. Edward's hand on my shoulder as I slump in the passenger seat. Esme constantly looking back to check on Alice and Jasper in the tail bed.

Skip.

Travelling at night as we pass into sunnier climes.

Skip.

The presumed relative safety of a city.

For once not looking like the rich and privileged beings we are, we carefully disembark from the truck in an underground parking garage and stow Jasper on the back seat. Alice closes his eyes, there's no resistance, and we hope and pray, perversely, that he stays comatose while we meet with the people we've come here to see.

Out in the mass of humanity we huddle together, shedding as much of our winter clothing as is decent, to wait at the agreed meeting point.

Jasper's brother Peter is nothing like I imagined. Tall and blonde he is just as imposing as Jasper, and it's very easy to assume that he's really his brother, except Peter is far more comfortable in his own skin. Like Garrett he exudes easy competence and the ability to make everything troublesome go away. Although he's also sending off a clear message that he's here for Jasper and the rest of us can rot in hell for all he cares. Fair enough. I might not be able to replicate that sentiment but that doesn't mean I don't admire its worth.

Charlotte, his wife, is as petite as he is large and though she doesn't speak I can see her sympathy for our plight in her eyes.

"Were you followed?" Peter asks, calmly scanning the crowds.

"No." Edward confirms.

I shudder. I don't think we were. But. The demons keep finding us.

"Good." Peter wraps his arm protectively around his wife. "Then let's get my bro so Char and I can get outta here."

"You'll need transport." Edward insists. "As I explained he's not . . . ."

"I ain't deaf veggie boy. I heard ya on the phone. Follow me an' you can direct us."

With Esme, Alice and I clinging to Edward like a feminist's worst nightmare we follow Peter and Char to a dark silver Hummer and climb into the back as directed.

As Edward directs Char to the garage Peter turns to us with a sombre expression.

"I hope ya all know what you're doin'." He observes. "Outsida the Southern Wars vampires don't generally tend to go around killin' each other en masse like this. Somethin' ain't right."

I blink at him in surprise. "The only lead we have is the vampires who were after Edward in New England. What else are we supposed to do?"

"Run and hide." He says casually, turning in his seat to face the front.

"That's eminently sensible advice." Esme chips in firmly. "However, both Bella and I have lost our mates. I have lost two of my children and we have no idea what to make of Jasper's condition. I can run and grieve forever or I can at least try to understand what has happened to my family. I choose curiosity and if it kills me, like the cat, so be it."

"You wanna kill everybody else with that Ma Cullen?" Peter asks without turning.

"I . . . ." Esme stammers to a halt looking stricken.

"We're all here through choice!" I interrupt feeling very defensive of what I've suddenly realised is almost a suicide pact.

Peter's silence speaks volumes. But what else can we do? We don't even know what we'd be running from, how would that work? I can't live with the fear I'm feeling now. I know I can't.

Which brings me up short.

I'm afraid. I'm afraid to die.

I guess like any bereaved person I've spent time wondering if there's any point to my continued existence. Garrett was my life and the rest of it stretches out grey, featureless and joyless without him. I can completely understand Rosalie's decision, Emmett was her everything. Yet it has not once crossed my mind to join Garrett in whatever comes next. Does that mean I didn't, don't love him enough?

I clutch my chest at the sudden pain springing from the constant and increasing ache. No. I did love him. Do still love him with all my heart. I just don't have it in me to turn away from life. Is that how Esme feels, or do her children keep her going, give her something to live for? How does it feel to have that reason to go on picked off one by one?

Jeez, this is a nightmare.

But it's all I have and there's nothing more to lose except me. My jaw juts out with resolve and Peter chuckles quietly to himself as Esme pats my knee in understanding.

Edward's wan smile meets mine in the rear view mirror.

The Nothing Left to Lose Brigade.

Plus Alice, who is curled up beside Esme. Who knows what she's lost already. We're technically dead, what does it mean when a vampire stops responding to external stimuli?

Sadness overwhelms me.

Skip.

Peter and Charlotte are shocked into silence. He might not be deaf but clearly he wasn't ready for the Jasper statue resting in the back of the truck.

Despite the horror of the last few days, hell, even the months before, the sight of Peter desperately clicking his fingers in front of his brother's unresponsive face is one of the most upsetting things I've ever seen. Not least because of the collapse of Alice's face. Just like Peter and I she was obviously hoping Jasper would react and we'd be soundly ridiculed for dragging Peter and his wife out on such a wild goose chase.

In silence we help Peter load Jasper into the Hummer and avert our eyes as Alice and Esme have a mother and daughter moment.

A goodbye for ever perhaps.

Maudlin but I can't summon up any positive thoughts at the moment.

Edward takes my elbow and guides me back to the truck.

Unaccountably furious I shrug him off and wait for Esme.

She takes my hand gently and together we clamber into the back seat.

Skip.

North. Gas stops. A hunting trip once we hit our natural habitat.

Skip.

Like a coward I long to dodge thinking about Rosalie and Emmett's horrific deaths by submerging myself in the task of trawling through Jasper's box. But I dare not. I'm afraid that if I lose myself they'll find us while I'm out and I'll never wake up.

Fear of death, my death. Not something that's occupied me for a long time, if ever. I vaguely recall being freaked out when Grandma Swan died but when you're young it's a difficult concept to get your head round. For a vampire it's even harder. But no less real.

I don't want to die and I don't want anyone else I care about to either. And, I realise as I glance around the cab of the truck, I care about the people in it. They're all I have left.

Skip.

New England.

Leafy, well not so much at this time of year, cold and dangerous.

Edward's offered us one of his old haunts but we've quite sensibly rejected it since Daire seemed able to dog his every move.

Instead we're holed up in an expensive hotel about as far from Bangor as you can get and still be in New England.

Apparently no one wants to die that easily.

Esme is in the tub and Edward and I are out on the balcony staring at the city lights.

"Are you okay?" He asks quietly, moving closer.

I shrug. Not from insolence, I'm just not capable of answering that question.

"I'm so sorry . . . ."

"Please, Edward, stop trying to take the blame for everything." I sigh. "It doesn't help anyone, least of all you."

He nods and I favour him with a small but genuine smile.

"Are we doing the right thing?" He asks after a while.

"I don't know." I shrug again. "I've a small island off Hawaii we could run to. We'd starve to death there but maybe nothing else would get us."

"That idea is not terribly appealing."

"There aren't many that are, are there?" I ask sadly.

Tentatively he reaches out to me and with a sigh I relax into his arms. I've missed being held I realise, as I rest my head against his chest and he gently strokes my hair.

His scent is almost familiar, the same notes I vaguely recall from my youth, just more intense somehow. Pleasant and comforting.

As he holds me I remember all the reasons why we broke up. The fear, the danger to people I cared about, the unilateral decisions about what was good for us. He seems so different now, like my opinion has weight, merit.

The lying, the cheating.

Abruptly I pull back and turn to lean over the balcony again.

Yet no matter what he was always like my very own comfort blanket, wrapping me up and protecting me from the harsh realities.

With a sob I wish I could turn the clock back and have him do that for me now.

Without a word he opens his arms to me again and I move into them without a murmur, silently watching the human world move on below us.


	25. Chapter 25

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 24 A Hit and A Miss**

**BPOV**

As soon as Esme emerges from the bathroom I can dodge it no longer, curling up in one of the suite's curiously uncomfortable armchairs I lift the lid on the Jasper box.

This is always a voyage into the unknown since I don't do it enough to learn any control over my gift. With familiarity I can find the things I want quite easily, like Garrett's box. If I want to see him the day he went off to fight for his independence then I can usually go straight there. So worth it, he was drop dead gorgeous in his uniform and his mother was always taking the leather thong out of his hair too, woman of taste. When I'm not familiar with the contents then anything can happen.

Like now. It's not like recording from your TV, I can't move backwards and forwards easily and there's no index so I just end up hopping about and finding a load of things I don't want to see.

Like Jasper laying waste to his dinner in his newborn year. I could do without the feelings that go with it too. Very nasty. I delve about some more. Fuck me I've led a sheltered life. Jeez Louise, I didn't even know that was anatomically possible. Ew Jasper, you dirty boy. Peter, Charlotte, Alice, the cloud slowly lifting from his soul. Poor Jasper, what a shitty life he was forced to lead, I'll kill Edward if he ever does him down again. Hypocrite. Bless him, his love for Alice is like a warm blanket, carefully wrapped around every second of their life together.

Maybe with the power of positive thinking I can get to the end, find out what happened at the house. After a few false starts I make it to Christmas Day and afraid of losing my place I patiently wait it out.

The wild adrenaline surging through his veins during the brief fight in the forest sweeps through me like a drug. And his resignation about the upcoming torture, his determination to protect the rest of us from it. His total relaxation in the knowledge that there are no other vampires around, just us and Gavan.

He watches us as we melt away into the trees. Then with the familiarity born of practice he rips away Gavan's limbs and re-attaches his head, settling down on his haunches to wait as it seals itself in place.

Then, abruptly, static. Just as Edward described. White noise and snow. There's nothing. Oh Jasper, what happened to you?

With a heavy heart I track back to confirm something else that I noticed before my expended mental energy lets me slip into the abyss.

"Bella? Bella?" I open my eyes to find both Edward and Esme in my face, brows furrowed in consternation.

"You've been out for four hours." Esme whispers, pushing the hair back from my forehead like Renee used to. "Are you okay?"

I nod.

Esme withdraws, Edward leans in closer.

"I don't like it when you do that." He says quietly.

"Neither did Garrett." I huff, shooing him out of my face so I can sit up.

The three of us regard each other in silence. Esme and Edward apparently too polite to grill me.

"It's not good news." I offer eventually.

"Well?" Esme asks, settling into the chair opposite me while Edward perches on the arm of mine.

"There's nothing." I edit. "After we left him at the house with Gavan. Nothing. Just static, like someone tuned him off station."

"Is he dead?" Esme asks, clutching her chest.

"I don't know. I don't think so. I mean I wouldn't have been able to absorb him if he were. At least I don't think I would."

"You're gift is fascinating." Edward sighs, eyes faraway. "I wonder if . . . ."

"Edward!" Esme snaps. "Can we please focus?"

"Sorry." He mutters flicking an apologetic glance at me.

I seize the opportunity to kill his thought process before it can get going, like father like son. "No wondering. I'm not exploring anything that knocks me unconscious. Never."

Which reminds me, time to fess up.

"I have some of Garrett inside me too." For a moment a look very akin to jealousy flits across Edward's face. "It happened by accident when I was very young. I only bring it up because in all his memories I never once saw Carlisle or . . . ."

Oops. Nearly slipped up. I don't think they know Garrett knew Maria, never mind that Carlisle did in the biblical sense. I hope I'm not hiding anything that affects what's going on here.

"That's odd." Esme muses. "Carlisle and Garrett were friends for centuries."

I nod in agreement.

"I agree it's odd but I don't understand how that affects what's going on now." Edward says.

"Carlisle doesn't show up in Jasper's memories either, not once." I sigh. "And neither does Maria."

"I don't understand." Edward accuses. "I thought you said you got everything. How could entire people be missing?"

"I don't know." I huff, rubbing my dry scratchy throat. "It's not like they've been cut out, there aren't any gaps, they're just not there. Not even any memories or thoughts about them. It's like they were edited out in the final cut of the movie."

They aren't following me and unfortunately the best example is Garrett's change. I saw it happen, felt his pain, his fear but somehow I never ever realised that I didn't see who did it. Or how they guided him through his newborn year. And I saw all of his newborn year, felt all of his emotions, felt his respect for his creator, without ever once wondering why I didn't see who it was. And the time they spent with Maria, gone completely, I can't even work out where his life stopped and re-started to fit that in. It appears to be seamless. I could go on and on, all the times he met his Sire, I know every action and emotion, but not that it was Carlisle. How the hell could I missed something like that?

Edward and Esme are watching me. Inspiration strikes.

"Do you remember the night of my birthday party?"

Esme nods and Edward winces.

"I now have everything Jasper thought and felt." My puritanical streak pops out for a moment. "And you should know that your combined thirst for my blood is what pushed him over the edge." I shake my head. "Anyway, it's all there with perfect clarity. Except no Carlisle. No scent. No thoughts about him. No memory of him. Nothing. I can feel his love for the patriarch of his family but there's nothing on who that person is."

"I don't understand . . . ." Edward murmurs, shaking his head at me with that patient expression I remember from my human life.

"Oh for fuck's sake Edward we could fill a library with what you don't understand." I howl. "Can you be more specific?"

"I think." Esme murmurs, getting to her feet. "That you guys have some things to discuss. I'll just pop next door and watch a movie or something."

And in a flash she's gone.

"_Bella_ . . . ."

"Do you think I'm a fucking expert at this shit?" I demand, surging to my feet and accidently knocking him down to the carpet.

Wisely he stays where he fell.

"All I know is that Carlisle and Maria have completely disappeared from their memories, like they never existed. What else do you want? You want me to tell you how? Who? Why? Do I look like I've a fucking crystal ball shoved down my pants?"

"Bella, I . . . ."

"You? You what? You want to apologise again? Edward you can apologise until hell freezes over and it won't make any difference! Carlisle's dead. Maria's dead. Rosalie and Eme . . . . Emmett are dead! Garrett's dead.

And I don't know why. I don't understand! I ne . . . . need to understand."

My towering rage collapses in on itself and I sink back into the chair.

"You're angry with me."

No shit. Where the hell did that come from?

"You left me. You lied to me. You betrayed me." My voice sounds tired and weak.

"That's the first time you've ever actually accused me of the truth." He points out.

And he's right.

"Does it make you feel better?" I sigh.

"No."

"Doesn't me either. So what's the point?"

"It's accepted wisdom that getting it all off your chest is part of the healing process."

"Whoop de do. Aren't I healthy." I snark.

He waits in silence.

"Alright." I accept finally. "You hurt me. Not deliberately I realise. But you did. I was completely in love with you, the idea of you, and you shattered my dreams."

"I didn't mean to. I only ever wanted you to be safe and happy."

Like a pet. There's so much wrong with the way he perceived me that I wouldn't even know where to start.

"Why are we dredging up ancient history?" I ask fretfully. "Surely we've got more important things to worry about at this point?"

"I never realised before how adept you are at avoiding things you don't want to face." He observes quietly.

"What am I avoiding?" I snap, my anger rising again. "I can't avoid what you did. I can't avoid what happened to Garrett and other people I cared about. What do want from me, a complete breakdown?"

"You're not telling me everything. You never have."

"Well _excuse _me!" I scream, leaping to my feet again to look down at him. "What gives you the right to every facet of my pain? Who died and made you god of my inner most thoughts? How fucking dare you accuse me of withholding after all the lies you told!"

"I'm only trying to help you . . . ."

"Don't! Don't try and help me. You have no idea. That shit you pulled? It means nothing to me compared to losing Garrett. Nothing! The only thing you need to answer to me for is the death of _my_ mate protecting your sorry ass!"

"I didn't realise how much he meant to you . . . ." He whispers, gaining his feet and moving toward me.

"Don't touch me!" I scream, lashing out and instinctively using my learned abilities.

Esme appears in the new opening I've made in the suite's architecture.

"Um?"

"Not going well." Edward gasps picking himself out of her bedroom wall.

"I'm not surprised Edward." She says waspishly. "I cannot for the life of me think of anything you can say to her that will not make her want to toast you over an open fire. However I have faith in your determination and Bella's ability to see the best in everyone. Good night."

Esme withdraws and Edward returns to me, shaking dry wall out of his unruly hair and wrinkled clothing.

We regard each other in silence.

"Where did you learn to punch like that?" He asks eventually, rubbing his jaw.

"I had a good teacher." I shrug. Two in fact. And there I go with the withholding again. Meh, I'm still well up in the moral stakes.

"Perhaps we should focus on the problem at hand?"

Excellent. Let's do that.

Oh, right.

"We really don't know anything do we?" I moan, collapsing back into the chair.

"We've been attacked twice with physical violence. Once with, whatever that was that wiped Jasper. What's the link?"

I'm glad that's a rhetorical question.

Edward continues. "The physical attacks were probably meant to kill or capture. Me probably if it's Daire. But why just wipe Jasper rather than kill him? Whoever did that killed Gavan so surely they can't be on the same side? That much is obvious."

It is?

"Couple that with the doctored memories you've found. Based on the evidence I'd have to say there are two forces working against us potentially. Although why anyone would wipe Jasper's memory and then kill the vampire he was going to question for information I don't know."

"Maybe the two of them knew something they didn't want anyone else to know?"

"That makes sense, but what?"

I shrug helplessly.

"I've got nothing either." He confesses quietly, returning to picking the lumps out of his hair.

The urge to apologise for my earlier outburst is strong, even though I recognise that I have every _right _to be angry with him. I fight it back on the basis that I don't want to re-open that particular conversation or the subjects that go with it. I stand by what I said earlier. What good would it do? Nothing will change. He will still have hurt me and the others will still be dead. How I feel about it is neither here nor there.


	26. Chapter 26

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 25 Counting Down**

**EPOV**

Once I've picked all the debris out of my hair I retire to my room for a shower, keen to be away from Bella's increasingly icy stare.

She might not be willing to express her anger with me verbally but I've been getting it loud and clear in her body language and behaviour on and off ever since that fateful night in Bangor. Probably without her actually realising it.

I still don't really know how I feel about that.

This Bella is very different to the quiet sweet girl I first fell in love with and eerily more like Maria than I ever thought possible.

There's a band of steel that runs through both of them that I am coming to suspect I don't have.

Of course I've always been attracted to strong women. My mother was one. Like human Bella, a quiet dignified fortitude.

Vampire Bella and Maria both wear their strength on their sleeves without really being aware of it.

New Bella is not intimidating, far from it, she's still the same warm loving person she always was. But I don't know how to approach her now, how to behave with her and it seems that whatever I try doesn't breach the barrier that exists between us. A bar of time, mistakes and Garrett.

I never met him but Carlisle always spoke warmly of him and my curiosity about Bella's relationship with him is eating me alive.

He seems to have made her happy in a way I never did. She was never truly happy with me, there was always some crisis point reached or impending disaster, she was always having to bend or compromise. She never complained at the time but in the end it was one of her rationales for ending our relationship. I lied, I was a hypocrite, I cheated and all the danger to her family and friends and the heartache of leaving them were no longer worth it. Yet despite all of that I felt rejected. I still do. I don't have the right, I know, but still it hurts that she would give up on me, hear all my explanations and protestations and decide I wasn't worth it. She never used those words, it wasn't her way, but the subtext was there. It's no longer worth the cost of being with you. No one had ever considered me not worthy before.

Her judgement, which I am sure my mother would have agreed with, cut me to the core. Knowing you've let yourself and people you care about down is one thing. Having it pointed out through the streaming tears of someone you love is quite another.

There's none of that depth of emotion in her for me now that I can see. She's angry with me but it doesn't seem to go much below the surface.

'That shit you pulled? It means nothing to me compared to losing Garrett.'

I shudder at the memory of those words and the almost contemptuous expression on her face as she spat them at me. I don't think she could have said anything that would have hurt me more.

For a long time I tried to be a better man, to magically bring her back to me.

Then, through my own weakness, I gave up. The only thing I held onto for her was a refusal to go back to Maria. Like a little pennant on my 'I love me' wall. Didn't return to his Mistress. I somehow don't think New Bella will be awarding any points for that.

Just as when she was human I don't think she has any concept of how stunningly beautiful she is. I miss her human scent, her blood, her blush, the beat of her heart, all the things that made me wonder and made me doubt my true feelings for her. Like the thoughts of many men I've heard, I didn't know what I had until it was gone. Yet despite their loss she still captivates me, her scent is still like nectar, her skin, no longer suffused with blood, is smooth and perfect alabaster, made to be stroked. My feelings about her may be confused but my lust clearly is not.

I _want_ her. In the most visceral way. And only vampire hearing stops me taking my throbbing erection in my hand.

None of my issues are resolved. I have come to accept many things about myself in the painful months since Carlisle's death and I have Esme to thank for that, but there is no magic wand to make my inhibitions and prejudices just disappear.

I want to do things with Bella that my upbringing demands is wrong. I loved her as an innocent human. I desire her as a beautiful vampire. But do I still love her, this vampire I feel I barely know?

The thought of anything happening to her fills my heart with ice. The thought of her in the arms of Garrett warms it with pure, molten jealousy.

Is it possible that despite her growing beyond my childish and restrictive ideals _I_ have grown enough to still love her?

Oh god. Rosalie always thought I was a prick. My beautiful, patrician sister, the bane of my existence. I can almost hear what she would say to me now. I wish I could. I wish I could sneer at her one more time and point out the intellectual flaws in her emotional argument. I wish I could see Emmett's big face torn between a desire to laugh and protect his golden angel.

Jesus.

How differently would I have behaved if I'd known the consequences? How unfair is it that some can fuck up so harmlessly but my mistakes lead to such death and destruction?

I have to find a way to make this right.

I ran from her once to protect her from the harm I perceived I was doing her and the lies I knew I'd spun. In truth to protect myself from the consequences too. But to no avail, I still managed to suck her into my world and I'm still managing to ruin it for her.

I am a monster. Even when I try to do the right thing I do wrong.

Could I make things better for her and for poor Esme by leaving now? Would this unknown trouble follow me? This thought has been nagging at me for a long time but it seems more urgent now. I've brought death and destruction down on the people I love and I don't even know how. If I run there's no guarantee Esme and Bella won't fall prey to it and there will be no one here to event attempt to protect them, I can't leave them exposed like that.

But what if it _is_ Daire? What if I went directly to him and traded my life for theirs, would that work?

No. Esme would come after me and Bella would never allow her to do that alone. I would only get them killed.

Turning off the shower I sink down into the tub.

I'm terrified that I've somehow got them both killed already. That nothing any of us do now will prevent the inevitable.

I don't know what to do. I'm not Jasper, I'm not Carlisle. And I'm not Maria. I have no idea how to deal with this situation. My instinct is to protect, to fight. But what?

Panic and despair grip me.

"Edward?" Bella taps tentatively at my bedroom door. "I'm sorry, I really need to hunt."

"Just a minute." I call out, hopping out of the tub and drying my body frantically. Stung by the familiarity of forcing my desire into submission before I face her.

"Are you coming too?" I ask Esme as I emerge into the suite.

"No." She shakes her head. "I'm not thirsty. I'll stay here. I need some time . . . ."

I nod in understanding. Time feels like it's in short supply somehow and she just wants to be alone to grieve for Rose and Em in her own way. The desire not to burden us with her pain is so like her it brings a lump to my throat.

"We shouldn't split up." Bella objects, wringing her hands.

"No one knows we're here." Esme soothes, reaching out to grip Bella's hand. "I don't understand your gift but the bags under your eyes almost look painful. Go, Edward will look out for you and I'll be here when you get back. Tomorrow we can worry about everything else."

Bella squeezes her hand silently and the two of us move out into the hall.

"You'd better visit Home Depot while you're out." Esme adds before we disappear from view. "I'm not explaining to the Concierge why he has holes in his fifteen hundred dollar a night walls."

"Yes ma'am." I mutter as I escort Bella into the stairwell and the door clicks shut behind us.

We get out of town quickly, not discussing the pall of dread hanging over us that will have us diving back to the hotel at the first scent of vampire.

The more miles we put behind us the more I find I am able to put my fears and uncertainties aside to focus on Bella and our hunt.

Her clumsiness as a human was endearing and tweaked at my protective instincts. Her grace as a vampire almost leaves me speechless. Even in her old jeans and oversized man's shirt there's a beauty about her that shines.

I hunt quickly, not really thirsty, and settle into the bough of a tree to watch her.

She has the quietness and stillness of a true hunter and is a surprisingly picky eater, rejecting potential meals until something that apparently suits her makes the fatal mistake of wandering into her range. She makes what my mother would call 'a real meal' of her dinner, stalking it unnecessarily until some internal signal triggers that it's time for her to strike. And she does, so cleanly and efficiently that her prey never realises what's happening.

That's her compassion I realise with a start. Her soul, the one I thought would disappear when she became one of us, the part that can't bear to hurt anyone or anything. Not even me.

I nestle back into the tree as she delicately draws on the neck of her latest kill, eyes flicking to mine with an embarrassed smile. She's absolutely amazing. Like a dazed schoolboy my eyes follow her as she darts about, selecting another kill and then diligently hiding the remains of her meals.

Finally she straightens, wiping her spotless hands on her jeans and turning her head toward the west, seemingly sniffing the wind. What I wouldn't give for a peek inside her head right now. Is she looking toward him, thinking about home? The restless wind ruffles her hair, bathing me in her scent and I close my eyes against the longing it incites. And I think perhaps I do still love her.

When I open them again she's gazing up at me with an indecipherable expression on her face.

There's so much I want to say to her but I'm frightened to open my mouth and break the spell.

Smiling ruefully she tucks her hair behind her ears and toes the ground with her boot.

"Sorry to be a pain." She mutters. "I was really thirsty."

"It's fine." I assure her, leaping down from the tree. "You needed to eat."

"We should get back." She urges, stepping forward. "I don't like leaving Esme on her own."

"No." Her desire to get back ignites my own. It's been two hours. I offer her my hand and almost sigh in relief as she takes it.

In comfortable silence we run back to the outskirts of town, scouting around until we find a store and then toting our supplies back over the rooftops.

"I hope you realise you're fixing this." She giggles as we break into the fire escape on the hotel roof.

"Me?" I object.

"Yes you. My home improvement skills are very much limited to making holes in things which it was Garrett's job to repair."

"Then you've obviously been spoilt." I huff, jealousy making me sound harsher than I intended.

Laughing she bounds ahead of me down the stairs, turning to look back at me in shock as I grab at her shoulders and tackle her to the ground.

"What the . . . ."

"What can you smell?" I hiss.

"Nothing." She huffs, shrugging me off and wriggling away. "I can't smell anything . . . . Oh shit."

I nod and press my finger to my lips as she shuffles back toward me and snags my arm.

Just like on the mountain. There's no scent. No humans, no cooking smells, none of the noxious industrial polish hotels of this type always seem to slaver everything with. Nothing. The only thing I can smell is Bella's a hair, a hand's breadth from my frozen face.


	27. Chapter 27

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 26 Sins of the Fathers**

**BPOV**

Terror washes through me, covering my skin with the ghost of a sheen of sweat, as I cling to Edward's arm. I can even feel the chill and the eerie sensation of the hairs on my arms standing to attention.

"Edward?" I whisper, my voice quivering and breaking.

He shakes his head, pulling me tighter into his side and I take a deep breath, stabilising myself on his familiar scent.

"What do we do? We can't leave Esme . . . ."

He shakes his head solemnly and slowly gets to his feet pulling me with him, clinging to each other for dear life we abandon our supplies and start down the stairwell toward our floor, pausing at the door to listen.

There are only four suites on our floor. One was empty when we arrived and still seems to be now. There's an author and her entourage staying in number one and although we can't smell anything the sound of a TV and slumbering human is coming from the main room. Our suite is totally silent.

Cautiously Edward pushes the door open and we peer out into the hallway. It's spotless. Not in the normal upscale hotel kind of way. In the gifted vampire, not a hair follicle, skin flake or sputum splash kind of way.

Sanitized.

Edward looks at me questioningly and I shrug. What choice do we have? We need to find Esme.

Like cartoon villains we tiptoe down the hall and Edward carefully inserts the key card in the door which swings open silently on its well oiled hinges.

The lights are off but it makes no difference to us.

Silently Edward points into the gloom.

The dividing wall to Esme's room is fixed. Seamless even to the vampire eye. The marvel of it is lost on me though, it only intensifies my dread. What the hell?

We shuffle inside, still stuck together like glue.

Unsurprisingly the entire suite is odourless and apparently untouched by human hand. Not so much as a finger print. Even the dust motes that normally dance through a vampire's vision are spookily absent.

It's also empty.

Straightening from our unconscious crouch we venture in, pulling the door quietly closed behind us.

"Esme?" I whisper, earning myself a deep frown from Edward. "Esme?"

We move forward again into the silence. Even the sounds from the rest of the hotel seem muted in here.

"Esme?" I repeat, leaning into the open doorway of her room.

Edward drops my hand, urging me back as he creeps over the threshold. With a last look around at the other, closed, doors leading off the main room I crowd his heels.

He glances back at me in annoyance then seems to give himself a mental shake, reaching back for my hand.

The room is empty, the balcony doors open and a chilly to humans breeze whipping through the gap and tugging at our clothing and hair. The moving air carries with it scents from outside which are slowly building and re-asserting themselves in the vacuum.

With nowhere else to go we move over to the bathroom door.

"Esme?" Edward calls quietly, rapping gently on the door. "Esme, Mom?"

My heart twists as he unwittingly names her importance to him.

He freezes and I reach around him, turning the doorknob and pressing it inwards.

"Esme!" I gasp, launching myself into the confined space.

She's standing in front of the vanity unit apparently gazing at herself in the mirror. The pinched, worried expression missing from her face for the first time since she's come back into my life.

"Esme, please . . . ." I whimper, plucking at the sleeve of her robe.

"Mom?" Edward moves to stand beside me, gently wafting his hand in front of her face. Nothing.

"Edward, what are we going to do?"

He doesn't respond.

"Edward please, don't wig out on me now. What are we going to do?"

His eyes snap away from Esme to meet mine.

"We have to get out of here. Right now. As far away as we can."

I nod.

"Get Esme dressed, I'll pack our stuff."

Suddenly we're a blur of action and it's amazing how having something to focus on pushes the fear back from the forefront of your mind, even if only for a little while. Getting an unresponsive vampire, even a tiny one like Esme, dressed and up onto the hotel roof is one of the hardest things I've ever done.

"Are taking the truck?"

"No." Edward shakes his head. "We found it with Jasper, I never thought about it but what if whoever did this was tracking it? How else would they know we were here?"

I snort. He's right, it was convenient but not particularly smart. I can almost feel Garrett's finger tapping on my forehead, the way it used to when he was trying to get me to think rather than go with my newly acquired vampire instincts. For some reason that makes me smile. God knows what he'd say if he could see us now. The three of us hiding on a hotel roof. Me supporting mannequin Esme and Edward festooned with hastily packed luggage like a mad Christmas tree.

Edward is looking at me strangely.

Oh right. Inappropriate smiling.

"We should hide Esme somewhere while we rent a car." He suggests.

"Have you got any cash? What if they can track your cards? We used that to pay for the hotel, maybe that's how they found us? Or, maybe your driver's license . . . . ."

"Are you feeling what I'm feeling?" He asks ruefully.

"Rampant paranoia?" He nods with a small smile. "Oh yeah, I'm with you on that one."

"I don't have enough cash to rent a car, what about you?"

I shake my head. Nada. Like the Queen of England I never carry cash, that was always Garrett's job.

"Then we're screwed." He sighs pinching the bridge of his nose with his free hand.

How very Edward.

"We could just steal one?" I offer, keeping my face straight as I watch him mentally roll the word 'steal' around in his head.

"We'd have the cops after us."

"Then we ditch it and steal another one."

"You've done this before." He observes.

"Only when the need arises." I eye him defiantly. Judge me all you want, at least I don't play with my food.

"Okay." He sighs. "What?"

I set Esme on her feet and creep to the edge of the roof overlooking the parking lot.

"Depends where we're going."

"Denali. We need somewhere safe for you and Esme."

"That black SUV in the far corner."

"I've never done this before." He mutters. "Let's get on with it. Apart from paranoia I'm feeling a powerful urge to get as far away from here as possible."

At any other time Grand Theft Edward would have been highly amusing but we're so strung out with fear it's just another line etched into his already creased forehead.

Having hotwired the SUV I twist in the driver's seat to watch Edward gently ease Esme into the back, trying to make her as comfortable as possible while he straps her in. Does she know what's happening? Is she asleep? If she is she's luckier than Edward and I, taking a break from whatever disaster this is that's unfolding around us.

I've mixed feelings about going to Denali. I desperately want to believe that it's the safe haven Edward considers it to be but, well, Bella's glass went from half full to half empty months ago.

I sigh heavily as Edward climbs into the passenger seat beside me and Edward regards me sadly.

"If I say I'm sorry and you hit me will it make you feel better?" He asks quietly.

I shake my head managing a small puff of something vaguely like laughter as we pull out of the lot and point the SUV toward Alaska.

I'm glad he let me drive, it gives at least some small part of my mind, something to focus on. Of course there's nothing to stop the rest of it wandering restlessly through the events of the last few days and nothing to stop me listening to Edward recount them as he calls ahead to Denali to explain our arrival. What must the gentle voiced man on the other end of the line be thinking?

Edward ends the call and frowns down at the cell in his hands. Probably thinking what I am again, was anyone listening in, do they know where we're going, will they be waiting to trap us somewhere on the journey?

"You'd better remind me about the Denali's." I request by way of a distraction. "I've only the haziest recollection of what you told me about them before."

He talks for a long time, filling me in on the coven members and their history with far more detail than is really necessary, obviously as keen as I am for something to take his mind off our situation, before finally trailing off into pensive silence again.

Another heavy sigh escapes me and tentatively he reaches out resting his hand lightly on my thigh in an oddly forward yet comforting gesture as the powerful SUV eats up the miles, carrying us away from New England and into another realm of the unknown. Jeez my thoughts are depressing. As an intellectual exercise I cast around my brain for something positive to focus on but after a while I give up and go back to worrying. I've got nothing.

Edward's hand, still resting lightly on my thigh as I drive, doesn't annoy me. Rather it's reminder that for all intents and purposes he's all I have left in the world.

**ELPOV**

Edward's call has shocked me to the core.

Grateful to be hunting alone I sink down onto a nearby boulder and let my head lower into my hands. Normally I enjoy the frozen beauty of my adoptive home, so clean and clear, but right now my mind is in too much turmoil to appreciate it.

When news of Carlisle's death reached us I was as horrified and saddened as the rest of my family. Unlike them however, there was also a cowardly sense of relief and a heavy weight of guilt on my soul.

They died with him. The only others remaining who knew our secret.

For several months I grieved and slowly acclimatised to the knowledge that unless I am overcome by a profound need to confess myself, my mate and my new family are finally safe from the potential consequences of what we did all those years ago. A crime so terrible one had already paid with their life.

The girls had all wanted to rush to Esme's side. Or in Tanya's case, Edward's. My poor sister, I do not really know whether or not she is truly in love with Edward, but she believes she is. Esme however, who knows Tanya as well as I do, demurred and told us her family needed time to mourn. Reluctantly we agreed that they would visit us after spending the human holidays with Bella.

Fate is a very strange thing. Edward's one true love, reunited with him at last as a result of great tragedy. My mate's preferred reading material could not have created anything more poignant or with so much potential for some kind of happiness that something could be built from all the pain.

And yet from what Edward has told me fate seems to have yet more suffering to deliver.

I wanted to refuse to let them come, Edward and his mate, but I could not. Just like I could not turn Maria down when she came to me seeking help for Carlisle all those years ago. Compassion is both my greatest weakness and my greatest virtue. One day it is going to get me and those I love killed and now I fear that day is fast approaching. But what else can I do? Tanya is our leader, she would not refuse them even though she does not and cannot know my reasons for wanting to.

I must decide carefully what to reveal when I return home to let the others know Edward is coming.

They know of Edward's past with Maria, that could not be hidden considering the manner of Carlisle's death, but they know nothing of Carlisle's connection to her, nor Garrett's to him. Only that Carlisle and I became friends in Volterra and Maria was Jasper's sire.

In reality I should reveal nothing of what I know, that would be safest for my family.

But what if by giving Edward and his mate some nuggets of information I can save them from the fate that has befallen the rest of their family? Could I live with myself if I did not? From what Edward has told me I can only assume that they are being given a warning not to get any further involved in what is happening. A rather obscure one to be honest but perhaps that is the one thing I can do for them without endangering my own coven? It is also not beyond the realm of possibility that Tanya and the others will want to aid Edward in his suicidal quest and it may be that by revealing some of what I know they can be dissuaded, they have a very healthy respect for the law.

What else is going on here that I cannot see?

The kidnap attempt on Edward's mate and the deaths of Rosalie and Emmett, neither of those acts fit with anything I know. Is it this Daire, how is he connected to what is happening? Is he working with them, or connected in some other way?

I sigh heavily and climb to my feet. So many questions, so few answers.

Of one thing I am sure. This latest turn of events will greatly distress my sisters whose hearts are already bleeding for their cousins. Carlisle killed. Esme and Jasper frozen. Rosalie and Emmett slain and sacrificed in the most brutal way.

Dio! It is not going to be a happy new year.

**A/N Just realised I haven't done one yet on this story. So, BOO!**

**And a Happy New Year xx**


	28. Chapter 28

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 27 Coming to Alaska**

**BPOV**

Several SUVs later, with Edward driving, we turn down the lonely dirt track that he assures me leads to the Denali's compound.

No further ill has befallen us on the way here. Thank god. I don't think I can take much more without curling into a little ball and refusing to ever come out again. God, if only someone could doctor my memories, Rosalie and I might not have been kindred spirits but, _jeez_. Unfortunately her horrific death has brought Garrett's home to me in a way that I can't ignore. He died engulfed in flames, oh god Garrett I'd give anything to have spared you that, to have you back here with me.

I close my eyes against the stabbing pain and concentrate on taking deep breaths. Jerking them open again as the SUV lurches to a sudden stop.

Three immaculate, surreal, blonde beauties surround us, dragging us from the car into their arms.

The greeting is a little too warm for me since I've never met them but under the circumstances I don't have it in me to protest.

Finally, with the Denalis still sobbing brokenly, we are ushered back into the car and the tallest, who I assume is Tanya, takes over the drive to the house.

Two dark haired vampires are waiting on the porch. Eleazar and Carmen I presume.

The festival of sobbing, hugging and kissing continues as we unload the SUV and carry everything, including the unresponsive Esme, into the house. They must think I'm a very cold fish but I can't do this. Holding myself together, with a will of iron I didn't know I had, is all that's getting me through this. I just wish I knew what I was getting through this for.

Oh right, cats.

Like some sort of ancient procession we follow Eleazar and Irina as they carry Esme upstairs and enshrine her on an ornate bed.

"Should we get some blood?" Kate whispers, as if afraid to wake her.

"It won't do any good." Edward explains. "We've tried, it's impossible to get her to drink."

"Jasper too?" Irina chips in.

"Exactly the same." Edward sighs.

"Who would do such a thing?" Irina continues. "Who would be capable?"

"Patience sister." Tanya chides her. "There is plenty of time for questions, we should let our guests freshen up first, they have been on the road for days. Edward, Bella, let me show you to your room."

'Room?' I mouth at Edward as I pass him to follow her out into the hall.

He shrugs.

The room, like the rest of the house, is beautiful.

"Bathroom is through there." Tanya gestures. "I will leave you to it. We will be downstairs when you are ready."

"Room?" I whisper as she closes the door behind her.

"The others are hoping we are together." He mutters, holding my eye. "And Tanya is already elated that we don't seem to be."

"Well I'm glad somebody is happy about all this." I growl, grabbing my bag from the bed and locking myself in the bathroom.

Vampires don't really get dirty but it's still bliss to strip out of my clothes and wash myself down under the hot shower and the robotic action of washing my hair is pleasantly soothing. I almost feel like a new woman as I towel myself off.

Unfortunately a dip into my bag reveals the limitations to Edward's panic stricken packing back in New England.

Thong, check. Bra, nope. T-shirt, no sign. Jeans, missing in action.

With a resigned sigh I don one of Edward's silk shirts, which falls to mid-thigh, and turn to the mirror, dragging a brush through my matted by thankfully now clean hair.

Done I head back into the bedroom, depositing my bag on the bed and rifling through the others in search of my missing clothes, catching sight of Edward sat in one of the chairs with his hand over his eyes.

"Prude." I snarl under my breath, snagging my jeans and a t-shirt, I can live without the bra. An unquantifiable advantage to being made of marble.

Turning back to the bathroom I find Edward barring my way.

"I am _not_ a prude." His sweet breath wafts into my face as his eyes bore down into mine. "I am _trying_ to be a gentleman. Or does that not work for you? Would you rather I ogled your bare flesh and made comments about what I'd like to do to your body?"

I gasp in shock and take an instinctive step back.

"You have the right to doubt many things about me Bella. But never doubt that I have always found you attractive." He steps forward, closing the distance between us. "If this is not the reaction you were looking for then I suggest you let me cover my eyes next time, or wear more clothes."

My mouth opens and closes uselessly.

"You forgot this." He raises his hand dangling one of my bras from his outstretched finger.

Suffused with warmth I snatch it and dodge round him to the safety of the bathroom. What the fuck?

Jesus! There are no words.

Seduction was the farthest thing from my mind. Does he think . . . . Was he insulting me . . . . Did he just . . . . Was he . . . . Holy fucking shit, can my life get any weirder?

"Bella?" Edward's voice breaks into my slack jawed musings. "The Denalis are waiting for us."

"Um . . . ."

"Bella, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be so rude. I just . . . ." Deep sigh. "Bella, my past hasn't left me with much insight into how to behave around women, I tend to slip from one extreme to another. I didn't mean to offend you.

I meant what I said, I have always wanted . . . . um, found you attractive. I still do. But that doesn't excuse my behaviour. I wish . . . .

I don't know how to be around you, I don't know what you want. Hell I don't even know what I want.

But I know that I need you. I can't do this without you.

_Please_, Bella, say something."

"This is a push up bra. I needed a t-shirt bra."

"Oh."

A scuffling sound.

"This one?"

I crack the door open an inch and slide out a finger to receive the bra, snatching it shut as soon as my hand is safely back inside.

Dressed I open the door to find him waiting for me.

"_This_ is a push up bra?"

I nod.

"Well." He drawls slowly. "That certainly explains a lot."

Jeez, the two sides of Edward. I wonder if there's a happy medium in there somewhere.

"Ready?" He asks, offering me his hand.

With another nod I stalk past him and head downstairs.

"Edward." Tanya greets him, leaping to her feet and leading him over to an armchair. "I know it must be terrible for you but we need you to tell us everything."

She perches on the arm of his chair, resting her hand on his forearm, and with a small smile I make way over to another chair and sit down. Revenge is petty and a little bit sweet.

Holding onto myself tightly from within I grit my teeth and endure a far more detailed description of everything that's happened than he gave Eleazar on the phone. Their already melancholy expressions inexorably slide into the same disfiguring frowns that Edward and I are wearing. It's too terrible to be true and too unbelievable to be a lie.

When he's done the questions come thick and fast, the same one's we've asked ourselves over and over with the same lack of answers. Only Eleazar seems to be holding back, a quiet and thoughtful man.

With nothing else to do I turn my attention to our hosts.

Irina is interesting. Laurent came up here after our fight with James, I'd all but forgotten but Edward's monologue in the car reminded me, they were an item and then he left Edward said, unable to stick to the diet. I wonder why she didn't go with him, is there something intractable about vegetarian vampires that means we can't compromise our ideals for love? Did she scorn him the way the Cullen men did Maria?

Kate is by far the warmest of the five, allowing for Tanya's obvious view of me as a rival. I think I might like Kate, even in this debacle she manages to see some humour and some good in everyone.

Eleazar and his mate Carmen are like two halves of the same whole, they mirror each other's movements and facial expressions in an elegant ballet. The love flowing between them is almost a physical thing, if I sprayed them with powder I bet I could see it, binding them together. It makes me sad, what if we've brought death and destruction into their lives too by bringing Esme here? Carmen gives me a wan smile, as if she can read my mind.

Tanya's desire for Edward would have been obvious even without his dry warning. She can barely take her eyes off him. Which makes me curious, what does she see in him and why don't I seem to anymore?

He's an amazingly good looking man, boy. Beautiful even. With a great body. I was always unhealthily obsessed with this body, hinted at beneath his self-consciously trendy clothes, and now I find myself glad I can't blush, experience has filled in the gaps of my virginal teenage imagination. I can all too vividly picture it, fancy what it would feel like under my fingers. Oh god, I'm having a cougar moment, about _Edward_. Goodbye sanity.

Stung I drag my eyes away from him to re-focus on Tanya. She hangs on his every word, resisting no opportunity to touch him, just the way I used to.

I glance back to him and our eyes meet. He favours me with a small smile and I smile back automatically before Tanya reclaims his attention.

She knows about his lies and double standards yet that doesn't seem to faze her at all. Why should it, he didn't lie to her. Well he did I suppose but it's not quite the same, me he claimed to love. And he did love me, I know he did. Why would she want to be with him, knowing she could never trust him, or is it me that has the trust issues?

Of course I'd never trust him, once bitten twice shy. How monumentally dumb would I need to be to put myself through that again, even with my _rival_ gone? I bite back my snort of laughter, like I'd have ever been any competition for the goddess that was Maria, even the blonde perfection of Tanya and her sisters would pale to nothing beside her. Despite the unpleasant role she played in my past, and her death, she fascinates me. I once dreamed of forever with my beautiful Edward, she had a forever but it didn't seem to include much happiness. Now it seems to be my turn to tread that lonely path. She told me she'd loved many times but I can't see that happening to me, or imagine what it's like. I loved Edward. I love, l-loved Garrett. I don't think there's room in my heart for anyone else. Except cats of course, I'm sure I could come to love them over time.

"Bella?" Eleazar's questioning tone gets my attention. "Perhaps you can tell us more about this gift? I can sense easily that you are a powerful mental shield."

I flick my eyes to Edward, unsure.

"I would trust him with my life." He assures me. "He's an expert at gifts, he may be able to help you."

Tentatively I explain my mental shield. How neither Edward nor the terrifying Aro could hear me when I was human and Edward still can't hear me as a vampire.

"Have you tried extending it? Protecting others?"

"No." I shake my head. "It never occurred to us."

"It may be worth a try. I have never felt such raw force in a shield before. It could be amazingly useful. And your mind reading?"

"I'm not a mind reader."

"What would happen if you lifted your shield now?" He probes gently.

"Um." Nervously I glance at Edward, who nods in encouragement. "I would pick up on your memories and feelings, up to this point, like a movie."

"All of us?" Eleazar asks in shock.

"I don't know, I don't think so. It's happened before, with Jasper, where several people were present, but I only got him."

"And then you passed out?" He presses.

Reluctantly I nod as everyone stares at me like Exhibit A.

"Perhaps with practice and guidance you could absorb more."

Appalled I glare at him. Do I look like a lab rat?

"Sorry Bella." Carmen soothes. "Eleazar and Carlisle were friends for several reasons, a love of science and discovery being one of them."

"I am sorry my dear." Eleazar apologises. "My wife is correct, I do tend to get a little carried away. Now is neither the time nor the place. Please, tell me a little more about what you receive when this happens?"

Awed by my own awkwardness I explain a scant amount more than Edward has already revealed.

"That is quite a gift. One that you would do well to keep a secret." Eleazar pauses for a moment, almost considering what to say next. "And you say you have seen inside both Garrett and Jasper's heads?"

I nod.

"Interesting." He muses, eyeing me speculatively.

Instinct keeps me quiet but Edward fills the silence easily.

"The curious thing is that she couldn't see Carlisle in Garrett's memory and neither Carlisle nor Maria in Jasper's."

"That _is_ interesting." Eleazar ponders, face impassive.

"Are you aware of any gift that can do that, edit something out of a person's memories?" Edward asks him.

"I have heard tales but never credited them. It would be very difficult to verify, until today I was not aware of anyone other than Aro who could read someone's every thought."

"Oh, she . . . ."

I catch Edward's eye and shake my head infinitesimally before he gives away any further information. I still haven't told him everything and I am in no way inclined to have it all come spilling out under Eleazar's insistent probing.

I'm really going to have to rethink my judgemental attitude to liars.


	29. Chapter 29

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 28 Learning**

**BPOV**

To my relief Edward declares a need to hunt and dragging me with him he heads out into the frozen wastes.

"Aren't you going to hunt?" I ask when we finally come to a stop.

"No. I just thought you needed a break and god knows I needed to be away from Tanya's thoughts for a while."

Disinclined to get into that I step away from him, revolving slowly to take in the frankly astonishing view.

"It's beautiful." I breathe.

"I always knew you would appreciate Alaska and I always dreamed I would get to show it to you one day." He says quietly.

I shake my head slightly refusing to look at him, dangerous territory, our past.

"Are you sure you don't want to hunt? Esme said . . . ."

"Bella." He interrupts gently. "It's okay. I haven't been tempted once, not even thought about it despite all the humans we've been around. I'm okay. Esme thought being full would help and it did at first but now I feel far more in control. I don't think I can go forever without tasting human blood again." He pauses, shuddering at his own admission. "But I do feel like I can control it better now, like I used to."

"Do you mind if I do?" I ask.

"Comfort eating?" He responds, cocking a perfectly groomed eyebrow at me.

"A little bit." I admit. I don't feel thirsty, the omnipresent dry scratchy throat is there, nagging at me the way it always does. But I find hunting strangely relaxing at the moment, something to occupy my overwhelmed mind, hardly fair to the wildlife but better than any number of alternatives.

After half-heartedly draining a small deer I run out of both the excuses and the energy to dodge thinking about our predicament and with a gusty sigh I wind down like a clockwork toy, slipping into the total stillness only vampires and rocks can achieve.

What if Esme and Jasper never move again? What if this is our eternity now, running forward seeking answers and running back in order to survive, constant fear our only companions. How could anybody live like that? Why would anybody want to?

"Hey. Are you okay?"

I shake my head slowly, fighting back the sobs that are threatening to overtake me.

"Bella." He steps up behind me and I find myself acutely conscious of his scent, his nearness and his body, almost touching mine.

"I want to help you, I want to take care of you. You know that's all I ever wan . . . ."

"Edward." I practically beg. "I know you think we should talk about us, about what happened, but I don't think I can. It hurts too much. I don't want to open those old wounds up, especially not while there's so much else going on, I don't think I could bear it."

The silence drags on and I close my eyes. I find myself wishing that things were different, that he _could_ comfort me like he used to. Hell, I'd be grateful for anyone or anything that could make me feel better or forget at this point.

Suddenly he moves closer, pressing his body against mine and wrapping his arm tightly around me, head resting on my shoulder.

I don't have it in me to shrug him off. Instead I surprise myself by sagging back into his embrace, drawing comfort and warmth from our contact. This isn't so bad. Gradually I relax even further until the two of us are virtually wrapped around each other.

With a low groan he pulls us tighter together and I go with it, guiltily allowing myself to enjoy the sensation of his body wrapped around me, his cool lips resting motionless against the exposed flesh of my neck.

What happened in our room flashes through my mind. The real Edward is not the sexless being I'd long assumed him to be, if anything about Maria or his situation in Bangor hadn't brought that home to me his reaction to my semi-clad state earlier certainly did. This is isn't plutonic and comforting Edward who is draped around my body like he belongs there. This is a man. With a man's desires.

Sudden awareness surges through me like an electric shock but before I can leap away, hurting him unnecessarily, Tanya's cut glass voice slices through the air, and the moment, like a knife through butter and we jump apart naturally.

"Edward! Bella! There you are. You always come up here Edward, like a homing pigeon."

I turn and watch her glide up the incline toward us. Ethereal beauty she may have but there's a flashing neon sign over her head where her feelings for Edward are concerned.

"Eleazar sent me out to look for you. There are many things we still need to discuss."

We follow her back to the house, her stream of words a sound track to my pin wheeling thoughts and I follow them with only a small portion of my consciousness.

She and her sisters want to come back with us, help us get the answers we're seeking. They must be fucking crazy is the only coherent response the part of me that's paying attention can muster. Eleazar isn't keen on the idea and Carmen, bless her sensible socks, is siding with him. I tune out again as Edward tries to talk her out of it.

What I'm really thinking about is Edward.

Adult Bella has clearly been thinking of him only in terms of what she knows from her past. The boy she was so totally in love with that she was willing to die for him and put her family through the pain. The irony that I've ended up dead to them anyway is not lost on me. I _choose_ to ignore it. The one who let her down in the most spectacular manner, by not being at all the person she thought he was. Despite all the evidence to the contrary adult Bella still views him through those eyes. A tragic let down. But of course he isn't the person she, I, thought he was. He never was, that was the problem, and I realise now that he's not the only one who is struggling to work out who he is.

Tanya, on the other hand already seems to have made up her mind. Whatever he is, she's madly in love with him.

Their conversation winds down as the house comes into view. Edward doesn't seem to have made much progress dissuading Tanya from her newly acquired suicidal streak.

Eleazar and the others are waiting for us inside. Edward offers me his hand again and I take it automatically, my walking, talking, comfort blanket.

"Edward. I wish to talk to you about your intention to track the Bangor vampires who attacked you." Eleazar begins seriously.

Edward's leads me over to the couch and we sit down like two teenagers anticipating a good scolding.

"Do you think it is wise?" Eleazar continues. "Carlisle, Maria, Rosalie and Emmett are already dead. How many more will be sacrificed so you can quench your thirst for understanding?"

He peers at Edward sternly as the clock on the mantle ticks ominously.

"I don't intend to risk anyone." Edward answers finally. "As I mentioned on the phone. I would like Bella to stay here with you while I return to New England."

"I do not believe that she will be inclined to do so."

I shake my head vehemently.

"We haven't discussed it." Edward concedes, turning to me. "I'm sorry Bella. I've cost you so much already, I couldn't ask you to risk anything more."

"I won't be left behind Edward. I lost my mate. Esme and Jasper are frozen. If there is any way to help them we need to find it. Like Esme I have the right to try to find out what happened and why."

"We agree with them." Kate chips in, earning an approving smile from Tanya. "Such terrible crimes can't be allowed to stand. We can't simply stand by and do nothing. Esme and Jasper must be restored and it is our duty to ensure that no one else ever suffers like this."

"Is it revenge you seek?" Eleazar asks calmly, eyeing each of us in turn. "Or justice?"

"Justice." Tanya vows. "Perhaps we should inform The Volturi?"

Eleazar sighs, sinking into the other couch beside his wife and patting her thigh distractedly.

"What if I were able to assure you that Esme and Jasper will recover?" He whispers finally.

"What?" "How? "What do you know?" "Can you?" "When?"

The questions come thick and fast.

Eleazar, a patient man, waits for calm before launching into an explanation.

"When I was assisting Aro with the procurement of gifted humans and vampires, many centuries ago, I came across a man named Clarion. Well that wasn't exactly his name but it's the best translation we were ever able to manage.

He had been captured by a coven we were perusing. Such humans usually came in handy for feeding the Guard, however, I detected something different about him. Other than his looks, he was a very distinctive looking human. He certainly made a striking vampire."

A _long_ explanation.

"I digress. I was not able to even guess at his gift only that it was likely to be unusual and powerful. As I was often correct the leader of the cadre of Guard I was with, Felix, you know him I understand?"

Edward and I nod rapidly in the hope that it will speed him up.

"Felix, who is nowhere near as terrifying as his appearance suggests, agreed to spare him and take him back with us to Volterra. It was a long journey and I am afraid Clarion nearly became vampire fodder several times. I can only guess at the ordeal he went through. Felix and I protected him however. To this day I understand he is slavishly devoted to Felix."

Unbidden my left leg starts jumping up and down and the corner of Edward's mouth twitches up slightly as he supresses a smile.

"Anyway. Whether he liked it or not, on arrival at Volterra, Clarion was changed. By Aro himself, quite the honour.

His gift developed slowly. At first we noticed that he could extract scents from certain items. Then from the air around him. After a year or two the gift began manifesting itself physically. He could remove blood from robe and stone, mud from carpeted floors. It was truly astounding. Eventually the Guard started referring to him as Il Panno di Pulizia. The Cleaning Cloth.

But that was nothing compared to what happened next. We discovered that he could wipe people and vampires clean too. Mentally."

I gasp and clench Edward's hand as consternation erupts around me.

"Esme has been wiped?" "Oh my god, Eleazar, tell me it isn't true!" "No!"

As calm is not restored this time Tanya takes charge and urges everyone into silence.

"Please, do not be alarmed." Eleazar soothes. "His effect on the mind is temporary. I chose my words poorly. Vampires appear to have been cleaned, wiped of all consciousness, and indeed they have, but eventually everything returns. Sometimes slowly. Sometimes suddenly. Always fully."

"How long?" Edward demands, leaning forward intently.

"That varies I am afraid." Eleazar responds. "In humans the effects have been known to last for up to a year."

Howls of anguish.

"But in vampires it has proved to be between a week and a few months. Neither we, nor he, could ever work out why it varied so. Very frustrating."

Six conversations start at once as everyone tries to have their say.

"Why?" I ask loudly, cutting through the tumult. "Why would The Volturi do that to Esme and Jasper but kill Rosalie and Emmett?"

"I can only guess at why The Volturi would have Clarion 'clean' Esme and Jasper. But I can assure you, young one, that it would not have been they that slaughtered your brother and sister."

"And your guess?" I practically growl.

Edward squeezes my hand, whether to reassure me or restrain me I don't know. He doesn't interfere however.

"The Volturi know full well that either Carlisle or I would immediately recognise the gift at work. Carlisle spent quite a bit of time with Clarion in Volterra, he was above all a man of science, Clarion's gift fascinated him.

I believe it was used as warning for your coven to stay well away from what is happening in New England. I am sure that once that fate befell Jasper Carlisle would have brought you all here at once and forbidden any further involvement. I certainly would have done.

They obviously, did not, do not, know that Carlisle is lost to us."

The others are all now totally silent, watching Eleazar with wary expressions.

"Bella. Your house, Jasper, they were a warning for you not to get involved. If they were watching you they would have seen you head south, assumed the warning was being heeded. When you then went back to New England, it would make sense for them to try again."

I am quiet for a moment digesting what he has said. Then I begin rapid fire questions.

"Why warn Carlisle?"

"Despite what you may think of Aro, based on your human experience, he is inordinately fond of Carlisle and his infamous stubbornness. If there were truly trouble brewing here he would want him to remain clear of it."

"Why not just call him and tell him?"

Eleazar shrugs eloquently. "He would have had his reasons. It is impossible and unwise to attempt to second guess Aro, he thinks in millennia. He knew Carlisle well. He _knew_ he would heed the warning."

"And Gavan?"

"I would imagine he knew something The Volturi did not want you to know. Perhaps it would have enticed your coven further into danger."

"Rosalie and Emmett?" I ask finally, my ire gone.

"I do not know what is unfolding here, or why The Volturi are in the Americas. We can assume that the men who tried to kidnap you were in some way linked to Daire, maybe they thought one of you could be used as bait to entrap Edward. Did Maria not believe that Daire was after his gift?"

Edward and I nod tightly.

"It would seem logical therefore, since The Volturi would not have done it, that it was Daire's men who tracked you to Utah and attacked you there?"

Two forces working against us. Edward said that at the very beginning.

"All I can surmise further at this point is that, since Gavan was killed, Daire is somehow linked to The Volturi's presence."

"Why isn't Daire still after us?" Edward asks.

"We do not know that he is not." Eleazar responds. "However, he has lost a fair few men in the attempt. Perhaps he has decided you are not worth it?"

For some reason this makes Edward bubble over with bitter laughter.


	30. Chapter 30

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. Lemony.**

**Chpt 29 The Last Temptation of Edward**

**EPOV**

Our little meeting breaks up soon after I recover from my amusement at Eleazar's choice of words. Apparently Bella may not be the only one who finds me worthless, how wonderful, really I can feel my sense of self-esteem sloughing away from me like dead skin from a human body.

Which may not be a bad thing. Perhaps I need to be broken down into my constituent parts before I can build myself back up into a man I can live with.

Esme's words during one of our 'talks' in the months following Carlisle's death float through my mind. 'Edward, you really must learn not to over analyse everything and turn it into some kind of intellectual challenge. You are a man, not a computer, sometimes you just need to _be._'

Bella has gone up to our room to think and I have quashed my desire to follow her and make sure she is okay, I recall very well from our time together that she needs space to process things and I will try to respect that. It isn't easy however, she is troubled and my every instinct is to take those troubles away from her, despite how badly I usually screw up when I try.

Hah. Worthless. Screwing up is what I do best.

Eleazar's revelations have had a profound effect on the Denalis. Their desire to return to New England with me, us, has gone. Replaced by their fear and respect for The Volturi and while I approve of this change from a practical point of view, who willingly sets out to get killed or frozen, I can also empathise. Their exposure to our 'rulers' has been far more brutal than mine. Their 'mother' and creator was executed by The Volturi for the most heinous of crimes, creating an Immortal Child. The child, Vasilii was executed too. By fire, before their eyes. They were only spared by their ignorance of the crime, as revealed by Aro's ability. How very _compassionate_ of him.

It all happened before Carlisle changed me but as well as the re-telling I also have their traumatised thoughts on the subject to underline just how deeply it has affected them. While I find The Volturi an anachronism to be avoided, they fear and respect them on a visceral level. There's no way they will come with us now. Which relieves me, I can't bear the idea of anyone else suffering for my mistakes.

"Edward?" Tanya's voice brings me back to the Denalis living room and I smile up at her, her thoughts are suffused with a desire to help me in some way. "I need to hunt, would you like to accompany me?"

"Yes, thank you Tanya, could you wait one moment while I call Alice? I think she should know that Jasper will recover."

"Of course, give her my love, I will go and get changed."

It's a conversation of two halves. Firstly, Alice is appalled to learn that Esme has met the same fate as Jasper. But then her sobs turn to relief as I recount Eleazar's explanation, in the background I can hear Peter and Charlotte celebrating, Jasper's predicament had hit them hard too. The call ends with laughter, the happiest sound I have heard in quite a while and a little gloom lifts from my heart.

A returning Tanya reaps the benefit of the genuine smile that's taken temporary residence on my face.

Oops. Oh well.

She takes my offered hand and the two of us run out into the wilderness.

"I'll race you!" She shouts suddenly, dropping my hand and streaking ahead.

As if. I count to ten and then surge after her. A light hearted distraction is just what I need right now and I'm grateful to her for having the perception to provide it.

She is nowhere near as fast as me but her thousand years of experience make her difficult to catch to say the least. She also knows me well enough to make a reasonable effort at hiding her next move in her thoughts and manages to lead me a merry dance before I finally grab her wrist and toss her gently into a snowdrift.

Laughing she struggles out, shaking the snow from her hair and leaning back to rest on the drift.

"Join me?" She asks, patting the snow beside her.

I shake my head out of habit but find my eyes skimming over her perfect body. She really is a beautiful woman. Guiltily they flash back to her face and she gives me a knowing smile.

"Come on." She says, standing and gesturing for me to follow her. "The herd are this way, let's hunt."

I drink my fill quickly and bury my kills before settling down atop a flat rock.

In all the years I have known her I have never really considered Tanya as an option for me.

Not because I don't find her attractive, I always have, even though blondes are not my normal preference.

I first met her and her sisters during my newborn year and whilst at that point the combination of my seventeen year old human hormones and newborn urges would probably have had me humping any female that stayed still long enough, there were two things that prevented anything inappropriate happening.

My rigid upbringing, which I was hanging onto for grim death as a bulwark against the overpowering _needs_ that came with my new existence, and their clearly started preference for human men.

Well, three things if you counted Carlisle's efforts to keep me on the straight and narrow. Of the three sisters Tanya has always shown the most interest in me.

I don't know exactly when her attitude to me started to change. Perhaps something about _me_ changed after my time with Maria. She became almost playful with me. Never once in her actions or thoughts giving away any romantic interest, just curiosity and a desire to bed me to see what it would be like. From her thoughts in those days it seemed that she liked the idea of teaching me to be a man and a lover. She would sometimes tease me by deliberating thinking about the two of us making passionate love, the things I would do to her and the pleasure she would give me.

I think she thought her teasing embarrassed me but she couldn't have been more wrong. Would her feelings for me now be different if she knew how close she often came to being thrown down and fucked senseless in front of our families?

Those were hard times and the real reason why I avoided being alone with her. Of course I never took her up on her offer. That would have been against every repressed Edwardian principle I was trying to uphold following my then private fall from grace with Maria.

Was it my seeming indifference that morphed her lusty feelings for me into love?

Strangely despite her liberated views and behaviour she is one of the few women I have never judged poorly for them. Partly because her desire for me has never done any damage to my ego, and partly, because the rest of her thoughts are always awash with her basic decency and honesty. Tanya Denali is a good person.

I hadn't given how we would react to each other now any consideration at all on the way up here. But being here has created a little oasis of calm in the maelstrom of the last week and I find myself regarding her through hooded eyes as she sensuously stalks her prey.

I've fought down my attraction to her for so long it is a shock to realise now that there is nothing stopping me from partaking of what she is still willing to offer me.

As if she can read my mind she stops what she's doing and stares back at me.

For once I don't look away, instead I watch the sway of her hips and breasts as she stalks purposefully toward me.

My cock hardens automatically as I wonder, not for the first time, what her long lean body will feel like under my hands.

I stand as she draws nearer, still holding my eyes with her own.

We are almost the same height and it's so easy for her lips to brush lightly against mine and for my arms to slip around her waist, drawing us together.

Our bodies fit neatly, moving effortlessly together as I deepen the kiss. She tastes likes peppermint. And she feels amazing as I glide my hands up and down her back, cupping her high round buttocks and pulling her closer to me. Her breasts press against me and the erect nipples brush my chest with tingling warmth as she undulates into me, responding instinctively to my hands which are demanding our hips move closer together. I lose myself in the hungry kiss and the sensation of her pressing against me, it's a heady mixture.

Our world rotates and flips and I find myself lying on top of her in the snow, our kiss more heated, our breathing coming in increasingly sharp pants.

What's the tired old joke Emmett used to tell whenever we visited the Denalis? Oh yes, the definition of a nympho is a woman who can trip you up and be under you before you hit the ground. I find that I don't mind however, it's where I want to be right now, resting between her open thighs. With a groan I grind my aching erection into her, moving my lips to suck and nibble at her neck as one hand twists into her silky hair and the other gives in to desire and almost roughly explores her left breast.

She moans and pushes up into me and with a groan I lower my mouth to capture the hard peak through her sweater, my teeth fastening around it as my tongue darts out to tease. I'm rewarded with another, longer, moan and her legs lifting up to wrap around my waist. Now I can feel her heat rubbing against me too and my lust spikes as I push my free hand between us to massage her sensitive flesh through her jeans.

"Edward please." She moans, throwing her head back and clamping me tighter with her thighs. "I _want_ you."

I need no further invitation, ripping away her sweater so that I can sample her breast directly with my mouth while my hand kneads the other. Her hands tangle in my hair, pulling it gently as her soft moans become more urgent.

My hand trails down, unfastening her jeans and sliding inside to stroke her through her panties. Jesus she's so hot and wet it's a wonder the snow around us hasn't melted. I'm so desperate to get inside her it's almost painful as I crash my lips frantically back into hers.

It's her thoughts that finally pour cold water on my rampant desire.

'Edward, I love you.'

I remember Bella saying those words to me in the throes of passion and immediately my thoughts flash to her. The scent of her newly washed skin as she emerged from the bathroom, the sight of her luscious body barely concealed by my shirt. _She_ is the one I want.

With a sigh I ease myself away from Tanya. Not a straightforward thing to do when my nose and senses are saturated with the tang of her arousal and her full lips are parted and shaped by the assault of my own.

"Tanya." I whisper, pressing my lips against her cool forehead. "We can't do this. I can't do this. It's wrong."

"Edward, I know you are conflicted, there is nothing wrong with two people who care for each other expressing . . . ."

"Tanya." I place one finger gently on her lips, drawing back to look into her golden eyes. "I understand, I realise, but this is wrong. Wrong because I don't love you and you love me."

"Edward I know you care for me." She protests quietly.

"I do Tanya, I do." I close my eyes so I don't have to see the hurt in those beautiful eyes. "Too much to offer you the dregs of what you deserve from someone who will love you back with a whole heart."

"Do you still love Bella?" She asks in a whisper.

"I don't know." I answer truthfully, finally finding the strength to pull completely away.

In silence I help her dress, fastening the buttons of my shirt over her naked breasts while I mentally recite the opening chapters of A Brief History of Time.

Done I pull her into my arms and bury my face in her hair.

"I'm so sorry." I whisper.

Her thoughts are chaotic but her words are clear and honest.

"I forgive you Edward. I will be here for you when you are ready."

Disentangling herself she turns and starts back to the house.

Understanding. Other people's understanding of my fuck ups is going to be the death of me. I don't deserve her forgiveness, or Bella's. Hell, it's not like it's even the first time I've made this particular mistake.

Alone I sink down into the snow, all trace of my ardour gone.


	31. Chapter 31

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 30 Leaving Alaska**

**BPOV**

Vampire minds take a sometimes annoyingly short time to process large quantities of information so Eleazar's revelations and their potential meanings don't keep my myriad worries away for long.

Unable to lie on the bed any longer I get up and begin pacing the room, going over the same old ground and reaching the same lack of conclusions. I don't know where my life is going now, possibly to its end considering the 'quest' Edward and I are intent on, I certainly can't see any further than that. Even the cats are a method of avoiding thinking about what my existence will be like once all 'this' is over.

With a sigh I turn to take in the view from the window, it really is beautiful up here, perhaps I could move somewhere cold and inhospitable and live on penguins.

Tanya rushes into view, alone, clutching Edward's too big shirt around her slim frame.

I heard them leave to go hunting. Just the distraction Edward needed to be honest, despite the outbreak of mirth he was in danger of disappearing up his own backside. He can't take the blame for everything that's happened and he shouldn't try.

Maybe they found a bear. Em-Em, Emmett always used to come home with his clothes shredded when he had bear for dinner. God I can't believe he's gone, who is going to make everyone laugh at chez Cullen now, Edward and Jasper are no comedians.

I can't believe Edward would let her come home on her own like that, eating his bed mates notwithstanding, being a gentleman pretty much defines his existence.

Maybe something's happened to him?

My breath catches in my throat until I realise that Tanya would be sounding the alarm, not sneaking back in like a teenager returning from a tryst with her boyfriend . . . .

Oh.

My legs suddenly feel weak and I collapse backward into the chair.

Well, why shouldn't they? They're both single. She's beautiful. She loves him. Good for him, them.

What am I, chopped liver? I thought . . . . Well I tried not to, but I did. I thought, I thought maybe he still wanted me.

How conceited of me. I wasn't good enough for him before and apparently I'm still not good enough for him now. What on earth would have made me think that I was?

An old forgotten pain tugs at my heart.

Oh come on. This is ridiculous. I'm not that broken little girl any more, I'm a grown woman, practically a widow. No, I _am _a widow, I've lost my mate, the one man I've ever really loved properly.

So why does the idea of Edward and Tanya getting it together hurt so much.

Probably just because he's pretty much the only person I have left from my old life. That sounds entirely plausible. I'm sure I've read somewhere that bereavement makes you cling to the familiar. And Edward _is _familiar, he was my first love. Under the circumstances that must negate the discovery that his feet of clay turned out to go all the way up to his neck.

Fuck him. Why should I care what he gets up to, he's not my responsibility. I just hope he doesn't hurt Tanya with his dithering and personality issues, a man should only be allowed so many screw ups.

Must be time for the news.

I flick the television on just as Edward wanders into view.

Shirtless.

I whip my eyes back to the screen.

Budget deficits, this I need to watch, if I survive this I have a business empire to run after all.

…..

Irina, Tanya and Carmen have gone to the nearby town to collect a parcel for us. They've used their contacts to get us new cells, IDs and credit cards so we can travel back to New England without being detected.

Eleazar, a patient _and_ forceful man, has insisted that we use the time to work with my gift. Not the absorbing one thank god, just the shield.

Which is why Kate, Edward and I are currently in his study getting a scholarly lecture on gifts and the controlling thereof.

Normally I would avoid something like this like the plague but under the circumstances it's a welcome distraction and it might come in useful later.

Kate is here because she has the ability to deliver electric shocks through her skin. She's already tried it on me, and like Jane and Aro when I was human, it doesn't work.

Works on Edward though, makes him jump, so my task is to protect him.

And therein lies the problem. It's not exactly motivating me at the moment.

I will admit it. I _am_ angry with him. Angry that he fucked me over when I was a child. Angry that his issues got my mate and his sire killed. Angry that those same issues still seem to be haunting us now. And angry that despite all the pain and suffering he seems to have found time for romance while the rest of us are left wrestling with our demons.

He jumps, jerking his hand away from mine with a hiss.

I shake my head.

"Sorry Eleazar, I just can't visualise the shield."

"Try again Bella. Perhaps you don't need to see it as a physical thing, sometimes simply willing it to be works as well."

I nod, determined to focus. This might save our lives.

Reluctantly Edward takes my hand again, Eleazar thought that physical contact might make it easier for me to extend my shield over him.

"Calm down Edward." Kate drawls, winking at me. "I really am on the lowest setting."

"Humph." He growls.

I close my eyes again.

"Now Kate." Eleazar instructs.

"Jesus Christ on a stick! Shit!" Edward almost screams. "Sorry Bella, Kate. Kate are you sure that's a low setting?"

"Of course Edward. Why would I want to hurt you?" Her voice is saccharin sweet.

"Again." Eleazar commands.

With a martyred sigh Edward takes my hand for the hundredth time.

I close my eyes.

Nothing.

I open them.

Edward is beaming at me like a lottery winner.

"I can't feel a thing."

"Really?" Kate grinds out, screwing her eyes shut in concentration. "I'm on the strongest setting."

"Nothing." Edward responds with some smugness.

Nanoseconds later he's stretched out on the floor twitching like a decapitated chicken.

"Oops." Who knew I could be so vindictive.

"I think she has got it." Eleazar observes dryly.

Kate giggles, winking at me again.

…..

Eleazar shoos us out so he can write up his notes, like a doctor, and Kate makes her excuses and flits away.

Which leaves Edward and I staring at each uncomfortably in the hallway.

We're like yo-yos I realise. One minute relaxed with each other, the next awkward. Relaxed, awkward. Relaxed, awkward. Awkward.

And I could really do with a hug right now. Who is there to hug me anymore?

With a gargantuan effort I fight back my wave of self-pity.

I am _not_ weak. My head snaps up and an unrequested sneer forms on my face.

Edward blinks at me in surprise.

"What shall we do while we wait for the others to get back?" I snap at him.

"I need to go and lie in something cold." He answers, shuddering all over. "Kate's shocks have made me feel like I've got a major case of the hives."

With nothing else to do I trail outside after him and watch as he hurls himself face first into a deep pile of snow cleared from the driveway.

He wriggles around for a bit and then rolls onto his back to stare at the sky.

"I get the impression you're angry with me." He says after a while.

"Really? I'm not."

"Tell me honestly Bella, at which point during that session with Eleazar did you get control of your gift?"

"What are you implying?" I huff guiltily.

He just raises an eyebrow.

Alright.

"After about two hours." I mumble.

"And the other two hours?" He asks, holding my eyes.

"Um."

"And you were punishing me for what, exactly?"

"Jesus, Edward, where do you want me to start?"

"With the truth, you haven't taken your anger out on me yet, why start today?"

I shrug, when what I really want to do is run away.

"If you're angry with me, don't you think we should talk about why?"

"What is there to talk about?" I ask brightly. "The pertinent facts are all known. The water has passed under the bridge. And nothing will be changed."

"Won't it?"

"Jeez, what's with the annoying Yoda act?"

"Of course. How silly of me. You don't want to talk about us."

"There is no us!" I protest.

He ignores me.

"It makes perfect sense, we could be going off to face our deaths, but we're supposed to pretend that whatever's wrong has got nothing to do with us."

"There is no us!" I howl.

"Then why have you just let Kate torture me half to death?"

Like I'm going to tell him. Like I even know.

With a dismissive wave of my hand I stalk off into the wilderness.

Solitude. I need it. I miss my mountain. I miss my life. I miss the lack of drama. I miss the happiness and the laughter. I miss the physical closeness. I miss Garrett.

After a while I become aware that a vampire is following me. And after a moment of panic I realise its Edward.

Fine.

I trudge on. Each step an aggressive assault on the frozen ground. No wonder Yetis are so widely reported, with pissed off vampires stomping across the tundra. You could probably follow my trail from space.

Maybe I need to calm down. Being followed hasn't worked out very well recently.

Fear creeps back into my mind and gradually I slow, relaxing as Edward begins to catch me up. How stupid is it to be angry with the only ally you have left.

Jeez this whole situation is so fucked up.

I gradually dawdle to a standstill, turning to face him as he approaches.

"There is no us." I attempt to assert.

Ignoring me again he advances, opening his arms so that I can sink into them gratefully.

"Yes there is." He intones quietly. "Whether you like it or not. We have a history and our own unique set of issues. None of which will go away by virtue of an act of will."

"Speak English." I mutter into his chest.

"You're going to have to talk to me sometime."

"I've already told you." I whine.

"No, you haven't." He whispers, pressing his lips onto the top of my head in a way that has me sagging against him. "We both know why you're angry now, why won't you just say it?"

"Because it's a misnomer. It's misleading."

Silence. Damn patient silence.

"I saw Tanya come back in your shirt." My mouth blurts out before my brain can gag it.

"Do you want to know what happened?"

"No." Yes.

…..

He told me. Or more correctly he told my hair.

My hair didn't have an opinion but my mind was sent whirling once again.

To his credit he simply steered me back to the house and let me get on with it, packing my bag and loading it into the truck the Denalis have lent us while I make my goodbyes.

I visit Esme first, telling her my latest thoughts and concerns, wishing her a speedy recovery and promising that I'll take care of Edward.

As far as I know no one has really discussed why none of the Denalis are coming with us now, although I can certainly understand it based on what Edward has told me. The idea of having any contact with The Volturi sparks all the half remembered terrors I have from my human life, crystal clear more brutal ones must be quite some deterrent.

Irina affords me a brief embrace and a peck on the cheek.

Kate hugs me tightly, apologising for not coming with us.

Eleazar and Carmen are composed and sorrowful in their farewells.

Tanya also hugs me tightly, exhorting me to take care and watch out for Edward. And apologising profusely for not coming with us.

There's a funerary air to our departure which is hard to ignore. They think we're mad and should stay here.

I think we're mad and should stay here. But I don't know how. And neither does Edward.

Eventually we set off down the dirt track that leads to the highway.

I have many things to fear but suddenly none more so than three days alone on the road with 'us'.


	32. Chapter 32

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 31 Ducking and Diving**

**BPOV**

Twenty miles he manages to drive before he takes a deep breath and I know he's about to start up a conversation I'm not ready to have.

"Eleazar didn't seem very impressed with our plan." I observe by way of a distraction.

"Can you blame him? Return to New England and wander around in plain sight until someone, either Daire or The Vollturi, finds us. There are a couple of obvious flaws there that even I can see."

"The whole becoming dead before having the chance to ask any questions issue?" I offer, surprised at how blasé we're becoming about the whole thing. You really can only live with that level of tension for so long before something has to give. In this case clearly our sanity.

He nods.

"I know we didn't go into specifics but I kind of assumed we'd have a bit more of a plan than that." I sigh. "This really isn't our area of expertise."

"We could wait for Jasper to wake up." He suggests.

"Why? So that he can be frozen again or worse. I don't think I could ask that of him. Besides he's very sensible, he's only going to say the same things Eleazar did and then tell us to get stuffed."

"And quite right too." Edward chuckles.

"Then why are we doing this?" I know, I just need to be reminded.

"Because my father and your mate are dead. Because my brother and sister are dead. And because we'll go mad if we don't at least get to find out why."

"What about Maria, doesn't it matter that she's dead?"

"Of course it matters."

"That's a very glib answer, why wouldn't you say so then?" It's probably not wise to bait him on the subject, since it's dangerously close to 'us', but I really have a problem with his attitude to Maria. Carlisle's too for that matter.

He's quiet for a moment, looking at me sideways.

"Honestly?"

"I thought we'd established that honesty is the only way to go?" I respond archly. I have every intention of spilling some of my beans. Eventually.

"I don't like mentioning her in case it upsets you." He admits finally

Yes, I can see why he might think that. He did stop his ground breaking seduction of me so he could go off and practice a bit more on a real woman first. Not that I'm bitter or anything.

"It doesn't bother me. Its history. What bothers me is that you denied her all those years, deigned her beneath you and don't even seem to care that she died trying to save your ungrateful ass."

"That bothers you?" He asks in surprise.

"Yes. She didn't deserve that, no one does."

"Bella, you may not know everything there is to know about Maria . . . ."

"Don't start that Edward. I know more than enough. The way you treated her was appalling and had nothing to do with any 'crimes' you thought she'd committed. It's my turn to be honest. Despite everything I actually think that the fact you could treat another person so contemptuously is what's disappointed me about you the most."

"That's, um . . . ."

"I know, considering your rap sheet that's a strange choice, but I think that about sums it up. You've done technically worse things, but to be able to treat someone like that shows a streak of cruelty and arrogance running through you that I find it difficult to overlook."

"Even though a lot of people would think execution was too good for her based on some of the things she's done?"

"Yes."

"Oh." He's quiet for a moment. "I do miss her you know. I used to blame her for making me do a whole host of things I shouldn't have, I still do in a way. She did corrupt me, but I let her. And I'm afraid I enjoyed it.

I suppose that proves I do have a cruel streak."

There isn't anything I can say to that so instead I get the map out and undertake a pointless examination of it.

I might, I acknowledge with a secret smile, still fancy the pants off Edward but I'm not sure I like him.

Which is a strange conclusion to come to. He will always have a place in my heart, my first, immature love. I can't hate him, I don't have it in me, but I think I've run the gamut of just about every other emotion where Edward is concerned. Total adoration, obsession, love. Loss, betrayal, bitter disappointment, resigned acceptance, loss _again_. Resentment, anger, frustration. Most of them without knowing who he really is. That's quite some history I suppose and with a sigh I resign myself to the fact that he's right, we're going to have to talk about it all at some point if we're going to move forward. But forward into what?

Friends? Family? Survivors?

Lovers?

I just can't see it. Well, unfortunately I can, thanks to his tryst with Tanya. I've always had an active imagination where he's concerned and apparently all it needed to get it going was some fresh material.

Which brings me back to the new emotion I've been trying to ignore. Jealousy. I didn't even feel that when I found out about Maria, how could I have been jealous of anyone when Edward was always far too good for me?

But I'm definitely feeling it now.

And it's pissing me off.

By the time we've finished our separate mini voyages of self-discovery we're passing through British Columbia and the atmosphere in the truck is so charged with tension I feel like I might be crushed a long time before any unknown enemy manages to rip me to shreds.

"I've been thinking." He says finally. "Maybe we should get disguises or something?"

"Like what, plastic ears and comedy moustaches?"

"Very funny." He huffs, clearly unamused. "I was thinking more along the lines of wigs or something else to change our appearance."

"I suppose. But nothing would change our scents would it?"

"No. I suppose not. We're assuming this involves Daire, in which case he at least knows mine, if not yours. And when it comes to The Volturi, again they would at least know mine."

"Then maybe you should go into hiding somewhere nearby while I search around, probably none of them would know me."

"Absolutely not!" He snaps immediately. "It's too dangerous."

"I'm going to ignore that." I respond icily. "On the basis that old habits are hard to break and you're only looking out for my welfare. However, I should point out that I'm actually a very good scout and a reasonable tracker. I might be able to find out where they are without exposing us."

Oh look, he's pinching the bridge of his nose. It's actually quite cute when you've the confidence to argue your corner and aren't going to bullied into giving ground.

"I'm not sure it's a good idea to split up at this point."

"I'm not proposing we split up. Just that you stay out of the way while I go out and about to see what I can find."

"I still think it's too dangerous. We have to assume The Volturi are in the area, wouldn't they recognise your scent from the mountain and the hotel?"

"You're probably right." I really don't fancy being frozen and I'm certainly not comfortable with the idea of running into The Volturi again. Except.

"What if we're going about this the wrong way?" I offer as my thought line develops. "What if the best thing to do is find The Volturi and ask them what the hell's going on, maybe they'd even let us help?"

"Are you out of your mind?" He gasps, swerving across the road into the path of a huge semi and then out of the way in the nick of time.

"Clearly, or I wouldn't be sitting here with you driving back to New England." I huff, realising my idea is half baked and could do with a bit more work. "Eleazar and the others seem to respect them and are assuming they're here for a perfectly good reason. If they are trying to protect Carlisle's coven from getting embroiled in trouble then maybe they'll explain what's going on in exchange for us going away. Which to be honest, at that point, we'd be quite happy to do. All we want to do is understand, that's not exactly unreasonable."

"I'd hardly call The Volturi reasonable. It's too dangerous."

"Maybe, but if they follow the same pattern what's the worst that can happen? I'll thaw out in a few weeks and then I can tell you what they said."

"That." He growls, probably unknowingly mis-quoting Clint Eastward. "Is _entirely_ unacceptable. And also, making a huge number of assumptions. Eleazar _thinks_ the freezing's were warnings. He _thinks_ it was The Volturi, someone else could easily have the gift. And he had no _idea _who could or would have been editing people's memories."

"Fine. We'll do it your way. Wander around with big neon signs over our heads till someone kills us."

"The idea of you 'scouting' is preferable to deliberately seeking out The Volturi. But not much."

"Alright, that's what we'll do then . . . ."

"Bella . . . ."

"You said, and you're right, that they'll all know you. But they won't all know me so it's the only sensible way to go."

"I don't like it."

"I'm a good scout, trust me."

"Where and how, did you learn to be a scout?" He asks finally.

Ah.

I have two choices now. I tell a half lie, that Garrett taught me. Or I can tell him the truth.

"Garrett taught me."

"Oh."

I can almost see the questions marshalling themselves in his head. And we are _not _going there. _Ever_. Whatever has happened, whatever will happen, Garrett is mine and mine alone. And so, the truth it is.

"Garrett was a scout, in the army, during the War of Independence."

"And he taught you those skills, why, exactly?" He drawls.

"Drop the attitude Edward or this conversation is _over_."

"Sorry. I didn't mean. I wasn't implying . . . ."

"Yes, you were. We already know your attitude to women and the way they should be treated is stuck in the dark ages so don't you fucking dare judge someone else's, never mind _his_."

"Sorry."

I take a very deep breath and count to ten.

"He didn't decide to teach me to be a scout, I sort of inherited the skills."

"Bella, vampires don't inherit skills from their sires."

"I'm sorry, are you going to _decide_ you know everything there is to know about this or you going to shut up and _listen_ to what I'm trying to tell you?"

"I'm sorry."

"Will you stop fucking apologising and get over yourself?" I shout, the sound reverberating around the truck like a thunder storm.

The ensuing silence lasts all the way into Alberta.

God almighty, how hard is it to tell some people the truth.

"Edmonton." He announces as we pass the sign. "Would you like to stop?"

"Yes. I need some air." I can't stay stuck in here with him any longer.

We drive around for a while until we find a hotel we like the look of and pull in.

Mr and Mrs Maybury then check in and get shown to their room.

"What now?" He asks, dropping our bags on the bed.

"I need some space." I growl, refusing to look at him. "You stay here, I'll go for a walk."

Wisely he decides to keep quiet as I stalk out.

Out on the streets I immediately start to feel better. They're thronging with people moving from bar to bar, choosing a restaurant or just taking in the evening air. All proof that life goes on no matter what happens.

And gradually I start to relax.

I walk for a good hour following a circuitous route that eventually returns me to our hotel.

From across the street I regard the brightly lit entrance with my hands stuffed deep in my pockets. Reluctant to go back in.

What's the point?

I can scout, get frozen and or killed without his help.

And if I leave now I don't have to talk, think about, feel, or do, anything I don't want to.

Jeez, Garrett really rubbed off on me.

Damn him. Why isn't he here? Why can't he hold me and tell me everything is going to be okay? Why did he have to die?

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

Return to Edward or walk away?


	33. Chapter 33

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 32 Tipping Point**

**BPOV**

Edward's lying on the bed with his arms crossed over his chest looking for all the world like a carving on a Knights Templar's tomb, minus the sword.

"I didn't think you'd come back."

"I nearly didn't."

"Why did you? You don't need me."

He doesn't sound bitter or petulant. If he did I think I'd be walking straight back out again. Unfortunately he just wants an answer. And I don't have a good one.

With a hefty sigh I stretch out on the bed next to him.

You're all I have left is a bit brutal and not entirely accurate.

The problem is I don't think I can admit the reason to myself never mind to him.

"I do need you." I choke out finally, it's true, even if it covers up for a whole host of issues.

With a sigh he reaches out and we join hands across the middle of the bed.

"I'm not sure that's true but I'm glad you're here."

"Wow, you're glad I'm with you, so we can go to our deaths together. That's nice, thanks."

Fortunately he laughs, you can never tell whether Edward is going to get a joke or not. It's a bit like playing Russian roulette with your ego.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asks hesitantly.

"Yes, but not yet, I'm not quite . . . . It's going to be hard for me."

"Okay. I'll be here, whenever you are ready."

"Thanks." I give his hand a little squeeze.

"What shall we do now?" He asks after a moment.

"It might sound a little bit crazy but can we go to a movie? I saw a really good one while I was wandering around. I feel like I need to do something normal that doesn't involve death and destruction."

"I don't think that's crazy."

…..

The movie was good, although in fairness there was quite a bit of death and destruction, albeit of the human, gun toting, variety. Edward even bought me popcorn.

I prodded a bit with my tongue, for scientific purposes, while Edward watched with bemused interest. It was disgusting, as expected, but I keep hoping that one day I'll find a human food that I like. I've no idea why, nostalgia probably.

After the movie we went for a stroll, chatting about this and that but it wasn't until the hotel came back in sight it dawned on me that we were effectively on a date.

Realisation hits Edward at about the same time and we pause on the other side of the street, about where I'd stopped earlier and seriously considered running away.

"I feel like I should steal a kiss and see you to your door." He says softly, reaching up to brush a strand of hair out of my face.

Terrified I stay still, caught like a rabbit in the headlights as his lips slowly descend to mine.

His kiss is soft, sweet and brief. Before I can muster any kind of reaction he's taken my hand again, leading me across the street and back up to our room.

In stunned silence I gather my things and take a shower, dressing quickly I pause staring at myself in the mirror, tracing the outline of my lips with one finger.

Holy shit.

Edward kissed me.

…..

On the road again, my turn to drive.

We've firmed up our plan a little and bought some electronic equipment before we left Edmonton. By pooling our combined knowledge we've realised that we can hack into several databases that might give us a lead on where to find Daire and we've finally agreed that Edward will go to ground to do that while I look around in the real world.

Tanya has rented us an apartment to work from in the heart of the city so that our scents will be fairly effectively masked by the human masses, all we need to do is get Edward there without being spotted and as long as I'm careful we should be able to stay hidden. Despite the way it feels at the moment there really aren't that many vampires around and the chances of one knowing we're there ought to be quite slim.

The silence in the truck is more companionable than tense now.

But I can feel the tension building again. Not for any personal reasons this time, just because we've crossed the border into North Dakota and we're getting closer to our destination.

I've no idea how all this is going to work out. I'm comfortable with the scouting part, I did have a good teacher after all, it might just take a while. It's after that I can't fathom. Say I find one of Daire's men, or women, what do I do, stroll up and ask them why they came after Edward, killed my mate and my friends? Capture one of them? Then what, they'll magically answer all my questions like a leprechaun? Torture them? I can't, I know I can't and I'm pretty sure Edward wouldn't be able to either, he's not _that_ different to the boy I knew.

I could follow them, I'm pretty sure I can do that without being detected, Garrett was very good at what he did. And when I find them, then what? Repeat the above with a few modifications? I sigh, earning myself a raised eyebrow from Edward which I ignore. Just how _are_ we going to get our answers?

Unless we look for The Volturi and ask them what the hell's going on?

I know Edward thinks that's too dangerous but I can't really see any other way of finding out what we need to know. Maybe they'd even be easier to locate than Daire, after all they seem to find us easily enough.

After arguing my case for the scouting, Edward can be an over-protective dick, I don't have the energy for another round. So if I decide that's the best thing to do, I just won't tell him until afterwards.

…..

Like every other semi settled vampire I've ever met Tanya's idea of a small, discrete, apartment is on a whole other level.

The building looks imposing as we draw up to the underground parking, so much so that I find myself picking self-consciously at my clothes even before the security guard gives them the disdainful once over.

"Yes?" He drawls.

"Mr and Mrs Maybury." Edward answers haughtily. "We are moving into the penthouse."

"Of course, Mr Maybury, we're expecting you. If you'd like to park in 1C I will have the Concierge meet you and escort you up to your apartment."

"I should think so." Edward snaps, putting the truck back in gear.

"Did you have servants when you were growing up?" I enquire as Edward swings the truck into our spot.

"Yes, why?"

"Just curious."

It's impossible not to draw comparisons. Impossible and unfortunate. Garrett had thousands of people working for him and not once do I ever recall him using that tone with any of them. Except maybe the guy whose negligence caused a fatal accident, him I thought he was going to kill. I was tempted to help.

The Concierge is so obsequious I have to flick my hair over my face to hide my amusement, Edward however seems to find it entirely normal.

By the time we've completed the elevator ride to the penthouse I know every detail about the building and just how rich and special he thinks Edward and I are to be able to afford it.

Go us, when there are people out there living on the breadline.

The apartment is awe inspiring. The views, the light, the space, all that stuff they go on about in property programmes. But to me it feels sterile and cold. Unlived in. And that's not going to change since Edward and I are technically dead. Seems appropriate somehow.

"Your luggage and additional furniture?" The Concierge enquires when we've finished the tour.

"Later this week." Edward informs him as he ushers him to the door. "My wife and I are returning from Europe and so we are waiting for our possessions to catch up with us."

"Of course Sir, please just let me know when they are due and I will arrange everything for you."

"We will Alfonse, thank you very much."

"I have stocked the refrigerator for you Mr Maybury, if there is anything else you need please let me know."

"I will, thank you, good day."

Edward swings the wide doors closed behind Alfonse's departing form.

"Jesus. He's a loud thinker." He grouches, launching himself onto one of the white couches.

"Do I want to know?" I ask, lowering myself into an armchair that as a human I know would give me backache.

"He's very impressed with your ass. The depth of our pockets, I get the impression Tanya overpaid for this place, and he's trying to work out why we're driving such a crappy truck. He's currently assuming that we're some sort of European royalty travelling incognito and trying to work out which dinky little country we're from."

"Oh. I'd forgotten how much it sucks for you to get everyone's thoughts."

"You have no idea." He sighs, closing his eyes. "It's a constant intrusion that you never really get used to. It grinds you down, even if you don't understand the language, it's like constant white noise."

"It must have been a relief to be around me."

He opens on eye, regarding me steadily.

"Is that what you think?"

I shrug, inspecting a grass stain on the knee of my jeans. I really need some new clothes.

"Bella, if it makes any difference it was never silent around you. We were never far enough away from anybody else. Yes, it's nice to get close to someone and not get their every little thought about you but it's also very frustrating. I loved you, above all others, I would have given anything to get a glimpse into your mind and heart."

"I never hid anything from you. My heart was always open. I always did tell you everything you wanted to know."

"You're closed off from me now." He says quietly, with a hint of regret.

"Yes. I'm sorry. I realise that. I just don't know how to change it." My voice fades out to a whisper. "Or if I want to."

"I wish that wasn't the case. But I do understand."

"Humph."

Catching the clue he changes the subject.

…..

My first assignment as Chief Spy is to go shopping.

Not my favourite activity but I've mellowed considerably in my old age. I can splurge with the best of them and besides I have every intention of reimbursing the Denalis for anything I spend. I am, after all, a rich widow.

I'd rather be part of a rich couple but I'm coming to accept that no amount of wishing is going to bring him back. That part of my life is over, he will never tease me, touch me or hold me again. And it doesn't get any easier to deal with, the pain of it takes my breath away. If I were human I'd be doubled over but I'm not and so I can move, seemingly serenely, between my fellow shoppers. It doesn't seem fair somehow, that I can be here, choosing designer shoes in a department store when his ashes are long since scattered to the four winds.

And what the fuck am I doing letting Edward Bloody Cullen kiss me?

The shoe I'm holding suddenly gets a size or two smaller. I look up to find a startled sales assistant staring at me with the ritual greeting dying on her lips.

"They really don't make these things as well as they used to, do they?"

She nods, a tentative smile forming as her mind dismisses what her eyes were reporting. Really? A crushed shoe is that shocking?

Hell no, it's probably the wild look on my face that's done the damage.

Hastily I school my features.

"Never mind, do you have this size in brown?"

With a nod she darts back into the stockroom and I throw the damaged shoe down and scamper out. Clearly not safe to be out in polite society.

Minutes later I'm huddled on the roof of a moderately tall building in the throes of a total meltdown.

Overdue. Unwelcome. Inconvenient. Unproductive.

But I just can't take any more.


	34. Chapter 34

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 33 Intellect v Instinct**

**BPOV**

I've been squatting down here for four hours and twenty seven minutes. I don't count the seconds, that's just anal, even though is someone asks me I could tell them exactly.

There's no discomfort, even the rain that's seeped inside my windcheater and is trickling down my back is no more than an additional sensation to register.

I'm surprised to discover that reaching your limits, if you are lucky, clears the debris from your head and helps you to focus. Not exactly a magical transition, hence the hours hunkered down here like a gargoyle.

But there's no resolution, just a recognition of the problem.

And the problem, is Edward.

The pain of loss I'm coming to terms with, it's part of me now and I can only hope that it might be easier to bear with time, even the ache in my chest seems to have lessened slightly in the last day or so. I want my answers, not least because that's the only way I can see that I won't spend the rest of my existence, however long that is, looking over my shoulder and waiting to be picked off like the others.

The fear of death, mine or someone else's, I can do nothing about. Except look for my answers. Whether I stick with the plan or run away, I don't see that fear changing. It just is. That doesn't diminish it in any way, fear is a terrible, soul sucking thing.

But the thing I'm not coming to terms with, the added strain that's threatening to crush me, is my relationship with Edward.

Another fait a complis. I would love to pack all those issues away for a time of peace and quiet when I can sort through them sensibly. But I can't. Because whatever or whoever has brought this situation about has effectively shackled he and I together to see it through to its conclusion. I suppose people in these situations often find themselves thrown together with someone they wouldn't normally choose to be with. That must be hard enough. But Edward is right, we do have a history, we do have our own set of issues. And they make everything harder.

This mess we're in? There's no avoiding the fact that it has Edward's fingerprints all over it. However far back you go. He didn't do any of it deliberately, had no idea of the consequences, I know that. Still, I can't help but blame him, resent him. For the hurt his repudiation of his true nature caused me all those years ago and for the pain his selfish actions have caused me now.

So how is it then that it's Edward who is providing me with my only relief? Why is it when he holds me everything else recedes for a while?

See what I mean? This whole thing is so fucked up I bet Geraldo wouldn't touch it with a barge pole.

Tonight. The discarded human ex-girlfriend confronts the vampire sex addict who killed her lover and asks . . . . Why did you feel up Tanya instead of me?

And he wants us to talk about it? Where the hell would we start? I know it's supposed to be healthy but now really isn't the time. And I'm afraid of the consequences, of the fall out. What happens if we let it all hang out and I realise that I'd rather spend eternity running and alone than one more second with him? What if he decides to quit and run? I'm afraid to examine my issues with him properly, deathly afraid.

Yet how can we get through this if we don't? The past bubbles to the surface any time it wants apparently, what if that gets us killed?

I wish there was someone I could talk to about it. Alice has her hands full with Jasper and it's a long time since we've been close enough to talk through something that gnarly. Esme, I'd feel awkward asking her for advice and besides it could be months before the poor woman wakes up. Tanya is in love with Edward and I barely know her.

The sad fact of the matter is that there's only one person I could see myself working through this with, trusting his advice, and he's dead.

Which brings me to the icing on my cake.

Could I possibly be any more disloyal to Garrett's memory? Or any more unworthy of his love?

Jeez no wonder I crushed that shoe, the saleswoman is lucky I didn't drain her on the spot. She smelt lovely and it wouldn't have been the first time.

He was so sweet. I was disgusted with myself. He took care of everything, even setting up a trust fund for my accident's family, then spending three days solid talking me through it and helping me come to terms with what I'd done.

God I was idiot. How could I not have known then that I was in love with him? Who else would have done that for me?

My head falls into my hands, the first movement I've made for hours.

I can't stay here much longer. I didn't bring my cell and Edward might be starting to worry that something's happened to me.

I'll have to go back to the apartment.

With a sigh I get to my feet and retrieve my shopping bags from where I'd hidden them from the rain.

In the interests of speed I hop from roof to roof using my infallible vampire instincts to guide me home.

I feel awful. I want and need Edward to support me through this, yet I'm still not prepared to open up to him and let him even a glimpse of any real part of me, no matter how close I occasionally get to it. I'll just have to carry on employing my best avoidance skills and hope that is doesn't end in disaster.

I can't deny that the idea of being safe, indoors, away from the rain with Edward appeals to me.

My pace quickens and at the back of our building I jump down to street level and then wait impatiently for the few humans to pass before hurrying round to the front doors.

"Evening." I greet the Concierge, disdaining the elevator in favour of the stairs which will be quicker.

Finally, with a flourish, I fling the door open calling out. "Edward, I'm home!"

"Where the fuck have you been?" He hisses, materialising in front of my face.

I blink at him in surprise. Not the greeting I was expecting.

"Jeez Edward, calm down, I've been shopping."

"You've been gone all day. I was going out of my fucking mind." He grips my upper arms. "Your cell is here. I was just about to come looking for you. I thought something had happened to you!"

"I'm sorry. I'm always forgetting my cell. I was only shopping, there was nothing to worry about."

"Nothing to worry about?" He grinds out, shaking me slightly for emphasis. "My father and siblings are dead. Your mate is dead. The reason for which is here somewhere and you go swanning off for hours without making any attempt to get in contact. What did you think would happen? That I'd be sat here KNITTING!"

Blink.

"Jesus Christ Bella! I couldn't bear it if I lost you. Don't you understand?" His voice drops and he shakes me again.

Blink.

There's nothing soft and sweet about the way his lips crash into mine. Nor is there any sense to the way they part to allow his tongue access to my mouth as his arms slip around me, crushing me to him.

There's not a speck of resistance in me, only a match to the unnamed desperation his kiss is communicating.

The shopping bags fall unheeded to the floor as my hands tangle carelessly in his hair, pulling and tugging at it in time with the rhythm he's setting to the kiss. His hair feels like strong bands of silk between my fingers and his hard stone body feels like something I can cling to as it forces me to yield and mould around it.

My world has been taken over by him. The feel of him, the scent of him, the sudden need for him.

With a grunt he lifts me up and I wrap my legs around his waist, clinging to him like a monkey, or a drowning woman as his hands grip my upper thighs almost painfully.

I'm peripherally aware of the world revolving slowly around us as he rocks in small circles before pushing me up against the wall of the foyer and dropping his mouth to my neck.

With a gasp I push back against him, exposing my throat, dropping my hands to play my palms across the familiar yet different expanse of his shoulders. My eyes open, taking in the ceiling sightlessly as I lose myself completely in the physical sensation. Anaesthesia for the mind.

Ceasing his frantic exploration of my neck he transfers his mouth back to mine, claiming it with his tongue and bruising my lips with the pressure of his own, making me inhale sharply and thrust back with my own tongue.

I'm warm all over, despite the veneer of cold rainwater I'm still wearing. Warm and alive for the first time in months . . . .

His right hand leaves my thigh and begins massaging my breast, firmly but not roughly, through my clothes.

Oh god it feels so good to be touched again, I push myself shamelessly into his hand and impossibly the passion of our kiss intensifies.

Oh god, _Garrett_, yes, touch me . . . .

Abruptly he spins us away from the wall, dropping me down and grinding his hard length into me in a way which has me moaning with need into his mouth.

In a blur of movement I find myself under him on the couch, his whole weight and his _want_ pressing down on me in unspoken demand.

The painfully fashionable, immensely uncomfortable couch.

Not our couch. The one we've broken and repaired so many times it's like a 3D jigsaw puzzle.

Once again his hand envelops my breast, fingers teasing the hard, aching nipple. Eliciting another needy moan. Overlaying the sentient with the physical.

And still the desperate passion of our kiss hasn't abated. It's been so long . . . .

Groaning he grinds himself into me again and instinctively I throw my legs up around him, revelling in the solid pressure between my thighs.

_Garrett_, oh god I need you, I love you . . . .

"_Bella_ . . . ." He groans again, transferring his lips to the sensitive spot behind my ear, the one that Edward used to love . . . .

"_Edward _. . . ."

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!

Suddenly I'm struggling with all my might, trying to tip him off me, tunnel my way through the couch to the floor, escape, escape, escape . . . .

Warmth turns to the burning heat of mortification and I fancy I can feel it evaporate the rainwater still clinging to my skin.

Panic. I'm panicking.

This is an escalation I can't deal with, can't, just can't . . . .

Oh shit!

My panic is so absolute it's a few moments before I realise that Edward has flipped us over onto our sides and is clutching me to his chest protectively, stroking my arm and murmuring soothingly into my hair.

"I'm sorry, Edward, I'm so sorry . . . ."

"Bella, please, don't. Don't apologise to me. I can't bear it."

With a flood of guilt I start to relax into his side, taking the comfort he's offering that I'm not entitled to, but somehow not strong enough to shy away.

Slowly, so slowly, my hyperactive breathing returns to normal and I relax fully into his embrace.

"I'm sorry." I murmur again, ashamed and guilty to my very core.

Instead of words he plants a soft kiss on the top of my head and squeezes me briefly to him.

"Bella." He whispers. "I was so scared I don't have the words. I may not know all about the person you've grown to be, but I want to, so badly it hurts. Please, don't judge me, I was so _relieved_ to see you alive and well I couldn't help myself."

"Edward, I . . . ." Not knowing what to say I shake my head against him, burying it more comfortably into his chest.

Perhaps now, perhaps now we can talk . . . .

"Bella." He sighs. "I know you hate the idea, but we, we really need to talk about . . . ."

"You certainly do." A familiar voice drawls.


	35. Chapter 35

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 34 You, Me, & Tanya Makes Three**

**BPOV**

Stung to be caught out like that I make an ignominious exit, retreating to the master bedroom and pacing it like a caged animal as my thoughts, yet again, spiral out of control.

No matter how furiously I whirl around the room, I can't tune out the low conversation taking place next door and it keeps reclaiming my attention.

Despite her fear of The Volturi, loyalty and concern has drawn her to join us. Kate was willing too, but with the help of Eleazar and Irina, Tanya was able to dissuade her. She also concluded that a scent unknown to Daire might aid our search. Great minds think alike and like me she's considered deliberately seeking out The Volturi.

Edward still doesn't like the idea.

Eleazar is hiding something. She's nothing concrete, just years of living with him and recognising the signs. No, she can't see how it can be anything pertinent or sinister, more likely a holdover from being with The Volturi in the first place, he's always tight lipped about it.

Then the conversation gets a little more personal.

Edward mustn't blame himself for everything that's happened, or for her being here. People who care about each other should work together for the best outcomes.

Is it really fair of Edward to toy with my affections when I'm grieving for my mate?

Does he know what he wants?

She does.

"Tanya . . . ."

I'm not waiting to hear his response, I can't fit anything else on my plate right now. Like a scalded cat I charge into the bathroom, undressing only after I'm under the pounding hot water, where it's impossible to hear them.

Edward has very kindly put out my things and so for a while I'm able to lose myself in the familiar ritual of washing my hair and traitorous body.

When the water runs cold I tentatively turn it off. I can hear the TV in the next apartment but no conversation from ours.

With a wry smile I realise that in my haste I didn't bring any clean clothes into the bathroom with me so I wrap a towel around me and cautiously open the door.

Edward is sitting on the end of the bed, staring at the floor between his feet.

"Where's Tanya?" I ask.

"Shopping. She didn't bring anything with her so she's gone out to get supplies." He smiles ruefully. "Apparently nothing I say will dissuade you ladies from exposing yourselves to risk."

Swiftly he grabs my bag and brings it over.

"Clothes?"

"Please."

"Bella." He whispers, reaching out with his free hand to cup my cheek. "I'm sorry. I wish she hadn't come but it's too late now."

"She came for you." I observe quietly, refusing to lean into his hand but suffused with warmth nevertheless.

"Yes." He acknowledges.

With I sigh I relieve him of my bag and retreat into the bathroom, mustering all my powers of avoidance.

When I emerge he studies my face for a moment, noting the change, and then nods regretfully.

Once again we will not be having a conversation about 'us'.

This time I'm not entirely sure I'm relieved.

...

By the time Tanya returns we've got the apartment looking like a military operations centre. All the computer equipment is set up and the minimalist walls in the living area are covered with maps of New England.

Edward is determined that we're going to do this thing properly. Or at least, as properly as we can muster, based on what we 'know' from movies, books and researching on the internet. If he had his way Tanya and I would be wearing trackers so he can follow us on the computer and find us in a hurry should we get into trouble.

A part of me wants to laugh and a part of me is aware that my background levels of fear are spiking.

Not for the first time I wonder what the hell we are doing.

Tanya and I share a moment of mirth when we realise that we've both bought almost identical black 'ninja' outfits in which to do our scouting. I can admit it looks much better on her willowy frame than my more petite one.

Edward goes over the rules again.

No contact. We're just to find Daire or his men and report back to him immediately.

Tanya and I wanted to split up to save time but Edward isn't so keen, pointing out that as vampires time is not something we're short of. I think its overprotective bullshit personally but still I'm secretly relieved not to be doing this on my own.

He has divided the whole, not particularly small area, into sections and we're to search one at a time, sticking to populated areas which would deter a vampire attack as much as possible. The areas have been prioritised by number of unexplained disappearances recorded in the last six months, our apartment is luckily in one of the safest areas, we're assuming that the ones we're looking for aren't likely to be vegetarian.

Finally we're ready to go.

Pointedly Edward stuffs my cell into the pocket of my coat, holding my eyes with his own.

And then there's a slightly awkward moment as Edward wonders whether or not to kiss me, I wonder whether or not I want him to and Tanya shuffles her feet in discomfort.

...

Realistically I knew that we wouldn't go straight outside and find a vampire with 'Follow me to Daire' written on his forehead. But as the days crawl by I can't help becoming dispirited about the whole thing. Maybe they aren't even in New England any more.

Edward and I haven't had a moment alone and whether it's the lack of it that's making me crave him, or something else, I'm finding that I don't like it.

I should be resenting the hell out of Tanya right now but instead I actually quite like her.

She's led a fascinating life and is more than happy to share the details. She's extremely broad minded and very liberal in her views and behaviour, with a wicked, dry, sense of humour that I can't help but admire. All of which makes me wonder, what is it exactly, that she sees in Edward? They're almost total opposites in many ways. She freely admits that he's the only vampire who has ever really held her attention sexually, she normally prefers human lovers. Too bad I don't have the guts to ask her about it, I'm sure she'd tell me.

"I am beginning to think there are no vampires in New England at all." She complains, collapsing gracefully onto the park bench beside me.

"Just a lot of serial killers." I giggle.

"Shall we hunt on the way back?" She asks. "Some of these humans are staring to smell tempting."

I nod. Sounds good to me, I'm actually quite thirsty.

It's an hour's run by the time we reach a good hunting ground and night is rolling in.

Even though we're not fictional vampires, restricted to the night, I still find it welcoming. However you look at it we're _other_ than everyone else out there and the more time you spend around humans the more that knowledge weighs down on you. For some reason it's always mattered less to me at night, I can move at closer to my natural speed and act truer to my actual nature under cover of darkness.

I might not kill humans deliberately but I have a full set of hunter's instincts. I enjoy stalking and catching my dinner, on a primal level. And I like hunting with Tanya, there's a friendly competitive edge to it, although the rules are getting more and more outlandish.

Which reminds me so much of Em it's almost physically painful to think about.

Full now, I swing up into a mighty oak to wait for Tanya, texting Edward to let him know we're hunting. He's going to have to hunt soon and it will be both more practical and more satisfying for him to hunt in the city. I know he's avoiding the subject in case his preference for human blood offends me, but that's plain ridiculous, in reality I can cope with him drinking humans, as long as he doesn't have sex with them first.

Tanya shimmies up the trunk and joins me on my branch.

"We have to try and persuade Edward that it's okay for him to hunt in the city." I observe.

"That will not be easy." She sighs. "He is trying very hard at the moment to be on what he thinks is his best behaviour."

"Why does he keep doing that?" I ask rhetorically.

"Edward has always had an obsessive personality." She sighs, peering off into the distance. "Obsessed with his music. With being the gentleman his parents were trying to raise. With being worthy to be Carlisle's son. Obsessed with Maria and then with you.

Of course, all that has made him pretty obsessed with himself too. I always thought he spent too much time thinking and not enough time living, not that I had any idea then how much _living_ he had already managed to pack in."

I snort in agreement. None of us did. And the strange thing is, if he hadn't tried to keep it a secret none of us would have felt any differently about him for it.

I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have done. I loved him. I would have loved him even if I'd known that he'd had a torrid longstanding affair with a woman and had done more than the occasional snacking on humans he'd alluded to. I would still have loved him if his gentlemanly demeanour had slipped and he'd thoroughly ravaged me on my little Forks bed. In fact, teenage nympho Bella would probably have loved him even more after that.

"It does not make any difference to me." Tanya concludes, I assume having followed a similar thought process. "I know he hurt you very badly and his walk on the wild side seems to be what has precipitated this current situation and I am sorry for all of it. But it does not change the fact that he is a good man or that I love him."

Ah. A declaration. I shift uncomfortably.

"His current obsession is with being the man he thinks _you_ want him to be." She says after a moment's silence.

"I don't know what to say." I hedge.

"You do not need to say anything." She says gently, patting my knee. "You and Edward have issues to resolve between you and your feelings for each other are none of my business. Edward has never done anything to encourage my feelings for _him_ and I would never want to come between you if you were truly meant to be together. I love him enough that I want him to be happy.

He believes he will be happy with you."

Something's going to slide off this overloaded plate of mine and make a big mess on the carpet any time now.

Tanya smiles as if she can read my mind.

"Edward says you had the idea of looking for The Volturi and asking them what is happening here." She says, changing the subject.

"I thought it would be quicker and slightly less dangerous but he didn't agree."

"He is an old woman where our safety is concerned and has a certain view of The Volturi. I think you are right and seeking them out would be the best course of action.

I discussed the option with Eleazar before I left and he was against it too. However, that is because his default position is to obey them in all things. I have my own reasons to fear them but Eleazar is convinced that the freezings are a warning for us to stay away and therefore I cannot see them physically harming us for simply asking a question."

Despite her words her face betrays her doubt.

The Volturi killed her mother for breaking a cardinal rule and creating an immortal child, I'm surprised she is willing to go anywhere near them. I'm scared enough myself, the memories of my one and only trip to Italy have faded over the years but not the horror and not the fear.

"Do you really think it's a good idea?" I ask.

She shrugs. "What alternative do we have? We could be looking for the others for centuries without ever finding them and if we are successful it still is not likely to end very well for us. These vampires wanted to enslave Edward and they have killed repeatedly in order to do it. I believe there is a chance that if we can find and approach The Volturi directly they will answer our questions and allow us to make sensible decisions about how to go on with our lives in peace and safety."

"Okay." I sigh, wishing I sounded a little more convincing.

"There is one other thing. While we were talking about it Eleazar said that under no circumstances should we let them know that Carlisle is dead, he is not convinced that Aro's indulgence will extend to us in his absence."

"Edward's never going to let us do it." I point out, in part relieved that he probably won't.

"And we will be telling him, why, exactly?"


	36. Chapter 36

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 35 Scouting for Vampires**

**BPOV**

"Alright." I ask her as we set out the next day. "How do we find The Volturi?"

"We do not." She answers with a degree of smugness. "They will find us."

This sounds remarkably like the start of our planning session in the truck on the way down from Alaska. Wander around with a target painted on your back waiting for something to happen.

The sour expression on my face makes her laugh.

With a smirk she produces Edward's credit card from her pocket, flourishing it in front of my face.

Edward A Cullen.

We left it at Denali after we'd been given all the stuff for our new identity as Mayburys.

"We will go to the area closest to Bangor, check into a hotel with it and wait."

"Um." I'm not sure she's thought this through properly. "What happens if we get frozen while we're waiting?"

"I questioned Eleazar extensively. This Clarion's gift, the wiping part, requires physical contact. One of us just needs to avoid that so that the other can make our petition."

Oh, of course, how silly of me. It's really very simple when you know how.

"Are you fucking nuts?"

"No. When we agreed yesterday to explore The Volturi option, what were you expecting to do? Look them up in a telephone directory?"

"You know, you sound a lot like Maria." I mutter, forgetting myself.

"I met her once." She confesses, surprising me. "She was an amazing vampire, a mass of contradictions, extremely beautiful. She came, a few centuries ago, to talk to Eleazar and my mother."

She closes her eyes for a moment in pain.

"It was not long before my mother, Sasha, was taken from us by The Volturi."

Suddenly I feel the urge to unburden myself, to tell at least one person what I know about Carlisle and Maria. Thankfully common sense keeps my lips tightly sealed. Instead I content myself with slipping an arm around her waist and squeezing her briefly.

She favours me with a sad smile and we climb into the truck, setting off on today's mission, which is frankly a little less scary than her driving. Aggressive doesn't really do it justice as an adjective.

…..

They say that waiting is hard to do and it certainly is, especially if you aren't sure what you're waiting for and have a strong suspicion you aren't going to like it when it happens.

The hotel we selected is on the edge of a vast tract of woodland, our potential escape route, and when we found out they had cabins available on the edge of the property we jumped at the chance.

…..

As the warm bubbles flutter around me I can't help but giggle.

"What is amusing?" Tanya asks.

"Never in my wildest dreams did I expect to be awaiting my death in a hot tub wearing nothing but my bra and panties."

"It is a little unorthodox I grant you." She says with a smile. "We should probably get out soon if we do not want to be caught like this."

With a mutual sigh we clamber out, darting inside to get dressed.

Within minutes we are stretched out on the couches while I listlessly flick through the channels looking for something to take our minds off the situation.

"Bella, do you mind if I ask you something?"

"No." Yes, it depends.

"Do you love Edward?"

Ah.

"I don't know." I answer after a long pause, the pain and confusion evident in my voice.

"This situation must be very hard for you. I do not mind if you wish to talk about it. Sometimes, someone neutral, it may help . . . ."

"I find it very difficult to think about, never mind talk about." I admit by way of a delaying tactic.

"That is very understandable. And I can see how talking about it with Edward would make that worse. It is not my place to pry, please do not think I am being nosey. I like you, I can see that you are troubled. It would be a pleasure to help if I can, even if it is only to listen. Any time you want to and are ready."

"Thank you." I tell her with a genuine smile of gratitude.

"Oh, True Blood, I love this. Eric is to die for. Do you mind if we watch?"

I shake my head, relaxing back on the couch and half closing my eyes to consider her offer.

I'd discounted talking to her. I really didn't know her well enough, still don't in fairness, but it's very tempting. I want to talk to Edward, I really do but my thoughts and feelings are so snarled I can't imagine it being very productive. Hence my fear, the fear that something will get said or done which will drive a wedge between us forever, forever leaving our issues unresolved.

I know she loves Edward and I should probably suspect her of having some other agenda with her offer. But I don't. I like her, I trust her. I can even see how she would be good for Edward.

But does that mean I am ready or able to talk to her about it?

Jeez, when did I become such an angsty drip that I can't work through my problems on my own?

"That is Eric, what do you think?"

"He reminds me of Jasper." Big and blonde.

"He does rather. I confess I have always had something of a damp patch for Jasper, Alice is a very lucky woman."

"Tanya!"

"Bella, looking and appreciating is allowed. He looks extremely attractive in his uniform, I should love to have met him as a human, perhaps like Maria I would have been tempted to turn him."

She would have treated him a whole lot better.

On screen Eric and the heroine are locked in a passionate clinch.

Which brings me back to Edward.

What am I doing?

I should have told him in no uncertain terms never to kiss me again after the first time. Tanya asked him if he was toying with me. Something which considering our history I had considered as well. But perhaps I'm being no better. I loved Garrett, I still do. Surely that means I'm not ready to go round exchanging passionate kisses with another man, not even Edward. Especially, as Tanya implied, if he's harbouring romantic thoughts about me.

I can't even begin to examine how I feel about _that_, the whole concept terrifies me.

Perhaps I _should_ talk to Tanya about it. I _need_ to talk to someone . . . .

"Bella." Tanya's low voice breaks into my thoughts. "Can you smell that?"

"What? I can't smell anything."

Oh shit.

I click off the TV and we surge to our feet sharing identical looks of fear and alarm.

Slowly and silently Tanya backs out of the room, as agreed, leaving me alone to face our visitors.

In my mind's eye I can picture them, sinister and pale in their cloaks, as they close in around me, hands like claws reaching for me, dark red eyes glowing with malice.

My whole body begins to tremble.

This was _so_ not a good idea.

Outside in the distance I can hear footsteps approaching down the boardwalk.

Slow and heavy.

And I fancy I can hear the rustle of a cloak, caught occasionally and snapped back violently, by the wind.

Oh fuck. This is what Garrett used to call a clean underwear moment. Shame I'm not wearing any. What would his mother say?

Despite the physical impossibility my impervious skin begins to prickle, the tiny hairs, like razor wire, attempting to stand proud from my immobile flesh.

I cast my senses out, searching for any other sign of movement but there is nothing, it's like even Tanya has dropped off the face of the earth.

The footsteps are drawing nearer and my trembling is showing no sign of abating.

Dear god I hope it's not him. Anybody but him. The hulking, brooding star of many a vividly recalled human nightmare. The one who was going to kill Edward.

We really didn't think this through.

Oh god, Garrett, if there's an afterlife I hope you're waiting for me. I'm sorry I never got around to retrieving your Maserati.

A knock at the door.

I force my trembling legs to carry me over there.

Really, it's ludicrous, like a crappy horror movie. Something dangerous and frightening is knocking at the door and I'm opening it.

The Darwin Theorists would have a field day.

"Isabella, you wear your immortality well." He leers, eyes raking me over appreciatively from head to toe.

"_Felix_."

"You remember me. How touching."

I swallow convulsively. Aro may have been the more viscerally frightening persona but it is Felix's strength and menacing presence that has stayed with me the longest.

"Do not attempt to run. You are surrounded."

I nod jerkily.

"May I come in?"

"N-no?"

"No?" He chuckles. "I may be a little old fashioned but surely it is impolite not to invite an old friend into your home?"

"This is not my home." Oh god, fear has rendered me witless.

He takes a deep breath, leaning down from his great height until his nose is practically pressed against mine and his huge terrifying face completely fills my vision.

"Boo." He says softly.

In a squeal and a nanosecond I retreat to the centre of the room, wrapping my arms tightly around myself.

Such a bad idea. Bad, bad, bad.

"The delightful Ms Denali." Felix drawls. "I recognise your scent. You may as well come and join us. I would hate to have to climb that tree and retrieve you."

A soft thump and Tanya's hesitant steps carry her to the open doors on the deck, where she hovers, looking as scared as I feel.

"Please, Felix." She breathes. "We have come here only for information. We have lost coven members. We do not wish to interfere or be in the way."

"It is a little late for that Ms Denali." He growls, making us both cower. "I have had to break away from my important work in order to make yet another apparently fruitless attempt to convince the Cullens and their allies to leave The Volturi's work to The Volturi."

We both swallow.

"It pains me to be unable to enjoy the company of two such luscious beauties but I am afraid matters are at a critical stage and I do not have time for the niceties. Clarion! In here if you please."

Another vampire appears in the doorway behind Felix and Eleazar's description of him as striking is surely an understatement.

Despite his prosaic dress he is quite simply the most beautiful anything I have ever laid eyes on in my life. Androgynous, of medium height and medium build, he has the short black curls of a cherub and the piercing blue eyes of an angel.

He even has a beatific smile.

It's completely chilling.

And so is the way the remaining scents in the room are sucked into an invisible vortex along with the, only detectable to vampires, physical signs of previous occupation.

Without knowing which of us moved I find myself clasping hands with Tanya.

"Enough with the theatrics my friend." Felix drawls. "Start with the brunette, we will leave a message for the Cullens to pick them up when we are in a better position."

He sighs mightily.

"My Master's instructions are sometimes burdensome."

"Please." Tanya begs. "We only want to understand what is happening, how people we care about came to be killed. We only want answers and then we will leave and never return. We promise. _Please_."

It doesn't look like our wide eyed idea of appealing for truth and justice is going to work and we cling to each other as Clarion advances under Felix's hawkish gaze.

"I am surprised that a vampire like Carlisle has so little control over his women." Felix observes to the eerily quiet Clarion. "But then, they are practically a separate species.

Have a good rest my dear ladies. I am told Clarion's touch can be quite rejuvenating."

I scream in anguish and frustration as Clarion's cold dead fingers close gently around my exposed wrist like strands of cloying seaweed.


	37. Chapter 37

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 36 When Edward is Right**

**BPOV**

Apart from my trembling escalating to shuddering, nothing happens.

Alright, something happened.

I'm stretched out on the carpet staring up at a ring of faces bearing an assortment of expressions.

"Interesting." Felix muses, cocking an eyebrow at Clarion. "She is of course a mental shield but your gift is physical, it works perfectly well on Renata. Interesting."

Clarion shrugs delicately, his beaming smile actively creeping me out.

"Bella?" Tanya asks gently. "Are you okay?"

"Um." I blink a few times as if to clear my head, noticing finally that the mighty Felix has one hand firmly clamped around her wrist. "What happened?"

"That Isabella is something we would all like to know." He huffs, poking my hip experimentally with his massively oversized boot.

"You were 'out' for about ten seconds." Tanya whispers, her face a mask of concern and trepidation. Ten seconds is a long time for a vampire to be completely unaware. Unless of course you're me and you go around absorbing people.

"Why of why must my life be thus complicated." Felix groans, prodding me again and then apparently talking to himself. "Send the Cullens a message, he said. Make sure Cullen keeps his picky eater brood away from the trouble, he said. Do not make contact with them directly, he said. They might be being watched, he said.

Take Clarion, he said. He has never been to the New World, he might like it, he said."

Tanya and I exchange nervous glances.

"Do not harm them, he said." Felix rolls his eyes. "Now what do we do Clarion? We can probably clean Ms Denali, she is a nice normal vampire. But we have a problem with Isabella."

"Look." I begin, finally finding a sensible voice. "We _want_ to be kept away from trouble and we _definitely_ don't want to be harmed."

Tanya nods emphatically.

"C-My mate was killed rescuing Edward from Daire. We've lost other members of our coven to him and his, whatever it is. We just want answers, we just want to know what happened and why."

Felix's brow knits together as he considers his options.

"I cannot believe Carlisle, who was always a wily operative, let alone Eleazar, would allow this foolish intervention." He observes, eyeing us both sternly.

"He did not." Tanya answers quickly. "We snuck away."

Felix regards us both in silence.

"Clarion, my good companion, these women think I am stupid. I am offended. I wish I had asked the Master to be more explicit in his instructions regarding _harm_." He sighs. "The simplest way to deal with Isabella now would be to dismember her for storage . . . ."

"No!" Tanya and I both gasp at once.

"No?" He shakes his head heavily. "Then how else Ms Denali am I to fulfil my Master's instructions?"

"Please Felix." Tanya pleads. "Eleazar speaks very highly of your judgement. We just wish to know how those we love came to be harmed, then we will be on our way, far away, and you will not have to deal with us anymore. Just the outcome your Master has requested, we will be safe."

Felix pokes my hip again with his booted toe and I rock gently from side to side.

"Tell me Isabella. If the two of you have 'snuck away' why do I smell the scent of Cullen's second son in your hair?"

"Edward caught us." I improvise, flicking a glance to Tanya whose eyes narrow slightly. "He didn't approve but he wanted answers too, Daire had tried to entrap him after all. He agreed not to tell Carlisle if we let him come with us."

Felix drops Tanya's wrist and rocks back on his heels thoughtfully.

"Do not run Ms Denali." He intones. "You are surrounded."

Tanya nods and I choose to lay very, very, still.

"What to do?" He ponders. "I am of course allowed a certain amount of latitude with my Master's instructions when I am working in the field and I am sure that _dismemberment_ would not be considered overly harsh under the circumstances.

I think, perhaps, that I could do with eliciting more information first however. Since the ladies may know things we do not.

Clarion, do you think our Master would consider _torture_ to be harm?"

Clarion's creepy smile widens.

"We don't have any secrets from you!" I squeak.

"And again with the insulting of my intelligence." Felix growls. "Be quiet woman while I think."

Oh god. Edward was right, this was a huge mistake.

Felix seems to retreat into himself and slowly and carefully I get to my feet.

It's so weird the way the atmosphere around us has been cleansed and I find myself sniffing and snuffling like I have a head cold, so unsettling is it for my acute sense of smell to be coming up virtually blank.

Once again I find myself clinging to Tanya under Clarion's smile as Felix seems to ignore us.

I was frozen. Well I assume I was, I have no memory of it at all, which is the point I suppose.

I shiver and Tanya hugs me tighter.

I wonder why it was for so short a time? Could it have anything to do with my gift? Maybe he wasn't trying very hard. Maybe if he tried again. Oh god I hope he doesn't. Losing ten seconds I can't account for is upsetting enough, at least with my gift I know how long and what's gone on in my head in the meantime. To have nothing, that's just terrible.

Poor Jasper, poor Esme.

Poor us.

Poor Edward. What will he do when we don't come back?

How could we have been so stupid?

"Clarion." Felix declares eventually. "I find myself in need of more time to think. We will take the ladies with us."

Turning on his heel he stalks towards to the door and as we follow, docilely, I finally realise that he isn't wearing a cloak. He looks almost normal, as normal as you can when you are twice the size of everyone else and possess ten times the strength.

Outside all is still and quiet, the natural scents creeping back.

"Clarion!" Felix commands.

Abruptly the vortex descends, I can actually feel the air pressure change as a still grinning Clarion sucks in the environment around him.

Another shiver rolls up and down my spine.

Clarion's grin spreads a little wider and he winks at me.

Oh god. What the fuck?

"What about the others?" Tanya asks as Felix shoos us along the boardwalk.

"Others?" He chuckles. "Ms Denali the onset of modern technology has us very stretched, we have only so many resources we can deploy. And we are not above recruiting in the field when circumstances dictate it.

There are no others."

Tanya and I exchange a long look.

"If it were me." Felix continues. "I would be considering my escape options right about now.

But then I would remember that Felix would be coming after me and it would be the shortest escape attempt in history.

Then I would, if I were you Isabella, Ms Denali, consider what that may mean and decide to do exactly as I am told."

We both shiver.

"It is merely a suggestion, of course." He observes genially as the parking lot comes into view.

In silence we clamber into their oversize truck as directed, snuggling together on the backseat.

Without speaking Tanya rolls her eyes at the roof of the cab.

I look up. Black, very sinister.

Meeting her eyes again I raise my eyebrow slightly.

She looks up again, pressing back slightly into the seat.

Ah. Wait until we are rolling at speed and then flip out backwards. Presumably running like hell.

The corner of my lip twitches slightly in response.

Better than sitting here meekly waiting to see what happens. Although looking at Felix glowering at me in the rear view mirror certainly encourages me to feel meek.

The silence in the truck is deafening. And who thought up that ridiculous description, how can silence damage your hearing?

With only the growl of the engine and the crunch of the tyres for company we roll out of the parking lot and swing left onto the highway.

Beside me Tanya stiffens, in about two minutes the highway will pass through the densest part of the forest surrounding the area, out best chance to escape.

I'm not sure that attempting to escape is anything but compounding the mistake we made looking for The Volturi in the first place, but we should at least try. Perhaps we're being slightly over optimistic about Aro's definition of harm. God I hope not.

Tanya squeezes my hand once, then twice in rapid succession, then three times.

And together we push back with all our might, our straining bodies tearing back through the body of the truck with a groan and shriek of metal.

Like two stunt doubles in a movie we tumble backwards, rolling down the truck bed, taking out the tailgate and crashing into the blacktop.

Rolling, even as the tyres squeal under braking, we get our feet and holding hands, run for our lives.

I cheer myself with the thought that a vampire the size of Felix can't be that quick on his feet, conveniently forgetting Clarion.

Flat out we crash our through any obstructions until it dawns on me that aside from the trail of carnage they can follow the devastation is probably audible from town never mind to the vampires who are undoubtedly following us.

Tugging at Tanya's hand I slow us down and nodding she turns us right and we pick our way toward the lake we know is up ahead at a less destructive pace.

The lake is the only chance we have to mask our scents before they catch up with us. Another reason we chose this particular hotel.

Now we can smell the water and unconsciously we speed up again.

We owe Edward a massive apology. It's so easy to discount his warnings and concerns on the basis of him being an overprotective jerk from the turn of the last century, never again.

Unclasping our hands we make a long leap into the water at the earliest opportunity and stroke purposefully away from the shore.

Unfortunately a huge family of rocks jumbled near the waterline separates us almost immediately and within seconds I find myself silently treading water too afraid to call out and locate Tanya.

Fuck! When it goes wrong it really goes wrong.

Time ticks by while I slowly come back from the resultant panic attack.

Think Bella. Think.

I have no choice.

The sensible thing to do is swim ashore somewhere over the other side of the lake, hope I find Tanya, and if I don't creep out of the area and head back to Edward with my tail between my legs as fast as I can. I'm sure Tanya will have had exactly the same idea and at the very least we will meet each other back at the apartment.

In the meantime I hope Edward stays put. My cell is soaked and I don't know how long it will be before one of us gets to a phone and can call him.

Very slowly, so as not to make any unnatural noise, I set off for the opposite shore.

It's agonisingly slow going when every instinct is telling you to get out of here as fast as possible.

Eventually I reach dry land again and looking all around, scenting the air like a rodent, I cautiously haul myself out of the water on my belly.

One of my questing hands alights on a frighteningly leathery rock.

I look up. Past the Arnie boots from Terminator 2. Up the jean clad legs like tree trunks. Over the crutch, don't look, that's just nasty. Up the mountainside like chest and finally to the cheery smiling face of Felix.

"Isabella." He chuckles. "Like my Master I find your gifts intriguing."

"Shit." I growl.

"I bet Cullen's second son loves that." He laughs. "Get up my dear. Even centuries in The Volturi have not accustomed me to having a lady grovelling at my feet."

"How did you find me?" I ask as I get up and shake myself like a dog.

"That is for me to know and you to wonder." He grins, offering me his enormous hand. "Perhaps I knew you would come ashore here. Or perhaps it is simply that luck is on my side and not yours."

Resigned I take his proffered paw and allow him to lead me away into the trees.


	38. Chapter 38

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 37 Clear as Mud**

**BPOV**

I trudge after him disconsolately, taking two steps to his every one, hoping that Tanya has escaped.

But as we approach the battered truck I can see her, lying on the ground, arms stretched back, with Clarion's knee placed threateningly between her shoulder blades.

"Let the lady up Clarion." Felix commands.

Immediately the smiling Cleaner complies, flicking a look at his soiled clothing which miraculously becomes pristine before my eyes.

Tanya surges to her feet and we crash together in a desperate embrace.

"I am sorry this did not work out." She whimpers.

"Me too."

"Oh _please_." Felix sighs in irritation. "Get in the truck, we will need to find alternative transport before a human sees it."

**EPOV**

It's now several hours since they should have checked in and I can't help but be worried.

I should never have agreed to any of this, it's simply too dangerous. I should be with them, how else can I protect them?

It's my responsibility to protect them.

Shit!

I'm not an idiot. I know that both of them think I'm behaving like a little old lady. That's probably why they push me so much. Don't call me until an increasingly long time after they were supposed to.

But they have no idea. I'm wired this way. Of the many things about me I can change, will change, worrying about the safety of the women in my life is _never_ going to be one of them. What kind of man would that make me?

Modern sensibilities be damned, not one I could live with.

My pacing speeds up.

Where are they? Are they in danger? Or are they just punishing me?

Knowing it will annoy and amuse her, but prepared to risk it just to know that she's safe, I snatch up my cell and call Bella.

Straight to voicemail.

Shit!

God Bella, although you're attitude to me is like a knife in my heart, I hope that's what this is. Attitude.

Please.

I dial Tanya. Same result.

Agitated I hurl my cell, carefully, onto the couch.

If anything happens to Bella . . . .

With a groan I throw myself into a chair and snatch up the laptop.

Searching.

Accidents. Murders. Use of our credit cards. Speeding fines on the truck. Anything.

My search widens as I obsessively look for _anything_ that might calm my mounting fear.

Hours pass.

Wait, what?

Absently I have entered one of my credit cards into one of the servers Bella hacked for me and there is a transaction, today, in a hotel I recognise as being near Bangor.

Bangor?

Are they fucking insane? I assume it's them. I left that card in Denali.

Fury overtakes my fear. Or rather my fear that Bella may die morphs into fury.

With the utmost control I set the laptop on the table and get to my feet.

I'm aware that every time I venture out I risk exposure to Daire. I'm aware that by going to Bangor, the last place we know he was, I am multiplying that risk. But I will not sit here idly while there is any possibility that they, she, are in danger.

Hurriedly I pack the supplies I will need in a backpack and dash for the door.

As I lay my hand on the knob I realise that the scents around me have disappeared.

**BPOV**

After Felix's pronouncement that we will be collecting Edward and we had better fess up his location, the long drive back to the apartment is made in total silence, Tanya and I clinging to each other in the backseat of the nondescript sedan Clarion has stolen. The two Volturi Guard quite rightly assuming that we won't be attempting to escape again.

Agonising hours later we pull into the underground garage, Jerry the Guard with status issues, giving us all and particularly me, the evil eye.

Automatically I turn toward the elevator but Felix captures my elbow, swinging me away with a meaningful nod to Clarion who grabs hold of Tanya before she can object and shoves her in front of him along my original course.

"Why aren't _we _going in?" I ask in a quavery voice as he ushers me across the street and around the back of the building there.

"Sensible question." He says with something like approval as he flips a crate over me to sit on.

I collapse onto as if commanded, my trembly legs all too happy to be out of service.

He hunkers down in front of me, blocking out the view of the scabby wall behind him.

"In truth Isabella, Edward will be easier to control if he thinks you are in danger. Neither he nor Ms Denali will trouble Clarion while you are absent with me for fear of further harm coming to you, terror of being cleaned will do the rest."

"Um."

"Will you please stop shaking?" He huffs. "If I were going to hurt you I would have done it by now. Where is the backbone you exhibited in Volterra?"

I take a huge deep breath to steady myself. But really can he blame me? In Volterra I was young and stupid, had only the idea of people I love being killed to frighten me. Knowledge and experience have frankly stamped that backbone out of me, even if only temporarily.

"Isabella." He begins when I have my limbs under semi control. "It occurs to me that I know some things and you and your coven members know some things. And based on my experience an exchange of knowledge can be mutually beneficial."

I nod. Yes that's all we wanted. But he's not finished.

"I know that you have not been honest with me. Would you like to know how?"

Taking my silence for assent he continues.

"Take Carlisle. I believe he is dead. For a start I cannot accept that a man such as he would be unaware that his progeny are running around in a danger zone. He may be somewhat soft to my way of thinking, but he was never a fool. To compound this we 'cleaned' his mate.

Your neutral expression has promise by the way.

This is a very big hole in your story. How could he suffer this to happen? The man I knew would not."

"Carlisle is not dead!"

"Alright. What was he doing that was so extremely important he didn't notice you, your prospective mate and _his _mate had been on a trip to New England during which _his_ mate was cleaned?"

I stare at him, I've got nothing.

"Do you not think that it dawned on me then that my Master's friend was no longer with us? Do you not think, that if as I suspect you believe, there was no longer any need for me to protect you I would have bothered cleaning his mate and leaving her for you to find?

All this 'mucking about' has severely impacted on my mission, it would have been far more prudent to have just killed the three of you then."

"Oh."

"In truth I should let Clarion practice his cleaning until I can receive instructions from my Master on how to deal with you all in light of Carlisle's demise. I can guess what his thoughts will be. Edward irritated him by refusing his offer to join the Guard and Ms Denali is already in his bad books. You he was going to drain anyway so he is unlikely to perceive your death as any kind of loss."

Somehow it is very easy not to speak the words 'why don't you then'.

He observes me almost happily as the gears in my mind slip and clang.

"Isabella, you are very new to this game and I have been playing it for centuries. Do you have any idea how often I have been victorious simply because vampires think that someone as large and strong as I must be stupid?"

I don't think he's expecting an answer and that was never the case, clearly he has some issues.

Oh god. I'm in a dark alley in the sole company of a gigantic killer with issues.

Think Bella. For the love of god think.

"Why me?" I croak, sure I've read something somewhere about keeping the person with issues talking. "Why are you having this conversation with me and not Edward or Tanya?"

"Bingo! Another sensible question. I have my reasons. I knew your mate, did he tell you that?"

I shake my head.

"Only briefly, a fine soldier, you must be very proud."

Not proud, bereft.

"I have to consider that he may have told you something pertinent to our current situation. Also, I could not help but notice that Ms Denali was surprised to hear me refer to Edward as Cullen's second son, whereas you, you my dear, looked like you would have given your eye teeth to silence me.

Therefore I have to assume that you are keeping secrets. Ergo, you might know more than they do. Not to mention the added advantage that you seem to want to keep those secrets."

Oh.

"You would be surprised." He murmurs, leaning right into my face. "How much of a motivation to co-operate I have found that to be over the years."

No, not from where I'm sitting.

"And so." He announces grandly, moving back and giving me room to breathe. "You will tell me everything you know and I will decide whether to let you and your friends live."

I open my mouth and close it again when no sound comes out.

"_Everything_, Isabella."

Finding my voice I tell him about Maria finding Edward, that Daire was apparently stalking him, urging the local covens to help so The Volturi wouldn't be involved. I tell him about the fight, the deaths. The kidnap attempt on the mountain, Rosalie and Emmett's grisly deaths. God it's like a bad novel.

He listens to it all, a thoughtful expression on his big face.

"Humph." He muses when I'm done. "Almost the whole story, a fine effort at evasion on your part. However I am curious as to why The Goddess of Destruction would involve herself in rescuing Cullen's second son, she is not normally noted for her compassion."

"She and Edward had a relationship." I grind out, surprised by the attitude in my voice.

"Isabella." He chuckles. "She has had a relationship with just about everybody, do not take it personally, think of it more as him being well trained in the art of _pleasure_."

The way he emphases the word pleasure makes my skin attempt to crawl off my body and slink away into the darkness.

Which of course he thinks is hilarious.

"I may be wrong." He says eventually when he's recovered. "But I can think of only one man Maria would willingly risk her life for."

"Carlisle." I whisper.

He sighs happily. "And the rest my dear."

It takes no time to tell him what I know of their relationship.

"So you know she was a Volturi spy?"

"Yes, Garrett told me."

"Well you are keeping some interesting secrets." He chuckles.

"Come." He commands, rising to his full height and offering me his hand. "We will return to the others, you will follow my lead and accept that everything I do I do for a reason."

"Wait! Aren't you going to tell me anything?" I gasp, practically jogging to keep up with him.

"I already have Isabella. Think about it."

In silence we enter the elevator.

As the doors close he suddenly spins me toward him and envelops me in his massive arms.

My fear reaches new heights as he rubs himself all over me, burying his nose in my hair and I literally sag in relief when he releases me, largely unmolested.

With a wicked smile he reaches out, grabbing my shirt and ripping it sharply.

With a cry I gather the edges together, no bra.

"What the fuck?" I choke out but he just winks and turns his attention to the doors.

On our floor he shoves me, gasping and panting, through the door so that I stumble and fall to my knees.

"What have you done?" Edward howls, launching himself from the couch at Felix's throat.

A short cacophony of noise later Felix has Edward suspended over the balcony railing by his throat.

"Isabella and I have reached an understanding." He purrs, giving Edward a little shake. "And if you are ready to be calm and behave yourself, we will sit down and talk about it."

Edward nods and Felix lifts him back onto the balcony with a satisfied smirk.

Released, Edward dashes toward me, wrapping me in his arms and burying his face in my hair.

"Oh my god _Bella._" He moans. "I have never been so scared in my life. Are you okay, did he, _hurt_ you?"

"I'm fine." I whisper, sagging into his embrace. Confused. Freaked out. But inexplicably fine. "I'm sorry Edward, so sorry we went against your instincts. We were stupid."

He shakes his head, hugging me tighter.

"I love you Bella." He sighs into my hair and my arms tighten around him in response.

"Please." Felix growls. "It _is_ physically possible for a vampire to be nauseous you know."

With a snarl Edward whirls toward him, still gripping me tightly.

"If you harm her . . . ."

"Yes, yes, yes." Felix dismisses Edward's ire with a wave of his hand. "Sit down Mister Cullen."

Edward leads me toward the couch.

"Not with her." Felix objects, grabbing me from Edward and spinning me into one of the dining chairs. "She is _mine_ until I get what I want."


	39. Chapter 39

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 38 Press-Ganged**

**BPOV**

With no sense of self-preservation Edward attempts to intervene, this time finding himself pressed, face first, in the fluffy rug at the centre of the room.

"Sit _down_ Mister Cullen." Felix repeats, letting him up and towering over him as he moves to the couch and perches on the edge, his eyes flicking constantly between Felix and I.

Thoroughly cowed and still not sure what's going on I shrink down in my chair, next to Tanya's, clutching my shirt closed with numb fingers.

She favours me with a wan smile which doesn't reach her troubled eyes, unlike Clarion who is positively beaming at me.

"Now then." Felix announces, breaking the mounting tension and turning away from Edward to pace the room. "I will talk and you will all listen. Unless I ask you a question, in which case you will answer promptly and fulsomely."

"At least let Bella get dressed." Edward hisses.

Felix sighs.

"Oh very well. If it will make you more comfortable. Isabella, be quick."

In seconds I've darted into the bedroom, changed my shirt, I liked this shirt, and returned to my hard and uncomfortably stylish dining chair.

"Happy now?" Felix asks Edward with a degree of sarcasm that would strip paint.

Edward snarls and I find myself unaccountably annoyed with him. Yes, Tanya and I fucked up, spectacularly. But we're here now and despite Felix's strange behaviour we're not dead. Is it just me or can Edward not see that provoking Felix isn't a good idea?

"Fine. I will talk and you . . . ." Felix breaks off, laughing. "Sorry, done that bit. Ahem. Moving on.

We came here to the New World following a tip off from one of our spies . . . ."

Edward snorts in derision.

"Yes Edward, we have _spies_." Felix chortles waggling his fingers at Edward as he resumes his relaxed pacing. "We were informed that a vampire here, one Daire the Pict, was possibly building an army and that there may be newborns involved.

Our source was very reliable and quite experienced but The Volturi do not chase the wild geese and so Clarion and I were despatched to investigate further.

However the wheels at Volterra grind slowly and when we arrived just under a month ago we were unable to contact our spy, who had been ordered to infiltrate the Pict's operation and report to us."

Oh my god. Maria. She was the spy. Was she even trying to help Edward? Did she play all of us, Carlisle? I cut my mental rambling short as Felix continues.

"Of course, we tried many times to rouse our contact and we scoured the locations outlined to us in their preliminary report.

By the time we found the fuel depot explosion Isabella described for me the humans had be traipsing around for so long there were few clues left for us to find. However, further investigation of the area did reveal your presence, Mister Cullen.

And since my Master's instructions with regards to Carlisle's coven were explicit Clarion and I were forced to leave our search and deliver a warning.

To describe myself as frustrated would be an understatement.

Especially when we caught up with The Major of the Southern Wars and discovered that he had already questioned one of Daire's men to the point of uselessness."

Felix sighs heavily.

"Regrettably there had been a bit of a mistake at that point and we had cleansed your brother before ascertaining that he had information we might need."

Felix is thoughtful for a moment.

"Ah well, no one is perfect.

So. Sure that Carlisle would understand our message and in a hurry to backtrack Daire's men, our only tangible clue, we took our leave and followed their trail. Unfortunately their journey had been so convoluted we were not able to learn much.

Queue frustrated Felix again.

Back to almost square one we resumed our main mission. Of course we continued to track you. Credit cards? Really? And were suitably pleased when you went south.

So then, imagine my _joy_, when we became aware that Cullens were once again in our search area.

Yet another side mission was required. I hope Esme recovers quickly by the way, Clarion really hates practicing his gift on a lady, it gives him gas."

Clarion nods happily.

"When you departed with your tails between your legs to Alaska I was immensely pleased. But sadly no further forward in finding Daire or contacting my spy.

We have been able to find some tantalising signs of vampire activity but with only the two of us on site have lacked the resources to follow them up properly.

And so, I was less irritated than I might have been when your credit card was used here again Edward."

"What makes you think we'll help you?" Edward spits out.

"Many things." Felix observes thoughtfully. "The biggest one being that Carlisle Cullen is dead and my need to protect you is null and void."

I wince as Tanya's hand reaches over and clutches mine in a death grip.

"Ms Denali." Felix turns to her first. "Eleazar was technically correct in his assessment. I have no need to pussy foot around any of you now. However, we may be able to help each other, so please here me out.

You want to find out what happened to your family, Isabella told me about Carlisle's death and that of your siblings.

I want to find my spy and determine whether or not the threat they reported is credible.

If we work together I will not have to kill you and you may actually get the answers you seek. The Volturi do not punish those who co-operate."

A salesman he's not. Tanya's tension hasn't lessened and Edward's anger is almost palpable.

"What understanding is it you've reached with Bella?" He snarls.

"That is between us Mister Cullen." Felix responds easily. "You need only know that she will not leave my side until I am done with your assistance."

"That is unacceptable." Edward growls, getting to his feet.

Once again Tanya and I cry out for him to back off.

"It is not a choice _Edward_." Felix sneers, moving swiftly to get down in Edward's face. "It is a _fact_. She will stay with me. When we are done, she may stay with you, if that is what she desires. Alternatively I can consider whether just having the two ladies assist me is enough, they performed quite adeptly during my test . . . ."

"No!" Tanya and I howl together. He's going to kill Edward if he doesn't co-operate.

Realising it too Edward hesitates and retreats, resuming his seat on the couch with a look of abject apology for me.

"You would have the women fight?" He asks finally.

"Good grief." Felix gasps. "What century were you born in?"

…..

Hours later, the middle of the night, we are many miles from the city, crumpled together in Clarion's sedan with various items of luggage packed in around us like Tetris pieces.

"If we are to begin tracking the Pict we will need better transport." Felix announces.

Clarion, our driver nods and swerves off the interstate onto a deserted highway.

Several minutes later we're in what looks like a farming community and Felix begins scanning the front lots for a suitable looking vehicle. When he spots something promising Clarion cuts the engine and we roll to a stop on the blacktop.

"Isabella and I will secure the vehicle." Felix orders. "The rest of you will remain here."

Reluctantly I leave the comfort of Edward's side and again let Felix lead me away into the darkness.

Felix inspects his choice closely before announcing it unfit.

Quietly we move on.

"This one."

"It's alarmed." I point out. "You'll wake the whole neighbourhood."

"Watch and learn Isabella." He mutters, pulling me down beside him as he carefully pops the hood.

All I can hear are bugs scuttling about in the night and the occasional rustle of leaves.

"Why are you being so hard on Edward?" I ask suddenly, immediately surprised at my bravery.

"An army, even a small press-ganged one like ours, needs to work together to succeed." Felix instructs absently. "You will do as you are told. As will Ms Denali. Edward will question and fight everything. Therefore I need to take most of the fight out of him before the _actual_ fight starts, which will be soon, so I do not have time to be subtle.

This is being done by threatening the thing he holds most dear, _you_ my dear, and by proving without a shadow of a doubt that resisting me is futile."

It's simple. It's logical. It's nasty and manipulative.

"You could just try talking to him." I huff.

"I could." Felix shrugs. "But that would be very time consuming and absolutely no fun whatsoever."

I gape at him and he laughs.

"Pushing his little buttons is so far about the only thing I have found on this god forsaken continent to amuse me."

"You're a very strange man." I observe quietly.

"Why thank you." He chuckles. "We are done here, fetch the others."

"You trust me?"

"Perhaps. I trust Clarion more. And I definitely trust how dead your friends will be if you do not return."

I stand up, brushing the dirt off my jeans.

"And Isabella." He adds casually as I turn away. "I am aware that you are still keeping secrets from me, I hope for your sake they do not affect this mission."

So do I, my oversized dictator, so do I.

Obediently I trot off and summon the others. Festooned with luggage we join Felix at the truck.

"Are you sure you've disabled the alarm correctly?" I ask as we load it up and pile in.

"Of course. I am a man." He drawls, starting the engine.

Immediately the night is rent by noise and flashing lights.

"Oops." He chuckles, pulling out of the driveway and accelerating away down the road.

A few miles on he pulls onto a dirt forest road and I employ my Garrett learned abilities to disable the alarm.

Done we start out across country and it's a good job my spine is no longer sensitive against bumps, crashes and sudden losses of height.

Unknowingly we've formed a chain on the back seat. Me, holding Edward's hand, which he's pulled into his lap, him, and Tanya whose other hand he is also holding in his lap. Tanya and I brush fingers from time to time.

"This will do." Felix announces after an hour or so. "Everybody out."

"Why do I get the feeling you've known where to come all along." I grouse as soon as he and I are out of earshot of the others who've been ordered to stay with truck.

"Because I have." Felix answers smugly. "Trust me."

"That's asking a lot."

"I am very trustworthy." He huffs, apparently offended.

Issues. He's got issues alright.

After a couple of miles we cross recent vampire scents and he slows us to a walk, not needing to warn me to keep quiet, I'm a good scout.

"We are only going to see if these are any of the vampires we are interested in." He whispers.

I nod. Looking sounds good

"If they are we will fetch the others and set about capturing one for questioning." He pauses, frowning at me for a moment. "So do not do anything stupid."

I roll my eyes and his lips quirk up into an amused smile.

Sniffing the air like bloodhounds and scouring the ground and undergrowth for signs we creep forward as the scents get stronger.

"Four." He murmurs.

Again I nod.

"Not expecting to be tracked. Not being careful. At home here I think."

Okay, if you say so. They could just be four random vampires innocently going about their business but something tells me Felix did indeed know exactly where to come. He certainly seems happy, grinning away like his little cleaning friend. Somehow his cheerfulness turns my stomach to ice, I'm fairly certain I'm not cut out for this, whatever _this_ is.

Eventually we approach a clearing with a rundown clapboard house in the center. My nose wrinkles automatically, I can smell the damp and decay from here, its overpowering.

The main trail we are following was heading directly for it, no more than a couple of hours ago. I can't imagine why anyone would want to go in there, never mind a vampire with sensitive olfactory equipment.

Beside me Felix is frowning.

"This is starting to feel like a trap."

Brilliant.

Automatically I start backing up but he grabs my arm and holds me in place, shaking his mighty head slowly.

"I am sorry. This is far more sophisticated behaviour than I anticipated." He whispers directly into my ear. "It is too late to run. We will have to fight our way out and hope the others have not been attacked."

"Fuck." I mutter and he claps his hand over my mouth.

When I successfully manage not to bite him he releases me and whispers in my ear again. "I loathe running. What say we stick our heads in the noose and see what happens?"

I arrange my face into an appropriate expression for letting him know he has issues but nevertheless I follow closely behind him as he sets off at a brisk trot toward the house.

The smell is even worse as we make our way inside.

"What now?" I ask softly.

"One, two, three . . . ."

In an explosion of noise the house suddenly erupts around us with vampires seeming to appear from all directions.

My instinctive reaction is to fight.

So I do.

It soon becomes obvious that I'm not contributing much more than a defensive distraction while Felix methodically works his way through our attackers. But even so the part of my brain that isn't immediately focussed on staying alive is calmly calculating the odds of us escaping this 'noose' intact. If I sound calm it's a total fallacy. The vampire brain can do many things at once, even when its co-ordinating a fight for its life, including panic.

I kick out at the vampire in front of me, knocking him into the rickety old stairs which collapse on top of him in a damp and cloying heap. But before I can re-focus another grabs me from behind, locking his arms around me. Instinctively I go limp so that he has to hold me up and as soon as he braces himself against my weight I spring up, flinging him back and away.

Just in time to duck another who swings his fist at me wildly.

Whirling I aim a kick at the vampire who has struggled to his feet still wearing most of the stairs. He flies back, immediately re-burying himself.

I don't know what passes for adrenaline in a stone body but I'm full of it right now.

"Isabella!" Felix roars and I turn just in time to get my hands up against the vampire who is flying through the air at me like Superman.

He still manages to get his hands around my neck but at least he didn't rip my head off. Grunting like tennis players we fall to the floor, grappling with each other. He's much stronger than me and for a moment despair overwhelms me. But as Garrett said I am too stubborn to lose. He also said that vampire gonads are as sensitive as anyone else's and so when the opportunity presents itself I take it. It only takes a moment for him to recover but that's all I need to regain my feet.

As I leap away from him his hand whips out, capturing my ankle, fingers sinking into the flesh like barbed hooks.

With a howl of pain I wrench myself away from him, stumbling against one of the rotting walls.

For a nanosecond I let myself sag there, screaming at the top of my lungs when two arms punch through the soggy wood on either side of me.

Too late I begin to struggle as one arm wraps around my waist and the other clamps over my mouth, hauling me out through the wall and into the night.


	40. Chapter 40

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 39 Brief Encounter**

**GPOV**

My life sucks. There are worse ways it could suck, this I know, but today is just one of those days.

Maria was right, I didn't like her plan, not at all.

But sadly I couldn't come up with anything better. Being inconveniently discorporated seriously reduces your options.

It was a long and painful process but eventually, playing on what Daire already knew about me and my predilection for the cause of freedom, I managed to convince him that I could help him. That I wanted what he wanted. Like the best spies because it was essentially true. On a cellular level I object to the idea that one man, or a group of the same, has the right to decide anyone's fate. That I realised that his intention was to replace the set of despots we vampires have already with himself rather than a democracy I managed to hide successfully.

It's always disconcerting to discover how well you can lie, no matter how good you think your reasons are. Makes you doubt yourself.

Nevertheless the process took several long and painful months. But finally I was granted my body parts back and the privilege of dining on a prostitute someone had 'borrowed' from Bangor.

Then it was time to deliver on my promises to Daire. That I would train his men. That I would join his cause. In exchange for which Maria and Bella would live. For now.

God how I hate that venal little shit. Truly he is the scum of the earth with ideas far above his station.

Which makes me curious. Although he's very careful not to tell me anything useful I've learnt enough to know that in no way is he capable of cooking up a rebellion like the one he's advertising. The Pict is a puppet but I can't work out whose.

Following my 'release' there have been many more months of trials and tribulations but things are improving. I may not have gained his trust, the regular beatings attest to that, but I am beginning to gain his grudging admiration.

Stupid fucker. A Girl Scout could strategize and fight better than he does. And anyone with skills in that area could see how much I'm deliberately missing out in my _work_.

How often have I been tempted to rip his ugly head off? Often. Unfortunately his 'followers' are devoted to him. And while this clearly demonstrates either their lack of brain cells or his ability to manipulate people en masse, it also means that any slip up on my part will result in Garrett Granules. Not something I've ever envisioned for myself.

All this runs through my mind constantly, on a parallel course to my hopes and fears for Bella.

Since I'm aware of the comings and goings of Daire's men I know that he hasn't sent anyone after her or Edward since the second lot disappeared.

As much as it pains me I hope she's well away from all this by now, even if it means she's found comfort, fuck, happiness, with my little brother.

How noble am I?

Not very. I hate him. I've never known him. Always had an opinion on him, based on Carlisle's news, never a very favourable one, self-absorbed prick. But I fucking hate him with a passion for the possibility that he might be looking after Bella, making her happy, when I can't.

I suck. My life sucks. Today sucks.

"Garrett!" Corbin's voice interrupts my contemplation.

"Report." I order in my best bored voice.

"We have run our pattern again and are standing by for further orders." He pauses for a moment before adding. "Sir."

We've been setting this trap repeatedly for a week.

A trap within a trap.

I realise that attacking The Volturi is not the safest occupation one can engage in but like Maria I can't see any other way to get close enough to let them know what's happening. If I'm lucky their number will include someone I know, if not there is a slight risk that I'll end up dead before I'm able to tell them of Daire's plan and Maria's detainment. If Daire suspects, and he usually suspects everything I do, he's clearly going to let me get on with it since tweaking The Volturi's nose is near the top of his to do list.

"Thanks Corbin, take up your position."

With a semblance of a salute he scampers away.

Idiot.

When he's out of earshot I indulge in a heavy sigh. I miss Bella. Its physically painful, the ache in my chest. And no matter what else I have to worry about she is always forefront in my mind. God I hope you're okay sweetheart. I love you.

Mentally I shake myself down, there isn't much chance that anything will happen tonight since for the last week we've been setting our trap for nothing, but it's very easy to end up dead for lack of paying attention.

Fucking Maria. There might not have been a better plan, or a quicker one, but I'm going to indulge in the luxury of blaming her for today being a bad day.

I have always been more tolerant of Maria than her actions deserve, certainly more so than my father. Even back in the day, despite knowing that she's essentially an amoral monster, I was always aware that she's also capable of great, if somewhat infrequent, acts of altruism. I could clearly see Bella's fascination with her, it completely mirrored my own when I first met her, The Goddess. Maybe if my father hadn't been in love with her I would have even been one of her romantic victims, it would have been a hell of a way to go.

As a result I can't just leave her to be tortured to death by Daire, man that fucker knows how to hold a grudge, which is precisely what he's threatened to do if I even step one millimetre out of line.

The other and much larger consideration is Bella. If I leave, Daire will hunt her down and kill her. And if I go to her, there's no other place I'd go, he'd hunt us both down and kill her. Entirely unacceptable, as Clint Eastwood would say.

Once more Corbin interrupts me.

"Garrett. Someone is coming."

He's keen to learn. I'll give him that. Maybe he'd even be one of the last in queue to granulate me when I lose my shit with Daire.

"Vampire or human?" I ask patiently.

"Vampire."

I surge to my feet, the need for action wiping away my ennui. Once a soldier always a soldier.

"You know what to do?"

"Yes G-Sir!"

"Then do it."

With another salute he crashes away through the trees.

Well fuck, there goes the element of surprise.

Showtime.

God I hope this works.

The fight has already started by the time I enter the clearing and immediately I'm struck by two things.

I had expected a large force from The Volturi. Yet I can only scent Felix.

And Bella!

Months of reasoning fly out the window as I charge toward the property easily detecting her location and wrenching her roughly from the disintegrating house.

Her screams cut off abruptly when she recognises my scent and she curls into me like a baby.

I carry her miles before I slow to a stop.

Never in my wildest dreams or darkest nightmares did I imagine this.

Breathing heavily I hold her against me.

Mine.

When she finally looks up I crush her quivering mouth with mine.

Mine. My love. God how a day can change in the blink of any eye.

My beautiful Bella. She tastes and feels divine. All my pent up passion and love pours out into the kiss. All of it.

After an age in which my world slowly settles back on its axis I realise that I should break the kiss to give Bella the opportunity to say something.

She doesn't.

But her roundhouse punch does knock me flat on my back with her tumbling carelessly on top of me.

Sobbing brokenly she then peppers my startled body with soft kisses.

Eventually the kisses make their way back to my mouth and our passionate clinch resumes as I roll her effortlessly beneath me.

God, she feels so good. This feels so good. I hoped. I never expected. But I _wanted_ . . . .

_Bella._

"I love you." I finally manage to gasp.

"I thought you were dead. Oh god I thought you were dead." She sobs wrapping herself around me like a bandage and burying her face in my neck.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry . . . ."

"I wanted to die too. I kept telling myself I didn't but I did." Her sobbing increases and her pain cuts me like a knife.

Time melts away as we cling to each other.

But slowly and agonisingly she pulls away from me.

"What happened? Where have you been?" She asks finally and I'm not sure if I'm imagining the tone of accusation in her voice.

I tell her. I can't lie to her. And whenever I try to gloss over something she questions me and draws out the truth. Damn her.

"Fuck." She growls, snuggling back against me. "I can't . . . . I can't process it all. It's too much. Oh Garrett."

"What about . . . ." I hesitate, an obvious cloud creeping over my soul. "Sweetheart what's happened with you?"

"Thank you Garrett." Felix drawls as he emerges from the darkness. "I needed a workout. What were you training them to do, commit suicide?"

"Felix." I acknowledge with annoyance.

With a grunt he plops down beside us, apparently oblivious to the way Bella and I are wound around each other.

"I assume there are many things you need to tell me . . . ."

"A little privacy?" I attempt.

"Is always an illusion." He pontificates. "You know I could have been killed in your little ambush, if I were an insecure man I would find that highly offensive."

"I wasn't expecting it to be just you. Are you working on a tight budget?"

Bella has shifted her position in my arms so that she can watch us both.

"Something like that old friend. Something like that." Felix sighs.

"What about the others?" Bella asks.

"They are safe Isabella, I checked on them as soon as I recognised Garrett as the one who spirited you away."

"Do they know . . . ."

"No, I did not make my presence known, they are waiting, in some cases very _impatiently_, for us to return."

"Oh." She responds quietly.

"Others?" I ask.

Felix waves his hand dismissively.

"Report." He orders.

"I'm not one of your fucking men." I bristle indignantly.

"It was worth a try." He chuckles. "Being mated may have mellowed you."

"Humph."

"Very well Mister Independent. Will you please tell me what has transpired?"

With the greater part of me revelling in having Bella in my arms I tell my story again, with the added detail that will be of interest to Felix.

Bella isn't any happier to hear it the second time around, in fact she's quietly and surreptitiously begun a search of my body, looking for signs of damage.

"So." Felix summarizes. "We have one smelly Pict, clumsily intent on creating his own empire here in the New World?"

I nod. Her light touch running all over me and sending shivers up and down my spine.

"My Master's spy is incapacitated, ineffectual, and in danger of termination?"

"Yep." How I've missed this, absently I begin rubbing her back.

"And you do not believe he is acting alone?"

"No. He has bucket loads of animal cunning and some form of charisma that may or may not be a gift. But he's not the sharpest tool in the box. He makes simple mistakes over and over again but the overall plan he's working to is completely sound. Um . . . . Err . . . ."

"Isabella!" Felix huffs. "He is fine. Stop distracting him."

To my surprise she flips him the finger and giggles.

"Oh hell." He mutters. "I am wasting my time here at present. I will fetch the others. You have ten minutes at the end of which I will expect you both to be less self-involved and more able to focus on the problem at hand."

Before one of us can respond he jumps to his feet and disappears into the trees.

"Bella." I groan, body humming with need.

But she's gone cold and stiff in my arms, her index finger tracing and re-tracing the thick white scar on my abdomen.

"Garrett." She sobs.

"It's okay sweetheart." I whisper. "It wasn't so bad."

"Liar." She objects hoarsely. "I absorbed Jasper, I know what it feels like. Garrett . . . . Oh god, I'm sorry, if only I'd known . . . ."

I fall back, dragging her up my body and wrapping my arms securely around her as I try to comfort her.

Her pain is breaking my heart. Oh sweetheart, you should never have had to know any of these things, I should have protected you better. What the hell's happened to you?


	41. Chapter 41

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 40 Poker Faces**

**GPOV**

If this were a movie we'd get time to sort out our issues, tell our stories and reaffirm our love before disaster strikes again.

But it's not.

And we don't.

Before Bella is ready to talk Felix returns with the one vampire I somehow knew I was going to see and two others I wouldn't know from Adam.

My little brother.

And the pained expression on his face says everything.

I sit up with Bella in my lap. Arms folded protectively around her.

They stare at each other intently for a moment and then he lowers himself to sit opposite us.

Not meeting my eyes.

In vampire etiquette that's incredibly rude. I swallow my growl. And the jealousy that rages through me like napalm.

Fucking Felix laughs as he sits down next to me.

The blonde woman looks terrified as she takes a seat as close to Edward as she can get without actually sitting on him. Interesting.

The beautiful, maniacally grinning angel, is the last to sit. Off to one side. The better to enjoy the action I realise. He must be with Felix, he has the same relaxed and superior air.

My little brother, the mind reader.

Alright. There are a number of mature and reasonable ways I can play this. But frankly my reaction is completely primal.

MINE!

Mine, mine, mine.

Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine.

His eyes flick to me immediately.

Good morning little brother.

He frowns slightly.

Yeah, you heard me.

Oh I bet you have questions. I just bet you do.

His lip curls.

"Edward!" Felix snarls.

His eyes move to Felix but I bet he's still aiming all his ability at me.

Child.

Without turning Bella jabs me with her elbow and I sigh.

Fine. I can be the grownup. Remembering what Carlisle told me about Edward's gift I start mentally reliving my more innocuous experiences , burying my real thoughts underneath. It's harder than my father made it sound but it seems to be working and maybe one day it will become as second nature as he seemed to find it.

Nevertheless I can't keep the snarl from my lips as I gaze at him over Bella's head.

Bella elbows me again.

Fuck, can she read my mind as well? It wouldn't surprise me. Has she absorbed him too?

"I just know you." She growls softly. And who does that remind me of?

"Let us be done with measuring the dicks." Felix intones and I can't help but smile at his occasional problems with colloquial English. "There are important matters to discuss."

Finally I get to hear what's been happening with them since the explosion at the fuel depot. My grip on Bella gets tighter and tighter until eventually she has to ask me to loosen it.

"Sorry." I mutter, dropping my face briefly into her hair and apologising for a huge range of things. Oh sweetheart, I'm so sorry.

"S' okay." She sighs.

I don't know if Edward or Tanya know about her gift but if they do I sure as shit hope they've had the sense to not let Felix find out. He might be the acceptable face of The Volturi to me but at his core he's still one of the fuckers. For that matter I hope Daire never fucking finds out.

Jeez what a mess.

I re-tell my story for the third time, leaving out some of the gorier details that upset Bella and Felix brings us up to speed from his end.

We lapse into silence. Each of us apparently trying to work out what everyone else knows.

Felix mentioned that his spy has disappeared but he didn't say it was Maria so clearly Edward and Tanya don't know that. Bella probably worked it out herself, she didn't seem surprised when Felix and I were talking earlier. I wonder how she feels about her now, knowing there's a possibility she lured us all up here to further her mission and perhaps not to rescue Edward?

Likewise Edward doesn't seem to know the true nature of my relationship with Carlisle. I can guess why Bella wouldn't have said anything.

All of which means there must be things I'm not being told.

Fuck. We're gonna need color coded badges to work out what we can talk to each other about.

The silence stretches out as we all regard each other with not entirely unfriendly distrust.

Finally Felix laughs putting a slight dent in the growing tension.

"What do we do now?" He chuckles.

"Rescue Maria and kick Daire's ass." Bella growls, nicely echoing my own thoughts. That's my girl.

"Yes!" "No!" "What?" Even without Clarion expressing an opinion there's uproar.

God how I wish I could just take Bella and slink off with the retreating night. But I couldn't leave someone behind. Not even The Goddess of Disaster. Whether she was manipulating me or not she gave me the strength to get through the ordeal.

The heated discussion that follows takes several hours and the result is contentious to say the least.

My men are to be burnt. Even Corbin. That sucks. There is no dignity in death and no second chance. Becoming vampire only gives you one get out of jail free card. Daire's followers, no matter how misguided, won't get another one.

Bella grips me tight, recognising my pain.

Edward is furious.

How he'd love to rip my head off right now.

How I'd love for him to try.

How much do I need to grow up and get a grip?

I don't need to read _his _mind. I can guess the struggle going on within. But he's going to along with it. For one of the reasons I am. Because Bella's future depends on it.

What's that saying about uneasy bedfellows?

Bella isn't thrilled with the plan either. God I need to be talking to her rather than exchanging testosterone eye meets with her, whatever the fuck he is to her now. Jeez my imagination has already supplied so many options. His fucking scent is all over her.

What's wrong with me?

Edward's answering smirk brings me to my feet, leaving Bella behind on the cold hard ground as he bobs up to meet me.

"Sit down Mister Cullen!" Felix drawls.

And after a moment's hesitation we both comply. With me gathering Bella back into my arms in the process.

"So many buttons, so little pushing time." Felix chuckles ruefully. It makes no sense to me but Bella snickers and then stiffens in remorse.

God I need to know what else I've missed.

"We are agreed then?" Felix continues.

Edward and I nod stiffly.

Tanya and Bella shake their heads.

Clarion, The Cleaning Cloth, just smiles.

"Ladies." Felix admonishes. "They will be fine. Just embellishing an already established lie."

"I need to hunt." Bella whispers, pulling away from me.

Immediately Tanya is on her feet beside her, looking to Felix for permission.

He nods, enjoying the power, and the two of them flit away into the trees.

"What did you do?" I ask him suspiciously.

"He tortured Bella!" Edward howls, surging to his feet again.

My laugh clearly does not meet with his approval.

"Sit down Edward." I growl. "Felix has never tortured anyone. He's too fucking soft. He'd kill you as soon as look at you, but he'd never torture you, that's Demetri's job."

"I am not soft!" Felix objects.

"What did you do?" I repeat.

"Why must you be so suspicious?" He counters.

"What. Did. You. Do?"

"I played up to my reputation. I was _nice_."

I shiver internally. Felix being nice. How scary would that be?

"Alright." He huffs. "I used Ms Denali's fear, Bella's misconceptions and Edward's protectiveness to suit my own purposes."

I meet Edward's eyes in genuine sympathy. Nothing in life could prepare you for Felix's ability to manipulate you. It's an aptitude that even The Volturi underestimate. Not that I know shit about The Volturi.

I learnt all I wanted to a long time ago.

Oh fuck off Edward. Even you can't dig that story out of my head. Someone made sure to bury that deep before you were even a twinkle in your daddy's eye. None of us will ever tell you.

"Then why is Tanya so scared of you?" I press.

"Because your _friend_ Felix." Edward growls. "Is the one who put her mother to death for creating an immortal child."

"Oh." I hadn't put two and two together but I suppose it makes sense. He was here at the time.

"I do my duty." Felix's voice is flat as he glares at Edward. "That does not mean I have to like it. Especially not when, well, that is none of your concern. Do not judge me."

This whole subject is very uncomfortable not to mention dangerous.

"Let us collect the ladies." Felix announces, getting to his feet and brushing the dried venom from his pants. "The sooner we start a fire and complete our planning the sooner we can all get on with our lives."

They're not hard to track and the three of us, four, it's easy to forget Felix's silent companion, watch patiently while they finish their hunt.

"Garrett, we need to talk." Edward suggests suddenly.

"Yeah. I guess we do." I sigh. I don't know why I feel the need to tell him about Carlisle now, after all these years, when it no longer matters. But I feel it quite strongly, maybe its part of not denying my father any longer. I know it always hurt him that I didn't see myself as his son. Of course I know what Edward thinks we should talk about, he's staring at her right now.

This could be worse than I thought.

Fucking brilliant.

"Not now." He says, catching me frowning at him. "There will be plenty of time while we're enacting Felix's _plan_."

I nod. That there will.

All I want is to be alone with my mate. Instead I get to stick my head back in the lion's jaws with _him_ for company.

Happy days.

"I'm going to help them bury the bodies." He tells no one in particular, dashing out into the meadow. Of course he makes a beeline straight for Bella.

"Cheer up Garrett." Felix chortles, slapping me on the back so hard I nearly fall flat on my face. "Perhaps he will not survive the mission."

It's an interesting idea, if you don't mind the subsequent visits from Carlisle's furious ghost. With a heavy sigh I realise that no matter how much his simple existence is going to irritate me I can't willingly let any harm come to him.

They start back, heads together talking quietly, with Tanya trailing in their wake.

Just out of earshot they stop. He says something, laying his hand on her arm.

I growl.

She shakes him off gently.

Tanya takes his hand and drags him away. Bella watches them miserably for a moment and then returns to me, slipping her hand into mine.

Felix produces a lighter from his pocket and in sombre mood we follow him back to the house.

Thankfully he's already undertaken the unpleasant task of stacking all the body parts up inside and so we've only to watch quietly and say our own silent prayers as he sets the house alight.

One by one the others drift away until there is only Bella and I stood in front of the blaze.

Finally she turns to me, eyes shiny with venom.

"Sweetheart . . . ."

She shakes her head, biting her lip.

"You'd better be there when we come." She grinds out finally.

"I will. I promise."

"And Edward. Please, he's not used to all this, look out for him."

I close my eyes against the sudden pain in my chest.

"I love you." She chokes out, pressing herself against me.

Oh sweetheart, how I hope that's enough.

"I love you too." With everything that I am. For all of eternity.

We stand there, entwined, until the flames begin to die and the others return.

Edward looks every bit as miserable as I feel.

Felix clears his throat.

"You had better go." He says regretfully. "There will be no point to such a dangerous undertaking if the Pict has killed Maria in your absence."

"Come on Edward." I sigh. "Let's go and see if Daire likes his present."

It isn't true that Felix actually had to pry me away from Bella, but it was a close run thing.

My last sight of her is of Tanya wrapping her long arms around her heaving shoulders.

And I know I was wrong.

Yesterday didn't suck.

It's today that sucks.


	42. Chapter 42

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 41 Oh Brother**

**EPOV**

I can't help but cast sideways glances at the man beside me as we run.

I have so many questions for him but he seems resolutely disinclined to talk.

He's so different from me, is that why she fell in love with him?

Or am I mistakenly making everything about me again. Probably. Making mistakes seems to be my real talent.

I sigh heavily.

Even I can't escape the fact that this is all my fault. My fault this man and I are putting ourselves in danger. My fault any of us were in danger in the first place. My fault I'm in the position where I will finally and irrevocably have to face my loss of Bella.

Seeing her with him was the purest form of torture. Their easy familiarity, even after such a brutal and long separation.

No. I can't think about it yet.

"We're running all the way?" I ask after a while.

"Yep. Problem?"

"No, obviously not. I just wondered why you wouldn't use cars, trucks, whatever."

"Daire's a very old vampire. A bit stuck in his ways. He doesn't trust anything he doesn't think could be a re-incarnation of one of his ancestors."

Oh fabulous.

We run on.

His mind reminds me of Carlisle's. Loud, innocuous thoughts scrolling through the forefront like ticker tape. I suppose it's possible, since they were friends, that Carlisle explained my gift to him in some detail. Somehow the fact that he would disturbs me. It seems somehow too personal.

And like Carlisle he's quite capable of getting my attention when he wants.

MINE.

Oh I got that message alright.

Right now he's advertising the specifications for the race car he wants his team to develop. Not what I want to know about. I want to know about Bella and his relationship with her. Everything, no matter how painful it is to hear.

"Do you think he will believe our story?" I try again to start some form of dialogue and distract my miserable thoughts.

"He might. You're surly enough."

"Thanks." I growl.

"Exactly."

We run on.

I could deliberately probe his mind. I don't like to do it, it's a violation, but sometimes little nuggets bubble to the surface. I've never really coveted Aro's, Bella's, ability to get everything, people's conscious thoughts were always bad enough. But for once I'd welcome the chance.

Then again. Perhaps there really are some things I'm better off not knowing.

"Fuck!"

"You can say that again." He snorts bitterly.

"Fuck!"

He actually laughs. Briefly.

We run on.

"I'm not sure about this plan. It seems, um, rather hastily put together."

"Humph."

Taciturn I think you would describe him as.

"Wouldn't it have been better to have thought about things a little longer?"

Now he sighs heavily.

"Yes, it would. Unfortunately Maria doesn't have the luxury of time. If I don't return or contact him he'll kill her. He's only looking for an excuse."

"And the rest of us?"

I wince. Oh yes, I got that thought, somehow I don't think I've enhanced my standing with him.

"I only meant . . . . Shit."

"I was in the army son. You don't leave a man behind if you can help it. Besides, when he's done ending Maria he'll go straight after Bella. And even you don't want that."

"No."

"Humph."

We run on.

I've a suggestion for his fuel injection system but somehow I don't think it will be welcome.

"Why did you tell Daire we were brothers?" Why did you call me brother today?

"Maria and I needed to come up with a good reason why my being in your rescue party wouldn't stop me siding with him. Brothers fallen out over Bella seemed the most logical way to go."

"I'm sorry, I don't understand . . . ."

"Ah, fuck it." He growls, skidding to a halt so abruptly I breeze past him and have to double back.

He regards me stonily for a moment and then starts walking, eyes fixed on the horizon.

"I already knew Daire. So did Maria. And so did Carlisle."

"What?"

"You're not deaf Edward, try and keep up."

"Sorry." I find myself apologising unnecessarily.

"We met at the very start of The Southern Vampire Wars."

"How?" I interrupt and he frowns at me for a moment before continuing.

"We went to mixer." He drawls.

Clearly he's not going to tell me everything, at least not now.

"Alright." I concede and he nods but is quiet for so long I start to doubt he'll speak again.

"Daire had started to create newborns and fuse them into fighting units. You understand the principles I take it?"

"Faster, stronger but harder to control."

"Correct. Maria desperately wanted the secret and so she tried to convince him that he was in danger from The Volturi and that she could protect him in exchange for his help.

He found out. She's not his favourite person."

"I don't understand. Where do you and Carlisle come into this?"

"Daire knows that Maria and Carlisle were friends."

Friends. I roll the word around my head for a moment. I can't get past the revelation that they knew each other. Never mind that they were friends. It's frankly even more unlikely than she and I being lovers.

How could he never have told me? He told me everything. All the times she visited. His shock on realising that I'd been in an on and off relationship with her. I thought he would abhor her in the same way that I felt _I_ should.

Garrett seems content to stroll along in silence while I grapple with his revelation. I'd love to think he's lying but somehow it doesn't seem likely. And he doesn't strike me as the lying kind.

Fuck.

Eventually I find a voice for one of my many questions.

"And you? I know you were friends with my father, where does Daire know you from?"

"I was with Carlisle when Maria was attempting to work her magic on Daire."

"How much aren't you telling me?" I ask.

"Much." He replies succinctly, breaking into a run again.

I catch him up easily.

"Surely I need to know everything if we're going to survive this?" I demand.

"Edward. What you think you need and what you're gonna get are two vastly different things. I'm only gonna tell you what I think is enough to help keep you alive. The best lies are hidden inside the truth."

We run on.

Daire has no reason to trust him. As far as he knows Garrett is allied with my father and Maria. Both of whom came to rescue me. So they spun him the lie that Garrett and I were brothers who fell out over Bella. If he knew them all why would Daire believe that?

Unless of course he knew the truth?

"Shit!" This time it's me who crashes to a stop.

"Little brother." He drawls, slowing to a more dignified standstill.

"You could have just told me." I gasp.

"It's not the easiest conversation in the world to start, is it?"

I'm aware that I must look a prize idiot, stood here with my mouth hanging open uselessly but even as a vampire some serious processing time is required.

He's patient. I'll give him that.

"I'm sorry you had to find out this way." He offers eventually.

I flap my hand at him. As if there could ever have been a good way.

I was Carlisle's first companion. We loved each other. How could he never have told me he'd already created a vampire? A son. Why? Why would he never have told me?

"If it helps any it was my fault you never knew." He says quietly. "I didn't need a father figure, I'd had a perfectly good one as a human and back in my day I was a fully grown man when he changed me. I didn't feel the need for anyone to think of us as family."

Still. I thought Carlisle loved me, why would he keep something like that from me? What the fuck else isn't Garrett telling me.

As an antidote to my shock I scowl at him. I can't ask my father, he's gone, dead. I can't rail at him for deceiving me and so instead I round on the only one present.

It's a short fight. And I lose it quickly.

"Edward." He growls into my ear as he presses my face into the dirt. "I know this hurts. And I get why you'd be angry at me but it's not productive right now. I would have found a better way to tell you except that within a couple of hours we're gonna be in Daire's compound and you need to know the same facts he does before then."

"You could have just left me with the lie." I whisper.

"I could have." He admits, releasing me and gaining his feet. "But I feel bad for denying my true connection with Carlisle and if we're gonna get killed I thought you at least had the right to know some of the truth."

"Some?" I snort.

"I'm sorry Edward. You really are safer and better off not knowing everything. You're just gonna have to trust me."

Back on my own feet I eye him speculatively.

"Besides." He adds. "I couldn't risk you putting two and two together after we reach the compound and wigging out on me."

And I used to worry that everyone's expectations of me were too high.

Unable to speak I set off again and he quickly resumes setting the pace and direction.

**GPOV**

We run on.

That went well.

Bella's right. I've got the sensitivity of a brick.

And he fights like a girl.

We're so screwed.

I'd like to believe he's sulking as he runs beside me but I guess it's not true. I've kicked a couple of the foundations out from under him I suppose, that's got to hurt.

But he's still with me on this suicide mission. Whatever else I think I know about him that counts for something.

He loves Bella and she loves him. And they thought I was dead.

Ah fuck. There lies madness.

I've got to live through this before any of those fears can take shape.

I'm sure as shit not talking about it with him.

Hopefully my familial bombshell will keep him quiet until we're in the compound, then it'll be too late.

"Remember." I hiss as we start to cross the scent trails of the guards. "We don't like each other. You're only here in an attempt to protect the rest of your family. The Volturi press-ganged you into helping them. You hate them slightly more than you hate me. And you need to find out who Daire's sponsor is otherwise Felix is going to find another hot fire to hang our asses over."

"How do you know Felix?" He blurts out.

"The hard way, same as everyone else." I growl as the fresh scents of vampires I recognise and loathe waft in on the breeze.

Here we go sweetheart. I love you.

Seconds later it's my turn to be face down in the dirt with Barry's knee between my shoulder blades and his fetid, a remarkable achievement for a vampire, breath assaulting my nostrils.

I've already lost track of Edward.

Barry is Daire's second in command. He's a dick but a vicious and dangerous one who I've learnt not to underestimate.

"Where are my men?" He growls, grinding his knee in until my ribs creak.

"You sent us up against The Volturi, where do you think they are?" I drawl.

"You'd better have a very good excuse." He grouches, giving my ribs one final reminder of his perceived superiority before releasing me. "And who the fuck is this?"

"Edward." I gasp, climbing carefully to my feet and wincing as my chest expands back to its preferred dimensions.

Like Daire, Barry is a short stocky Pict. But a fucking strong one.

"The mind reader?"

"The very same."

"Well." He chuckles. "The Master was of a mind to kill you, which you already know I think is a good idea, but maybe you'll manage to survive again."

"Thanks." I mutter, moving over and carefully retrieving a shocked Edward from the clutches of one of Daire's more stupid followers. If he accidentally gets killed now I won't be far behind him.

"The Master is busy." Barry informs me as we start toward the inner sanctum. They're description, not mine. Communal shit hole is more accurate. "You can visit with the torso while you wait, I know how much you like that."

Sometimes I wonder if I wouldn't rather kill Barry first. And then I think no, Daire's got to get it every time.

I tug Edward toward the cave entrance but Barry puts his arm out to stop us.

"He can stay here."

"I think not." I say quietly, meeting Barry's mean little eyes without flinching.

I don't know why he's never gone so far as to try and kill me but I'll take advantage of whatever that reason is whenever I need to. Nothing's going to separate me from Daire's present until I hand it over.

We glare at each other for a moment and then with a fake laugh he drops his arm.

"Go on then. Go worship at the feet of your Goddess. It's not like you are going to get out without me knowing."

God they're so thick.


	43. Chapter 43

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 42 The Lion's Jaws**

**GPOV**

"He really hates you." Edward whispers.

"No shit." I growl as I lead him down into the cave system.

I'm not sure it's wise to take him down to see Maria, it's not exactly a pretty picture and I can't smell any blood so I'm guessing they haven't fed her while I've been away, but the others don't like coming down here and we should be reasonably unmolested.

About halfway down I stop and lean against the wall with my arms folded over my chest.

He raises his eyebrow and I concentrate my thoughts, might as well practise with this mind reading thing, it might save our lives.

'Have you ever seen a dismembered vampire? One that's been starved on and off for months.'

He shakes his head, dark eyes serious.

'It's not like going to visit someone in a nice clean hospital bed Edward.'

He shrugs slightly.

'You might not want to see her like this.'

He sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. Poor bastard, this must be a hell of a situation to find yourself parachuted into.

After a moment his face clears and he nods firmly.

'Okay. Before we go. Daire knows about Aro's ability and he probably thinks yours is the same. Might be worth concealing the fact that you don't need to touch or be in close proximity to hear their thoughts.'

He nods in understanding and even musters a small smile.

Instinctively I reach out and pat him briefly on the shoulder. Bella aside I can't help but feel sorry for the poor bastard. Despite his talent he's been lied to so much he probably thinks the sky outside is pink. And now, to top it all, he's got his head in the lion's jaws right beside mine.

But first. Grudge bearing 101.

Pushing away from the wall I lead him deeper into the caves.

The acrid stench of venom is stronger down here. If it were physically possible for us our eyes would be watering, as it is its damn unpleasant.

Edward's steps falter briefly.

'Are you sure you want to do this now bro?'

"I owe it to her." He whispers. "And don't call me bro."

"Fair enough."

If this were a movie Maria's limbless body would be reposing in some grand catacomb. But it's not, she's crammed into a niche at the side of the main tunnel. I brought her up here at her own request so she could at least get the occasional breath of fresh air. We might not need to breathe but the lack of clean air gets to us as much as it does a human.

Her eyes, matt black, are open as we approach. That's half the problem with being a vampire. No matter what they do with your body your mind and your senses stay as sharp as the day they were made.

Edward's step falters again. A little longer this time but his legs carry him inexorably closer.

"Maria." He breaths. "I . . . ."

She blinks, too dried out to speak.

"Jesus Christ." He gasps.

She smiles. About the only form of expression she has left now her eyes are all black.

Edward shudders but nevertheless he reaches out and tenderly brushes some of her still luscious hair out of her face.

"I'll, um, wander back up the passage a bit and make sure no one's followed us down." I murmur as I move away.

I've no insight into their relationship other than what Bella told me but I'm guessing my presence isn't wanted or needed at this point.

At least he can read her mind. When they won't let her feed her expression's been enough to chill my bones when I'm not picking up on what she's 'saying' quickly enough.

She's gonna kick the shit out of me when we're out of all this. If we ever get out of all this.

**EPOV**

"English." I whisper, my hand resting on her cool forehead.

I can hear her but I can't understand her.

'Edward. You're alive.'

I nod, emotion choking me into silence.

'Your father, I'm so sorry.'

I close my eyes, shaking my head, against what I don't know.

'Why are you here?'

"That's a very long story."

'Aren't they all?'

"Maria, I'm sorry, I never wanted any of this. We're going to get you out, we have a plan . . . ."

"Shush!" Garrett demands, re-appearing around the rough rock wall.

Maria closes her eyes and her thoughts dissolve back into her native language.

Within moments the one they call Barry appears, nose wrinkled against the stench, conscious thoughts all about getting out of this dank dark prison as soon as possible.

"Up top!" He barks. "Daire is ready for you."

And I'm ready for him!

I hurry up the incline after Barry but Garrett plucks at my sleeve.

'Calm down Edward!" He orders. 'Be pissed, he'll believe it. But don't get yourself killed.'

I growl at him but already I can feel my anger cooling.

This Daire might be an inhuman monster, the irony's not lost on me, but this whole situation is essentially my fault.

I love her, in my way, I always have. But I don't love her enough to accept her. I love her enough to feel anger for her pain. But I don't love her enough to die for it.

I'd die for Bella.

'Edward.' Garrett's inner voice interrupts my thoughts. 'That opening on the left, shaped like a quaver?'

I nod.

'That's an exit they don't know about. You might need to carry a couple of your limbs but you'd get through. Comes out a couple of klicks away, near an interstate.'

Again I nod.

'If it comes to it, take Maria and go.'

I should be impressed but instead I'm annoyed, how heroic of him to suggest such a thing.

**GPOV**

I'm glad Edward is the only one who can read my mind and there's no one here who can read my emotions as we emerge into the late afternoon sun.

Shit, feeding time, another potential pitfall for my veggie companion.

I never wanted to die, every sordid thing I've done here I've done to stay alive and ultimately get back to Bella. But now I've seen her, touched her. I can't bear the idea of never doing it again.

'Don't fuck this up Edward.'

"You monster!" He howls launching himself at Daire.

Automatically I leap after him, tackling him to the ground, my anger tempered by the knowledge that he didn't use anything like the speed he possesses. He might not be quite so useless after all.

Nevertheless we surge to our feet surrounded by a tight cordon of distinctly unfriendly looking vampires. Instinctively I whip my hand out and take a firm grip on his upper arm.

'That's enough with the theatrics!'

Feebly he struggles in my grip. I hope none of these losers are WWE fans.

"Garrett." Daire drawls. "Did you bring me a present or an IED?"

"I'm sorry." I respond with the amount of obsequiousness he demands. "He's not entirely pleased to be here and it turns out he's quite fond of Maria."

"How nice." He muses. "Everybody is fond of Maria. Except me. If you keep him under control his feelings will be useful. One can never have too much leverage."

I nod, detecting the threat. Any time Edward steps out of line its Maria and I who will suffer the consequences.

Beautiful.

"So." Daire's hard red eyes flit over Edward and then fasten on me. "Explain to me how I now have a mind reader but half a dozen less men."

Edward opens his mouth but I squeeze his arm hard enough to get a genuine wince. Talking to him through my mind is impossible when I'm trying to use it, I don't have Carlisle's century of practice, or his intelligence.

"Edward wasn't happy about Carlisle's death or Bella's attempted kidnap. He was lucky enough to stumble across The Volturi and report matters to them. He was with them when they walked into our trap. As we discussed our force, not matter how well I trained them, was never going to be a match for the Guard. When I realised we were losing I managed to grab him and escape."

"Succinct as ever." Daire observes. "And how did you persuade him to accompany you?"

"It wasn't hard." Edward spits out. "The Volturi lied to me, they weren't interested in protecting my family, just acquiring another talented vampire for their collection. He also promised me that you'd be able to protect Bella, my family and _me_."

Barry growls like the well trained attack dog he is.

"Garrett does not make promises on my behalf." Daire says disdainfully. "He's lucky I even let him live. However it is true that I am able to do those things. If it suits me. The question is, does it?"

Edward glares at me and I metaphorically hold my breath.

Daire starts to walk the inside of the circle we're contained in. A demonstration of his power over us. But a stupid risk nevertheless. These are the times when I really struggle not to kill him.

I watch Edward as he takes the opportunity to size up the vampire who now holds our lives in his stubby little hands. You can almost see the mass of facial and body hair he would have sported when he was a human. He's less than average height, which probably contributes to at least one of the enormous chips that jostle for position on his sloping shoulders. His vicious and vindictive nature is practically visible on his gargoyle's face. I guess my loathing colors my judgement but I can't see what the women and some of the men in his entourage find so attractive about him. I can't see any redeeming qualities in him at all and I wouldn't fuck him if my life depended on it. Not that the deviant fucker hasn't threatened to do it to me a time or two. Thankfully he doesn't actually swing that way although some of his followers do. I've been lucky but belatedly it occurs to me that my very pretty little brother might be in for a shock even I didn't foresee and probably won't be able to protect him from. Truly we're at the ass end of vampire society here, no pun intended.

Jesus. Bella will kill me.

Oh shit, I hope Edward didn't get any of that.

Thankfully it looks like he's still totally focussed on Daire.

"I'm curious." Daire says eventually. "As to why The Volturi would be interested in a mind reader when they already have one."

Fortunately Edward's brain works quicker than mine. Or he's already read Daire's mind which I'm assuming is not the most sophisticated item on the planet.

"I don't need physical contact like he does. I can't see as much as him, only what you're actually thinking about, but I can do it at a distance." Edward responds quickly.

"What distance?" Daire demands

"Up to about ten feet."

Nice round number. I squeeze his arm in approval, less violently this time.

"Useful. I suspected you would be. A longer distance would be preferable but not needing contact will be most useful. What am I thinking?"

Edward rolls his eyes and I guess he gets asked that a lot.

"I don't know." He admits fearfully. "I don't understand the language."

"Aha!" Daire seems pleased. "A limitation."

"I speak most languages." Edward counters. "Including ones that pre-date me. If I can study them. I just don't recognise yours. I can learn."

"Not mine you won't." Daire intones grandly. "What am I thinking now?"

"About how you will punish my brother for failing to defeat The Volturi." Edward answers, flicking a glance at me.

I don't like his expression, I really don't. But it can't be worse than my previous punishments.

"Tell him Edward. Tell your brother how I'm going to _punish_ him."

"Um . . . ."

'Tell him!' I urge in my mind. 'Or he'll punish you!'

Edward's eyes meet mine.

'Fuck Edward, I know you're sorry, you're not a monster. Tell him or he'll do it you instead!'

"You're going to rip one of his hands off and burn it!"

"Very good." Daire drawls in satisfaction. "I'm sure I can find a use for you and time in my busy schedule to care for your 'family'. We can discuss the details later. Barry, you know what to do."

In a blink Barry's hands are locked onto my shoulders and I release Edward reflexively less I rip his arm off as Barry jerks me off my feet and hurls me to the floor placing his foot in the small of my back.

"Please? No!" Edward howls.


	44. Chapter 44

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 43 Talk to The Hand**

**GPOV**

"Edward, Edward, Edward." Daire chides him happily. "If we are going to work together you are really going to have to learn to go along with my decisions. Your brother has learnt, haven't you Garrett?"

"Umph." Is the only response I can manage with my mouth full of the fetid dirt my face is pressed into.

"Please." Edward continues more reasonably. "Don't burn his hand, its barbaric."

Uh oh. Never question the judgement of a short man with tall ideas.

I wince.

I can't see what's happening but there's a cacophony of noise. Grunts, stone crunches and deep bass snarls set against the backdrop of Daire's baying mob.

Barry snarls and shifts position, jamming me deeper into the dirt.

The earth shakes as a body thuds into the ground beside.

Shit. I can shake Barry off but I've been at great pains to encourage their feelings of superiority over me. Not that it will matter if Edward's dead. On balance I decide to stay still, despite the discomfort of having most of my senses cut off. No one's started a fire yet.

"Edward, Edward, Edward." Daire begins, this time patiently.

Oh god, here we go with the grand standing.

"Nothing I do is barbaric." He continues, sounding like he's settling in for a long oration. "Everything I do is cold and calculated. I did not get where I am by being rash or stupid."

Since my face is buried in the muck I allow myself a quiet snort. I could cheerfully kill Daire when he's like this. As opposed to any other point where it would simply be a matter of principle. One of the things that stops me is that every time he shows off he gives away a useful nugget of information. A nasty and potentially fatal habit that his underlings have picked up too. Really this whole situation is ridiculous, I've known all along that a small well organised force could take them out, how bitter the irony then that despite my experience he's probably going to end up killing me.

I should have just taken Bella and run when I had the chance.

Daire's droning jerks me back to the situation at hand.

"Surely the two of you did not think that you could just wander back in here, minus a cadre of my men, spin me a story about escaping during a battle and have me believe it unconditionally?"

"Umph." Apparently Edward is sucking up muck too.

"I find myself with something of a dilemma. Garrett has been most useful to me, in his way, although as events escalate that efficacy will diminish. Certainly bringing you to me is one of his finest services, since he knew I had expended resources looking for you.

A mind reader is certainly a useful tool. One that others would appreciate being in my possession. However, I'm not certain how much of an asset he would be if I could not trust him.

Therefore, Edward, it follows that I will need to have a reason to think I might one day trust you.

I have never trusted your brother, he has a tendency to think with his heart rather than his head and despite his protestations I have never believed that his heart belongs to me. However, he has been very easy to control as a result. Maria's life, Bella's . . . .

I wonder if they are as important to _you_ Edward?"

"I have a family to consider too." Edward spits out between mouthfuls of noxious dirt.

"Ah yes, where are they, if I might ask?"

No answer.

"Very well. Barry, if you will."

Chuckling like some horror movie Santa Claus Barry rips my hand from my wrist and the wet dirt chokes off my scream of agony.

It doesn't matter how often you lose a body part, you never get used to it. Maybe that's cosmic payback for living forever. And maybe that's why any vampire's waking nightmare is permanently losing a chunk of your flesh.

"They're spread out! Hidden!" Edward screams.

"And how am I going to use them against you if I don't know where they are?" Daire asks in a reasonable voice.

More silence.

"It's a good job I appreciate that these things take time Edward." He sighs. "The hand Barry."

A whistle of air and a slight thump.

"Dinner time is upon us." Daire announces regretfully. "I will give you gentleman some time to think about our predicament."

Immediately Barry eases up on me and with a gasp I ping up onto my knees.

Beside me Edward is also on his knees, the two goons who must have holding him down backing away and laughing.

Gritting my teeth I get to my feet pulling Edward with me and tugging him up into the rocks around the cave entrance. My little home from home.

He regards me wordlessly as I rip away part of my shirt and wrap it around the stump of my wrist. I can't bleed to death but the more venom I lose the weaker I will be.

Down below Daire tucks my hand into the back of his belt. I've no control over it now but I hope it gives him the mother of all wedgies when he's least expecting it. My right hand, motherfucker really knows how to make his point.

It fucking stings but I'll be fucked if I'll make a fuss in front of my little brother. Won't do either of us any good.

Down below a small group of the most vulnerable members of human society are herded into the clearing.

God let me count the ways Daire deserves to die. Just let me live long enough to see to that, _please_, as unnatural as I am, I can at least dispense that justice before I face you . . . .

"Oh my god." Edward gasps.

"Don't look." I advise him. "The sounds and scents are bad enough . . . ."

Surprisingly he follows my advice, spinning around to put his back against the boulder separating him from the scene unfolding beneath us.

"Talk to me." He pleads just before he stops breathing.

Ah fuck. I'm a loner. About as naturally communicative as that rock he's leaning on. What am I supposed to say . . . .

"Carlisle was very proud of you." I blurt out.

He snorts in derision. "I bet he wouldn't be so proud if he could see me now, cowering behind this rock, while innocents are being slaughtered."

"Don't be so hard on yourself Edward. He had more experience of this sort of thing than you've got."

He's quiet for a while. I must have given him something to think about.

"What do you mean?" He asks eventually.

Humph. Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive.

"Carlisle was the most compassionate man I ever met but he also knew when to keep quiet and wind his neck in. How do you think he survived that decade with The Volturi? The first human he'd tried to save would have been the last and then what would we have all lost?"

"Is this one of those things you think I'm better off not knowing?"

"Edward, he was everything you believed him to be. Just try to accept that he grew into it over time, like we all do. Don't go looking for problems."

Knowing my hand is distracting me I concentrate hard on the designs for my new race car. I really do think he's better off not knowing all about Carlisle's past, it can't help either of them now. And besides there are some things that will still get us all killed, even now. And we're taking enough liberties with our continued existence as it is, why tempt fate with Felix breathing down our necks?

With a stifled groan I grip my right arm just above the torn flesh and twisted bone. Ouch.

"What . . . ."

"What does it feel like?" I prompt.

Embarrassed he nods.

"It hurts Edward. It hurts like a motherfucker."

"Was it . . . ."

"Like this the whole time I was here before?"

Another nod.

"Pretty much although he's never threatened to burn anything before."

"He won't actually go through with it will he?"

"I fucking hope not."

"How can you be so calm about it?"

I shrug. What good would running about screaming do?

"They're animals." He observes turning to watch the debauchery and brutality unfold below us.

"Yep."

"Is this . . . ."

"Normal? For this lot yes. For other vampires, they don't tend to make a habit of it but it happens."

"I've led a very sheltered life." He whispers.

Yeah, you thought Maria was depraved.

"Let's hope you can go back to it once this is over."

"I could never forget . . . . Everything that's happened, this . . . ."

It's not nice and it's more than I ever thought I'd have to see again. And unfortunately the poor bastard's right, you never forget.

"Garrett." He says quietly as the party below us gets into full swing. "We need to talk about Bella . . . ."

"Edward. There's nothing to talk about. I love her."

"I love her too."

Ah. My hand is stinging like a bitch and now my chest is tight again.

"What do you want?" I ask, keeping my eyes trained on the action. "You want me to acknowledge that you have some prior claim?"

"No. Of course not. I forfeited any claim on Bella's affections a long time ago. I recognise I'm lucky she'll even talk to me."

I want to ask him what happened while I was away but I'm afraid of the answer. I wouldn't blame her, couldn't, but I don't think I could cope with the pain. Felix, of all people, once told me that love makes you weak. I never really understood what he meant. But I suppose I do now. I'd battle the worst kind of monster to keep her safe but the sight of her, happy, in another man's arms will destroy me.

Whatever it is he wants to say is clearly having trouble clearing his mouth.

"Edward. We shouldn't be talking about this, not here, not now. We know where we stand with each other, isn't that enough?"

"Why do you love her?" He asks and it's only the genuine question in his tone that drags an answer from me.

"She's beautiful, sexy, funny, smart, and whenever I'm with her the world is a wonderful place."

Don't say anything brother, this isn't an appropriate topic for a pissing contest. Show some respect for the man she's going to leave for you when this is all over.

He sighs heavily. "Is nothing ever black and white?"

"No. Sorry, not in my experience. They're polar opposites that only lead to trouble. Happiness and peace are in understanding the grey."

His hand comes up, pinching the bridge of his nose as his eyes screw shut.

I envy him his time of innocence and kind of mourn its loss. But if he's going to look after Bella properly for an eternity . . . .

"Barry!" Daire's voice cuts through the night. "Start a fire. I believe I was going to burn something."

Grinning Barry looks up at me and beckons with his index finger.

"Garrett." Edward gasps, clutching my intact arm.

"One of us needs to get out of this in one piece." I sigh in resignation. "Use your brain Edward. He needs to believe that he has you under his control. And use your talent. If you can't find out who is behind this then Felix will own your ass until someone does. That's not a good place to be either."

"_Garrett_." He pleads but I brush him off and clamber to my feet, trotting down into the clearing.

I hold myself still as they bustle around me, throwing the last remnants of their messy meal into the already roaring fire.

"Don't be shy Edward." Daire calls out. "Come down and join us."

In all too brief a time my brother is stood beside me.

"Dinner has taken a little longer than I expected." He drawls when he's judged just enough tension has mounted. "So sadly I do not have time to give our predicament much further thought. It is a problem a leader always has to contend with, time.

On reflection I have decided that I can manage only one viper in my nest and your Goddess is such a shadow of her former self that I find she doesn't count. Hand luggage, if you will. But the two of you. Ah, decisions. I believe I am swaying toward Edward for his usefulness, yet I favour Garrett for his controllability.

I have learnt over time however that a good leader does not have to make every decision."

Edward's starting to look hopeful. Jeez he still has a long way to fall when it comes to vampire nature.

"I think, therefore, in fairness, that the easiest way to resolve this is for the two of you decide which of you lives and which of you dies."

"No!" Edward shouts, earning himself a backhand from Barry.

"Twelve hours. Then I shall expect a decision I can live with. In the meantime Garrett, I'll keep the hand, if you don't mind."


	45. Chapter 45

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 44 Change of Plan**

**BPOV**

Tanya holds me as my thoughts descend into chaos.

I don't even care if she realises that she's the only thing holding me upright.

Or that Felix is towering over us giving off impatience like a radio signal.

I don't care about anything except me right now.

And me. I'm done. My limits reached. My sanity and I, we parted ways about twenty minutes ago when the only man I ever loved walked away into the trees with the only boy I ever loved.

I . . . . If . . . .

It's no good, words and thoughts fail me.

My fucking ribs hurt from dry sobbing. How is that even possible?

"Isabella!" Felix demands. "Breaking down helps no one."

Tanya trembles at his tone and my limp body echoes her movement. Like Jell-O.

"You're not breaking down." I point out between titanic heaves. "You're the asshole with plan. JFDI."

Silence. But even with my eyes closed I know he's still looming over us.

"Just fucking do it!" I howl, redoubling my sobbing and giving up all remaining pretence of holding myself upright.

Slowly Tanya and I sink to the cold, hard ground.

I'm done with winter. When will spring return?

"Oh jesus help me." Felix growls softly, thudding down onto the ground next to us. "And they think working with children and animals is difficult."

Time ticks by. During which I inevitably realise that in the time I've been wailing like a baby nothing about this agonising situation has changed and it isn't going to. My sobs quieten until I'm finally still. Poor Tanya must be feeling just as frightened as I am, she loves Edward too. Guiltily I squeeze her back, letting her know I'm here for her too.

I may be calmer but I still don't seem to be able to function. Even thinking about pulling away from her and facing the world is difficult right now.

"Ms Denali." Felix orders. "Go and help Clarion dispose of the truck. Isabella and I need to talk."

Bravely she shakes her head and clutches me tighter.

"Tanya." He says more gently. "It will be fine. Sympathy will just cripple her right now and if we are going to save Edward we need her strong. I will take care of her. Go and help Clarion."

After a brief hesitation Tanya squeezes me briefly and then gracefully regains her feet and swoops away.

Feeling immeasurably colder and weaker without her support I sink further into the ground, curling around myself.

"Isabella. Bella. I know this is hard." He pauses. "Alright. I am guessing how hard this is."

I snort.

"We don't have time for you to fall apart right now." He continues gently. "I have to speak to my Master, request re-enforcements and organise for their arrival. Someone needs to track Garrett and Edward to ensure Daire doesn't change his location."

I nod weakly, making no attempt to move.

"None of this will happen while you are lying here on the ground." He points out.

I curl myself a little tighter.

"Alright." He growls angrily. "Get up Bella! I know you thought Garrett was dead but he isn't and regardless of what you feel for Cullen's second son he will be if you don't get your ass in gear. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and start thinking about other people."

"I don't know what to do." I mumble.

"I cannot help you with that. I have an opinion but I do not see what difference it makes. All I can do is point out that if you do not get your sparkly posterior up off the ground not knowing 'what to do' will become a non-issue. There will not be anything you _can_ do."

"This is your fault." I growl, unwinding myself slightly as undirected anger begins to shoulder helpless misery out of the way.

"Of course. I have very broad shoulders."

"If anything happens . . . ." My voice trails off as I realise how funny he must find little old me threatening him.

"I am quaking in boots at the thought." He chuckles. "In the meantime it would be most helpful if you could direct your anger at The Pict."

I nod sitting up and starting to feel a little foolish.

Felix regards me expressionlessly for a moment and then breaks into a broad grin.

"There she is, the Isabella who wished for the ability to rip my head off in Volterra."

"You seem to have that effect on me." I huff.

"I have that effect on most people." He observes, hauling me to my feet with him. "It must be a terrible shame for them that they will never be able to do anything about it."

Cocky much?

Together we run back to the location where we left the truck to find all trace of it gone and Tanya and Clarion leaning against a tree in silent communion.

"Are you okay?" She asks.

My answering nod is almost genuine.

With an enormous act of will I have packed up everything that will cripple me right now and stuffed it way down where it can only occasionally bother me. Practice makes perfect as they say.

Immediately our oversized commander starts issuing orders and within minutes Clarion and Tanya have grabbed the stuff they'll need, said their goodbyes and melted away into the trees to follow Garrett and Edward at what Felix called a '_very_ discrete' distance.

Felix begins making his calls and I head out to hunt, or comfort eat, as Edward called it. The simple act of hunting is always a good distraction and I absorb myself in the task, my only other real focus on the time elapsing. I need to be at full strength for what's ahead but I also feel like a fuse has been lit and is steadily burning down to disaster and that every second is somehow critical. Bella's doomsday clock. There's also a nagging fear that when I go back Felix will be gone and I will be alone, with no idea what to do or how to save the ones I love.

That does it, even though I can't get indigestion the churning fear has robbed me of my appetite. A first in this life.

Burying the half drained corpse of my deer I hurry back to Felix.

To my relief he's still there, sitting cross legged and still, like the last giant stone monolith in the ring. I'm struck all of a sudden by how lonely his life must be. Now I'm getting to know him I'm realising that he isn't quite the cold hearted machine you'd assume.

My steps falter and I grind to a halt when I notice the ravine like frown line between his witchetty grub brows.

"Felix?" I ask hesitantly.

Still looking down at his hands he answers me in an old tired voice.

"I have spoken to my Master. One of his other spies has found out who is master minding this plot to take the New World and create a new vampire ruling class. My Master and his Brothers are planning the attack now."

"What does that mean?" I whisper.

"It means Isabella." His eyes lift to mine and the sympathy in them robs my legs of their rigidity. Abruptly I crash to the ground. "That he is not interested in Daire for the time being. It would seem, apparently, that he is also no longer interested in Maria. He feels their working relationship has run its course and her rescue is not a priority to him."

Isn't it funny, considering what I'm going to lose, that my first thought is of Maria? Shafted again by another _man_ who doesn't think she's worth it.

"What about you and Clarion?"

"We have been ordered home to take part in the attack."

"When?"

"At our earliest possible convenience."

"What does that mean?"

"It usually means _now_." He observes dryly.

"Now." I sigh, lifting my eyes to gaze at the stars.

"Isabella, Bella, I am so sorry. I would never have suggested this course of action if I had known what was happening back in Volterra."

The Guard are not coming. Felix and Clarion are leaving. There is only Tanya and I to attempt a rescue, assuming she would agree to it.

"Tanya?" I ask in a hollow voice.

"Is on her way back with Clarion, they will be here within the hour."

Cold to my core I lie back on the grass, stretching out and running my fingers through the damp blades.

"Can you do something for me before you go?" I ask after a couple of minutes.

"Anything." He promises.

"Come over and sit next to me, I want to hold your hand."

"Bella, is that wise?"

"I'm not asking you out on a date Felix." I snap with more energy than I feel.

"I realise that Bella." He huffs, shuffling over on his bottom to sit beside me. "I have spoken to Clarion and made my own assumptions about the nature of your gift . . . ."

"How?"

"It is not important now." He asserts. "I have not led a particularly quiet or peaceful life, you may not wish to know what I know."

"I have Jasper's life." I admit quietly.

He sighs heavily, keeping both hands firmly in his lap.

"Are you sure it will help?"

"It can't make it worse can it?" I counter.

I don't really need to touch him but it's like a permission thing for me and the contact certainly makes the process less draining.

"Is there anything I should know first?" He asks, sounding for all the world like I'm about to practice key hole surgery on him.

"Tanya knows I can absorb a person's memories but not their abilities, please don't tell her, just say I was in shock and got you by accident."

"Anything else?"

"I'm already lying down, the rest will take care of itself."

"You realise what you are considering is suicide?" He offers as a final objection.

"I won't stand by and let this happen. And I have nothing left to lose."

"Very well."

Suddenly his huge paw is wrapped around my left hand and I winch down my mental shield.

When my eyes open again the stars have been replaced by a gloomy expanse of grey cloud threatening imminent rain. Jeez it's just like Forks.

Felix's personality and life are as big as he is and I close my eyes again, fighting with all my mental strength to shut him up in his box. He doesn't go quietly and the minutes of my doomsday clock tick by as I struggle with him.

Peripherally I'm aware of the others huddled round me.

Finally, bone tired I heave myself into a sitting position, held in place by the sight, sound and smell of a small herd of terrified deer.

"Edward implied you would be hungry when this happened." Tanya says, resting her hand lightly on my shoulder.

"Who?"

"Don't look at me." Felix huffs. "Clarion rounded them up."

I glance over at our silent companion and he extends his already huge grin slightly.

The scent of blood jerks me to my feet like a puppet having its strings yanked and I lay waste to Clarion's gift with indecent haste and a total absence of manners.

This seems to make Felix happy.

"I always knew you would make a fine vampire." He chuckles as I scrub the blood from my face with my sleeve. "Did it work?"

I nod apprehensively, how will he react now that he's exposed himself to me in that way?

"Do not worry about me." He says gently, offering me his hand. "I am used to having my every mental pimple examined, my Master is a mind reader, remember?"

Tentatively I take his hand.

"Did it all work?" He asks, turning to face me and staring into my eyes.

With a mental shrug I squeeze his hand with all my strength.

"Ouch!" He yelps, snatching it back and giving it a shake.

"Did you know you could do that?" He gasps.

"No. I never got any of Jasper's empathic abilities."

"Did you try?"

"No."

"Then why don't you try now?"

"I'm not a science project Felix." I snark. "Besides rummaging around in the old stuff will just wipe me out again. There isn't time."

For a moment he looks like he's going to argue, then he sighs and steps away from me.

"Ms Denali, we have already discussed that Bella's intention to attempt a rescue unaided is certainly going to end in her death, along with Edward's and Garrett's, please tell her what we have agreed while she was otherwise engaged?"

"Alice and Jasper are on their way . . . ."

"Oh my god!" My hand flies to my throat. "What did she see?"

"She saw us being killed." Tanya shudders and I clamp down on my desire to ask how. "But they were already on their way. Jasper has regained consciousness with a strong desire to, um, meet the vampire who knocked him out."

Tanya casts a nervous glance at Clarion who winks back at her cheerfully.

"So she knows what's happening?" I ask.

"Yes, they are going to meet us in Bangor."

"Will that be enough?" I demand of Felix, sifting through his strategic knowledge.

"No." He replies heavily. "Which is why Clarion and I will be coming with you."

"Felix, no!" I gasp. "Aro will destroy you both when he finds out."

"Let us worry about that Bella. Neither of us is inclined to leave the three of them to their fate, we have to live with whatever we do here."

I nod, instinctively taking his hand again but this time without the violent squeeze.

"But . . . ." Privy to his past experiences I know exactly how his _Master_ will react to being defied.

"Bella, we have made our decision. It may be a long time before my Master learns the truth and in that time a lot can happen." He winks at me. "Besides I have my suspicions that Maria, if we can rescue her, will know of a way to assist us."

Holy shit. Carlisle and Maria are loud and clear in _his_ memories. What the . . . .

Oh. My. God.

He thinks they . . . .


	46. Chapter 46

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 45 Baker's Dozen**

**EPOV**

My cheek is still stinging and my ears are still ringing from Barry's blow when Garrett hooks his good hand into the back of my shirt and drags me back to the perceived safety of the rocks.

Releasing me he hunkers down behind one of the boulders, resting with his back to it and his eyes closed.

"Are you alright?" He asks eventually.

I don't know how to even begin to answer that question so I just stare at him.

With a sigh that speaks volumes he slouches down a little further, wriggling his shoulders as if to get comfortable.

I'm hiding up here in the rocks, the clock counting down to my potential death, or fate worse than, with a man who hates me and who Bella is clearly still in love with.

Curious I study him out of the corner of my eye.

He's handsome I suppose, with a body type very similar to mine, lean and strong, if on something of a larger scale. He doesn't dwarf me that way Em and Jasper do, did, but his obvious physicality is no less intimidating. I don't really know how to describe it, he's very _there_, _vital_, in the same way they always were, _alive_ and sucking all the molecules from the air.

And in the same way he somehow makes me feel small and inadequate.

Carlisle's intellect and compassion, my father's moral strength, Bella's capacity to love selflessly, Em's uncomplicated and uncritical love of Rose. They all have the same effect on me. Remind me of my short comings. The one's I've spent years running away from.

This ugly potential demise I'm facing, have brought others down to, it is I realise entirely fitting. As is my way I had convinced myself that if we could just get our answers then maybe, even though I didn't deserve it, maybe I'd get a second chance at happiness with Bella. A miraculous chance to do better, to allow myself to grow into the man I really am, with a woman who would accept me, help me, warts and all.

It grips me suddenly, causing my breath to hitch, how much I want that. How _desperately_ I want the chance to start again. It burns inside me, willing me into action.

But that's the problem. What action? This is so outside my realms of experience I might as well be on another planet and sat next to an alien with two heads.

Beside me Garrett's breathing has slowed and steadied and if I didn't know better I'd think he's asleep.

With no other alternative I ask the obvious question.

"What are we going to do?"

"Get killed probably." He drawls without opening his eyes.

"Really?" I snap suddenly angry. "Is that the best you can come up with? This was partly your fucking idea!"

"What do you want me to do Edward, volunteer to be the one that gets offed? I've read The Tale of Two Cities, the guy was an idiot."

"I don't want to die either." I snarl.

"There's a fucking surprise." He snorts.

"What the fuck does that mean?"

"I thought your gift was mind reading not chronic over sensitivity."

Before I've even finished sucking in the breath that's meant to launch my attack he's got me pinned to the ground beneath him.

"Listen to me Edward." He hisses. "I'm sorry if I'm not being _gracious_ enough for you. And I know you're scared. So believe me when I tell you that no matter what we go back and say in a few hours' time there's no way he's gonna kill _you_. _You_, little brother, are a valuable commodity to him.

And I'm just some bum he's already had his pound of flesh out of.

He's just fucking playing with us. _You_."

Abruptly he releases me and returns to his deceptively casual lounging.

I make no attempt to move, no longer sensitive to my dignity, or that fact that I'm flung onto the ground like a rag doll.

His logic makes perfect sense.

He knows he's going to die.

He must have suspected it all along but he came back anyway.

I pinch the bridge of my nose, desperate for some understanding. Why?

"We should run, now." I demand.

"Look around you genius. We're being watched, we wouldn't get ten feet, even they're not that stupid."

"There must be something we can do?" I'm even past caring that my voice sounds whiney and petulant.

"Yes there is." He observes. "You read their minds like your life depends on it and I'll think in peace and quiet. How does that sound?"

Effectively gagged I follow his instructions, alone with my uncomfortable thoughts.

And the hours tick by. Like a doomsday clock.

Finally our silence is broken.

"Edward." He says. "Don't speak, just listen to me. There are some things you need to know."

I nod.

"Have you noticed the barrels of gasoline around the place?"

"Yes." I was curious, since he's already told me they don't use modern transport.

"They're wired together."

I peek out, noticing properly for the first time the gossamer strands joining them. The implications immediately clear to me. Both for why they're there and how much else I've probably missed while I've wallowed in my shock and horror.

The learning process always starts late with me it seems.

"The detonator is in the little wooden shed."

I nod. It looks innocent enough, I'd assumed it contained tools, although for what I hadn't fathomed.

"As far as I know only Barry and Daire know how to activate it. When they do this whole area, in particular the caves, will be flooded with liquid fire. If you're going to use the tunnel to escape you need to get there in plenty of time or wait until the fire's gone out."

Jesus. Carlisle's fiery death is still vivid in my mind. I swallow convulsively.

"So you think Felix and the Guard will get here in time?"

He doesn't answer immediately.

"Garrett?"

"They'll get here. You'll need to be ready."

Jesus. This is really happening.

"Have you fished anything out of anyone's head yet?" He asks.

"Nothing I want to know." I admit with a shudder.

"Damn." He groans. "Keep listening. When this is over, just remember that Felix will want you as much as Daire does. You'll need a way to barter yourself and Bella out of it. And whatever you fucking do, don't let him find out about her gift."

"He hasn't."

"He's not as stupid as he looks. Absorbing the memories is bad enough, the rest will give Aro an orgasm."

"What rest?"

He laughs. Bitterly I'll admit.

"She hasn't told you everything then?"

"Apparently not."

"Do you know she can fly an aeroplane?" He drawls.

"What?"

"I never taught her. She learnt from my memories."

"How? I mean, shit, how?"

He laughs. Clearly he's as familiar with Bella's klutzy traits as I am.

"We were flying over Nevada." His voice is rich with memories, his mind resolutely refining that damn race car. "She wanted to try. I didn't see the harm, my memories would be as good as a textbook and a few thousand dollars of tuition, to a vampire.

It was okay for a while but then a freak storm hit. You know as well as I do that learning is no substitute for experience . . . ."

I snort. Only recently brother, only recently.

"She never even blinked. Flew that sucker like a pro with thousands of hours behind her. She didn't just get my memories, she got my ability, my experience. And she used it, adapted it, I'd never flown through a storm like that, no way had she plucked it out of my head."

His voice is full of pride.

"What happened?" The desire to have been there, seen it, shared the wonder of it, overwhelms me.

"We crashed."

"What? How?"

"I was _impressed_." He chuckles. "One thing led to another and eventually no one was flying the plane. They're still looking for us, on and off, out in those mountains."

Bittersweet. I love hearing more about her life that I've missed, how amazing she is. But I can't help but be jealous that I wasn't the one who shared it with her.

Oh who am I kidding? No way would I have let her fly through a storm, never mind risked the dangers of a crash. Yet she still loves him. That must mean something? Of course it does. She isn't a china doll, she never was, and now she's a vampire. She doesn't need or want the blanket of protection I feel obliged to wrap around her. It stifles her and exists only to make me feel better about myself.

For me to feel in control of something.

He reacts to my sudden silence, turning to face me.

"Edward. She loves you. She always has. And with your gift you have the best chance of getting out of this alive."

I shake my head in denial, he can't possibly be right. Can he?

About the inevitability if his death, or the possibility that I might have a future with Bella. I want _that_ so badly my imagination can even glimpse it past the doomsday clock.

And then I remember what it will cost to achieve, that it's based on an assumption and it crumples to ruin before my mind's eye. I've dared to hope for a while now but Garrett's return dashed that hope. And what fresh hope is there here, in this hell?

"Edward." He growls. "If this goes wrong you may very well end up being the only thing she has left. Don't fucking let me down."

Yet I'm likely to end up dead too. Can't currently see a way I won't. Who's going to take care of Bella then?

A knot begins to form in my stomach. Resolve. Whatever happens, whatever I've done, if I don't get out of this in one piece I'll never get the chance to make up for it and Bella will be alone. I need to do better, I need to _be_ better.

With a soft grunt Garrett slumps back into his previous position and I notice that seeping venom has completely soaked the strip of material he wrapped around it earlier. He's never had a chance to get his strength back from what he went through before I realise belatedly.

Wordlessly I shred my own shirt and offer him the remnants, helping him bind the stump of his wrist when he falters.

This is shit. On so many levels.

The doomsday clock continues its countdown as we resume our silent contemplations.

"Something's happening!" I hiss, shaking his shoulder to get his attention.

"What?" He whispers as my frown deepens.

"Shit. I don't know, I can't get all of it. Something's changed, something he wasn't expecting. He's scared."

"Listen harder." He orders, twisting over to peer out over his rock.

Able to multi task I follow his example.

Below there's a palpable tension in the air, like a spreading contagion. The thoughts I can understand are all concerned, wondering what's happening and if it's anything they can get punished for. A by-product of ruling by fear I imagine. Only Barry seems happy, almost gleeful, unfortunately he thinks in the same ancient language as Daire.

In silence we watch.

"It's twelve hours." I whisper pointlessly.

"Let's hope they're as busy as they look." He offers as incomprehensible orders are shouted and the scene erupts into furious activity.

"They're getting ready to leave." He observes finally.

Another hour moves slowly by, but despite the frenetic movement below the vampires guarding us haven't moved. Their stress levels have spiked though and the thoughts I can understand are fearful, but they haven't moved.

Somehow I sense that our chances of escape are diminishing and my eyes are drawn inexorably to the fire crackling merrily away by the cave entrance.

"Edward, Garrett!" Daire calls suddenly, emerging into the firelight. "Once again I find myself apologising for my tardiness. Thirteen hours, tsk. Join me quickly please, I have a pressing engagement."

Reluctantly, and with me supporting a surprisingly weak Garrett, we leave our rocks to join him outside the cave.

'I choose Bella little brother, I need you to do the same.'

His projected thoughts rattle around in my head, seeming to strike the sides with an echoey clang.

"Have you reached a decision?" He asks with polite interest.

"We couldn't be bothered." Garrett drawls, sinking to his knees with a groan when Barry punches him in the kidneys.

"I do hope that isn't true." Daire growls, pulling Garrett's dismembered hand from his belt, gripping it by the index finger and twirling it thoughtfully.

Garrett's eyes are on the ground but I can't take mine off his hand. When I look up I find Daire watching me with an evil glint in his eye.

'Can you hear me Edward?'

I nod.

'It appears that your brother is trying to provoke me. He is doing a good job too. I don't now have the time to enjoy this that I thought I would and so I am going to have to adapt my plans.'

Again I nod.

'I will be blunt Edward it was always my intention to kill him, I was just going to play with him a bit first. Not for my personal enjoyment you understand, but to prove a point, a point to _you_ that I am entirely in control and you would do well to behave accordingly.'

My frown makes him smile. It does nothing to enhance his appearance.

'Since we need to leave within the hour I will have to adapt my approach and I would still like to allow you to take part in the process, I am very inclusive in my management style.'

This time my nod is wary, very wary.

'I will offer you another choice. Whether or not I instruct Barry to dismember him slowly and burn him piece by piece. Or whether I allow Barry to do it in his normal way, quickly and savagely.'

"No." I growl quietly.

"No?" He laughs out loud, clearly enjoying himself. "No was not one of the options I offered you."

I shake my head in denial.

"Perhaps a little motivation is required?" He enquires extending his hand, with Garrett's dangling from it, toward the fire.

'Edward. Garrett's projected thought is loud and clear, even though he's still slumped on his knees with his head bowed. 'He wants a reason to punish you too. Don't give him one.'

He's going to kill you! My mind screams uselessly as my stomach twists in anguish.

"_Ed-ward_ . . . ." Daire's voice is obscenely sing song as he jiggles Garrett's hand just out of reach of the questing flames. "Easy or hard? Barry grows impatient."

Ah, there's that feeling again. Resolve. Self-awareness. I acknowledge the potential mistake I'm making but I won't stand by and let this happen.

"No." I growl, much more strongly this time.

With a pained sigh Daire opens his fingers, releasing Garrett's hand.


	47. Chapter 47

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 46 A Small Counterforce**

**BPOV**

There's no time to come to terms with what I've learned, that whole revelation will have to wait till later.

The others help me bury my dinner and we set off at a dead run, the doomsday clock setting our pace like a metronome.

Tick tock, tick tock . . . .

As we run I clamp down even further on my wayward thoughts and emotions. I can't afford to have any kind of weakness if we're going to save Edward, Garrett and Maria. Neither can I think about what will happen if we don't.

Probably struggling with at least one of the same demons Tanya takes my hand and I squeeze it gratefully.

Outside Bangor we meet up with Jasper and Alice. There's much I want to say and probably more I want to ask but the doomsday metronome keeps me moving, dragging everyone along in my wake.

When we're several miles clear of the town and shrouded in dense woodland Felix calls us to a halt.

Stopping is almost physically painful, the tick tock now like a pounding on my skull, but it needs to be done.

Immediately Jasper squares off with Felix and I can't contain my angry sigh.

"Don't start!" I snap.

Felix smirks and Jasper spins to me in accusation.

"You know what happened and why Jay, I know Alice explained it to you." I begin as Alice nods emphatically. "I'm not happy about it either but we don't have _time_.

_Please_, Jay.

We can deal with that later."

Jasper spins back to Felix and they stare at each other a while longer before Jasper snorts and returns to Alice, gathering her in his arms.

"Isabella!" Felix objects. "There will be no later."

I hiss at him and he glares at me for a moment before abruptly relaxing and a waving a hand in acceptance.

"What are we up against?" Jasper asks.

"We think there are around thirty of them. Garrett said the numbers sometimes change as vampires come and go on 'business' but that's the norm."

"Are there enough of us?" Alice asks.

"We believe so." I respond, supressing a smile as Jasper's eyes swivel to me and his eyebrow creeps slightly up his face. "Garrett explained that they are poorly trained and extremely ill-disciplined. He said a small counterforce would be able to take them."

Jasper transfers his attention back to Felix, his question obvious.

"What she said." Felix chuckles.

"The first order of business is who is leading this rescue party." Jasper drawls.

"She is." "I am." Felix and I answer together.

Jasper's eyebrow quirks up again.

"I have been training Bella extensively." Felix continues. "This is her mission. Is that a problem?"

"This whole thing's a problem." Jasper mutters. "I hate Maria and I hate Edward. Garrett I don't know. And The Volturi I don't give a flying fuck about."

"Then why are you here?" Felix asks reasonably.

"Because I _like _her." Jasper snaps, pointing at me. "And I _love _her."

He wraps his arm back around Alice who giggles and hugs it tightly.

"Works for me." I shrug, looking to Felix for approval.

He nods.

"We've no intel then?" Jasper demands.

"Nothing since Garrett left them to set the trap for The Volturi." I confirm.

Jasper blows his cheeks out briefly but doesn't comment on how ludicrous it is to launch an attack against such great numbers with so little information.

"How is what's happening in Volterra likely to affect Daire?" Tanya asks.

I shrug, once again deferring to Felix. I might have occasionally done stuff with what I've got packed away in my little boxes but nothing important and I'm not stupid enough to trust it entirely. Making Felix wince does not make me Superwoman. And I have everything riding on this working.

"I have no idea. We do not know what kind of communication network the plotters have and my Master did not give me much information, to ask him would be foolish. If there is an enemy spy in Volterra it is possible that Daire already knows he is in trouble."

"Or that no one is coming after him." I counter.

Felix shrugs his massive shoulders. "I am sorry Bella, I have no answers. But I think we should act quickly just in case it is the former."

"Alright." Jasper drawls. "What's the plan?"

It doesn't take long to explain, there isn't much.

When I'm done I look to Felix and he smiles his approval.

The element of surprise I think it's called. I just hope it isn't us that get the surprise.

Guiltily I look around at the others as they prepare to leave but I won't back down. Unhappily I realise that I'll risk all their lives to get what I want. I've been too long without it.

Felix's hand pats my shoulder consolingly.

"That feeling, Bella, I cannot help you with. It never goes away."

I nod miserably feeling a fresh wave of sympathy for him. This reckless risk of others has been his life and I love him a bit for the fact that he's never become inured to it. And as for the reason he keeps going, well, he's the only man I've met who sees through her façade.

It must have been written on my face because he immediately stomps away muttering. Men and feelings, what _is_ that deal?

And so we run.

Dropping backward and forward in the line we somehow catch up on the news.

"Are you okay?" I ask Alice as soon as she's beside me.

"I am now." She confides. "It was hell. I thought I'd lost him."

Instinctively I reach for her hand.

"Will Esme really be okay too?" She asks in a small voice.

"Yes. Definitely." I imbibe my voice with as much certainty as I can. Whatever happens to us she'll be fine, she's well out of it. The fact that she probably won't thank me just adds to the growing weight of my sadness.

"I wish Rose and Em were still here."

I nod. Bereft of words.

"Are you okay?" She asks, giving my hand a squeeze.

I shake my head.

"I'm so sorry." She murmurs and I wonder if she really knows what for.

I already lost my mate once, only to find him again, and in the meantime I re-found Edward. My first love. And it's all so painful there aren't words.

She runs beside me for a while in silent support and then drops back to talk to Tanya.

Jasper immediately takes her place.

"What the fuck did you do to Felix?" He starts without preamble.

Despite myself I laugh.

"I didn't realise you knew him." I hedge, already knowing the answer.

"I met him once, The Volturi sent him round during The Southern Wars to warn us all to get a grip."

"Did it work?" I ask with genuine interest.

"Only as long as he was there. The minute his back was turned Maria dispensed with her 'sisters' and escalated her plan for domination."

He doesn't know Maria is a spy I realise.

This centuries old mystery is the best method I have for avoiding what's actually going on. But ironically, even though I have the memories of several of the leading players I still don't have all the answers.

Whoever removed those unconscious memories did a real good job of unjoining all the dots.

Felix 'remembers' Jasper being with Maria. And he 'remembers' that Carlisle and Maria were lovers, that Garrett was Carlisle's son, that Eleazar, Carlisle and Maria knew each other.

Jasper doesn't 'remember' anything specific about Maria, or Carlisle. Wait hang on a minute. His memories don't have anything about Eleazar either. Yet he must know him, the families are friends, cousins even.

Garrett doesn't 'remember' Maria or Carlisle. And there my theory falls flat. I've no idea if he's ever met Eleazar so I don't know if he's missing anything on that front.

Felix doesn't think he executed the guilty party and despite the patina that leaves on his soul he doesn't _want_ to find the truth.

I can almost see it, but not quite, and I can completely understand Felix's frustration.

Not that any of it matters now, surely?

I try to avoid listening in on Alice and Tanya but it's hard.

Their hopes, their dreams. For us.

Tanya is twice the woman I will ever be. I could never wish the same if the circumstances are reversed.

After a while I find myself grateful to be running beside Felix again. His enormous presence is strangely soothing.

"Have we planned this right?" I ask, desperate for reassurance.

"Yes, I believe we have." He responds. "There is no alternative. We will send Jasper and Clarion ahead to check that everything is as we expect. Then we should attack without delay."

"Humph."

"As long as we each stay focussed on our objectives there is no reason for us to fail." He adds.

"And if something's changed or there's something Garrett didn't tell us?"

"No one can account for everything." He says with feeling. "No matter how much they want to. Do you wish to reconsider?"

"No. No. I can't. Maybe the rest of you should."

"You know why I will continue." He sighs. "Clarion will go where I go, we are comrades. Alice wants to rescue her beloved brother. Jasper will protect his mate. And Ms Denali will lay down her life for Edward's. No one here is going to reconsider."

I growl as my anger bubbles to the surface again.

"Use it." He advises. "Focus on it. On what the Pict has done. But do not let it consume you. Think before you act."

A snappy retort about what's at stake dies on my lips. He feels this as deeply as I do.

What kind of world is it where the one who used to wake you up screaming turns out to be the one who can best understand your fears?

Oh, of course, my world. Silly me.

Fucking Daire. I've never even met him. How can someone you've never met destroy your life so completely? For reasons you know absolutely nothing about? It hardly seems fair.

But life's never fair is it? Look at Garrett's. Jasper's. Maria's. Felix's. Poor Edward's. Tanya's. Even mine. The list goes on. Jeez, I realise with genuine distress, I don't know anyone in this life who hasn't suffered.

Maybe Edward was always right. It's a curse not a blessing, to live forever.

"If you are going to start crying again tell me now." Felix drawls. "I will run at the back."

I manage a weak growl in response which seems to satisfy him.

**EPOV**

Using all my speed, which is considerable, I fling myself over the fire, snagging Garrett's hand and arriving on the other side with it safely.

And that's the extent of my plan.

To my enormous relief, no longer weak, Garrett surges to his feet knocking that asshole Barry back into the rocks and leaping to my side.

Grabbing his hand he rips away the bandage and presses it to his wrist even as he drops into a fighting crouch.

It beggars belief but our actions seem to have taken everyone by surprise, even Daire who is the only vampire currently close enough to attack us.

He doesn't. Instead he roars in rage, catching the immediate attention of everyone within ear shot.

Still in a crouch Garrett starts backing up and instinctively I go with him.

"You're a fucking idiot." Garrett growls as we back up further until our backs are against the rock wall that forms part of the cave entrance.

We're already encircled, angry vampires descending on us from all directions, only Daire and Barry holding them back, arms outstretched. Somehow I don't think that's a good thing, I don't think they're trying to protect us, just ensure that we don't die too quickly.

"Would you have done anything different?" I ask without turning my head.

"No." He chuckles. "But I hoped _you _would."

Briefly his right hand pats my arm.

"Is it fused back yet?" I ask.

"It's good enough for what I've got in mind. If you get the chance head down into the tunnels, grab Maria and go."

"Still trying to be the hero?"

"You know it. Can't be outshone by my little brother."

"What about Bella?"

"She'd understand."

"I don't see how that helps." I mumble sadly, thinking of our earlier conversations about looking after her.

"It's everything Edward." He states firmly. "And besides, we're not dead yet."

I snort. Yet.

"Ready?" He whispers as Barry starts what looks like a warm up routine for the ballet.

I nod.

"Don't forget they're idiots." He chuckles, pushing away from the rock slightly in readiness.

"That's an awful lot of idiots." I observe dryly and his chuckle turns into a laugh.


	48. Chapter 48

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 47 The Charge of the Light Brigade**

**BPOV**

We run on with the doomsday metronome beating out time.

Eventually conversation peters out and we're running under an uncomfortable thrall of silence, each of us lost in our own thoughts.

It mustn't be good for the empath because from time to time he attempts to break the spell and lighten the mood. I wish I could appreciate it more but our destination is pulling me like a lodestone and all my thoughts are consumed with what we'll find when we get there, the good and the bad.

Done with telling jokes he moves onto war poetry and while I understand that a lot of it comes from a different time, when there was glory seen in battle, it depresses the hell out of me. All that death and destruction dressed up with fancy prose.

At my side it seems that Felix isn't much of a fan either as he keeps turning his head back to glare at Jasper.

"Cannon to right of them,

Cannon to left of them,

Cannon in front of them"

Oh jeez, even I recognise this one, Alfred, Lord Tennyson, The Charge of the Light Brigade.

"Volley'd and thunder'd;

Storm'd at with shot and shell,

Boldly they rode and well,

Into the jaws of Death,

Into the mouth of hell

Ran the six numptys."

"Shut Up!" Felix and I roar together, turning on him as one.

"Good God!" Clarion exclaims, regarding me with wide eyes. "Its mini-me."

"What . . . ." I start to ask by Tanya beats me to it.

"I didn't think he could talk." She gasps.

"He can talk." Felix growls, setting off again with the rest of us following. "He is just a man of few words."

"A quality I _appreciate_." He adds, favouring a grinning Jasper with another glare.

Jasper's still laughing and Clarion's still giggling when we cross the first vampire trail.

Immediately we slow to a walk.

The scents are a few hours old and there doesn't appear to be anyone around at the moment.

With a nod to me Jasper and Clarion dart ahead while the rest of us fan out and advance at a barely dignified quick walk.

Moments later we cross Garrett and Edward's scents, old now, and it takes every ounce of my strength not to take off after them baying like a bloodhound.

At least it seems we're in the right place.

"BELLA!"

Jasper's roar has the four of us leaping forward, running flat out along his scent trail.

We thrash through a well trampled area that is clearly a camp of some sort and charge headlong into a scene from a nightmare, backlit by flickering firelight.

There's a hell of a lot more than thirty vampires crammed into this natural rocky bowl and if I didn't have a bit of Felix, Jasper and Garrett in me I would stop dead and gawp, but their combined experience keeps me moving forward.

This is the definition of the element of surprise.

With a howl of pure adrenaline I throw myself into the fray and immediately I'm submerged in a whirling blur of snarling, growling, vampires, mostly reacting with confusion to the violence that's erupted in their midst.

For brief but glorious moments the vampires around us seem to have little idea they're being attacked, never mind by whom, and severed limbs toss haphazardly above us like streamers at a party.

The first punch I throw _literally_ stuns my opponent and it shocks the hell out of me too as he soars, majestically, over the heads of his comrades.

With fierce concentration I settle to my task, disabling as many vampires as I can while I have the chance.

Its grim work that goes against my every instinct but many things, including the fact that I've yet to see any sign of Garrett or Edward alive and well, keep me going.

Despite my focus my lamentably efficient vampire brain is still cataloguing everything going on around me. The images, single moments captured, are like Pulitzer prize winning photos from a particularly bloody war zone, burned into my brain for eternity. And the sounds. Screaming, howling, snarling, growling, and whimpering. Shouts for help, curses, barked orders, roars of rage and pleas for mercy.

Yet in spite of my ability to capture it all my overriding impression is still of chaos and fear. The fear hangs in the air like a pall of smoke.

Someone grabs me, spinning me around and I come face to face with a vampire that couldn't look more like a harmless librarian if he tried. We blink at each other in surprise for a nanosecond and then the spell vanishes and abruptly he's just a vampire who is trying to kill me. I shrug him off before he can get his arms around me but he corrects his overbalance and lunges for me again with lightening speed. This time I duck down and although he doesn't sail over my head he does effectively trip over me and crash to the ground. Instinctively I twist, grabbing one of his flailing legs and pulling back with all my strength. Unwittingly he helps me by digging his hands into the ground to avoid being dragged, and his leg comes away in my grasp with a tooth sensitizing metallic screech.

I fling it as far away from us as possible, blocking out his howl of pain and moving on to my next victim.

I'm aware that Felix's strength is starting to wane and that each blow I land and each tear I inflict, has less and less unnatural power behind it, forcing me to fight as much with my mind as my body. But in all honesty I'm relieved and more comfortable that way, I don't want someone else's gift, I would give anything not to have my own.

I'm also aware that there's a not so subtle change in air, one that tells me our element of surprise has evaporated into the night and I'm starting to feel less like I'm taking advantage of the situation and more like I'm fighting for my life.

But finally, an antidote to my rising fear that we've come too late, Garrett's voice cuts through the hubbub like a knife.

"The shed! Don't let anyone get to the fucking shed!"

"Got it!" Jasper's easy yell confirms that he's okay too.

Immediately the crush of bodies shifts because unfortunately, in a sea of mostly _short _vampires, Felix and Jasper are hard to miss and those that have worked out what's going on are converging on them like flies on a sugar cube.

The swirl of movement creates a gap through which I catch a glimpse of Jasper, fighting his way across the seething mass toward a rickety looking wooden structure set back against one of the bigger rocky outcroppings.

Then the crowd presses in again and I know it's time to move before I get cut off. Leaving Jasper to his shed I start pummelling my way through the milling vampires, lashing out at any face I don't recognise, making my way to Felix's side as quickly as I can.

I can't see anyone else from the 'light brigade' and I still haven't laid eyes on Edward, Garrett or Maria.

I know how isolated and exposed I am right now and my fear spikes as I realise I have a good ten metres of hostile territory to cross to get to Felix.

A brawling mass barrels across in front of me and I recognise Tanya's blonde hair. Without thinking I dive forward instantly getting caught up in it like a lump of rock in a comet's tail.

A female has her hands around Tanya's neck and in turn Tanya has her fingers dug deeply into the shoulders of another vampire who is squealing like a stuck pig. Growling with as much menace as I can muster I get one hand away from Tanya's throat and twist it viciously up behind the owner's back.

"Motherfucker!" She screams, jerking her head back and catching me by surprise.

I hiss in pain as I feel my nose break but my response is to twist her arm even harder. With an ominous creak it starts to give way and screaming a stream of obscenities she lets go of Tanya completely and tries to turn on me as Tanya and shoulder man tumble away.

As we struggle she manages to turn just enough to graze my left hip with her teeth. Jeez, what is she, a contortionist.

With a sinking feeling I realise I'm going to have to let go of her in order to finish her off properly. Abruptly I push her away as hard as I can. And she's up and back at me almost before I'm ready. My hands come up automatically to protect my face and at the same time I kick out connecting with her left knee at just the right time. The crunch is deafening and even I wince as she staggers back from me, her mouth open in a now silent scream.

I don't waste any time trying to finish her off, instead I turn on my heel and dash toward Felix. Tanya has already it made and to my relief I can see Alice and Edward there too, the four of them fighting together in a frugal roman square.

The closer I get the more my own relief soars and then something crashes into my side knocking me flying.

Like a bowling ball I crash through the throng, ploughing into the ground shoulder first and then tumbling end over end into a well placed boulder. There isn't even time to be surprised as a group of vampires descend on me with murder in their eyes.

With nowhere to go I close my eyes like the coward I am. And then I open them again and come back to life when the first body crashes into me. Self preservation immediately has me trying to fight him off and so it's a few moments before I realise that Jasper has waded into the fray and is furiously kicking and punching vampires away from us.

"Get a move on mini-me." He drawls. "We're about to be overrun here and no one's comin' to rescue us."

With an unladylike groan I manage to push my attacker up and away from me, regaining my feet and wrapping my arms around his neck in one fluid movement.

He panics and flails around wildly but it's too late now, with me clinging to his back like a monkey, and finally his head cleaves from his shoulders. I jump down from his headless body, kicking the head away into the trees and knocking him to the ground before joining Jasper who is deftly knocking vampires away from us like a hyped up game of whack-a-mole.

"What now?" I pant as we battle side by side.

"We need to get to Felix and the others." He growls, tossing away a disenfranchised limb. "You lead and I'll watch your back."

As a two man team we strike out toward what I can now see is a cave entrance which the others almost appear to be guarding. We're not trying to disable anyone now, we're just trying to survive.

At the last moment, like some miracle, the remaining vampires seem to part before us and we breakthrough, skirting the fire and joining our friends.

Edward seizes me in a bear hug, burying his nose in my hair, and for a brief moment I allow myself to relax against him.

He releases me almost immediately and like the others we turn to face the oncoming vampires.

Except there aren't any, just a couple of shapes disappearing swiftly into the trees.

"Are they gone?" Alice asks incredulously.

"I doubt it." Felix growls, peering out into the darkness.

Jasper shakes his head soberly.

"Then what's happening?" Tanya asks.

"Re-grouping." Felix answers, wiping the venom from his face with the back of a massive hand. "To attack us more effectively."

Jasper nods.

"Should we run?" Tanya asks, following Felix's intent gaze out into the night.

"No." Felix and I reply together.

"We would not get very far." He continues confirming my fear. "And besides we cannot. Garrett is down in the cave fetching Maria and Clarion has disappeared."

"How many of them do you think there are left?" Edward asks, surveying the twitching bodies scattered around the bowl.

"About twenty." Jasper sighs.

"Too many?" Alice asks him quietly.

"Not too many Ali." He responds gently, tucking her into his side. "Just a lot to get through."

"I'm going after Garrett." I announce turning toward the cave entrance.

"I appreciate the sentiment Bella." Felix says, reaching a hand out to stop me. "He might not be the only vampire down there, it was quite hectic here for a while, but he can manage. He is tough and he says he knows another way out. Right now I am more concerned about these barrels of fuel wired up to the shed."

I follow his gaze as he points out the various barrels ranged around the bowl and its rock walls, and now I can see the gossamer thin wires trailing between them and snaking down into the cave.

"Shit." I gasp.

Fire.

"We will rip out what we can but come back here at the first sign of an approach."

I understand his priorities, I really do, but I can't help but growl at him as I leap away with the others to carry out his instructions.

Jasper whips across the clearing toward the shed and effectively knocks it flat as he starts ripping wires away like a madman.

But the doomsday metronome has wound down and before we can make much of a dent in what needs to be done running feet and strident battle cries have us scurrying back to the perceived safety of the cave entrance.


	49. Chapter 49

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 48 Darkness**

**BPOV**

Felix, Edward, Alice, Tanya and I brace ourselves in a sort of inhuman shield as the first wave of the attack chases Jasper back into our ranks.

He hurdles us easily, rebounding off the rock wall and materialising at our flank just in time for them to crash into us.

One, already injured, makes the mistake of wading through the fire and as he goes up like a torch the others pause giving us an easy chance to repel their first rank before the next one crashes in.

Sophisticated they're not. The two waves get in each other's way, the first lot staggering from our robust defence and tripping up the second lot, hampering their attack.

Unfortunately with only six of us it doesn't make much of a difference.

Soon our last stand is broken up into pairs.

Jasper and Alice work well together, her speed, his skill and their intimate connection make them a deadly combination.

Tanya and Edward aren't doing badly either despite taking the odd hit as the least experienced fighters.

Felix and I are moving as one. United by artificially combined experience and a strong desire to stop anyone making it down into the caves after a still missing Garrett and Maria.

I'm trying not to get distracted by their absence, there are any number of less horrifying reasons for it than the ones that immediately spring to mind.

"Duck!" Felix roars.

I dip down and his fist flashes out, sending a vampire hurtling back across the bowl. Using his body like a maypole I whirl around him kicking out at the two vampires sneaking up from behind. The lead vampire staggers back into his friend, the two of them tangling together and crashing to the ground.

And for a moment I understand the wild joy sometimes described in Jasper's war poems.

All in all we're being very effective. The problem is we're only being effective at repelling the attacks. We're not actually inflicting any permanent damage and while we're never going to get tired our attackers have time to heal and we don't, every bite, tear or blow we suffer is accumulating, weakening us. We can't afford to leave it too long before we counter attack or flee.

As we fight on, like a well-oiled machine, my mind computes the options. There are several things we could do but first we need our missing friends. For the numbers. That thought makes we wince, very Felix, and because they are what brought us here in together in the first place.

"What the fuck is keeping them?" Felix growls, neatly decapitating a vampire who was foolish enough to rush him head on.

I'm about to answer when the world around us explodes into a ball of flame.

The next thing I'm consciously aware of is Felix hurling me to the ground and flattening me with his enormous body.

Even as the searing heat recedes, sucked back is if by a magical hand, Felix starts rolling us around in the smouldering dirt, an activity I can get involved with enthusiasm as I feel my venom start to bubble.

"ROLL!" He roars and I find myself joining in.

"ROLL! Roll, Roll, Roll, Roll!"

Eventually we cease our frantic movements and Felix turns me over to face him.

"You are laughing?" He enquires.

"Stop, drop and roll." I snort helplessly, my body racked with laughter. "It's a cartoon. It's supposed to save your life."

"You are alive, are you not?"

"Nope. Dead. Dead, dead, dead."

His slap almost separates my head from my shoulders but it sobers me immediately.

"Ouch. Thanks."

"Do not mention it." He drawls, dragging me up with him as he rises.

The bowl is a mess of flaming ruin, littered with burning body parts and staggering, fiery torsos.

Thank god I can't throw up any more. What a shame this is one more thing I'll never forget.

Beside us Jasper and Alice clamber to their feet.

Edward is still rolling Tanya into the ground, putting out the last of the flames seeking her flammable venom.

Felix and Jasper leap forward to help while I turn my attention to the smoke pouring out of the cave entrance.

"Felix?"

"Felix!"

"What do you need Be . . . . Oh shit. Fuck!"

"_Felix_?" I whimper. Not like this, please god, not like this.

"Go!" He orders. "Find them."

"But what . . . ." Around us vampires are getting to their feet, looking around in bewilderment before finally focussing their attention on us. And they're not happy.

"Go!" He repeats, giving me a shove. "We will manage."

With one last glance back at Edward I dart into the cave.

"And find that shirker Clarion while you are it!" Felix hollers after me.

Immediately I slow to a walk, unable to penetrate the murky smog with my eyes and too afraid to call out.

Not needing to breathe I shut my mouth and mentally will my lungs to stillness as I start down the passage.

As the available light dwindles I'm uncomfortably reminded of my weak human eyesight, other than being able to walk through the thick black smoke without breathing it in, being a vampire has suddenly ceased to have any benefits.

Feeling foolish I reach out to the still hot rough walls on either side of me and feel my way forward at barely more than a shuffle.

A few steps in my invisible foot kicks something and I bend down to examine it more closely.

A hardening pool of what was probably once a plastic barrel.

With a shiver I straighten up and continue on.

Even with my acute hearing the smoked filled cave effectively muffles any sound. Within a few more feet and sharp turn I can no longer hear the battle outside, just barely my own tentative footsteps.

I don't think I've ever felt more vulnerable in either of my lives. Especially not when a little further down, I can feel the floor sloping away from me now, I stumble into an intact barrel which on closer inspection is still full of gas and wired up.

Carefully, none of the memories I've absorbed contain any information on modern warfare or bombs, I pull the wire out and continue on.

To my disappointment, but not my surprise, the smoke gets thicker the further down I go. It doesn't seem to be escaping, it's almost as if it's deliberately hanging around to freak me out. And it's doing a good job.

A little further on my foot comes down on something that crumples to dust under the pressure.

My dead stomach leaps into my dead mouth as I bend down and scoop my hand through what is now a pile of ashes. Grimacing I lift the handful to my face and take a deep breath. All I get initially is noxious smoke, swiftly followed by the scent of unknown vampire. Relieved and horrified at the same time I shut my lungs down and stand up to reach my hands back out to trace the walls.

And on I go.

This is taking forever. I'm desperate to find Garrett and Maria, full of terror for Edward and the others above. Yet here I am creeping along this rock passage like a mouse.

Even so, I've learned enough from the memories of others not to rush headlong into the unknown.

I shudder as I inadvertently crush another body into dust. Going through the whole process of olfactory inspection again. Not one of mine. Oh god. Garrett, where are you?

How ridiculous is it that every horror movie Garrett ever made me sit through is now scrolling across my mind? I'm virtually indestructible, the only thing that can hurt me is fire.

My questing foot bumps into another intact barrel, but though I feel around for what seems an age I can't find a wire, maybe it's already been pulled. Fire. Now I'm frowning into the impenetrable dark, surely this smoke will dissipate soon?

With a deep and wasteful exhale of the last precious breath in my body I start forward again.

So when the two arms wrap expertly around my neck, bending it an ominous angle, I have nothing left to scream with.

Awash with whatever the vampire equivalent of adrenaline is, I will have to ask someone one day, I struggle and writhe with all my might. But it does no good. The more I struggle the worse the pressure on my neck and the closer I come to decapitating myself. Whoever this is knows what he's doing. With a great effort I will myself to go limp.

"You must be Bella." A harsh voice grates in my ear.

I'm not a position to nod, never mind answer.

"You certainly inspire a lot of loyalty." The voice continues. "Bringing The Volturi here with you. Interfering with my Master's plan."

My very constricted throat manages a 'gah' sound which he's clearly going to interpret however he likes. Whoever he is.

"It seems to me that you will be a very useful hostage to ensure my Master's escape."

I've no ability to protest as he starts dragging me back up to the surface.

Knowing what a disaster a hostage will be, and very much focussed on my need to find Garrett and Maria I start thrashing again. Jabbing with my elbows, kicking back with my heels, attempting to head-butt him in the same way the female vampire did to me. But nothing works, except to endanger my neck even further.

If the power of my feelings alone were enough he'd be dead on the cave floor by now but this isn't a fairy story and slowly but surely we continue to move back up the tunnel.

My panic and frustration are rising rapidly when suddenly we come to a dead stop.

The seconds tick by and a second is a long time when you're trapped in the dark in a deadly embrace.

I blink my eyes rapidly but it does nothing to help them penetrate the dense smoke around me.

After ten long seconds I experiment with the frantic struggling again but although his grip doesn't tighten threateningly this time I can't get free, my head is trapped.

What the fuck?

"Keep still while I untangle you." A vaguely familiar voice insists.

I hitch in a breath, mostly foul tasting smoke although it matters not to my lungs, so I can speak.

"Clarion?" I croak.

"Humph." Is the only response, the voice owner must be avoiding breathing the smoke too.

Abruptly a hand is thrust under my nose and I take a tentative sniff. It is Clarion and I sag with relief, immediately straightening again when the headlock I'm still in causes my neck to stretch painfully.

Great. I'm being hung by a frozen statue.

Clarion fiddles around for a moment and emits a few soft grunts. I don't suppose he can see anything to work out how to free me. What a ludicrous situation to be in. Eventually a succession of snapping noises reveals that he's freeing me the hard way, one piece of whoever attacked me at a time. I wonder if you can feel that while you are frozen? I hope not, that's just nasty.

And finally I'm free. Automatically I reach up and massage my poor abused neck.

"What now?" I rasp with the last of my breath, resigned to the fact that I'll have to take another one.

He breathes in to reply.

"Ugh. There are other enemy down here, I do not know if they survived, I have been following this one."

My turn. Jeez, that's disgusting, my lungs will never be clean again.

"Garrett and Maria are down here, I have to find them."

"Lead on then." He huffs. "But let us keep the speaking to a minimum."

"K. How did you survive the explosion?"

"Humph. We were below it, which means that your Garrett and Mistress Maria will probably have been too."

"Thanks." I use up the last of my air to respond. They're alive!

He snags his hand into the back of my jeans and I turn until I can feel the floor sloping downwards again, stretching out my hands in a now familiar gesture.

With slightly more hope in my heart we continue down into the pernicious darkness. The blind leading the blind.

Gradually my skin begins to register the rising heat and an ominous orange glow begins to suffuse the smoke.

Fire.


	50. Chapter 50

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 49 Death**

**BPOV**

With a sinking heart I edge us both closer. I don't know about Clarion but I have too many still healing wounds to risk traversing a fire. There's no real fuel down here other than the occasional tree root and vampire venom, how long can it burn for?

Jeez, vampire venom, is that what's keeping it burning?

We creep closer and closer until the glow is bright enough to almost obliterate the dense smoke and the heat is making my venom seethe. Clarion shakes my jeans in agitation, almost giving me a wedgie, but I press forward until I'm as close as I can bear and then I take a deep breath.

The heat is searing and I close my lungs off again, shuffling us back a few steps. It is vampire, but not one we know.

The flames shouldn't last too long, we'll just have to wait. Reluctantly I hitch in another breath to explain to Clarion. He just grips my jeans tighter in response.

My frustration builds until I'm literally jiggling from foot to foot but finally the heat starts to abate and the glow begins to dim. It must be funny because behind me Clarion hitches in a short breath and then wastes it all on a childish giggle. Despite the horror of the situation I manage a smile. I suppose it is funny in a gallows humour kind of way.

At last the fire is out and the inky blackness has taken complete hold again. If I ever get out of this alive I'm pretty sure I'm going to suffer from nyctophobia, there's an affliction for a vampire to be proud of, not.

Very, very, cautiously I lead us forward again, cursing internally as I feel the body crumple beneath me.

Fourteen careful steps later something barges into me out of the dark and attempts to take my head off. It's only Clarion's lightening reaction, jerking me back by the seat of my jeans, that saves me. Though sadly, not the jeans. The phrase 'naked before your maker' has never meant anything to me before.

My unseen assailant launches at me again, knocking Clarion and I to the ground in a heap of tangled limbs. Wickedly sharp teeth sink into my thigh and I kick out with all my strength, to be rewarded with a grunt of pain. Fucker! I surge to my feet intent on finishing whoever it is off. No more distractions!

Awash with adrenaline, or whatever the fuck it is, I kick out in the general direction of the grunt. My foot connecting with a vampire's head. The hardest substance in the universe apparently. And then I hurl myself down onto the culprit, intent on destruction.

As soon as I connect with the hard body I'm flipped onto my back and rammed into the rocky floor.

"Will you stop fucking attacking me." Garrett growls. "I hurt enough as it is."

With a strangled sob I wrap my arms and legs around him, hugging him to me with all my strength. A mixture of conflicting emotions raging through me.

"Ow. Ow. Ouch." He gripes.

I flip us over so I'm on top, not relinquishing my grip and I bury my face in his neck, inhaling deeply, sod the toxins in the air.

Shuffling feet bump into us from either side.

One body collapsing on top of us.

"Bella, how lovely to see you again." Maria purrs. "Or not see you, as the case may be."

"Gah! Ungh." Is all I can manage in response. Jeez it's like breathing toxic soup down here.

With a thud another body lands on the pile.

"Mistress." It gasps. "You are alive."

"Just barely Clarion." Maria rasps. "A little room to breathe, please?"

Clarion rolls to the side and resumes our group hug from there.

Garrett hitches in a breath, lifting us all up with the rise of his chest.

"This is lovely." He growls. "But we really don't have time right now."

"Humph." Clarion and I reply in unison, disinclined to move.

"Up!" Garrett growls with more force. "There are still barrels down here that haven't exploded."

Vampire scardey cats that we are, we all surge to our feet as one.

How did I get to be on point again I wonder, as I stretch my arms out, fingertips to the walls.

The vampire road train begins making its way slowly back to the surface.

Garrett's hand is now the one curled into the waistband of my jeans, index finger swirling across my exposed skin as I lead us upward. I can't describe how comforting that is. Nor how much I now long to be on the surface to check that Edward is still alive.

Progress is quicker this way. I can feel the pressure of everyone's desire to be free from this dark noxious prison impelling me upwards.

The further we go the more my heart lifts. We're going to make it. We _are_ going to make it.

And then we're not. A new, massive, explosion rocks our world.

In place of the cloying smoke we're now enveloped in a cloud of rock and dust. It rains down us, hammering us into the floor.

"I can't believe I'm going to die with my butt cheek hanging out." I groan.

"Sweetheart, I'm always telling you to wear underwear, now you know why." Garrett sighs, giving one of my exposed cheeks a squeeze to emphasise his point. "Is everybody okay?"

"Fine." Clarion responds.

"No, my left arm has come off again." Maria growls. "Oh, thank you Clarion. That's much better."

"I will hold it in place Mistress."

"Thank you Clarion. You see Garrett, some vampires can be very helpful."

"I can't believe I haven't killed you myself." Garrett mutters, hauling himself up and over my body to take the lead in digging us out.

"He's so bad tempered Bella." Maria complains. "I don't know how you can stand him."

It's surreal. The comedy moment. Buried alive, well almost alive, in a dank dark cave, giggling at a three thousand year old homicidal maniac berating her gallant rescuer.

At least the cave collapse seems to have expunged all the smoke, rock dust is nowhere near as upsetting. Somewhere above us there must be an almighty column of smoke curling into the sky. God I hope the others are okay.

"It's not too bad." Garrett reveals, reaching back for my hand and hauling me unceremoniously onto the top of a heap of broken stone.

I sit atop one of the fragments and start brushing myself down as my eyes adjust rapidly to the dark and swirling dust.

Garrett reaches back down and Maria emerges, pushed gently from behind by Clarion, who looks like an angel statue that's been sprayed with black paint and then had its eyes and teeth whitened.

Maria's appearance is a shock. I've never seen a vampire look that gaunt or that pale, it shouldn't be possible. And I've never seen one look that weak, like if I breathed on her heavily she'd shatter into a million pieces.

With great care Clarion settles her on the boulder next to mine and squats down beside us.

"Are you okay?" I gasp, forgetting myself.

"Define okay." She snorts. "I am alive. That is enough, for now. Of course I would be much better if your mate had brought me something bigger than a rat to consume."

"The shops were closed." Garrett huffs, hunkering down next to me and resting his head on my thigh.

Absently, guiltily, I comb my fingers through his hair.

"What do we do n . . . ."

Another earth shattering explosion drowns out my question.

And the subsequent downpour of rock blots out everything else.

Well crap.

The others dive for cover but I can't be bothered. I'm done. I'm all out of fear, dread, self-preservation and whatever the hell else I'm supposed to be feeling right now.

Within moments I'm buried up to my waist. But after a few more it slows to a trickle and stops.

"Are you alright?" Garrett asks, fighting his way up out the fresh pile of debris.

"Meh." I shrug eloquently, dislodging a few stone shards from my still tingling shoulders and head.

His lips quirk up into a smile but his attention is immediately diverted when the rubble to the side of us starts heaving.

Quickly we dig, soon revealing Clarion's back as he curls protectively over Maria and in an instant we have them both out, gasping on their backs like landed fish.

Done I look up, peering into the large hole above us which now seems to be our only means of escape. The protesting of the rock above us vibrates the dried out bronchioles in my lungs like miniature wind chimes.

Briefly I wonder about the fate of those above us but I clamp down on that line of thought, we have to get out of here before I, we, can worry about anyone else.

"Looks like we're climbing out." Garrett observes, following my gaze if not my thoughts.

"I can't." Maria sighs, twitching her weak arms by way of demonstration.

With a broad smile Clarion surges to his feet, slipping her easily but reverentially onto his back. Oh Felix, I hope you appreciate his loyalty to you.

Jeez love is complicated and pathologically inclined to make people miserable.

"Ready?" Garrett asks gently.

I nod.

And up we go.

**EPOV**

As much as I try to ignore the significance of Felix's order I can't.

The battle is going against us. Save what you can.

All my tethers, roots, are untied. Nothing is left of what I ever was. What price playing the piano now? I can only be measured by what I do next. And I fear it will be so little that it won't count.

Nevertheless I hurl myself down into the caves, heedless of my own safety, mindful only of theirs.

Of hers.

If they are still alive I am to lead them into the side tunnel. If, if, if.

And it seems to be a pretty big if as an explosion hurls me to the cave floor, bringing the roof down on top of me.

The temptation to lie here and let fate take its course is a big one.

But too many people have already died for any of us to give up now.

Still filled with resolve I squirm my way out of the rubble looking around to assess the damage. Collapsing rock won't hurt a vampire, just slow them down. A few feet ahead the tunnel I was in resumes, looks like only a small section of the roof came down only around me. How special. Behind me the entrance is blocked but if the tunnel below is still intact then the side entrance Garrett showed me may still be usable.

I heft enough rocks out of the way to get through the gap and continue downwards.

Thank god there's no fire, the creaking and groaning of the rock surrounding me is enough to cope with.

And it's on that happy note that I find myself flung to the floor for a second time.

**BPOV**

Climbing beats crawling. Hand over hand, foot over foot. Jeez how big is this hole?

We're climbing quickly, spurred on by the fear of fire, but it seems to take forever. At least I can see now, I can't describe what a relief that is.

A disembodied face appears in front of me.

With a scream I fall back but a hand flashes out and catches my wrist, pulling me up and into a tunnel entrance I didn't see above me in the rock wall.

"Edward!"

"Thank god you're safe." He growls, clutching me briefly and leaning out again to haul Garrett in.

"Bro." Garrett acknowledges him with a nod and then the two of them drag Clarion and Maria up to join us.

"What's happening?" Garrett demands as soon as we're all safely in.

"There are too many of them. We needed to move into a more open area. Felix sent me down here to get you guys out by the side cave, they're going to try to meet us there."

"Is it still there?" Garrett demands.

"Yes, I passed it on the way down. Will we really have to take a limb off?" Edward sounds appalled and the rest of us aren't too happy either.

"No." Garrett chuckles. "But it's a tight fit, we'll be okay as long as no one's suffering from claustrophobia."

"Not anymore." Clarion drawls.

"Let's go then. Lead on Edward."

He hesitates looking around at us, eyes lingering on me, and then he seems to make a decision, attempting to take Maria from Clarion.

"I'm fine Edward." She says gently. "Clarion is just the right height for a crutch, aren't you dear?"

Our smiling friend nods happily in response which seems to confuse Edward. Of course, he doesn't know Maria is the spy, that she would already know Clarion. Poor Edward, there are so many things I should have told him a long time ago that I'll have to tell him when we get out. I'm afraid they're all going to hurt, what if he never forgives me?

There isn't room to walk upright and so we scurry along the tunnel bent double, constantly scrapping our heads on the ceiling.

Edward stops abruptly and we crash into each other, nose to butt.

"Fire." He gasps in horror.

"Where?" Garrett hisses.

"Coming down the tunnel, must be burning gas. It's _flowing_."

Shit!

"What do we do?" I ask, turning to meet Garrett's appalled gaze.

"Back into the shaft and up! Quickly!"

Clarion is already moving, shoving an unprotesting Maria roughly ahead of him. Garrett reaches back for my hand and I reach back for Edward's.

"Hurry Up!" Edward urges, shoving us from behind.

I front Clarion reaches the opening and with Maria clinging to his back like a monkey disappears upwards.

Swiftly followed by Garrett, then me and finally Edward.

Just in time as a small stream of burning gas flows out of the opening and drops down into the hole.

It's not exactly a raging torrent but it's more than enough to set light to flammable injured vampires. It's a novel sensation to feel delicate, one that I could do without.

"We'll have to find another way out." Edward observes.

"We'll dig our way out at the top if we have to." Garrett growls.

"What if someone's waiting for us?" I ask. Digging our way out will be easy but time consuming and if anyone's waiting for us we'll be sitting ducks.

"We're out of options sweetheart." He sighs. "Let's just hope Felix and The Major have finished them all off by the time we get there."

We have yet to mention the ominous sounds coming from the rock around us and now probably isn't a good time to start.

The pool of fire forming beneath us is now big enough to cast an eerie glow on the tortured stone walls.

The rock we're on seems to pulsate slightly beneath my burrowing fingers and I look up to find Garrett staring down at me, he felt it too.

Maybe the falling rock will bury the fire before we hit it?

I manage a wan smile for him as the rock shudders and separates from the cliff we're climbing with a deafening clap.

Look Ma, I can fly.

I land on a huge boulder, banging my head and nearly getting snapped in half when someone lands on top of me and then bounces off like I'm a trampoline. I reach for them desperately but their fingers slip through mine and they're gone, sucked away into the maelstrom.

I have barely time to register that above me there is daylight before I'm on my feet desperately searching for the others.

Maria and Clarion are on a ledge a few feet away from me, the other side of what is now a very big pit of fire being fed by the trees up top which are one by one giving up their precarious hold on the collapsing ground and plummeting down.

About twenty feet up Edward is hanging from a small ledge.

Where the hell is Garrett?

My heart clenches and I look down into the fire.

There! Clinging to a fragile rim of rock over the merrily dancing flames.

Thank god.

Even as I move toward him another tremor shakes the cave, hole, whatever it is now, and Edward's ledge gives way sending him cartwheeling past me toward the fire.

Miraculously he manages to catch hold of the same lip of rock Garrett's hanging onto, clutching on with his fingertips.

Relieved I start toward him but before I've taken another step the whole ledge crumbles before my eyes.

Without thinking I throw myself forward.


	51. Chapter 51

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 50 Spring**

**BPOV**

The sky is a bright azure blue, the odd fluffy cloud adorning it. The breeze is chock full of tiny seeds and the scent of spring. Life and rebirth. Even the birds are singing. Perfect.

The grass is a soft cool mattress beneath me as I lie looking up through virtually sightless eyes, idly wondering if my brain will ever start working again.

When we finally emerged into the sunlight Felix, Jasper, Alice and Tanya were there to greet us, getting ready to come down after us in fact.

Felix and The Major did indeed see off our enemies, not that it was as easy as that small statement makes it sound. Daire escaped, I don't have it in me to care. Not yet.

Clarion provided Maria with a small pile of deer and then with strict instructions for me to see that no further ill befalls her they all went off to finish the clean-up operation. We can't stay here for long, even the humans can't fail to notice that a part of the hillside has collapsed and burned, poor Clarion is going to be very busy.

The wind picks up a little, stirring the noxious smell from my body and swirling it around me.

Irritated I swat at the air. I need to wash this experience off me in the worst possible way. Oh look, that cloud looks like a candy apple, complete with stick.

"You can't lie there forever." Maria observes.

Wearily I lift myself up onto my elbows. "You look much better."

"I loathe deer, but slightly less than Picts. They taste disgusting you know, that is why so few of them were ever changed."

"He knew." I whisper, appalled. "He knew I didn't love him enough."

With a sigh she scoots over to me, sitting cross legged with my head in her lap, staring off into the distance.

"It's not much of a crumb of comfort but I doubt he would have been surprised."

I snort. No, it's not much of a crumb of comfort, barely even an atom in fact. I might just as well have killed him by my own hand. What a terrible knowledge to die with. After everything . . . .

"You made your choice." Maria points out.

"I know, but what if there'd been another way?"

"Bella." She sighs. "There wasn't. Ask yourself one simple question. If it was happening again, right now in front of us, would you make a different decision?"

"No." I shudder and she pats my head consolingly.

"Then don't beat yourself up over it. You have your whole life ahead of you. You made your choice, with your heart, now you have to let yourself be happy with it."

"I don't think I can ever be happy again."

"You will." She smirks down at me. "I don't think you will be given much choice."

Beneath us the ground starts to shake.

"Felix is coming." She murmurs. "The drama is not over yet. You had better sit up lest you be accidentally squished."

"Why are you being so nice to me?" I ask, ignoring her advice.

"He was always talking about you. I feel like I know you. Besides, you remind me of me."

"What the . . . ."

Before I can complete my objection to that statement Felix stomps into view stopping when the toes of his boots connect with my hip.

Angrily he glares down at Maria.

His expression scares the hell out of me but I can feel her shaking with silent laughter.

"Do not hide behind her." He growls.

"I'm not hiding. I am offering much needed comfort. She has had a very bad day."

When I giggle he transfers his murderous stare to me for a moment. But only a moment.

"Sooner or later I am going to get killed for coming here to rescue your worthless behind. You owe me the truth."

Silence.

"You knowing let me execute an innocent woman for a crime you committed!" He storms, massive hands balling into fists.

"I did not _commit_ anything!" She snaps, totally unfazed by his threatening stance. "Felix, I regularly sacrificed infants to the Gods in my human life, why on earth would I want to create one to hang around my neck for all eternity?"

The last piece of the puzzle clicks into place.

"Oh my god." I gasp. "It was Carlisle."

Felix continues to stare down at us and Maria exhales loudly, her hands idly combing through my hair.

"We had an argument." She admits quietly. "A big one. He was so angry he stormed off and though I knew the fighting was about to start I was too unhappy to go after him. The truth of his words, written in his eyes, it was more painful than I could bear.

When the first reports of battle came in I knew I had made a mistake, a human settlement was caught in the cross fire, and I knew my lover would be drawn there. To save what he could. The compassionate fool.

I should have left him to it, let fate take its course, after all he had just told me in no uncertain terms that while he loved me it would never be enough. While he could forgive me, he could never live with what I was.

But I didn't. I went after him."

"I remember." Felix rumbles. "You took Garrett with you and left me to the tender mercies of your sisters."

"Oh don't complain." She chides him with a small smile. "You had the time of your life and couldn't walk straight for a week afterward."

Felix grins briefly and I shudder. Yeah, I got that memory too.

"Garrett and I finally tracked him to the thick of the action, right where we knew he'd be.

There was a little boy, beautiful with dark curly hair and enormous bright blue eyes. He'd been crushed when the house collapsed into the basement his parent's had hidden him in.

Carlisle had pulled him out but he was dying.

And so.

And so he bit him."

Even though Felix and I have both already worked out where this is going it's still a terrible thing to hear.

"The change was already well advanced. Children, especially small ones, they take so little time. The venom in their tiny bodies." Her voice trails off for a moment and she closes her eyes.

"Garrett and I pleaded with him. Reasoned with him. But he refused to end the child's life, began constructing scenarios whereby he, the child and us, could all remain free and safe.

But I knew it wouldn't work like that, that it couldn't. The child had to be destroyed. For everyone's sake. I would imagine that must sound callous and barbaric to you Bella but you must trust me when I tell you I'd seen the destruction and death an immortal child could wreak. Seen first-hand the suffering of those left behind in the aftermath.

I couldn't bear any of that fate for Carlisle."

I manage a weak smile. So have I, through Felix's memories and right now playing out in front of me.

"Try as we might we couldn't get him to see reason and time was running short. The battle was over and Felix, our Master's dutiful servant, was dangerously close by. There was a fight. I injured Carlisle rather badly. It was the only way I could get Vasilii away from him. Garrett took Carlisle back to the camp."

"Carlisle was weak through venom loss and largely uncommunicative when they got back." Felix confirms. "Garrett told us that you'd all been caught up in the fighting and that you were following the trail of one of the coven leaders."

"You didn't kill him, did you?" I prompt as Maria lapses into silence.

"No." Her answer is barely a whisper. "I couldn't. It would have broken Carlisle's heart. But regardless, I just couldn't. He was so beautiful and peaceful in my arms and so even though I knew what he would become I took him and went north. To Eleazar and Sasha."

"Maria." Felix growls.

"Sasha didn't have to take him in." She responds defensively. "But she fell in love with him too. Even Eleazar, who knew the risks as well as I did, was smitten. Carmen too. We all reasoned that they were so far off the beaten track, and so far away from humans, that no one would ever know.

And they didn't, not for a long time."

"And Tanya, her sisters, they never knew?"

"Never. They were away enjoying the delights of Europe at the time. The first they heard of any of it was when they were summoned to witness Sasha's punishment. That innocence is what saved their lives."

"And how did Carlisle take the news?" Felix enquires.

"It was a long time before he found out. If you recall he and Garrett had already left by the time I returned to the camp."

"Yes. He did seem to be in rather a hurry to be gone." Felix muses.

"The Southern Wars were in full swing by the time I saw either of them again." She smiles at me briefly. "Your Garrett was going through his rebellious phase and had got himself involved with a coven he really shouldn't have done."

Unbidden an image of Garrett with punk hair and a ring through his nose pops into my mind.

"In fact Jasper nearly killed him during a battle." Maria continues. "I managed to distract him just him time. But at least it meant I knew where to find Garrett when Eleazar brought the news of Sasha's death. Garrett summoned Carlisle and he finally learned the truth."

"Is that why Jasper's unconscious memories have been altered?" I ask.

She gives me a strange look and then decides not to ask the obvious question, for which I am grateful.

"Yes. My only fear was that Aro would look into someone's head and see what we'd done. As long as you weren't foolish enough to think about it when he touched you there was little risk of discovery. I know a vampire, here in the New World who is able to edit your memories. Ironically enough Eleazar dismissed it as a vague gift with no practical benefits but it was obvious to me from the first who it would work against best. Aro."

"I only realised because there were no memories of Carlisle or you in Garrett's head, or Jasper's, although they'd clearly known you both a long time." I explain.

"If you looked into my memories or Eleazar and Carmen's you would find the same." She confirms. "Tamsin cannot remove your memories but she can edit the 'tape', if you like, that they're played on."

"Does Jasper actually know about Vasilii?" Felix asks.

"No, I don't think so. If you ask him he will of course remember Eleazar, Carlisle and Garrett coming to see me. And he will remember Tamsin using her gift on him. But he doesn't know why, he didn't question it and he's never brought it up since. At the time he was so enamoured of me he would have stuck his head in a bucket of burning coals if I'd asked him to."

She's a piece of work alright. A mass of contradictions.

"It wasn't until he joined Carlisle's family later that I realised there was a flaw in my thinking. If Aro ever read him he would probably find it strange that the head of his coven was absent from his memories."

"I doubt it. It was a long time before I realised there was something missing from Garrett's, there are no gaps or rough edges. I think you'd have to be looking for it to notice."

She sighs closing her eyes. The news seems to neither please nor displease her. Perhaps she doesn't care anymore.

Felix apparently does though.

"You are a heartless bitch." He snarls.

Her eyes snap open and a little of the old Maria is present.

"What gives you the right to judge me?" She hisses. "We've both done things we aren't proud of in our Master's service. At least I acted out of love, can you say you've ever done the same?"

"That is a low blow, even for you." Felix grinds out, his face twisting into a pained expression.

"Fuck you Felix." She says quietly. "It's up to you what you ask Tamsin to hide from Aro or what you want to tell him."

They stare at each other for an age, Maria calm and resigned, Felix struggling to master his emotions.

"It will take a long time to forgive you for this." He vows finally, turning on his heel and storming away.

"He loves you." I point out when his rigid back is out of earshot.

"I know. He's probably the only man who will ever understand me, or be able to cope with what I am. He was wonderful after Carlisle left, I really don't think I would have survived without him."

"Then why do you make it so hard for him?" I have to ask, I've seen his memories, she seems to do everything she can to drive him to the point of ripping her head off.

"Wow, you've certainly picked up a lot of information while I have been away." She drawls.

"I've also picked up some big girl panties, so nice try, but why do you make it so hard for him to love you?"

For a moment I wonder if I've overstepped the mark as she sizes me up with the clear intention of rearranging my limbs into a pretzel.

But then she relaxes.

"I'm scared."

I wish I had some sage words of wisdom at this point but I've got nothing. I can completely understand why she'd be reluctant to give love another go but I can't help feeling sorry for both of them. If ever there was a match made in heaven.

"What will you do now?" I ask, thinking about Carlisle.

"I don't know." She sighs. "I suppose I have effectively been fired and don't need to worry about picking up another assignment from Aro. Powdery skinned ass hat."

I giggle, I never thought I'd hear a Goddess call someone an ass hat.

"I miss him." She says quietly.

"Carlisle?"

She nods. "I know l lost him a long time ago when he walked out and he may as well have been dead when he fell in love with Esme, he was never going to come back to me then. But it still feels, odd, that he's not out there somewhere."

I nod in understanding. He's not out there anymore either. Sadness weighs us down and the almost silence starts to become oppressive.

"He's getting impatient." She observes.

I sit up, following her gaze. Yes he is. Practically hopping from foot to foot and tugging at his hair.

"I should go . . . ."

"Yes you should. Go and live."

"Will you still be here . . . ."

"When the two of you are _done_ with each other?" She asks waggling her eyebrows suggestively.

"Um."

"Yes, I expect so. Shoo."

Dismissed I get to my feet and walk toward him taking only a few steps before he gathers me up Rhett Butler style and takes off with me into the trees.


	52. Chapter 52

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. Lemon!**

**Chpt 51 Love**

**BPOV**

Within a few minutes we reach a lazily flowing river, sparkling in the spring sunshine and without stopping he wades out to the centre.

I lay my head back, letting it float on the water, closing my eyes to soak up the warmth of the sun on my face.

In silence he begins to wash my hair with his free hand, the other still holding me to him.

It feels so good, I can almost hear the dirt dropping away into the water. I bring my own hands up to help.

"No." He says firmly. "Let me take care of you."

With a complicated sigh I relax. Whatever he wants, he has waited long enough. The singing of the birds and the gentle lapping of the water lull me down into an almost sleep and I completely lose track of time, it means nothing to us anyway.

After a while his hand transfers to my face, tenderly brushing away the dirt and massaging my skin. Another sigh, one of simple pleasure escapes me.

His lips press against my forehead and when my eyes flutter open he pulls back slightly to look at me. His face is shrouded in sadness but his eyes are shining with love.

"I love you." I whisper.

"I know." And he places a soft kiss on my parted lips before setting me carefully on my feet. The current under the water is strong and it tugs at me but I barely notice.

Very slowly he peels away my tattered and filthy shirt, letting it float away downstream and I close my eyes again, tilting my face back to the sun.

With his hands he slowly and lovingly cleans my neck and shoulders, easing the tension out of them and letting it bob away after my shirt, his thumbs rubbing over my collar bones.

I don't protest when he turns me round and repeats the process on my back, pausing occasionally to trace the marks of my now healed wounds, or brush my wet hair away from my shoulders.

The sound of the water and his hands on my body, they're so soothing another pleasurable sigh drifts off with the breeze.

He plants another soft kiss on my left shoulder as his hands move down to my lower back. I gasp when they move away from me but then his shirt twirls past and I relax again as his chest presses against me and his hands move up and down my arms, his breath almost warm on my scalp.

His hands slide down to mine, lacing our fingers together and I squeeze them hard, leaning back into him as he wraps them round my middle and rests his head on my shoulder.

We stand like that for an age, letting the water wash everything away.

Finally he releases me, dipping down into the water to clean himself, but I wait, enjoying the sun until his hands rest lightly on my shoulders and he turns me around.

My eyes rove over him, drinking the sight and marvelling that he's actually here, that he's mine. But my lip starts to tremble as I take in the scars on his body.

"No." He whispers, taking my face between his hands. "No sadness or regrets. This is just about us. Here and now."

Mutely I nod and he kisses me, his lips moving gently against mine. It's not a passionate kiss but nevertheless it curls my toes and has me mewling into his mouth.

Just us.

My hands glide around him automatically, splaying out on his back and pulling him to me.

Abruptly he lifts me back into his arms, carrying me out of the water and laying me down in the lush grass at the bank, carefully removing my shoes and what's left of my jeans. The jeans he balls up, dipping them back in the water and then turning to delicately wash my feet and ankles, working his way intently up to my thighs, lifting each leg in turn until I'm as good as new.

He takes his own jeans off, tossing them into the water and crawls up to lay next to me, propping his head up on his elbow as the other hand reaches out to gently swirl patterns on my glistening skin.

Content to let him take the lead I settle back into the grass, watching the movement of his face.

"So beautiful." He murmurs, tracing his finger down from my throat to mark the outline of my breasts before continuing on down to stroke my hip bones and caress my thighs. A process he repeats several times, slowly and thoughtfully.

I relax even further under his touch until my eyes close of their own accord and my head falls sideways toward him. I feel weightless, like I'm adrift wrapped in a cotton cloud, pleasantly warm and tingly.

His body rolls on top of me and my arms wrap around him again as his lips find mine starting up a slow but demanding rhythm. His hands tangle in my hair, thumbs caressing my cheeks.

His kisses touch my soul.

And my neck, my collar bones, my arms, each finger. My breasts, my abdomen, my hip bones. My feet, my calves, the soft skin at the back of my knees. My thighs

Gently he pries them apart and I hitch in an unneeded breath.

"So beautiful." He murmurs again, trailing a finger lazily through my flesh.

How I've missed this. Him.

Still stroking me lazily he begins to kiss and lick the skin of my inner thighs. Circling his tongue around the fresh bite mark there.

Finally his feather light kisses reach where I want them to be and I gasp, drawing my knees up and balling my fists in his hair.

"I love the way you taste." He moans, hands parting me for him. "Love . . . . _love_ . . . ."

Oh god. I never thought I'd have this again. _Never_.

One finger slips inside me, pumping slowly. Then another. Oh god, god, god. The pleasure is almost unbearable.

And another, stretching me, curling inside me.

Suddenly I'm babbling, meaningless drivel falling from my mouth.

His tongue, oh god his tongue!

Hot white heat is spreading through me already. Setting my nerve endings jangling. My limbs trembling.

His free hand cups my butt, kneading it in time with the strokes of his tongue. Unbidden my back arches, pushing me up into his mouth.

His chuckle vibrates my already over sensitized nerves. Bastard! How well he knows me. Reflexively my hands tighten in his hair.

Slowly, almost imperceptibly he speeds up his movements, playing me like a musical instrument.

"Ugh! . . . . God! . . . . _Please_ . . . . _Please_ . . . . I'm . . . . Oh my _God_!"

A long drawn out scream escapes me as I cum around his fingers, over his tongue. Muscles rigid, heat flaring, tingles sparking into an electric shock

My eyes snap open, locking on his as he unhurriedly laps up everything I've given him, his fingers still moving gently inside me.

Done he starts to work his way back up my shaking body, kissing every inch he can reach. When his fingers finally leave me I whimper but almost immediately his lips crash down on mine and I devour them hungrily. Loving the taste of myself on his tongue.

Through the heat of the kiss I register his body moving against mine, his tip pressing insistently at my entrance.

"_Please_." I moan, undulating against him. "I want you."

With a rumble deep in his chest he pushes inside me and I open myself to him with a whimper of carnality. Stretching and shifting to allow him fully inside.

"I love you." He groans. "Bella I love you so much."

"Love me, please, I need you." I wheeze out as the feel of us joined and writhing together robs me of breath.

His thrusts are urgent, driving me down into the welcoming grass. Grinding our hips against each other in the most delicious way. Drawing my arms and legs up around him to lock in a death grip as if pulled by strings.

His scent, his breath, his skin, his taste, his essence, is all around me. Carrying me away from everything to the world where only we have ever existed.

Sliding, gliding, filling and withdrawing. Inevitable, familiar, welcome, exquisite, loving. Timeless, like us.

The birds are still singing. The river still flowing. The breeze still blowing. The only other sounds our synchronised breathing and our bodies brushing moistly against each other.

I know him so well.

I can feel how close he is, from the trembling of every muscle in his body to the distracted desperation of his kisses as his mouth either attacks mine or wanders, open and aimless, across my face and neck. But I've been so lost in the wonder of us being together that my whole body is suffused with lazy, _greedy_, slow burning pleasure. And he's always been the most selfless of lovers.

"I love you." I whisper, arching my back to allow him deeper and clenching my inner muscles around him as hard as I can. "I want to feel you cum inside me."

With a wordless moan he attacks my mouth again and gives up all pretence of control, plunging into me as I wrap my arms around him and hold our bodies as close together as I can.

His groan is long and deep as it wafts his sweet breath across my face, his orgasm taking him as I cling to his shuddering body. Filled to bursting point with love and Garrett.

His harsh breathing slows with his movements until he's gliding sensuously in and out of me, perfectly in tune with my body's languid need.

He kisses me deeply and passionately and I lose myself once more in the feeling of having him in me, around me, with me.

I break the kiss only when I feel him start to grow harder inside me again, throwing my head back with a wanton moan and his razor sharp teeth graze down my neck, making me shiver all over.

"I love you." He sighs. "Sweetheart, I love you, I love you . . . ."

"_Oh Garrett_." I whimper as the pleasure builds with each fresh invasion of my body.

A knot starts to form deep within me, pulling me tight like a trip wire. Arching my back involuntarily, pushing my thrashing head back into the grass, lifting my aching breasts up to his waiting mouth.

My hands fall away from him, fingers digging down into the dirt.

In, out. In, out. It's maddening. It's glorious. It's heaven. It's hell. It's everything.

I groan out loud as one of his hands reaches down between our thrusting bodies, knowing fingers gently teasing the throbbing bundle of nerves in my highly sensitized flesh.

His mouth moves to cover mine, taking complete possession, willingly given.

Impossibly the knot continues ratchet harder, tighter, with each caress of his fingers, thrust of his cock, plunge of his tongue.

"Mine." He growls into my mouth and the trip wire snaps without warning. Launching shards of shrapnel like electricity through my abruptly outstretched body in waves, pulsating my muscles and shocking me to the core. Wrenching a scream from my lips as he swells and throbs, releasing inside me, my prolonged orgasm drawing out his own.

Aftershocks rip through our over sensitized bodies as we ride out the tsunami, shuddering together, perfectly in tune.

Lazily he peppers my face with kisses, still resting between my thighs.

"We've got no clothes." I finally feel compelled to mention.

"And?"

"Isn't that going to be a bit embarrassing when we go back?"

"Probably."

He rolls over, pulling my still boneless body with him, tucking me into this side, cocooning me in his arms.

"Then what are we going to do?" I insist, snuggling into his chest.

"I could weave you something out of the local plant life?" He offers, burying his face in my hair.

"You _weave_?" I must have missed something.

"No. But it can't be that hard." He shrugs around me.

"Alright smartass. I've got all day. Weave away."

Grumbling he gets up, crawling away from me on his hands and knees to inspect the paucity of options in the first day of spring flora.

And I sigh again, with a semblance of happiness.

There was never going to be any choice.

In the meadow, before they left to come back here, Edward told me that he loved me and I finally accepted that I still loved him. But there's the thing. It also made me realise that it wasn't enough, it was never going to be enough. Bella the child, the human, loved Edward, like oversweet candy. Bella the vampire, the grown up, loves Garrett. With all her heart and soul. And she knows the difference.

So no matter how sore my heart is now, nor how painful the process of learning it, I know I did the only thing I could. I saved my future and left my past.

**The End**

**A/N The epilogue will be up soon.**

**But first, an apology.**

**When I started the story FF asked me who the two main characters were. Edward and Bella naturally. I didn't give any thought to whether or not I had therefore pigeon holed it any one's mind. So for those of you hard E & B fans who started this story with expectations and have now been let down by the outcome, I'm really sorry. That was never my intention.**


	53. Chapter 53

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Epilogue**

**GPOV**

Every once in a while she gets that faraway look in her eyes and I know what she's thinking about. Edward. I know she loved him, I always knew. And I know she feels bad about his death but I'm selfishly glad she chose me. Glad to the bone.

I'm sorry he's gone too. I spent his whole second life avoiding him on the basis that I didn't want another family and he sounded like an annoying little prick. Well he was annoying, but only because he was in love with my mate. Now, as is the way with these things, I regret not knowing him better almost as much as I regret shunning Carlisle's fatherly instincts. And although Edward wouldn't thank me for it I feel sorry for him. Without realising it our father let him down pretty badly. Edward struggled to come to terms with who he was and the ideals of manhood that he perceived around him. Though I barely remember my own father now I do still feel the love and I respect I had for him but that's where we differ. I was a man when I left, with a man's growing understanding that no matter how much I idolised my father he was just a man too. Edward never got that, he lost his when he was seventeen, in an age when everyone was living to a very rigid set of ideals. And then he had Carlisle as a role model. But he never knew the truth of Carlisle's past, he wanted to emulate the finished article without knowing anything about the mistakes Carlisle made growing to become it.

And that's a real sadness because in his heart Edward was as good a man as any of the rest of us.

One of the problems of being a vampire is that you never forget what happened, not one single detail or nuance. But because we're still basically people we learn to deal with it. We pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and we _live_.

We've found another mountain with majestic views and plentiful game and I'm in the process of designing us a home to adorn the top of it.

Bella, although hardened by her experiences wanted to offer for Maria, Felix, Clarion, hell everyone caught up in this clusterfuck to come live with us. I put my foot down and she didn't argue so I'm guessing she was secretly relieved that Mr Broody is a well-known loner. That's not to say I'm getting away with this scot free. Plans are already in place to visit our 'covenees' as she calls them. What's left of the Cullens. Tanya and the Denalis. Felix and Clarion are coming to see _us_ and I don't even want to speculate what the Goddess of Disaster is up to. But I know she'll be back, she seems inexplicably drawn to my mate, the only woman on earth that Maria might actually _like_.

Felix has called. Once the debacle in Volterra was resolved he unsurprisingly tracked down Daire. I really don't care that it was one of the brothers who turned out to be behind this whole plot to overthrow the others. Politics in other countries has always left me cold. But I have to admit I was pleased to hear and see every detail of that Pict's demise. Camera phones are a wonderful thing and I hate that fucker with every fibre of my being, even now he's dead. Bella didn't want to see the videos but she was quietly pleased to know that Felix has exacted our revenge in an appropriately vindictive style.

He didn't sell us out. Something for which I am grateful and eternally watchful. Despite what Bella's told me and what I already know about him, he's a 'company' man and I can't help but harbour the fear that Aro will turn up on our doorstep one day with a cadre of the Guard to punish us for Vasilii. Maria's precautions were totally justified.

We finally tracked down the Maserati. Who knew the local cops could be so corrupt? We had to steal it back. I was _outraged_. Although no one could be mad for long when faced with Bella in a ninja suit.

The rest of my babies were beyond repair. You'd think Italians would have more respect for automotive greatness. Felix is a fucking pleb and no mistake. It's a good job I'm as rich as Croesus, even if I do dress like a tramp, apparently.

Yes. Alice Cullen has now entered our lives. I'd dislike her with passion but despite her grief over Edward's death she's remained there for Bella. And that's a devotion I can get behind. Jasper and I have developed a tentative friendship, of the kind well known to men who are forced into the company of their wives' friend's better halves. I have of course forgiven him for nearly killing me all those years ago and he doesn't give a shit about it one way or the other. So we're good.

I asked her to marry me.

She was resolutely unimpressed with the idea.

I can wait. I've got forever. She'll come around eventually. I think . . . .

**A/N Here we are at the end of another story and once again I have to thank everyone who reviewed, your encouragement is without price. Helping me through writer's block, the vagaries of real life and the occasional outbreak of chronic laziness . . . . **

**I had the basics of this story pinging around in my head for a while but lacked anything to pull it together. It was Twiolic who came up with the missing piece, Edward and Maria. So if you enjoyed the story, thank her, if you didn't, then blame me, I'm a lousy writer.**

**Anyway, I think I have one story left in me.**

**Sorry.**

**It's just a little one though, honest . . . .**


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